The Real Business For the most deadly salarymen

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An extraordinary melee weapon.
Used by John Smith, Created by BackupKill3r.
On Legendary Artifact Smithson Briefcase.
(When actively using this Artifact in any way that exceeds what a mundane counterpart could do, it is obviously Alien and cannot be concealed under your clothes or similar.)

When the briefcase is swung it leaves behind a swishing sound that is much loader than it should be, almost like it is much heavier than it looks.


This Artifact can be used as a club / improvised weapon. It is roughly the same size as a club / improvised weapon and just as difficult to conceal.

Attack by rolling Brawn + Melee, Difficulty 6. Successful attacks deal Contested Outcome +3 Weapon Damage.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Blade Breaker: If you successfully Defend against a melee attack or if an opponent is unsuccessful at Defending against your melee attack, you may break your opponent's weapon.
  • Mjolnir: You may call your weapon back to your hand as a Quick Action if it is within 50 feet of you. Can only be used on melee weapon that you have wielded in the past hour.

  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used.

Community Legendary Artifact Gifts

Expend a point of Battery and spend a minute. Investigate an area with a radius of up to 500 feet You must use up Film Roll in order to activate this Effect. At the end of your investigation, roll Perception + Investigation at Difficulty 6.

You learn the following information about the area:

  • You learn where exactly creatures and people live within the area, and what sorts of creatures they are.
  • You can locate the source of any Alien energy or the presence of any Alien effects on the area. Specific information about the function of these effects beyond their general type is not forthcoming.
The quality and specificity of information gained depends on your Outcome.

You cannot investigate the same area more than once per day.

  • You can target yourself if you qualify as a valid target by the other requirements.
  • Your target must be within line of sight, or within range of another sense if more fitting for the Gift's flavor.

Spend a Quick Action. This Effect cannot be used unless both you & the target are completely within shadow.

You may withdraw an item from your stash, or add an item that is within arm’s reach to your stash. You may only stash targets which are in your possession, grappled, or otherwise controlled by you.

You may store any targets in your stash, each no larger than something which could fit inside a briefcase (15 liters), and you may store up to 7 things at a time.

You may choose to equip any equipment you withdraw at no additional cost.

Animate targets may Resist being stashed.

  • "Equip" refers to drawing a gun, putting on a piece of armor, etc.
  • Containers which hold multiple things may count as a single item so long as the things within are generally packaged together. For instance, you may stash a clip full of bullets, a medical kit full of medical supplies, or a box of crackers, but you cannot stash a backpack full of miscellaneous equipment.
  • You may only attempt to store Objects which are free-standing and disconnected from other things. The use of this Effect will not allow you to sever any connections holding an Object in place.
  • The Maximum Object Size parameter is intended to roughly capture the weight / size restriction of items and isn’t intended to restrict shape. GM discretion is advised. A human being is level 4 in the Maximum Object Size parameter.

Exert your Mind and spend an Action or Reaction. You must use up a packet of human bone meal in order to activate this Effect.

You phase out of reality for up to 10 minutes. During this time, you cannot affect the outside world or take any Actions. You may move as normal while phased out. You may pass through walls and "climb" up and down through solid material at normal climbing speeds. Nothing can interact with you in any way.

When you activate this Effect, you may limit its duration to a period of your choosing. If you are able, you may also end it as a Free Action on your initiative.

Anyone who witnesses you during this Effect's activation or for its duration will almost certainly be disturbed to see fucking dies.

You leave a ghostly silhouette at your location.

  • If you phase in while intersecting with solid material, you take a severe, potentially-lethal Injury.
  • Any items and equipment on your person become intangible along with you. You cannot interact with them, as they are intangible.
  • Effects that do not require a physical target may still affect you.
  • If you use this Effect to dodge as a Reaction, it succeeds without the need for a roll. Cannot be used as a Desperate Defense.
  • When narrating disturbing content, be cognizant of your group's tone and accommodating to those who would like to "fast forward" through the description.
  • You may use your Free Movement on the Round you phase back in, but you cannot take an Action.

You gain the following benefits as long as you are wearing this Artifact.

You have 6 Armor, which reduces incoming Damage. Armor from multiple sources does not stack. Called Shots may circumvent your Armor, depending on its coverage.

This sword was said to be forged from rare metals found with a meteorite that struck the British Isles many centuries ago. First wielded by an Unarmed Hero who used it to fell a dark army, he used this blade on many great quests. In his old age it’s said that he travelled into a cavern and died by impaling himself with the weapon.

This Artifact can be used as a sword / axe. It is roughly at least twice as large as a sword / axe and cannot be concealed on your person or disassembled for storage.

Attack by rolling Brawn + Melee, Difficulty 6. Successful attacks deal Contested Outcome +4 Weapon Damage.

Anyone who touches this Artifact will notice it warping their mind and may drop it. If they choose to hold or use it, they immediately receive the following Trauma: Aberrant Vanquisher. If they lose possession of this Artifact, the Trauma heals over the course of the next day.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Bane: Injuries dealt to Otherworldly beings are increased by 2 Severity levels.
  • Blade Breaker: If you successfully Defend against a melee attack or if an opponent is unsuccessful at Defending against your melee attack, you may break your opponent's weapon.
  • Mjolnir: You may call your weapon back to your hand as a Quick Action if it is within 50 feet of you. Can only be used on melee weapon that you have wielded in the past hour.
  • Shredder: If you successfully hit your target, the value of any Armor they are wearing is reduced by 2. For material armor, this penalty lasts until it is repaired. For intrinsic armor, it lasts until the end of Combat and any relevant wound is healed.

  • This Artifact cannot be disguised or morphed with other Effects like Shape-Changing object.
  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used.

Stock Legendary Artifact Gifts

Expend a point of Battery and spend an Action.

You automatically detect all people wielding weapons within 300 feet of you for the next hour. This includes any who come within range during the duration. You have a sense of how many valid targets are nearby, as well as their distance and direction.

  • This Effect does not satisfy the line of sight targeting requirement for other Effects.

This Artifact holds 5 times what it normally could inside of it. Objects stored inside are weightless. Unless you are storing something commonly found in coffins, this Artifact behaves as its mundane counterpart. This Effect cannot be used unless you are storing something commonly found in coffins.

Living things can be stored in this Artifact. They will have access to anything else inside and may attempt to break free, damaging or destroying the Artifact in the process.

If this Artifact is destroyed, things inside may get out, and it will cease to function until it is repaired.

When scanned or investigated without opening, the contents of this container appear normal and unremarkable.

On a Downtime, you may change this Artifact from one type of container to another. Maximum once per Downtime.

If anyone other than you opens the container, it appears empty. Others can still destroy it to get at the contents.

  • You cannot change the container's type if you are not in possession of it.
  • A container of holding cannot be placed inside another created by the same Gift.
  • There is no cost to use this container.

You gain the following benefits as long as you are wearing this Artifact.

You have 6 Armor, which reduces incoming Damage. Armor from multiple sources does not stack.

Your Armor cannot be destroyed, and it always provides a minimum of 2 Armor regardless of any Armor shredding or penetration. It cannot be circumvented with Called Shots. When shredded, it returns to full potency in one hour.

Any time your Armor prevents Damage, your Armor rating is temporarily decreased by 2. Whenever it goes five Rounds without preventing any Damage, it is restored back to its full value.

  • Armor recharging happens automatically and does not require an Action.
  • This Effect’s Armor rating cannot be increased by any other Effects.

This Artifact cannot be broken. If this Artifact is lost and in no one else’s possession, it finds its way back to its true owner during the next Downtime.

By default, the creator of this Artifact is its true owner. The true owner may formally bequeath this Artifact onto another person within arm’s reach, after which they are its true owner. If the true owner dies or is destroyed, their ownership ends. If this Artifact has no true owner, anyone may spend one day attuning to it to become its true owner.

This Artifact's true owner is always aware of the direction and distance to this Artifact.

  • "Cannot be broken" means that damage cannot render the Artifact's Effects unusable, nor can it cease to be used for its primary mundane purpose, if it has one.

This Artifact can be used as a bow. It is roughly at least twice as large as a bow and cannot be concealed on your person or disassembled for storage.

Attack by rolling Dexterity + Athletics, Difficulty 6. Successful attacks deal Contested Outcome +3 Weapon Damage. Attacks do not require a successful called shot to do damage.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Infinite Ammo: This weapon never runs out of its standard ammunition.
  • Leave No Trace: Your projectiles crumble or vanish after impact, leaving no meaningful trace of your assault beyond the wounds they leave. If your attack would kill or incapacitate your target, they make no sound, even incidentally, for the next Round.

  • This Artifact cannot be disguised or morphed with other Effects like Shape-Changing object.
  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used.