Schrodinger's Chef Bread out of rocks? Grapes out of gloves? I gotchu

1
This Artifact grants you the power to enhance your tools beyond mundane limits.
Used by Delphyrion Arcanis, Created by Cryst0lline.
(Anyone who witnesses you activate this Effect or for its duration is very likely to be disturbed to see black gooey waste coming out from the bottom. You must use this Artifact obviously when activating this Effect.)

The gift appears to be a large backpack. One can put any object inside and loudly declares, while holding the backpack, "If only I had [food item]". Be sure that there are no other items in the backpack, because they will be consumed.
(Note that one cannot request a whole dish; for example, they can order plain macaroni, but not mac and cheese).

Open the backpack after five minutes to reveal the requested food item, whose output weight matches that of the input. The taste of the food will depend on the value of the object. Make sure it's exactly 5 minutes. Who knows what'll happen if it isn't.
Black goo will always seep out from the bottom of the backpack when in use.

On the backpack:
It's easy enough to mistake for any backpack at all, and Delphyrion has not put a label on it. They have lost quite a few beakers and pens to it whenever they mused about their next experiment, as they often reach epiphanies by saying, "If only I had [food item]". Perhaps that's why the artifact works this way.

On food quality:
For some reason the output quality directly ties to the price of food in Orlando. So, put a 5-cent pencil in the backpack, and you'll get a 5-cent quality potato fry.
Also, yeah, make sure it's 5 minutes exactly. This is a theoretical number; no one has tried to test its limits. That's where Schrodinger comes in.

On the black goo:
Delphyrion themself isn't sure what it is, nor do they ever remember to analyze it. It doesn't seem to leave any residue on the backpack itself, though it stains quite horribly on porous material including skin. With enough washes it should go away.
If consumed, call the Poison Control Center and pray.
(Also pray that you are not Dephyrion, the chemist who has had 0 interaction with any religion at all, and therefore still thinks priests can get pregnant.)


Expend a point of Battery and spend a minute. Select a non-Alien Device within arm's reach. Cannot be used to improve Armor.

Lasts the next two hours. Your target receives 2 extra dice to all actions taken for its intended use. Attacking with an upgraded weapon grants +2 Weapon Damage instead of additional dice.

Anyone who witnesses you during this Effect's activation or for its duration will almost certainly be disturbed to see black gooey waste coming out from the bottom.

Anyone who touches this Artifact will notice it warping their mind and may drop it. If they choose to hold or use it, they immediately receive the following Trauma: Must roll Self-Control if you see any reference to food besides what you create. If they lose possession of this Artifact, the Trauma heals over the course of the next day.

  • When narrating disturbing content, be cognizant of your group's tone and accommodating to those who would like to "fast forward" through the description.
  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used. The same is true for extra dice.
  • Extra dice from this Effect do not apply to Gift activation rolls.
  • You can target yourself if you qualify as a valid target by the other requirements.
  • Your target must be within line of sight, or within range of another sense if more fitting for the Gift's flavor.

You are viewing an old version of this Gift.
To view the most recent version Click Here

Revision purchased with:
Improvement from running The Vermilion Manor spent on improving power: Schrodinger's Chef    (since refunded)
Revision purchased with:
Improvement from running The Vermilion Manor spent on adjusting power: Schrodinger's Chef    (since refunded)
Revision purchased with:

Community Artifact Crafting Gifts

Expend a point of Battery and spend an Action. Select a target within 300 feet. Roll Intellect + Technology Difficulty 6. The target may contest by rolling to Dodge or Defend as a Reaction, Difficulty 6.

If the Contested Outcome is positive, the target takes that much Damage plus 4.

You may opt to have this Effect spread to all targets within 5 feet of the initial target, then to all unaffected targets within 5 feet of them, and so on, jumping a maximum of 5 times. No target may be hit more than once. You cannot hit yourself.

Anyone who witnesses you during this Effect's activation will almost certainly be disturbed to see Skin peeling off arm to make cannon..

  • When narrating disturbing content, be cognizant of your group's tone and accommodating to those who would like to "fast forward" through the description.
  • You can target yourself if you qualify as a valid target by the other requirements.
  • Your target must be within line of Effect. There must be no substantial obstructions between you and your target.

You gain the following benefits as long as you are wearing this Artifact.

You get +2 dice to any Mind resistance rolls you make. You also gain the following effects:

  • Been There, Done That: If you succeed a Mind resistance roll, subsequent attempts to use that same Gift or supernatural ability on you for the next day will fail.
  • Compartmentalizing: You can take a maximum of 1 Mind Damage per Round.

  • If you have an Effect that allows you to Exert your Mind more than once per Round, each Exertion still causes one Mind Damage.
  • These bonuses apply only to Mind rolls made to resist Effects and other supernatural phenomena. They do not apply to Trauma rolls or self-control rolls.

Arrows are comprised of Hard Light and function and behave like normal arrows, apart from being able to produce a faint glow.

You gain the following benefits as long as you are wearing this Artifact and engaged in combat with this Bow.

Your attacks with this Bow have their base Difficulty set to 6, are no longer limited by your Brawn, and deal +3 Bonus Damage. Armor is fully effective against this damage. Reloading is considered a Free Action.

  • Reminder: Bonus Damage stacks with Weapon Damage, but does not stack with any other Bonus Damage. Instead, the highest Bonus Damage is used.

Brought to life by the care, creativity, and labor poured into each fold by its creator, this artifact requires a similar degree of attention as maintenance for its spark to remain-- similar to a fire receiving kindling for its flame. This typically means unfolding and refolding its patterns and shape, either manually or through command.

This Artifact can be used as a shuriken. It is roughly the same size as a shuriken and just as difficult to conceal.

Attack by rolling Dexterity + Athletics, Difficulty 6. Successful attacks deal Contested Outcome +0 Weapon Damage.

This item is a living thing. When targeted, it counts as a Living Creature in addition to its other target types. If destroyed or abandoned for more than two days, it dies and becomes unusable.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Remote Control: You may choose to deploy this Artifact in drone mode. Each Round it is deployed, instead of attacking, you may spend a Quick Action to have it attack a target with 8 dice. You may end drone mode as a Quick Action on your initiative. This weapon may Attack up to once per Round.
  • Return: When you throw this weapon, you may opt to have it return to your possession at the end of the attack. Whoever threw this artifact last may use an Action to recall it from up to 100 feet away, attacking one target in its return path as they do so.
  • Shredder: If you successfully hit your target, the value of any Armor they are wearing is reduced by 2. For material armor, this penalty lasts until it is repaired. For intrinsic armor, it lasts until the end of Combat and any relevant wound is healed.

  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used.

Exert your Mind and spend an Action. Select a Object or Animate target up to 100 feet away.

Targets that weigh less than you are pushed back until they are 100 feet away. If you are lighter, you move instead. If you are roughly the same weight, you and the target both move.

This Effect cannot move anything heavier than 500 pounds.

Affected targets may use a Reaction and roll Dexterity or Brawn + Athletics to hold on to a nearby anchor, if available. A complete success increases their effective weight by whatever they hold onto. You may also roll to anchor yourself as you activate this Effect without spending a Reaction.

Pushing a target straight upward requires you to be directly beneath them and halves the range. GM’s may ask for a Dexterity + Athletics roll when repositioning yourself around a target to get a desired angle. They may React to reposition or anchor themselves as normal.

  • You can target yourself if you qualify as a valid target by the other requirements.
  • Your target must be within line of sight, or within range of another sense if more fitting for the Gift's flavor.

Stock Artifact Crafting Gifts

You gain the following benefits as long as you are wearing this Artifact.

You get +0 dice to any Mind resistance rolls you make. You also gain the following effects:

  • Naturally Resistant: Any time you make a Mind resistance roll, the individual who you are resisting must Exert their Mind, or your resistance succeeds automatically.
  • Clash Of Wills: If you fail to fully resist an Effect, your Outcome is considered to be 0.

  • These bonuses apply only to Mind rolls made to resist Effects and other supernatural phenomena. They do not apply to Trauma rolls or self-control rolls.

You gain the following benefits as long as you are wearing this Artifact.

You get +2 dice to any Body resistance rolls you make. You also gain the following effects:

  • Survivor: You are immune to all non-Alien diseases.
  • All Brawn No Brain: You suffer a -2 dice penalty on Mind resistance rolls.

  • These bonuses apply only to Body rolls made to resist Effects and other supernatural phenomena. They do not apply to other contexts such as attacks made while under the Creature Transformation Effect.