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Schrodinger's Chef Bread out of rocks? Grapes out of gloves? I gotchu
The gift appears to be a large backpack. One can put any object inside and loudly declares, while holding the backpack, "If only I had [food item]". Be sure that there are no other items in the backpack, because they will be consumed.
(Note that one cannot request a whole dish; for example, they can order plain macaroni, but not mac and cheese).
Open the backpack after five minutes to reveal the requested food item, whose output weight matches that of the input. The taste of the food will depend on the value of the object. Make sure it's exactly 5 minutes. Who knows what'll happen if it isn't.
Black goo will always seep out from the bottom of the backpack when in use.
On the backpack:
It's easy enough to mistake for any backpack at all, and Delphyrion has not put a label on it. They have lost quite a few beakers and pens to it whenever they mused about their next experiment, as they often reach epiphanies by saying, "If only I had [food item]". Perhaps that's why the artifact works this way.
On food quality:
For some reason the output quality directly ties to the price of food in Orlando. So, put a 5-cent pencil in the backpack, and you'll get a 5-cent quality potato fry.
Also, yeah, make sure it's 5 minutes exactly. This is a theoretical number; no one has tried to test its limits. That's where Schrodinger comes in.
On the black goo:
Delphyrion themself isn't sure what it is, nor do they ever remember to analyze it. It doesn't seem to leave any residue on the backpack itself, though it stains quite horribly on porous material including skin. With enough washes it should go away.
If consumed, call the Poison Control Center and pray.
(Also pray that you are not Dephyrion, the chemist who has had 0 interaction with any religion at all, and therefore still thinks priests can get pregnant.)
Expend a point of Battery and spend a minute. Select a non-Alien Device within arm's reach. Roll a single D10 as a critical failure check. If you roll a 1, the Effect fails, and you The backpack appears to create the intended food item, but it is incredibly poisonous.. Cannot be used to improve Armor.
Lasts the next two hours. Your target receives 2 extra dice to all actions taken for its intended use. Attacking with an upgraded weapon grants +2 Weapon Damage instead of additional dice.
Anyone who touches this Artifact will notice it warping their mind and may drop it. If they choose to hold or use it, they immediately receive the following Trauma: You get uncontrollably angry at the sight or mention of any food that did not come out of the backpack. It feels as if you are running a state-of-the-art restaurant, yet people line up for the nearby McDonald's instead. You must roll Self-Control to contain the urge to cannibalize yourself or the person who brought up the food.. If they lose possession of this Artifact, the Trauma heals over the course of the next day.
- Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used. The same is true for extra dice.
- Extra dice from this Effect do not apply to Gift activation rolls.
- You can target yourself if you qualify as a valid target by the other requirements.
- Your target must be within line of sight, or within range of another sense if more fitting for the Gift's flavor.
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Charlatans
“Unsettling are the days in which everyone is an expert.”
― Criss Jami
Nowadays you can't go a day without some phony prophet trying to peddle their wares to you.
Driven by the increased interest in the supernatural, charlatans from palm readers to televangelists are everywhere. And while the vast majority of witches, psychics, magicians, hypnotists, cures, potions, faith healers, and clairvoyants are complete fakes, they do make a living.
As the saying goes, "it's easier for an actor to make it in alternative medicine than Hollywood."
Most people scoff at these clearly-phony supernatural services, yet those same people often buy into at least one scam.
The most dangerous charlatans are the self-styled monster hunters who carry a mall-ninja arsenal and guns with silver bullets. Most have never encountered anything supernatural and do absolutely nothing besides burn some sage and patrol the area for a night or two. Even so, those who are superstitious, fearful, or desperate enough will hire them to solve the problems they simply don't understand. In some cases with disastrous results.
For Contractors, charlatans are red herrings and obstacles. Clumsy fakes that conjure a smokescreen of misinformation and escalate the situations they're in.
Community
Upgrade Gifts
I.S.I
Import substitution industrialization.
A two-handed sledgehammer usable not only for combat, but primarily its functionality on smithing and item-crafting/upgrading. Approximately 1.5m long, the hammer looks like a modern industrial dwarven contramption powered by steam.
Exert your Mind and spend a minute. Select a non-Alien Weapon within arm's reach. Cannot be used to improve Armor.
Lasts the next two hours. Your target receives 2 extra dice to all actions taken for its intended use. Attacking with an upgraded weapon grants +2 Weapon Damage instead of additional dice.
- Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used. The same is true for extra dice.
- Extra dice from this Effect do not apply to Gift activation rolls.
- You can target yourself if you qualify as a valid target by the other requirements.
- Your target must be within line of sight, or within range of another sense if more fitting for the Gift's flavor.
Everlasting Steel
An ever-constant existence upon those who bear it, know that it's a blade made of ever-changing metals, alloyed in such a way that its integrity is unyielding, unbreakable and that only the one who truly bore the blade first is its master and all others are lacking substitutes....
This Artifact has been upgraded.
This Artifact receives 2 extra dice to all actions taken for its intended use. Attacking with an upgraded weapon grants +2 Weapon Damage instead of additional dice. While it is upgraded, the item cannot be destroyed.
Upgraded weapons count as any material your opponent might be particularly vulnerable to. Upgraded Armor cannot be circumvented by called shots. Upgraded Devices do not run out of fuel or energy.
Virtuoso's Vessel: When using this Device for its primary purpose, you always roll a minimum of 8 dice. Excludes Effect activation rolls.
This item is a living thing. When targeted, it counts as a Living Creature in addition to its other target types. If destroyed or abandoned for more than two days, it dies and becomes unusable.
- "Destroyed" in this context means "prevented from functioning for its primary purpose", so for instance, an upgraded land mine would still explode as normal if triggered, even though it cannot be "destroyed" and a car's windows may still be broken.
- Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used. The same is true for extra dice.
- Extra dice from this Effect do not apply to Gift activation rolls.
Percussive Maintenance
“Use of the hammer: $1. Knowing how to use the hammer: $999.”
Dr. Skunk, a great inventor, knows exactly what to do whenever she needs to improve a mechanical item. It's as simple as taking a look at something and knowing *just* the right spot to strike.
Skunk examines the item she wishes to work on for a short amount of time, visualizing it completely in her mind, before gently tapping it in a specific place to greatly improve its functionality. Over the duration of the improvement, the item takes on a faint shimmer, as if its saturation has been raised in a photo editing software, as well as having all dirt and grime cleaned from its surface.
Exert your Mind and spend a minute. Select a non-Alien Device within arm's reach. Roll a single D10 as a critical failure check. If you roll a 1, the Effect fails, and you the Upgraded object shatters the next time the user attempts to activate it. You must actively and obviously use a Ball-Peen Hammer to activate this Effect. Can be used on Armor.
Lasts the next day. Your target receives 2 extra dice to all actions taken for its intended use. Attacking with an upgraded weapon grants +2 Weapon Damage instead of additional dice. If it is a piece of Armor, it instead receives half that amount as bonus armor rating, rounded up. If an upgraded shield and armor are both worn, the upgrade bonus does not stack with itself.
- Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used. The same is true for extra dice.
- Extra dice from this Effect do not apply to Gift activation rolls.
- You can target yourself if you qualify as a valid target by the other requirements.
- Your target must be within line of sight, or within range of another sense if more fitting for the Gift's flavor.
Basic Armament
Black Sword
Turns anything Garfield near into a Vantablack Colored Item that has a special adaptive ability.
Exert your Mind and spend a minute. Select a non-Alien Device within arm's reach. Cannot be used to improve Armor.
Lasts the next two hours. Your target receives 2 extra dice to all actions taken for its intended use. Attacking with an upgraded weapon grants +2 Weapon Damage instead of additional dice.
Upgraded weapons count as any material your opponent might be particularly vulnerable to. Upgraded Armor cannot be circumvented by called shots. Upgraded Devices do not run out of fuel or energy.
- Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used. The same is true for extra dice.
- Extra dice from this Effect do not apply to Gift activation rolls.
- You can target yourself if you qualify as a valid target by the other requirements.
- Your target must be within line of sight, or within range of another sense if more fitting for the Gift's flavor.
Ballistic Augmentation
One Shot, One Kill
The C.R.O.S.S. optic projects a laser holograph over the selected firearm, then upgrades the desired functionality through a HUD display menu.
The advanced technology in the C.R.O.S.S, optic can enhance the ballistic quality of firearms for a limited time.
Expend a point of Battery and spend a minute to activate. Select a non-Alien Firearm within arm's reach. Cannot be used to improve Armor.
For the next day, your target receives 2 extra dice to all actions taken for its intended use. Attacking with an upgraded weapon grants +2 Weapon Damage instead of additional dice.
- Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used.
- You can target yourself if you qualify as a valid target by the other requirements.
Stock
Upgrade Gifts
Thorium Core
This design is too restrained! It can be improved.
The mad scientist produces thorium cores that can be used to upgrade tools and other devices. The core supercharges the item, increasing its quality and rendering it indestructible for a period. However, once the core runs dry, the object is rendered less useful than it was before. The core crackles with blue electricity while active.
Spend 1 Action and use up this glowing blue disk. Select a non-Alien Device within arm's reach. Cannot be used to improve Armor.
Lasts the next two hours. Your target receives 2 extra dice to all actions taken for its intended use. Attacking with an upgraded weapon grants +2 Weapon Damage instead of additional dice. While it is upgraded, the item cannot be destroyed.
After the Effect ends, any upgraded targets suffer a -2 dice penalty until they are either repaired or upgraded again.
- "Destroyed" in this context means "prevented from functioning for its primary purpose", so for instance, an upgraded land mine would still explode as normal if triggered, even though it cannot be "destroyed" and a car's windows may still be broken.
- This consumable is destroyed when used and cannot be used again.
- Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used. The same is true for extra dice.
- Extra dice from this Effect do not apply to Gift activation rolls.
- You can target yourself if you qualify as a valid target by the other requirements.
- Your target must be within line of sight, or within range of another sense if more fitting for the Gift's flavor.
The Best That Money Can Buy
Never settle for budget brands.
The aristocrat knows a ritual that allows them to rent the best version of any item. They set $10,000 worth of cash on fire and place the item to be upgraded in the fire as well. While in the flame, the item morphs into a high-end version of itself. After a while, it reverts.
Exert your Mind and spend a minute. Select a non-Alien Device within arm's reach. You must use up $10,000 cash (or equivalent) in order to activate this Effect. Cannot be used to improve Armor.
Lasts the next two hours. Your target receives 3 extra dice to all actions taken for its intended use. Attacking with an upgraded weapon grants +3 Weapon Damage instead of additional dice.
- Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used. The same is true for extra dice.
- Extra dice from this Effect do not apply to Gift activation rolls.
- You can target yourself if you qualify as a valid target by the other requirements.
- Your target must be within line of sight, or within range of another sense if more fitting for the Gift's flavor.