The gift appears to be a large backpack. One can put any object inside and loudly declares, while holding the backpack, "If only I had [food item]". Be sure that there are no other items in the backpack, because they will be consumed.
(Note that one cannot request a whole dish; for example, they can order plain macaroni, but not mac and cheese).
Open the backpack after five minutes to reveal the requested food item, whose output weight matches that of the input. The taste of the food will depend on the value of the object. Make sure it's exactly 5 minutes. Who knows what'll happen if it isn't.
Black goo will always seep out from the bottom of the backpack when in use.
On the backpack:
It's easy enough to mistake for any backpack at all, and Delphyrion has not put a label on it. They have lost quite a few beakers and pens to it whenever they mused about their next experiment, as they often reach epiphanies by saying, "If only I had [food item]". Perhaps that's why the artifact works this way.
On food quality:
For some reason the output quality directly ties to the price of food in Orlando. So, put a 5-cent pencil in the backpack, and you'll get a 5-cent quality potato fry.
Also, yeah, make sure it's 5 minutes exactly. This is a theoretical number; no one has tried to test its limits, hence its reference to Schrodinger.
(On a critical fail, one fails to retrieve the food in time and it is either underdeveloped or spoiled.)
On the black goo:
Delphyrion themself isn't sure what it is, nor do they ever remember to analyze it. It doesn't seem to leave any residue on the backpack itself, though it stains quite horribly on porous material including skin. With enough washes it should go away.
If consumed, call the Poison Control Center and pray.
(Also pray that you are not Dephyrion, the chemist who has had 0 interaction with any religion at all, and therefore still thinks priests can get pregnant.)
Expend a point of Battery and spend a minute. Select a non-Alien Device within arm's reach. Roll a single D10 as a critical failure check. If you roll a 1, the Effect fails, and you The backpack appears to create the intended food item. In fact, it appears and smells more delightful than it should, to the point that you are urged to eat it right away no matter what. You will develop Vertigo upon eating the food as it turns out to be incredibly poisonous.. Cannot be used to improve Armor.
Lasts the next two hours. Your target receives 2 extra dice to all actions taken for its intended use. Attacking with an upgraded weapon grants +2 Weapon Damage instead of additional dice.
Anyone who touches this Artifact will notice it warping their mind and may drop it. If they choose to hold or use it, they immediately receive the following Trauma: You get uncontrollably angry at the sight or mention of any food that did not come out of the backpack. It feels as if you are running a state-of-the-art restaurant, yet people line up for the nearby McDonald's instead. You must roll Self-Control to contain the urge to cannibalize yourself or the person who brought up the food.. If they lose possession of this Artifact, the Trauma heals over the course of the next day.
This Artifact has been upgraded.
This Artifact receives 2 extra dice to all actions taken for its intended use. Attacking with an upgraded weapon grants +2 Weapon Damage instead of additional dice.
With his mythical ability he has been granted to pass on the power to items so that he may use them to help himself, slicing his hand open and rubbing his blood across the item turns the weapon both better and more in tune with his god, the gun smelling like rotten flesh, it bubble grows on the weapon and pops despite its metallic appearance, and the occasional drop of blood from it. The guns insides are now a meaty and strong improvement that have replaced its parts and will survive for a while like a parasite to the item but will soon die out and make the weapon worse then before.
Take a Severity-1 Injury and spend a minute to activate. Select a non-Alien Device within arm's reach. You must actively and obviously use A necklace of the image Yog-sothoth to activate this Effect. Cannot be used to improve Armor.
For the next day, your target receives 1 extra dice to all actions taken with its intended use.
You may choose a second valid Device target while activating this effect and splice both targets into a single new Device. The newly created item has the same size as the larger of the two initial targets, and can be used to perform the same actions as either of the original items. It receives 1 extra dice to those actions for the next day.
Jimson Shivers' transformation has begun. The element of cold that he seeks to channel is pushing itself to the surface. His palms are cold to the touch. It is a cold he knows he can spread. If he so desires, he can. The skin on his hand peels back. Slowly. Intentionally. Sensing his desire to help. Whatever he touches next, the Ice on his hands almost infects it. Causing massive crystalline growth all over it. Beautiful blue Ice shapes itself around whatever he makes contact with, turning it into a sculpted, beautiful version of itself. The ice totally encapsulates whatever he touches, leaving no surface on the item left unmarred.
Take a Severity-1 Injury and spend a minute. Select a non-Alien Device within arm's reach. Can be used on Armor.
Lasts the next two hours. Your target receives 2 extra dice to all actions taken for its intended use. Attacking with an upgraded weapon grants +2 Weapon Damage instead of additional dice. While it is upgraded, the item cannot be destroyed. Upgraded Armor is shredded by half the normal amount. If it is a piece of Armor, it instead receives half that amount as bonus armor rating, rounded up. If an upgraded shield and armor are both worn, the upgrade bonus does not stack with itself.
Upgraded weapons count as any material your opponent might be particularly vulnerable to. Upgraded Armor cannot be circumvented by called shots. Upgraded Devices do not run out of fuel or energy.
Anyone who witnesses you during this Effect's activation or for its duration will almost certainly be disturbed to see As Jimson places his hands on the object he wishes to Imbue, the skin on his palms slowly peels peels back, revealing that beneath his skin, there is nothing but ice.
Carlyle calls to the slumbering spirits that rest within the ancient weapons he spent so long restoring. Carlyle takes his hands and covers the weapon he desires to restore to its former glory. It takes about a minute for him to awaken the specter that waits for the day that it can rise again. He slides his hand across the blade as the rust, wear, and tear from all the years of lack of use just disappear. The weapon is as powerful and glorious as the day it was forged. For the next hour, it is even more powerful than it was before. But, after this hour, the weapon tries to catch up to this use and ends up in even worse condition than when it was restored.
Exert your Mind and spend a minute to activate. Select a non-Alien Weapons created at least 200 years ago within arm's reach. Cannot be used to improve Armor.
For the next hour, your target receives 2 extra dice to all actions taken with its intended use.
Upgraded items have half their normal weight, for the purposes of encumbrance.
After the Effect ends, any upgraded targets suffer a -2 extra dice dice penalty until they are either repaired or upgraded again.
The hammer hits the device with full force. A golden aura will burst from the object and quickly dissipate.
Exert your Mind and spend 1 Action. Select a non-Alien Device within arm's reach. Cannot be used to improve Armor.
Lasts the next two hours. Your target receives 3 extra dice to all actions taken for its intended use. Attacking with an upgraded weapon grants +3 Weapon Damage instead of additional dice.
Upgraded weapons count as any material your opponent might be particularly vulnerable to. Upgraded Armor cannot be circumvented by called shots. Upgraded Devices do not run out of fuel or energy.
After the Effect ends, any upgraded targets suffer a -3 dice penalty until they are either repaired or upgraded again.
The mad scientist produces thorium cores that can be used to upgrade tools and other devices. The core supercharges the item, increasing its quality and rendering it indestructible for a period. However, once the core runs dry, the object is rendered less useful than it was before. The core crackles with blue electricity while active.
Spend 1 Action and use up this glowing blue disk. Select a non-Alien Device within arm's reach. Cannot be used to improve Armor.
Lasts the next two hours. Your target receives 2 extra dice to all actions taken for its intended use. Attacking with an upgraded weapon grants +2 Weapon Damage instead of additional dice. While it is upgraded, the item cannot be destroyed.
After the Effect ends, any upgraded targets suffer a -2 dice penalty until they are either repaired or upgraded again.
The aristocrat knows a ritual that allows them to rent the best version of any item. They set $10,000 worth of cash on fire and place the item to be upgraded in the fire as well. While in the flame, the item morphs into a high-end version of itself. After a while, it reverts.
Exert your Mind and spend a minute. Select a non-Alien Device within arm's reach. You must use up $10,000 cash (or equivalent) in order to activate this Effect. Cannot be used to improve Armor.
Lasts the next two hours. Your target receives 3 extra dice to all actions taken for its intended use. Attacking with an upgraded weapon grants +3 Weapon Damage instead of additional dice.