Schrodinger's Chef Bread out of rocks? Grapes out of gloves? I gotchu

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This Artifact grants you the power to enhance your tools beyond mundane limits.
Used by Delphyrion Arcanis, Created by Cryst0lline.
( You must use this Artifact obviously when activating this Effect.)

The gift appears to be a large backpack. One can put any object inside and loudly declares, while holding the backpack, "If only I had [food item]". Be sure that there are no other items in the backpack, because they will be consumed.
(Note that one cannot request a whole dish; for example, they can order plain macaroni, but not mac and cheese).

Open the backpack after five minutes to reveal the requested food item, whose output weight matches that of the input. The taste of the food will depend on the value of the object. Make sure it's exactly 5 minutes. Who knows what'll happen if it isn't.
Black goo will always seep out from the bottom of the backpack when in use.

On the backpack:
It's easy enough to mistake for any backpack at all, and Delphyrion has not put a label on it. They have lost quite a few beakers and pens to it whenever they mused about their next experiment, as they often reach epiphanies by saying, "If only I had [food item]". Perhaps that's why the artifact works this way.

On food quality:
For some reason the output quality directly ties to the price of food in Orlando. So, put a 5-cent pencil in the backpack, and you'll get a 5-cent quality potato fry.
Also, yeah, make sure it's 5 minutes exactly. This is a theoretical number; no one has tried to test its limits, hence its reference to Schrodinger.
(On a critical fail, one fails to retrieve the food in time and it is either underdeveloped or spoiled.)

On the black goo:
Delphyrion themself isn't sure what it is, nor do they ever remember to analyze it. It doesn't seem to leave any residue on the backpack itself, though it stains quite horribly on porous material including skin. With enough washes it should go away.
If consumed, call the Poison Control Center and pray.
(Also pray that you are not Dephyrion, the chemist who has had 0 interaction with any religion at all, and therefore still thinks priests can get pregnant.)

On Madness:
One gets uncontrollably angry at the sight or mention of any food that did not come out of the backpack. It feels as if one is running a state-of-the-art restaurant, yet people line up for the nearby McDonald's instead. Delphyrion feels this way towards content farms like 1-minute arts.

Expend a point of Battery and spend a minute. Select a non-Alien Device within arm's reach. Roll a single D10 as a critical failure check. If you roll a 1, the Effect fails, and you think the backpack has created the intended food item. In fact, it appears and smells more delightful than it should, to the point that you are urged to eat it right away no matter what. You will develop Vertigo upon eating the food as it turns out to be incredibly poisonous. Cannot be used to improve Armor.

Lasts the next two hours. Your target receives 2 extra dice to all actions taken for its intended use. Attacking with an upgraded weapon grants +2 Weapon Damage instead of additional dice.

Anyone who touches this Artifact will notice it warping their mind and may drop it. If they choose to hold or use it, they immediately receive the following Trauma: You must roll Self-Control to contain the urge to cannibalize yourself or the person who brought up the food. If they lose possession of this Artifact, the Trauma heals over the course of the next day.

  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used. The same is true for extra dice.
  • Extra dice from this Effect do not apply to Gift activation rolls.
  • You can target yourself if you qualify as a valid target by the other requirements.
  • Your target must be within line of sight, or within range of another sense if more fitting for the Gift's flavor.

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Gift from playing in Crois deora spent on new power: Schrodinger's Chef
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Community Artifact Crafting Gifts

This armor is infused with the idea of protection and the Hippocratic oath. The armor must have an image which resembles a shield, likely wings that look like a shield.

It is made with a ritual that uses
- Strong metals, titanium
- A write up of the Hippocratic oath
- Shield Iconography
- A shield pattern worked into the armor

You gain the following benefits as long as you are wearing this Artifact.

You have 8 Armor, which reduces incoming Damage. Armor from multiple sources does not stack.

You may spend an Action or Reaction and Exert your Mind to double your Armor rating for one Round.

Your Armor cannot be destroyed, and it always provides a minimum of 2 Armor regardless of any Armor shredding or penetration. It cannot be circumvented with Called Shots. When shredded, it returns to full potency in one hour.

Your Armor’s rating is increased by 2. If you do something that Damages, restricts, or otherwise directly, negatively affects another being, your Armor’s rating is decreased by 3 for one minute. This penalty does not stack with itself.

  • This Effect’s Armor rating cannot be increased by any other Effects.

You gain the following benefits as long as you are wearing this Artifact.

You may go five times longer than a normal human without food, water, and sleep. Any roll to resist an Effect dependent on any affected requirement is made at -1 Difficulty.

Exert your Mind and spend an Action. Select a Living target within 45 feet. Roll Brawn + Alertness Difficulty 6. The target may contest by rolling to Dodge or Defend as a Reaction, Difficulty 6.

If the Contested Outcome is positive, the target takes that much Damage plus 4.

  • You can target yourself if you qualify as a valid target by the other requirements.
  • Your target must be within line of sight, or within range of another sense if more fitting for the Gift's flavor.

This Artifact cannot be broken. If this Artifact is lost and in no one else’s possession, it finds its way back to its true owner during the next Downtime.

By default, the creator of this Artifact is its true owner. The true owner may formally bequeath this Artifact onto another person within arm’s reach, after which they are its true owner. If this Artifact has no living true owner, anyone may spend one day attuning to it to become its true owner.

  • "Cannot be broken" means that damage cannot render the Artifact's Effects unusable, nor can it cease to be used for its primary mundane purpose, if it has one.

Idealism was always thought to exist solely in concept, to associate reality with mental ideals as opposed to material objects. That somewhere in the cosmic lands above, a perfect image of this "thing" exists, and only its material imitations are founded in "reality". But what if a material object could be elevated closer to the status of its ideal perfect image? A question Luci had asked herself for a period, and while it took some time, she managed to find a way.

This Artifact has been upgraded.

This Artifact receives 3 extra dice to all actions taken for its intended use. Attacking with an upgraded weapon grants +3 Weapon Damage instead of additional dice. While it is upgraded, the item cannot be destroyed. Upgraded Armor is shredded by half the normal amount. If it is a piece of Armor, it instead receives half that amount as bonus armor rating, rounded up. If an upgraded shield and armor are both worn, the upgrade bonus does not stack with itself.

Upgraded weapons count as any material your opponent might be particularly vulnerable to. Upgraded Armor cannot be circumvented by called shots. Upgraded Devices do not run out of fuel or energy.

  • "Destroyed" in this context means "prevented from functioning for its primary purpose", so for instance, an upgraded land mine would still explode as normal if triggered, even though it cannot be "destroyed" and a car's windows may still be broken.
  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used. The same is true for extra dice.
  • Extra dice from this Effect do not apply to Gift activation rolls.

Stock Artifact Crafting Gifts

You gain the following benefits as long as you are wearing this Artifact.

You get +1 dice to any Mind resistance rolls you make. You also gain the following effects:

  • Naturally Resistant: Any time you make a Mind resistance roll, the individual who you are resisting must Exert their Mind, or your resistance succeeds automatically.
  • Clash Of Wills: If you fail to fully resist an Effect, your Outcome is considered to be 0.

  • These bonuses apply only to Mind rolls made to resist Effects and other supernatural phenomena. They do not apply to Trauma rolls or self-control rolls.

You gain the following benefits as long as you are wearing this Artifact.

You get +2 dice to any Body resistance rolls you make. You also gain the following effects:

  • Survivor: You are immune to all non-Alien diseases.
  • All Brawn No Brain: You suffer a -2 dice penalty on Mind resistance rolls.

  • These bonuses apply only to Body rolls made to resist Effects and other supernatural phenomena. They do not apply to other contexts such as attacks made while under the Creature Transformation Effect.