The consumable appears to be a large backpack. One can put any object inside and loudly declares, while holding the backpack, "If only I had [food item]". Be sure that there are no other items in the backpack, because they will be consumed.
(Note that one cannot request a whole dish; for example, they can order plain macaroni, but not mac and cheese).
Open the backpack after five minutes to reveal the requested food item, whose output weight matches that of the input. The taste of the food will depend on the value of the object. Make sure it's exactly 5 minutes. Who knows what'll happen if it isn't.
On a critical fail, black goo will come out of the backpack, but that’s probably fine because the food looks amazing, right?
On the backpack:
It's easy enough to mistake for any backpack at all, and Delphyrion has not put a label on it. They have lost quite a few beakers and pens to it whenever they mused about their next experiment, as they often reach epiphanies by saying, "If only I had [food item]". Perhaps that's why the artifact works this way.
On food quality:
For some reason the output quality directly ties to the price of food in Orlando. So, put a 5-cent pencil in the backpack, and you'll get a 5-cent quality potato fry*.
Also, yeah, make sure it's 5 minutes exactly. This is a theoretical number; no one has tried to test its limits, hence its reference to Schrodinger.
(On a critical fail, the food appears perfectly made, perhaps too perfect. Ignore the black goo.)
*Food will vanish from your stomach after 2 hours.
On the black goo:
Delphyrion themself isn't sure what it is, nor do they ever remember to analyze it. It doesn't seem to leave any residue on the backpack itself, though it stains quite horribly on porous material including skin. With enough washes it should go away.
If consumed, call the Poison Control Center and pray. Oh hey, is the room spinning?
(Also pray that you are not Dephyrion, the chemist who has had 0 interaction with any religion at all, and therefore still thinks priests can get pregnant.)
On Madness:
One gets uncontrollably angry at the sight or mention of any food that did not come out of the backpack. It feels as if one is running a state-of-the-art restaurant, yet people line up for the nearby McDonald's instead. Delphyrion feels this way towards content farms like 1-minute arts.
Use up this backpack (unless you succeed on 1d10, Difficulty 7) and spend 1 minute. Roll a single D10 as a critical failure check. If you roll a 1, the Effect fails, and you think the backpack has created the intended food item. In fact, it appears and smells more delightful than it should, to the point that you are urged to eat it right away no matter what. You will develop Vertigo upon eating the food as it turns out to be incredibly poisonous. Roll 7 dice Difficulty 6, dice penalties do not apply.
Choose a specific type of Food which could fit inside a regular backpack (up to 27 liters). It must be Non-Alien and generic. You cannot create explosives. You cannot create firearms.
Roll Intellect + Crafts to fabricate up to 5 copies of your chosen Object. The Difficulty is assigned by the GM and depends on the specificity of your chosen Object. The created item lasts 2 hours.
You may end this Effect prematurely as a Free Action.
A piece of gum is given, stuck onto, or pressed to the target. The gum starts to shrivel into the targets skin and black and pink tendrils then starts to delve into the targets flesh discretely and starts to line their internal system.
The process is not painful and allows for Valentine to know how their team is feeling and understand if they are injured and be able to assist them with ease if something were to happen to them.
Taking it out is like removing several horsehair worms.
Spend one minute and use up this A pack of big league chew (1 pieces). Select a target within arm's reach.
Your target is marked with A black and pink dot ontop of their skin. The mark can only be discovered with a deep medical inspection or Effect. Removal inflicts a Severity 1 Injury on the target.
You are aware of the marked target's vital status, injuries, direction and distance from you. This lasts for the next month, or until either the mark is removed, or you choose to end the Effect.
You receive +2 dice to any rolls made against a marked target.
This round of ammunition is engraved with a frozen bunny. It can be loaded into any firearm. When shot, it leaves a spiral of blue smoke behind it. When it collides with its target, it explodes into a cloud of blue, glittery fog that quickly dissipates. Those caught in the area of effect find their joints stiffening, sometimes resulting in temporary paralysis.
Spend an Action and use up this bullet with an engraving of a frozen bunny. Select a single Living target or a Location within normal Attack range. If you select a Location, all Living targets within 20 feet of the chosen Location, besides yourself, are affected. The target may roll to dodge or Defend, as normal for firearms Attacks. The Attack itself does not deal any Damage beyond the Effect.
If you succeed, affected targets becomes drowsy for the next 3 Rounds, during which time they suffer an additional -2 dice Penalty to all Actions. At the end of their drowsiness, they fall into a state of sleep paralysis for Contested Outcome x 3 minutes. During this time, they remain fully conscious and aware of their surroundings but are incapable of taking any actions.
Sleeping targets will not prematurely wake up on their own, and can only be awoken by taking Damage or nearing death from hunger, thirst, or suffocation. Drowsy targets always fall asleep, regardless of what happens while they are drowsy.
After ripping the page, a red deamon apears reading a copy of the paper (takes them a minit to finish)while drinking a crimson liquid. They will look at the castera giving them a thumbs up after finishing the cup. Looking at your hands will let you see a paper cut as you feel a bit light headed as if you just donanted blood.
Use up this A4 paper and spend one minute.
Summon a single Red demon at your location. They will last for two hours, or until they are destroyed. They are controlled by the GM but will follow any commands you give.
A Jack of Clubs is thrown, as it makes its way towards the target its form shifts into that of a blackjack, a bludgeoning weapon intended for dazing people, just prior to impact. A few moments after impact the blackjack will crumple apart and dissapear.
A member of the Court of Clubs, loyal to their king, this knave has been tasked with weeding out the spies and assassins believed to be amongst their fellow courtiers. To complete this task they've been given a blackjack to daze and remove those who dare to stand against his majesty the King of Clubs.
Spend an Action and use up this Jack of Clubs. Make a Playing Card attack at a Animate target within normal attack range. Roll 7 dice Difficulty 6, penalty does not apply. The target may roll to dodge or defend, as normal for Playing Card attacks. The attack does not deal Damage, but the Effect does.
If you succeed, the target will suffer a dice penalty equal to the Outcome for the next 2 Rounds. Dice pools may be reduced all the way down to 0 by this penalty. This breaks Concentration.
You may Exert your Mind and spend a Reaction to contest an Action someone is taking. Roll your for your attack as normal. Subtract your Outcome from theirs, and they use the Contested Outcome to determine if their Action succeeds.
The Witch prepares a vial of green fluid that can be used to poison any food or drink. Anyone who consumes the poison will grow drowsy and then fall into a deep sleep. While unconscious, the victim dreams of the witch and learns a secret about them.
Use up this vial of green liquid and spend an Action to turn food or drink into a trap. This trap lasts until triggered or disarmed. Roll 7 dice Difficulty 6, dice penalties do not apply.
The trap looks like food or drink. Only those who have seen this trap before can identify it as a trap. Anyone who is aware of the trap may intuitively avoid, trigger, or destroy it.
Any Living target within within arm's reach that uses the trap as food or drink will trigger it. Affected targets may resist by rolling Mind at Difficulty 6.
When the trap is triggered, your target becomes drowsy for the next 3 Rounds, during which time they suffer an additional -2 dice Penalty to all Actions. At the end of their drowsiness, they fall asleep for Outcome x 3 hours.
Sleeping targets will not prematurely wake up on their own, and can only be awoken by taking Damage or nearing death from hunger, thirst, or suffocation. Drowsy targets always fall asleep, regardless of what happens while they are drowsy.
An affected target's dreams while they are asleep will involve you in some way, and will reveal you as the source of their sleep as well as reveal secret information about yourself to them.
After consuming the tainted food or drink, the target transforms into a llama!
Use up this vial of extract of llama and spend an Action to turn food or drink into a trap. This trap lasts until triggered or disarmed. Roll 7 dice Difficulty 6, dice penalties do not apply.
The trap looks like food or drink. Only those who have seen this trap before can identify it as a trap. Anyone who is aware of the trap may intuitively avoid, trigger, or destroy it.
Any Living target within within arm's reach that uses the trap as food or drink will trigger it. The target may roll Body, -2 dice at Difficulty 7, as a Free Action to resist.
If you succeed, the target receives two new Battle Scars of your choosing, limited by the contested Outcome:
If you inflict two Extreme (Outcome > 3) Battle Scars on the target, you may transform them fully into another species.
All alterations you make must turn the target into a llama.
The Battle Scars you inflict manifest over the course of the next minute.
The mutant now occasionally lays large, orange-speckled eggs. These Eggs do not hatch nor spoil. If cracked and applied to a chronic injury such as a missing limb, the scar heals completely within the hour. However, any area healed by the egg will forever carry an inhuman appearance as testament to the bizarre method of treatment.
Spend a minute and use up this unusually large egg (unless you succeed on 1d10, Difficulty 7). Select a Living target within arm's reach. Select a Battle Scar on your target to treat.
The treated Battle Scar heals as you finish activating this Effect.
Healing a Battle Scar in this way leaves behind an inhuman attribute such as fur, scales, or feathers on the target which cannot be healed.
The user places this slip of paper from the mystic against their head, speaks the inscribed phrase, and envisions a time they wished they were alone. the paper bursts into a shockwave that pushes all weak-minded beings away. The repulsion field can be maintained for several seconds by meditating on the nature of solitude.
Spend an Action and use up this paper with mysterious calligraphy. Roll 7 dice Difficulty 6, dice penalties do not apply.
Create a repulsion field which extends out 45 feet from you in every direction, and lasts for the next 3 Rounds. Any beings with 6 Mind or less within the field cannot move any closer towards you. If they were within 45 feet from you when you activated the effect, they are immediately pushed back to the edge of the repulsion field.
You must maintain Concentration during this Effect.
The hacker is capable of crafting bottles of nanites. When poured on a broken object, the nanites go to work restoring it to a functioning state. The goop shimmers and crawls, sparking with blue electricity as it reforms broken parts.
Spend 10 Rounds and use up this a bottle of metallic fluid. Select a Object within arm's reach that is no larger than an SUV. Cannot be used on Alien technology. More than half the target object must be present in order to begin repairs. Roll 7 dice Difficulty 6, dice penalties do not apply.
If you succeed, your target is repaired back to a functional state. If you fail, you spend the full time working before realizing you cannot repair the target.