Dear Diary...

So.  This month has been... pretty regular, I guess.  You wouldn't believe how quickly you get used to weird stuff, I guess.   I've kept exercising, and I can feel myself getting stronger still.  I think if things go really badly now I might be able to pull myself out of it by a bit more than the skin of my teeth.  It feels weird writing with the prosthetic still.  I've tried willing my body to grow it back when I'm changing my form, but.. well, I can't keep it like that for long.  It's like... I can change stuff, with my will, but the universe doesn't like it.  It's always pushing back against me, undoing whatever I do. 

But I'm getting stronger.

I used to have to strip naked to transform - otherwise I'd just, you know, mess up my clothes.  But I realized the clothes are just.. kinda an extention of me at the moment.  Right?  That makes sense.  But it also means that... well, I just will them to change too.  I was only able to grow them and make them fit, but I've been messing about.  I'm better at it now.  I can mutate them to anything. Sorta.  Still doesn't stick. 

On vengence-against-snake related matters... 

My vengence was swift, but not necessarily as severe as I'd like.  I tracked down the guy who Samatha got the infomation from (STOLE IT FROM.  SAMANTHA, WHAT THE HELL.  WHY WOULD YOU NOT TELL ME.  I AM SO ANGRY AT YOU >.<   >.<  >.<  )  There are several more angry faces decorating this part of the page.  And he told me I was a anba travayé.  Whatever that means.  But he helped me with it.  He was nice.  And I went back to the snake, and told him a bunch of half-truths and tricks and apparentlythat almost killed him.  Then I shot him.  He had it coming, though.  Then the snake got like.. pulled into a void or something.  Then I spoke with something called 'The Question' which seems like a greater spirit.  Or something.  It gave me kind of an interesting looking braclet.  Braclets aren't really my thing, but I tried it on.  It curled around my wrist.  Isn't stuck on or anything, though. 

Me: 1 
Snake: 0

P.S.  what the hell the gun is so loud without hearing protection I think my ears are still ringing.

Dear Diary...

So.  After that last mission was pretty easy, I've been sorta relaxing.  My closet has a suitcase full of climbing and caving stuff, which is.. kinda cool?  But whatever.  Okay.  So, more important things.  I've been practicing talking to people a bit more. It always came super easily to me, and I've never had an issue with it.. but I thought I might as well see if I got any better at it after I've been made magical and stuff.

I think I'm a little bit better now.  I can talk to people, and if I need to, lie to them, really easily.  Like it doesn't even phase me.  Plus, who expects me to lie to them?  That helps too.

But in other news.. I found a pair of magical boots.  But not just any boots.

The real pair of Seven League Boots.  They're amazing.  While I'm wearing them, I can run super fast.  Like, as fast as a tall sprinter can sprint.  And it's so cool.  When I run, the entire world just kinda blurs, and becomes. kinda choppy and jerky.  At least I don't.  I can jump over things and stuff, at least without a problem.

And now I can keep up with people if something goes really badly.  I've taken to starting to wear them at all times, because they're super handy, really.  Even if I use them it looks kinda weird.  Maron commented that she had a headache, and she thought she saw me teleporting.

So.. I guess I am kinda jerking around, and it doesn't just look like that.

Oh well.

Dear Diary...

So, for the last month, it's been... interesting.  I've been trying to work on a variety of things.  People keep getting injured on these stupid contracts - what if it's me next? - so I took one of those little first aid  classes so I know how to actually use the first aid kit I keep in my pack.   Might save my life.  Maybe.  I've also been spending more time on the internet, which is... interesting.  I think I'm getting better on computers.  It's actually kinda calming, in a way. 

I've been practicing my powers - I transform every night,  and during the day I try to head out of the house and address people, using it.  I think it's getting a bit easier.  I don't have to work as hard.  I think if I keep practicing I might be able to do it as easily as I do everything else.  Which is nice.

But the main thing. I've been thinking... why do I need to change?  Why do I need to eat, and breathe, and do all of that stuff?  So I just tried holding my breath.  And it's super weird, but you get used to.. you know, just not breathing.  Or eating, or drinking water.   I've been kinda practicing.  I haven't eaten or drank anything for the last week, haven't breathed for the last few days.  Honestly, it's... it's kinda cool, but at the same time kinda lame.  I like eating.  It makes me a bit happy.

Yeah.  On that front...

This isn't helping.

(The text is circled several times as well in a frusturated pen.)

I don't know.  I thought risking my life would make me happy.  But it isn't.  I'm only happy at nights, and I don't want to get up in the morning where I have to go back to not being happy.  But I can't just be a recluse all the time, can I?

I need to start making plans.

Dear Diary...

It's hard to think. Everything just feels kinda foggy.   They put me in therapy for the last month, and I've had to take these pills.   They say they'll help me, and.. maybe?  I'm not sad anymore.  But I don't really feel anything.  And it's difficult to focus.   It's difficult to work up the motivation to do anything.  They say I'm normal now.  I don't know.  The last few months feel like a fever dream.  I used to be able to transform, I think.  I thought I could.  But I can't anymore.  I look at my hand and I focus as hard as I can and I can't really focus and nothing happens and I just get tired.  I'm just normal now.  Maybe I was never special.

My parents say that if I stay in here and be a good girl that I can come home at some point.  I want to go home.  I don't like it here.  At least I'm not crying myself to sleep every night.  But that's just because I can't work up the effort to do it, I think.  I don't even know why I'm writing in this journal, it's just insanity.  I don't want to destroy it, though.  It was special to me, once. 

I'm going to put it in the bottom of my suitcase.  Maybe I'll remember it one day. 

Maybe it would be easier if I forgot it.

I'm not really happy... but...

I guess I'm not unhappy?

There are worse endings.

I'm going to close this book now.

Dear Diary...

I... don't remember writing the last entry.  Or... I sort of do.  I don't know.  I... remember the last couple of months, in a way.  But I think it was a nightmare. 

I don't understand how the last page got written, though.  Did I write it while I was sleeping?

I woke up this morning with my bed soaked with sweat and half delirious.  I think I'm okay, though.  I think.

I'm going to survive this.  I am special.  I know that.  The darkness will pass.

I remember giving up.

But I didn't.  But I haven't. 

Not yet, at least.

Not ready to close this book quite yet.

[There's a couple of lines where the pen was just dragged across the page in lazy motions]

I... don't know. I'm... tempted to tear the previous page out, but that doesn't feel right.  I'm sorry for scaring you if you read it.

In the moment, it felt real.  It was real.  It was a potential future.  But I don't want that future.  So I've changed it.

I'm embarassed about that.   Is that cheating?  It feels dirty, somehow.

Sometimes things get away from us, despite our best efforts.

But all we can do is keep doing our best.  The sun will shine again.

Dear Diary...

Tonight is the first night I sleep away from home in a long time.  I'm currently at the Faraday School for Extraordinary Children, and... it's not too bad.  So far, I guess. After I wrote last entry this morning, a bunch of stuff happened.   I've calmed down a bunch since then.  It was definately a nightmare, although.. it was so vivid, and I'm not sure where the last two pages came from still.  But I'm better now. Ish.  Whatever.

So, this morning Principal Wolstenholme from the Faraday School showed up.  Apparently she was recommended to my parents for being uniquely suited to dealing with my... condition.  Maybe she's right.  I talked with her some, and she seems nice enough? I sorta like her.  In any case... she said she wouldn't force me to come, but she talked me into agreeing to stay here for four months to try it out.  And.. I mean I said something needed to change, right?  Maybe this will be good for me.

It was a nice flight, I guess.  I'm here in some forest in Massachusetts in a room with two other girls.  Roommates!  They're not too bad, I guess.  They both look different, so... I'm in my vulpine form.  It's... nice, to be able to do it, and just stay in it, and it feels right.

Okay.  But yeah.  That's been my day so far.  A lot of stuff has changed.  But... not necessarily for the worse.  I hope.

Dear Diary...

So, it hasn't been *too* bad.  I don't know what I really expected when I got here, but.... I guess I wasn't expecting this. 

And it's nice.  It's... difficult, getting used to roommates, but it's... sorta fun. Especially given I've been staying in vulpine form, and I'm just happy during it.  

AND ALSO GUESS WHAT

At the end of my last job, I noticed Azik had a fixed leg.  He'd lost his leg in the same place I lost my hand.  I asked him how he'd fixed it, and he said 'Oh yeah, just talk to...' someone whose name I don't even remember know.  Whatever.  And I asked how to contact her, and he said he didn't know.

Lame.

But I asked the other two if they knew anyone who could fix it, and.. like a week later, Izzy sent me a package!  It had some magical fruit that fixed my hand. 

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (There's just a bunch of excited scribbles)

I did some cartwheels and almost broke my hand again, which would have been *super* awkward. But I guess even if I break it it'll heal naturally.  But yeah.  I owe Izzy massively. And she asked if she could come by!  I said yes, I hope Principal Wolstenholme is okay with that.

SO.  Other things!

I've had to practice being a lot quietier than before to avoid bothering my roommates.  Not much other than that so far.  Or.. I don't know.  I'm feeling like I'm having to keep a watch out on everything happening more, too?

And... in the last journal, I said I thought I could change the world too.  Outside of myself.  I've been trying and practicing.  And I think I feel myself getting stronger.  I haven't seen anything change yet, but I've noticed people acting a little bit differently after I've been practicing.  Nifty.

But I can feel it, just on the edge, like a word on the tip of my tongue.  A willingness for the world to change if I can just find it.

Dear Diary...

It feels like I'm going on one of those jobs every few days, almost.  I think I need to to take a bit of a break soon.  But not quite yet.  I can feel myself getting stronger each time.  Just a few days ago I started being able to hear the song of the world.  Everything has its own secret voice, its own things it wants to tell.  I can hear them.  Even electrons, I can hear their little dance even though walls. It's amazing.  But no, after the last job I feel like... I don't know.  Like I'm starting to influence everything, even when I don't mean to. Even when I don't want to.

People just believe me when I tell them things that are true, even if they sound crazy.  And when people lie to me, I... I know they're lying somehow. I can hear the lie in their words, see it in the writing. It makes listening to the news hard sometimes.    But I'm getting stronger.  I'm starting to influence more.  It was just my dreams to start, but now I'm starting to think it's even happening when I'm awake now.  Things are starting to just... change, around me. 

So. That's a thing.  It's been less than six months, but everything has changed since then.  Oh, and I'm staying in my vulpine form more and more often, which is nice.  I've been going for runs out in the forest. It's actually really relaxing, and I feel myself getting stronger too.  Way more than I should be, and.. I don't really think my body is changing that much.  It's just.. I think I should be stronger.

And so I'm stronger.

Dear Diary...

I did it, today.  I didn't even notice I did for a couple of seconds.  I had just been practicing - I got back into it, yes - and... I was taking a break.  I was lying on the bed, and I reached out to my nightstand for a glass of water, and was sipping it.

And then I realized I had forgotten my glass of water on the table.  It was way out of reach.  And still there.

I thought I must have been drinking either Karigan or Maria's water, but I saw their glasses on their tables.  When I looked down at it in confusion it *vanished*.  Like it never was, into some kind of smoke.

And I realized I'd made it just because I'd wanted it. 

Something from nothing.

That's a thing.

I can do it more consistantly now, make what I want.  I'm getting stronger with it.  It was just small things to start.  A glass of water, a fork, things on my desk.  But I've started to be able to do bigger things.  I made a person!  Only kinda.   They're not... fully here, the things I make.  They fade away in a minute or so, and they're...  ephemeral?  I think that's the word.  If I'm too rough with them or try to take it apart or anything like that they collapse into that smoke. They're not real.  Not yet. 

It's also tempermental.  Really tempermental. If I get stressed, or am thinknig about anything else, I can't seem to make it work.  Still practicing that a bit, but it's easier to just clear away distractions.

But I also think this is just the beginning of what I can do.  I can feel it at the tip of my tongue.

(Also, I can make sound with it.  It's kinda cool having a soundtrack sometimes.  Although I keep doing it without thinking, which might get me into trouble at some point.  But drawing in the air with light is a cool party trick.)

Dear Diary...

Right now is 4 AM.  The sky is just starting to brighten just a little; it's the precise colour of the hours when one cannot sleep. Last night... wasn't right.  I went to bed, and tried to contact Mars again.   But... something else happened.  I got sucked into a different dream, like.. a nightmare.  And I was against someone else.  And... they were kinda like me.  They had powers.   And.. I knew I had to kill them to escape.  I didn't want to kill them.  But I knew I had to.  And they tried to kill me too.

They were better at it. 

They killed me.

It hurt, a lot.  I thought I could... I thought I could do more than I could.  And it didn't work.  He just shot me though with some kind of laser, and it hurt.  And then it didn't.  And.. I was afraid of dying. I remember lying in the cold wet mud, and felt the spark of life leaving me.

...I'm scared.

I'm all here now, but.. I don't know.  It felt so real.  My heart is still pounding some. 

But I'm okay.  I don't have a hole in my chest, I'm not cold and wet.   Everything is okay. 

I feel like I learned something, at least.  That.. felt like something that could really happen.  I think I need to not stop moving in that suitation.  I think that's the important part.  And I need to stop using my pendant as a crutch for everything.  I know that's what it is. I know I can do it without it.

It's just hard.

But it might save my life in the future, so... you know.  Tradeoffs.

Dear Diary...

So... on the last mission, I felt... sorta helpless during the fight.  And if it had just been me, it's like.... what would I have done?  None of my usual abilities helped, and... my best bet would have been to try and run away.  I'm not sure that would have worked, but... I'm worried it's going to be like that more.  I need to... be useful.

So I've been practicing.  I can make things with my mind.

Why can't I take them apart?

It's not a pretty, or a controlled ability.  If I focus, things.. just kind of ablate.  Like it's being blown away in a sand storm. 

It's scary.

I'm not sure what would happen if I intensified it.

So... yeah. I've also been practicing doing it quickly, like.. as a defense.  Apparently making something attacking you come apart is pretty useful as a defense.  I think it's better than just trying to dodge.  Not that I think I should stop trying to learn to dodge either, staying out of the path of stuff has kept me alive so far.

It also means if I'm attacked by another monster, and I can't put it to sleep or anything... well, I can make it go away. Maybe.

Other than that... I've been experimenting in the Dreamlands just.. coming back stronger.  It's like.. my form is already a reflection of what I want.  Why shouldn't I be stronger than I look?  Or faster, or have better eyes?

It's all my choice.

Dear Diary...

Last night, I was wandering in the Dreamlands.  Normally I don't tread too far from myself - it's dangerous to get lost in there, and there are many entities who disagree with my presence there.  I have my castle and my kingdom, and from my map room I can grow my borders.  But sometimes, on nights when the moon is full, I step from the paths I truly know into those I truly don't.  It's more than just other people's dreams - those are still knowable.  But when I keep walking, I can find paths far older in the Dreamlands.  Or perhaps I imagine them.  But I followed them, regardless.  The Dreams I entered were not of man, nor anything that thinks like us.  Alien thoughts.  I found myself in a forest.  I could only barely see the sky, but up there I could see three moons.  I was lucky there were three, for it took all three for the faintest scraps of their light to reach down to where I was. 

I became lost in the woods. I don't know how long I was in there for, but I know when I woke I had left something of myself behind in that wood.  I had left my old form. When I woke, I knew that the form I was in now, my proper form, was made of Dreamstuff, but it is just as real as anything else.  Because I want it to be.  I know how that, when, by reflex, I revert to my true form, this is what I shall become. 

Not just that.  I am small, and soft, and you would not know it... but I have grown as strong as a smith or soldier.  As strong as I need to be.  My senses are richer still, as rich as I want them to be.  My body has become a representation of my will, and I may choose to be effected by things, or not.

Just a little bit longer, now.

Dear Diary...

It's been... a busy month.  I think I did three jobs the last month, and one of them was almost back to back with another, and I did all the stuff with Mars... but now I think it's done.  I think everything is done for the moment.  I think I just want to take a little bit and not do anything.  I've been going around the school and introducing Mars to everyone and such, but.. I kinda want to just spend some time in my bed and not have to worry about anything.  At least for a couple of weeks. 

I've been spending a good bit in the Dreamlands, and... I think I've realized something.  I can talk to everything in the Dreamlands, and.. it feels like I'm speaking English, but.. I just realized.. I don't think I am.  I'm just.. communicating.  I think, if I need to, I can communicate with someone's shade in the Dreamlands instead.  And I can just use the primordial essence of communication, then. I can even talk to animals!

Dear Diary...

Well.. I'm finally back the school and everything.  I've spent the last week and so with Albert, and... and he helped a lot.  He made me meals, and.. he put up with me when I was really messed up in the head.  And he found Liam.  Liam's a doctor, and he.. he has some medicine that kinda burns but it makes my thoughts clearer again.  He's really nice too.  He helped a lot.  We met at the Museum of Illusions and it was really fun.  And he took us out for poutine and stuff, and it was good!  And he helped my head wound with a bandage, which... felt weird. I could have really sworn it was worse, but it was okay. 

But yeah.  I didn't do much else for the last couple of weeks besides put myself back together.  I do feel like I have a bit more... control over my form, though.  I was holding onto it so tightly when my thoughts were wavering, like it was the only thing in the world, and.. it kept me alive.  I think I can keep myself together again if I need.

Dear Diary...

The last few weeks, I.. guess I still had the dagger in my pack.  And.. I just had this increasing urge to like.. hide it.  Somehow.  And it got overwhelming.  So I booked a fight back to that town, and.. and some how I know that it needs to be hidden for the next group in 200 years.  Although I hope that the group in the future is going to have better luck than we did... I decided to have our story engraved on these metal plates.  So that should hopefully be readable in 200 years and stuff. 

So.... I found a cave system nearby.   And I hid the dagger in it, along with the metal plates, and tried to set up some illusions as a puzzle.  I don't know why there needs to be a puzzle, but there needs to be a puzzle.  The illusions aren't quite stable, not yet.  I keep trying to make them stable, I almost can.  And then.. then it's a good puzzle that will last.

Dear Diary...

I think I've figured out how to pull things out of the Dreamscape that I didn't put in.  The first thing I've pulled out is this Writ that I signed in my cartography room.  And it's.. cool. It's tiring.  I feel like I've put a lot into each one of them - some part of myself, even.  But.. they're really useful. They give you the ability to go into the Dreamscape in a controlled away, and to see the echos in there. 

Someone contacted me about being able to sell them.. so I put that on the market, too, seeing what I get.  I gave one to Dominic (That's apparently Albert's real name?) too.  It was just meant to be a gift, but he gave me a little pen back.  It creates wards, which are cool! 

Otherwise.. I've seen a bunch of stuff that Dominic has been doing, and I've been trying to mess around with technology myself.  It's cool. 

Dear Diary...

After the last.. job, when we failed... Leon was in a really bad way.  Apparently his illusions were rigged to cause trauma when they failed.  And... his failed, and I guess he was in this own blast.  When Luci pulled him out, he was really confused, talking about being a pawn shop owner, not recognizing any of us.  So.. I asked him if I could help, but he... didn't recognize me.   So I just kind of.. went to see if something had tampered with his memories. 

And they had been, a lot.  Multiple times.  I fixed the most recent changes, but those were kind of on top of.. I don't know.  Apparently a demon or something had edited his memories to be a pawn broker or something? Just to be a dick.  So I fixed the filing on those, put the old ones in bins in a storage room in the clocktower.

But... I didn't... I don't know.  I shouldn't have.  But there were more changes, and older ones.  Ones at the beginning.  I could have just fixed them, but... they'd been like that for a long time.  So I looked at them.  And it was...  I don't know.  Leon was born.. from someone else?  But not like, normal, but just... split from someone else.  And.. I don't know.  He remembers growing up. But the actual memories were him being 'born' as an adult, and with memories and skills (but, um, without pants.  He really didn't like to wear pants for a while.) and.. just kind of.. I don't know how to explain it.  I don't even know if I should write down someone else's memories.  It was rude of me to look, but I could see they were tampered with a long time ago, and I needed to know how, and then.. I just kinda kept going.

I think I'm going to ask him.  But.. if someone told me everything I remembered about my childhood was a lie, would I want to remember?  I want to say I would, but... I don't know. Is that an insult to the memories I have now?

Dear Diary...

So, I got invited to go to a party! By Leon. Apparently it's a big party to celebrate his wedding.  Although it's in his bog, and... it's um, fetid there.  Apparently there's big pyres of incense, but that just makes it stinky and really strong incense scent?  We'll see.  But when I was there last time there were a bunch of marble walkways and stuff and it was really impressive what was being built up.  So I am looking forward to seeing it!

Other than that.. well, I've just been spending a lot of time in the Dreamlands.  I've been feeling stronger lately. Which is good.  And I think I'm getting the hang of spotting something in the physical lands, and tracking it in the Dreamlands.  That's pretty useful, right?  It would have helped a lot on one of the previous jobs.

Well, there's that.  I'll write again in this how the party goes.

Dear Diary...

It's been a bit of a week.  Lilith invited me back to her home after I got really badly injured.  They healed me!  And introduced me to their dog!  I think they were really nice.  And then I got back to the school, and... well, been practicing various things.  Practicing my violin!  And working on the computer, and...  I asked Principal Wolstenhome to teach me to drive a little bit.  And it was.. kinda cool?  There's a driver instructor that some of the older kids use, and.. well, I typically have to be illusioned to kinda reach the peddles properly, but.. when I do, I can do it okay.

I've also been practicing tracing things in the Dreamscape. And I think... it's so weird. I can put a concept into something, and.. if the concept is something close to me, it's always close to me in the Dreamscape. Which is... mind boggling.  And cool. I can always touch it in the Dreamlands when I do that.  Doesn't last super log, but.. yeah.

Dear Diary...

I saw another couple of cool things on Offr Red!  And I got them, even if they were really expensive.  It was like, 1.3 million across both, but... but that's not that much, really, right? I got both a shield generator built into my coat (and an extra independent one) and some kind neck thing built into my coat too.  My coat is already pretty good at keeping me safe, but the shield might help a little in case of an emergency! It's always better to be safe than sorry, right?   The neck thing is supposed to keep me from getting sick, and I hope it does that!  Apparently it has some emergency functions, but I kinda hope I don't have to use those.

I also got some rocket boots - someone contacted me and asked me and offered to trade them for a writ to the Dreamlands.  They're... kinda defective - the thrust tends to cut out if you get too high, but.. I dunno, might be good in an emergency? 

On other things I've been practising in the last couple of weeks...

I realized everything exists in both the physical lands and the Dreamlands, right?  So.. I ordered a census in the Dreamlands!  And I can figure out who is in there, and then I know who's in the physical lands too.  Cool, right?

Dear Diary...

My parents were kidnapped yesterday.  And... everything has been kinda a blur since then.  I was planning to go to Japan to watch a Kaiji fight. Mark Collins invited me.  And then... and then all of this happened. They pulled me out of class, and there was an officer there, and... and they told me what happened.  And... and I didn't know what to do for a little bit.  I just sat down in shock.

And then I started calling people.  I called pretty much everyone I worked with that I had the number from.  And.. a good number of them answered.  And everyone who answered agreed to help.

Luci.  Iryna.  Connor.  Allister.

And Lanie. Lanie was at the school, and she found me, and she offered to help without even being asked.

I owe them all a lot.  I can only hope that I can repay them at some point.  Connor apparently wants a piece of a cryptid, so... I need to keep an eye out for that.

Luci said she didn't want anything, except to help to get the kidnappers when I find them. 

I talked with my uncle, and.. the kidnappers wanted 50 million dollars.  It's not like we had that immediately liquid, but... we came up with it.  Money's going to be tight for a couple of months while insurance claims are processed and such, but... that's okay.

I don't know.  They had a video of it, and they said for the money, they'd let everyone go.  And.. I believed them.

So I gave them the money.

And then they let everyone go.  Sort of.  They left them behind in boobytraps. 

Everyone wanted to go get the kidnappers but..  I was worried they'd have like.. a remote detonator or something.  I said we had to rescue the hostages first.  And we did.  Luci helped a lot with that.

And they did have a remote detonator.

All of the hostages were really badly hurt, but.. Lanie could help a lot with that. 

Julie died.  She was the pet dog.  I'm sorry, Julie.

By the time we rescued everyone they escaped somehow.  Invisible boat that went really fast.  I got the name of the person driving it, though, I think.

I'm going to find him.  But...

I'm still trying to process everything that happened. I'm really appreciative that Lanie was here.  It's... going to be okay.  It was just some money that we can deal with in a couple of months.

But revenge has to happen.  Terrible, terrible revenge.

P.S.  ...I also apparently have twenty sharks with legs and I'm trying to figure out what to do with them.  Maybe contact OWL?  They probably know what to do.  I guess I could just release them in the water?  But that sounds dangerous...

Dear Diary...

I haven't been doing much the last few weeks, really.  Staying at school, behind the walls, and spending some time with my parents.  Lanie is talking with them on and off, and they're doing a lot better.  They're staying at the school for a bit because of... everything that happened.  The school feels like a fortress, a little bit, and.. I'm happy to be here.  I'm lucky to be here, really.  They're probably going to have to go home in a bit.

Other than that... I've been thinking a lot, just kind of staying in the room my parents are in.  Sorting my thoughts, ordering them.  Remembering things.  History, culture, occult, other things like that.  I've... read peoples minds, and learned a lot.  Just sitting down and indexing a bunch of it now.  Slow going.

Otherwise.. I've been practising tracking stuff down in the Dreamlands that.. doesn't really have a strong presence there.  Like objects and stuff.  Getting  better at that, too.

Dear Diary...

I'm in a weird place right now.  I feel both exhausted, and... taut, like a wire.  I've sorta felt exhausted for a while.  I keep going on these jobs every two weeks, and.. it just feels like it's adding up.  The last job was last week, and.. I'm still thinking about it.  I'm also.. I dunno.   I go on these jobs, and then the next day, I go back to classes, and... the switches are jarring, almost.  From risking my life, to back to normal and safe, and.. it's difficult to relax. 

I can still feel myself getting stronger, but.. at what point is it enough?  I don't know when I can stop.

Other things, though.  Uhh... I've been going to my math classes.  Doing stuff by rote memorization is okay, but.. when I have to think about it and put it together.. well, I'm getting better at that.  Practising with my paws too.

A little bit stronger, a little bit faster.

Dear Diary...

My birthday is next week!  I'm looking forward to it.  Lanie.. dying, and then coming back right away, was weird.. but it means I still get to invite her to my birthday party!  Which I'm looking forward to.  I'm just.. pretty tired, and it's nice to look forward to that! Even though I am getting plenty of sleep and stuff, there's just this lingering exhaustion that won't go away. 

I just have to keep moving, but how long can I keep it up?  I don't know.  I've been practising my reality warping - I'm getting really good at it.  I need to work on the size, though.. and.. well, I dunno.  I've been practising a few other things.  Influencing computers.  Spotting other things from the Dreamlands.  Manifesting my will more directly.

Otherwise.. I don't know.  I feel like I'm at a manifold point.  I can't articulate why, but.. I think things are about to change.

I can only hope for the better.