So.  Last page, I talked about all the stuff that I had to do to... do that job.  And... everything about it was worth it.  I've... I... I can move things with my mind.

I can move things with my mind.

It's amazing.  I can... it's so empowering.  I can lift things even heavier than I could normally lift.  And... the coolest thing is...

I've been practicing using my sword with it, and... well, it's even easier to use a sword when you're just using it with your mind.  It just flicks though the air like it was quicksilver.  Using the weapon is as easy as thought.  It's amazing.

Other than that.... I've been practicing working out some.  It's... not fun.  Like, fuck it sucks.  But... it's getting a tiny bit easier each time.  I think.  I tried to do pushups with Sarah sitting on me - no dice.  Oh well.  Maybe one day.  It made her laugh, though.

So yeah.  I've pretty much just been doing that, and.. well, spending time with Sarah.  Last month it sorta felt like I had all the time in the world, but... now... well, it feels like I might die at any point.  And I mean.. it's sorta my fault, because I'm choosing to go on these things.  But at the same time, it's.. it's worth it.  What else was I going to do with my life?  Just live quietly and try to get a job at the same place as my mom? 

Pass.

I'm getting faster.  Faster than I have any right to be.  I can use my blade like it was an extension of me, and... more than that.  I'm getting better at using more of them.  I can dance with four blades now.  And... Hell.  I'm still in high school.  I'm pretty sure I can take any of the masters on in on the pitch, even without using my abilities.  And using them?  I don't know if anyone can contest me.

I'm.. sure someone can, honestly.  I know, intellectually, that there are bigger fish out there. But it doesn't feel like that. 

Each time I pull my gloves on, I can feel a certain thrill.   I've... done some reading.  There's a lot to read, a lot of stuff to parse out, but.. I'm pretty clever.  Edge.  I can feel it.  A certain sharpness in my actions.  It's... every action when I have my blades drawn is with a purpose. 

And that purpose is...

Am I a bad person?

I don't know.  I'm still trying to reconcile knowing hell is real, and... well.  I've only ever killed a bad person.  And... other things, that wern't human.  That doesn't count, right?

...

Oh.

...Sarah, you know how Dalle was murdered? And you asked me if I did it and I denied it?

Yeah... about that.

She had it coming.

And I'd do it again if in the same place.

Although maybe I'd cover my tracks better. 

Okay.  Maybe I'm not a good person either.

So... my lawyer tells me that there's a chance that the police are going to charge me with the murder.    Apparently they have the evidence for it.  Which is... not how I want this to end.  I mean... it's not like I'm going to get executed, or anything, but... I like my life as it is now. I have good things.  So.. well, I need to figure out how to deal with it.

I can't believe the police are spending so much time on that stupid murder instead of all the other murders.  She deserved what happened to her.

So yeah.  I think I need to deal with it in a more active fashion.  Which... well, I have superhuman abilities now. Which are handy, particularly for this sort of work.

Hopefully not wetwork.

So... I've been practicing with that, some.  I have a little fox mask.. it helps me get into the sneaking around feel.  And... I think it works.  A lot. People can't even seem to look at me when I'm wearing it, always looking somewhere else.  I've been practicing sneaking around a bunch too, getting better at that.  I'm actually not half bad at it.  I looked into some occult stuff, too, to see if any of that could help me with my problems.  I could maybe try summoning a maid in the mirror or something, but... I think that's pretty far outside of my comfort zone.  So far, at least.

So yeah.  Direct action time, Tam.

It'll be fine.  I promise.

Well.  After the last job... I had been hoping that it would help a little bit more. To, you know, get another special ability.  But we failed.   I'm still sorta pissed, because I hold it wasn't my fault.  And I still kinda think I'd have been fine if I'd done it alone.  But that's neither here nor there right now.  I got a little bit, it took me a bit to calm down.  But after that.. I don't think I can wait any longer to try to do something.  So I need to figure out what to do about this fucking court case.  I'm guessing trying to break into the police station's evidence locker?  That's.. my best bet that I can think of.  I don't think the police station is super high security; it's a pretty safe neighbourhood.  I'm thinking that will work, if not to compromise the case entirely at least delay it. 

But... something I'm wrestling with is I can't do just mine, right?  That would be super obvious.  So I need to do more, but.. is that going to let *actual* criminals off?  So.. I'm not entirely sure what to do.  I'm sorta leaning towards figuring out what other cases are in the locker, and... you know, dealing with the bad ones myself.

That would work.

I stabbed myself in the head.

Gently.

But... you know.

Still.

I couldn't get some of my thoughts out of my head. I kept feeling like I needed to turn myself in.  And it kept getting worse and worse.

And... I don't know why I did it.  I don't think it should have worked.  Probably should have killed me.

I pulled out one of my blades, and.. I put it against my nose, and.. held it with my abilities, and... pushed it in.  Past my eye. 

It hurt my nose some, and stuff, but.. did you know your brain doesn't have any pain sensors in it?  I found that afterwards.

And then I pulled it out, and... well, I felt better.  The thoughts were gone.

And I felt calmer.

So.  I guess I can do that, now.

Other than that?  Getting back into some of my instruments, practising drawing, just.. getting back into the stuff I used to do religiously before my life got all turned upside down.

After the last... incident, I've been practising more on spotting things.  If I had just seen the dagger when I was looking around, we wouldn't have been in that whole situation.  We could have resolved it before anyone else had died.  But no.  No one was able to do anything to figure anything out, and the greatest failure was me, because.. well, I expect to be better.

So I've been practising.  Both just generally spotting things, but also in my ability to just.. think about the world around me.  I visualize what's around me, and I'm getting a lot better at that.  Doing it from further away.  And focusing on specific things.  I just kinda imagine it like a video game or something.  Zoom.  Enhance.  Turn it around in my head, look at it from different angles.  It's not that hard to do.  And hopefully if I'm in that situation again I'll be able to resolve it better.