Ever since I gunned that man down, I've had flashbacks to how my behaviour thwarted every group that I was apart of. It's compromising my efficiency. I never let it get hold of me like this before either. Have I gone soft? Old? Bitter? My old sergeant would have put some sense into me back in the days... perhaps I should find someone who will.

I hired a psychologist in my spare time. Talked to Raphael as well, and a bit to madame Bocuse - It's been 3 weeks now and they say I've mad significant progress. I no longer explode like a petard when someone calls me a connard. I feel more in control of my emotions, and I think I know why. All this hatred to abhumans - I've been feeling it on myself, much as others. I let my sense of superiority, my spite for the power I control take the steering wheel, so to say.

No more. I'll be a better man now. I won't let wrath plague me. I won't let my spite to the abhuman decide how I will act. The world is plagued by tyrants that abuse their powers - discipline and strong morale will help me root them out.

I've finally decided to do it. I can't push on alone anymore, not with the things that are out there. I've become better - level-headed, calculating, compassionate, and no longer prejudiced, but I can't heal the scars that I have, or will have, in my mind. Even as I close my eyes, imagining the view of Toulouse from the clouds, I can only shudder to imagine what it would be, to have vampires roaming her streets, mutilating the helpless. To see the city turn on herself should I fail to protect her from the unnatural. I cannot afford to fail. I must keep preparing myself, to turn my city into a bastion of hope and prosperity. To clean the streets of the rabble that wish to abuse her.

I needed to start somewhere. Have someone help ease my mind from my own thoughts. Madame Bocuse was as welcoming as always, having spent almost the whole evening with me. She is a kind soul, and her words carry a soothing warmth of the gentle spring sun. I always knew her to be so. When she heard my story, she was surprised, as expected, though quickly she pushed through her shock and showed me sympathy. She understood that I never meant harm to anyone, that I had done what I did because there was no other way. She particularly seemed happy to know there are good para-people out there like Thistles. I hope the two can meet one day.