Crossley said I can’t bother the kids anymore. Crossley doesn’t even KNOW. I was helping him, kid was cool, he’s gotta know! Man, that’s all I ever wanted. Some guy comes up, picks me, tells me what’s going on behind the scenes. I woulda killed for it- but I’m not s’posed to do that, I’ve gotta- oh, man, I didn’t even say.

I’m like, a Shadowhunter. Gotta be. The runes on my bat are glowing, especially the Bridge- dude, this is so cool. Like I was just trying to sleep and I’m like, what’s that red light, just like a movie, I go over to my bag and bam! She’s all lit up! I can’t get over it. It was beautiful… she was singing, humming like she was just full of energy. Incredible, man.

I gotta use this power for good, y’know? That’s like, the thing. Shadowhunters- heheh, Shadowhunters are doing Angels’ work. Raziel, not me. Imagine that. I don’t have a stele, and I don’t need one, I got my bat, but I think I’d be bad with the lighter little things anyway. Not good with “delicates”. Crossley gets nervous around me n books, but she wouldn’t have hired me if she thought I was THAT bad. Never set anything on fire or nothing.

The library is nice. I wouldn’t want anyone fucking it up- maybe that’ll be my first job, protecting this place. We got the desk, we got the dinky old computers, we got the beanbag chairs and that little plastic horse rocker thing. We got Chinese food next door. We got barely any silverfish, and a water fountain- yeah, this place is great. Crossley’s nice letting me stay here even when I’m not on the clock. Keeps my bills down and me from BEING down, heheh. Yeah. We’re gonna order some blankets soon, be nice for naps and winter.

But yeah. A new chapter in the life of Angel Russel Cooper, Shadowhunter, soon to be billionaire. I just gotta play my cards right, and I’ll be everyone’s hero.

Right, okay, so. Taking that guy down felt right. Y’know I never really was into baseball, just that connection with the bat- the thunk, then the reverberation through your forearms and up to your shoulders. I talk about her singing, that’s what it feels like. “Operatic”.

So I figure that’s what I’m supposed to be doing, like a calling, right? When shit lines up like that, you get an “aha” moment, and it’s like bam! That’s me! That’s my character! I’m Angel motherfuckin Cooper, and I bonk bad guys, and then we’re all good. All good.

They had me step in for the kids’ reading time thing. Toddlers… don’t even understand what’s going on. I don’t know why their moms bring em. Then we have the kid-kids, like, 4-8, that get all cute and excited about sound effects. After 9, though, they get pissy. Nobody past 10 likes sitting in a circle and reading, ESPECIALLY when they’re being grouped up with a babbling little three year old- hell, I’d’a been pissed at their age too. Crossley said I had to choose a book for em from the kids section… I scooped up that whole “There Was An Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly” series and got to it. One of the smaller kids started crying about it, guess he got freaked out over swallowing things and… yeah, it’s a little disturbing when you think about it but it’s not like she’s tearing herself up inside, its a KIDS book. Few more of them might’ve started that up, but c’mon. It’s not MY fault I’m being descriptive- it’s called “flavor text”. I’m doing them a favor by amping it up. If I can’t tell kids what I’ve been doing, I’ll make up for it by educating them on whatever I can- age-appropriate, of course- so that they can grow up to be just like their heroes, fighting monsters, bashing in bad guys’ skulls.

Really, I know that last one wasn’t a nightmare cuz I KNOW my nightmares and that’s not what they’re like. Mine are like… little things, not big monsters. Showers of broken glass. Rat swarms. Maggots under my skin, pooling at my feet. Being chased fit, but I’m always chased by people I can’t see… not a horde, just a few people. I can tell in that way your dreams give you context sometimes that you can’t ever see.

Whatever. I think I fucked up my friend JC’s head for a bit, but he was too faded to notice. I was swinging my bat around and him and I are getting into it over, over Dalmatians as firefighting dogs or something, and he’s getting WAY too mad about it. Later on Danielle told me he had a Dalmatian when he was a kid, cuz I had to ask if she knew why he got so worked up in the first place. So JC’s getting loud and getting kinda close and I go “woah, woah, chill OUT, man”, and swing my bat for emphasis. I felt that connection like it hit something, but I mean obviously it didn’t… under my jacket I can feel my arms burning when the reverberation hits, and my bat flares up with her runes like usual. JC looks kinda stunned and sits back down. Chilled out.

He never brought it up. And I had more nightmares that night. For once, there were faces to the people chasing me, and they were all JC’s Shaggy-lookin ass coming at me with a pack of Dalmatians. Guilt’s a motherfucker.

Take, me out to the ball-game, take, me out to the fair… I got, kicked out of the ball-park, bust, -ed up some fencesss…

Look, in my defense, I haven’t been to the batting cages since I was like nine, and I only went in the first place cuz I figured damage control needed some work. And I mean, I DID eventually get some control, but not until I got kicked out for busting holes through the fences a couple times. I kept thinking I’d get it the next time… and then some little league coach comes out all red faces ready to pop a blood vessel at me, like christ dude, take a chill pill… he blew his little whistle at me and I left.

I ended up in the woods east of the place awhile; one of those woods that don’t have names, just sits there full of cig butts and empty bottles and plastic bags and sometimes teenagers at night. Kinda miss that. But no more kid stuff- Angel’s gotta practice.

No more crazy magic than usual, overall. Guess that’s a dead sign we lost. I went home when the bugs came out. Creepy little shits wanna crawl in my ears… maybe I'll try for that next time, y'know, something to protect my ears from bugs. Heheh. "What's your power? Oh, I can fly... I can breathe underwater... I can fix anything... uh, bugs really hate my ears." It's one of those things where it sounds stupid, but you know they'd all be jealous. One day we'll be in a jungle and all the bugs are gonna go on them instead. :)

Alright, I know I shouldn’t be complaining about not having anything to do. I’m literally living a book series- or maybe a tv series, but books are better man, everyone knows that… but I don’t know if this is book level, I don’t know, it’s gotta be book level I guess cause it should be the only thing out here. ONE kinda storyline, one kinda superhero. Contractors instead of Shadowhunters or Blade Runners or Wizards or whatever.

But… I have NOTHING TO DO. I’m poor and I lost the last goddamn job cuz of the window, nothing to test out, banned from the batting cages (yeah- I got a letter. A letter, not a phone call. Only reason I didn’t throw it out was because they put my name as Angelo thinking it was my full name or somethin. It’s not. “Cooper” ain’t exactly an Italian last name either.), library’s closed, Crossley doesn’t need help with anything… and I’m on thin ice with the cops, perpetually, so I can’t go out doin hero shit because they’ll see me and go “hey! that’s the guy that ran when we saw him buying pills from Daniel Dirk!” and it won’t matter if I’m beating down the WORST guy in the city, that’s all they’ll see. Pricks.

I’m getting stir crazy, need something to do. I wasn’t built to sit around and it feels like, since I started the jobs, I’ve been even worse at keeping still. I’m always bouncing and drumming on my legs- I swear the library’s never been so clean, I keep going back to the same things, organizing and dusting n shit. Can you see me with a feather duster? Feel like a french maid. But I can’t help it… Crossley’s thankful, at least, so I don’t think I’ll be losing my job even with the missing shifts. I just gotta find something to do soon.

Mercedes was sort of “traded” for a new job. I guess I was kinda asking to get jumped, wandering around a new city, not knowing the language, not looking like a local, driving like I’m drunk and making a dumbass of myself. Still kinda surprised me, but what paranoid psychopath is constantly waiting and ready to get jumped?

These dudes stopped me, conned me, and I barely got a hit in before they got their lucky shot and knocked my ass flat. They must’ve seen something they liked (hopefully the magicy lookin bat skills) cuz I woke up in this tiny little room and kinda processed things before they came n got me, brought me to someone who looked important and stereotypically intimidating, with an excessive amount of lion tattoo, and had us talk. Stereotypical Gang Leader Guy introduced himself as Tao and speaks alright English. He told me that everyone there does, but not everyone will bother to talk to me, so I gotta watch my mouth. But since then, everyone’s been suspiciously nice. Lots of white guy dreads and gold teeth.

We talked and he made me demonstrate what his guys were talking about; Tao thinks he’s got me under his thumb as some sorta pet power from above freak of nature, which I guess he kinda does… but all the time he’s talking, I can feel the finger I’m missing start to itch. Nothing I could do about it… I had to stay or I felt like they’d all turn on me. Fucking sucked, feeling it get worse over the next few days until I could convince them I needed to borrow a car. Let Tao put a kid/parent style tracker app on my phone and I was fucking gone, looking for those tribal skeleton dudes. Best shot I had.

Two days of driving later and skeleton dudes tell me I gotta help them destroy Big Oil so my whitebread ass can earn their help, which was understandable. Back to the derrick we JUST fixed, lit up in its own product, terrified some assholes, and I’m out back to the dunes for shamanistic ritual time.

I… honestly can’t describe what they did to me. Black Panther type “drink this and get buried” thing. I don’t ever want to get buried again. Gonna fucking sever something again, the ground is too… solid. But the motherfuckers really did it. I can’t feel the rats anymore, not even that phantom limb shit. And I can kinda see people’s outlines moving before they do now- not anything useful, but what IS is the new intuitive sense of what people are saying, even if I don’t know the language. That shit is cool, like my third eye’s been opened. I can do so much goddamn eavesdropping now…

Tao’s gotten used to me bringing home skills instead of our usual merchandise. Axes, Crimson, Umlazi and not any of the Boys like em don’t (as far as we KNOW) have anybody like me, and I’m good enough to make us- Tao’s Pride- good enough to make us good. I figure a guy’s only as valuable as the things he has control over. And I’m not falling into the role of bitch again.

So people respect me, cuz I do dirty work. That’s something nice about this place; getting your hands in scum doesn’t make you scum yourself. I like dirty work, I like it a lot, and I guess that’s why I’m getting better at it through our given Gifts. I brought the Pride fear, to be used how I see fit, and I can at least 100% trust my own instincts on when someone is a shitnozzle. That’s the best. I still feel like a hero, y’know, smashing up bad guys and making em scream. And Tao trusts it too, and Ron and Sinathi and the Wills and Siphiwe and Lung.

I know, I know it’s bad to feel like I’m the shit and untouchable. But am I not allowed to have a little bit of fun when things are looking up after all I went through? I’m not waiting on someone else to tell me what I’m allowed to do in the first place. I’m NOT paranoid and I’m NOT gonna keep having nightmares and it’s. All. Good.

Covering all the mirrors in my apartment does not make me a psycho. It is a logical decision because I can’t take the mirrors off, and I can’t break em, because that would get real expensive real quick. This way I only have to pay for the blankets and duck tape. Also, if I see my reflection, I might scream, and that might make the neighbors suspicious and I don’t need that kind of heat doing what I do.

Speaking of- there’s a silver lining. So there was this dumbass late on his payment back to the Pride after a favor, had blown all his rand on hookers. That’s where I usually come in, situations like that- it was easy, this guy’s place was fucking disgusting too- and so as I’m raising the bat I look down at his sorry ass, and I see my reflection in his eyes. Eugh. He musta thought I was hesitating, cuz he started to smile, but I was just getting… riled up. It was *almost* nice, getting to take some aggression out, but I mighta taken it too far cuz when I brought her down his shoulder just… shattered. Like nothing I’ve ever felt before, except maybe a watermelon. The sound was insane- worse than that, he started screaming, and I froze, and Sinathi had to knock him out.

I told Tao I’m gonna need to start blindfolding people we bring into our own place. He was skeptical, but Sin’s been… looking at me weird, and I think that helped.

I replaced everything stainless steel in my kitchen with older versions. Not so hard to find, but fucking weird- I’ve got a mix of like, super modern foods and grandma stuff. Have you ever seen a can opener that gets mounted under a cabinet? It’s like that white-yellow plastic you associate with the 60s.

I also bought some earplugs to help me sleep. I used to be used to city sounds, but now everything makes me jumpy- if something sounds weird, like a tail scraping against the floor, I gotta restart trying to sleep all over again.

At the very least, budgeting for all this shit has made me better at it.

I came back home better at my job than before- people get scared easier, or more like I don’t have to get so personal when we’ve got a couple people in the chairs and I can usually only make one piss his pants just by talking. It almost feels like a performance, but I know the “role” is just me. Work mode fits like a glove.

Tao gave me a bonus, knowing I’ve been getting better with money, too. I was able to buy myself some new glasses even. Guess my prescription changed a long time ago… things are so sharp. It was weird at first, but I’m getting used to it; clear enough that I don’t see myself in em, either. Same frames as I had before, more or less… sorta got a reddish tint. Lady said maroon is my color, guess I’ll have to just take her word for it.

More new purchases: Rat traps, cleaning supplies, a mini trash can for my room. I figured that food trash attracts rats. Even if I’m on the third floor, I don’t want those little fuckers climbing the pipes or whatever and going “oo, yum” and coming into MY place. Nope. Fuck that. One day I’ll have the money for a little incinerator or something I can fling the bodies in for comfort when I'm stressed. Tao and the boys say they can't believe I'm so scared of those things... I'm not tellin em why. I'll deal with the bitching and teasing as long as I'm not relaying the story.