I am realizing more and more how random these jobs can get so I am putting more stock into what I can always have with me and what I can do to make the jobs go smoother. I can scrape together spare change for gear and tools and I'm getting a better idea of what to look out for with each job, but still, sometimes it feels like I am at the mercy of the universe and get dropped into things that are way above my head. I am looking into what I can do with my gifts to improve them and be ready to adapt to more jobs. 

I feel like I am changing, changing into my own identity, I feel my own path before me now and while it's still terrifying I can say without a doubt I wont be like the monsters in my nightmares. I will be my own monster if nothing else.

Been searching for more answers, but I also have been getting more money, jobs for my unique talents, I can fix things that normal people can't. Improve things that people need amped up. A gangbanger wants his car souped up to win a pink-slip race? No problem. A pro gamer wants a new rig overclocked? Yeah, I can do that. All for the right price. 

I've been looking into getting into a much nicer apartment with the money I've been making under the counter.

I am exhausted all the time. Backalley doc says it happens with burns, the body is spending so much energy trying to knit together what flesh it can after nerve endings are seared. I need to figure out how to fix that, I cant be getting exhausted on the contracts and I still need to play the game. I have plans that I need to work out. 

The work on machines is tiring but I am managing, bringing in money, building my client base. my gifts help, my arms are now too obvious as the skin is burned and the....machine underneath is showing. No going back with that obvious now. People stare at me nervously, like I'm the god damned terminator. My back is almost as bad, as is my chest. Its sometimes hard to breathe. 

I need to figure out if I can get back what I lost in the form of a Gift. I need to meditate on this, the Circuit might give me some inspiration.