Well, the adrenaline from my first Contract has dissipated and the return to my normal, average life begins. I can tell my split decision to work for this probably eldritch entity will have consequences. It’s probably closer to a Madoka Magical type deal than was advertised to me. But I think the next time a Contract-with-a-capital-C comes, I’ll be ready. Readier, at least, since I don’t discount on things not going horribly wrong at least once per mission. 

I attended Sucram’s funeral after a bit of digging to find out where the proceedings were— His heroic sacrifice still rings in my mind and it does make me feel a bit bad that I can’t say a word of it to those who really knew him. He and I both knew how these things tend to go… and he was ultimately the braver one out of the two of us. If The Theory Of Narrative Casuality wanted to teach me a lesson about the dangers of this job, it sure worked. 

To honor his memory I’ve taken some first-aid classes and am currently preparing for any future Contracts. They really gloss over this kinda stuff in movies. I do feel like I’m picking up on things a lot faster though, so maybe I have proved myself to the Powers That Be…

Considering that it saved my life and seems to be a useful skill in general, I’ve been practicing sneaking around and loitering without getting caught the past month. A lot of it was just eavesdropping and trying to go unnoticed while in public with large groups of people as cover. It was a bit anxiety-inducing at first, and I thought for sure I was going to be arrested or worse, asked what I was doing there. Thankfully the worst I got was some weird looks until I started actually getting good at it. I still dunno what I’m doing, really, I just imagined I was in a stealth game the whole time. There’s always a kind of suspicion bar that you just have to stop from filling up. I didn’t find out anything interesting from all that eavesdropping I’ve done, seems like my life will remain boring (Hold on, I didn’t mean that, Please don’t give me a conflict) average as always until another Contract happens. 

Also did I mention that I now have a gun?

“It's not exciting, but it works.“

I suppose it makes sense that my new gift was immediately useful in my next Contract. It’s a gun, which is boring but practical. Just how I like it. Honestly, it makes for a pretty good fidget toy when it’s a keychain as well, I’ve noticed that I clutch at it when I’m nervous. I’ve nicknamed it Chekhov’s Gun for obvious reasons: I just think it’s neat. I have been practicing aiming (without actually shooting anything unfortunately) at targets to make up for my failure during one of the fights in the Contract. I feel my skill in firearms increasing. Guess I’m the tropes and gun (singular) guy now. 

While I’m glad my new skills have been sufficient in powering me through Contracts, I do kind of wish I got powers that could give me another method of fiscal gain. Rent has been rough on me this month. 

You know what, I think it's time to be a bit more proactive here. I'm sick and tired of things going wrong because we were slightly unprepared. There seems to be plenty of Contractors, and it's a damn shame there hasn't been an archive or method of communication between different Contractors-with-a-capital-C. No one's interfered with us exchanging numbers, so I don't see why I can't just make a site to do what I've just been waiting for. The only downside is all the time it might take me, due to obvious reasons of recovering from life-threatening situations I haven't been fully up-to-speed on my side gigs. But it'll be worth it. My placeholder (but probably final) name for it is The Contractorpedia, and you bet I'm making it an open encyclopedia. 

Contractorpedia isn't the only idea I've had recently though. I do need more money, especially since the Harbingers aren't gonna give me more free rides anymore, and there is this one trope I've always wanted to try... Hmm...

Update: Ohhhh that was not a good idea. In my search for knowledge I have found the Idiot Ball. Someone showed up at my apartment soon after the site got DDoS'ed, and I am unsure of their intent, but they left me a bag of survival gear and a sound mixer? I am devastated at the easy resistance against my goal of collaboration but once the clarity hit I was not surprised. I am unfortunately way in over my head. THANKFULLY, Adrannis is letting me room with them. I ended my lease on the apartment and after moving my personal belongings to Cam's house (They didn't ask too many questions thank God) I could book a flight to Vancouver with the money I 'saved' from not having to pay rent. I really owe them my life and so much more. Having their protection still won't be foolproof, but they are much more physically capable than I am and narratively it just makes more sense for me to survive if there's two of us.

RIP Vine.

...After the incident, I have settled adequately into my new life in Vancouver. I feel bad for taking advantage of Adrannis' hospitality and I owe them big time. Thankfully my new job at EA pays pretty well and is still fully remote. I can actually do the programming work that I wanted to do for a living before I got conscripted into the masquerade. I would still prefer to stick to part-time work but needing to be able to travel for Contracts was impossible with my previous income. It also helps a lot that I'm not renting an apartment in NYC that was actually of decent quality. Hopefully this monthly gig doesn't interfere with my main one, but as long as I'm sufficiently prepared there shouldn't be any awkward or stressful situations like lagging behind on my workload or having the MonsterOfTheWeek be related to my workplace. Shudder.

With all the evil megacorps and government interference that I've encountered during Contracts it really wouldn't be surprising. Like, at the very least there's some company out there working on mind control, I guarantee it.

I know, the job is dangerous and we always attend knowing the risks, but the fact that the death of a Contractor is often a lonesome or gruesome one is... Let's just say, it's not good for me in terms of the Sliding Scale of Idealism Versus Cynicism. I try to stay positive—Death is a part of everything, and life can just be uncaring, but it sucks all the same. I just wish I could do more about it.

Jenny was buried and we did have a makeshift funeral for her in Aurora, afterwards we contacted her actual friends and family and found out about how she loved the outdoors. Really feels bad that we uh, had to desecrate the body a little, just to be on the safe side that she wasn't going to Come Back Wrong anytime soon.

It didn't rain, though my face still wettened a little at the end. Rest in peace, Jenny.

Back to honing my skills for next time. I really must go to bed, I feel a headache coming on...

I could have done more and I should have known better. Though I'm not going to make a habit out of dwelling on my mistakes lest Sanity Slippage get the better of me, I feel somewhat close to a My Greatest Failure moment and most definitely a Nice Job Breaking It, Hero! moment from the events of the last Contract. No Gift, of course, due to failing the mission. I'm going to focus on moving forward and honing my skills in hacking so that I can stick to my job as the supposed Smart Guy and play more to my strengths instead of fumbling around trying to fill in where I don't excel at. A Hollywood Hacking power is still out of my reach, but I'll make do with the mundane methods. 

Now that I am faced with a bitter defeat, I really don't like the things I've done in the name of 'winning'.