Luck is a fickle thing. I certainly keep up appearances to be as superstitious as possible, but at the tables it's just a numbers game. (Unless you cheat) In a 'practical' sense though, it's... complex. People just see the good bits when someone gets a 'lucky streak' or a fortuitus blessing, but in a sense the gambler's fallacy is real in that streaks, or patterns, have a beginning and end. I guess this is just a really long ramble that is just me talking about karma, a pretty well known concept. I mean, if it were real, I think the world would be a lot different. But I beg to differ. 

I felt it when I went home, a fuzzy feeling in my chest that no amount of adrenaline could replicate. Somehow I just knew it was the 'magic' being granted to me. A reward for a job well done. See, that's not luck. That's skill. Skill, and a deliberate choice to involve me in this Contract thing. Only time can tell whether this is a loss or gain for me.

Of course, I'm a big hypocrite, so I still pray to Lady Luck every second. I hope I get a power that will make her smile upon me. I could always use some luck.

Seems like getting out of my last two jobs unscathed has caught up to me. I'm still scarred,,, physically and mentally. The shoulder I can accept, but the godamn magic disfigurement is driving me balls off the wall. I need to find some way to fix that. I saw on the news that a miracle-worker was going around some NYC hospitals and wrote it off, but it might become an avenue of research for me to consider... I'd like to fix myself on my own terms either way, thank you very much.

Despite the horrors, life goes on. I go back to my daily routine, make some earnings, get them taken away... The usual. Started making more use out of my gym membership. It's almost been a month but the adrenaline still hasn't fully faded away. Every waking moment I feel like I'm back there, dying. But at least I'm not sitting on my ass doing nothing about it.

No. 

I'm not throwing myself out there again just because my lasting injuries have 'miraculously' healed. I still have the scars. I know it happened. Losing a foot doesn't just get undone because someone gets lucky. No. The cost isn't worth what I end up winning here. You can dangle the carrot in front of me as much as you want, but I'm done being your animal. Just because I haven't lost everything doesn't mean I'm not losing. The house always wins. 

And I'm super familiar with the house, thank you very much. I know you did this, Fortuna. Answering my thoughts and prayers like Lady Luck actually cares about the outcome. For what? So I can keep playing the game? To teach me a lesson? Or just to drive me insane for fun? She's a sick mistress. Doing absolutely nothing while everyone around her stumbles into their doom on their own, blaming her all the meanwhile. Just so that on the flukes where someone catches a lucky break, they'll thank her for sparing them. 

So, if you're giving me a second chance, isn't it gambler's fallacy to expect a third?