I decided to spend some time trying to understand and appreciate the rather obvious changes my body is undergoing right now. I'm much faster and more agile than when I fist accepted the contract, but also more persuasive, more perceptive... better, for lack of a better term - the shadows covering my skin move slowly and I find them rather erotic, rather beautiful: I told my regulars they are cosmetic body modifications and so far I haven't had any trouble - the cams seem to really enjoy the variety as well.

In trying to understand my powers, it appers these phenomena have a mind of their own, and after considering how mine could work, they seem to follow my fears. I'm becoming stronger, faster and harder to kill because I'm afraid of being weak, slow and soft. My powers seem to come from my heart, an instinct to cover that which I fear may be inadequate. Having known that I intend to work on my fears and my limitations, including my temper, so I can arrive faster at my destination - at a point in which I'm ready to strike.

My powers are slowly consolidating, like a painting that received more layers or an analog photograph slowly being revealed. My view of myself, my inner persona, the demoness across the mirror is slowly coming into light. The more of these coins I get my hands on, the more I feel I'm moving away from from the old me... that is lonely and terrifying, but I also know that the next steps of my life will be found across this abyss. I will eventually rage and scream and be drowned into this darkness again, but one day this grief will stop crushing my heart and I will move on. My James will live in my heart as a sun across the endless night, but I'll be able to rest, but I know - I know more than anything - that I'll have to raise the endless night first before crowning it with my peace of mind.

I had the unfortunate experience of traveling to a number of places and finding myself tragically unarmed by airport authorities. Each time, it left me feeling vulnerable and frustrated, especially knowing the dangers that lurk around every corner in our line of work. To cope, I tried to focus on my alternative self and visualize her as being a weapon, more than having a weapon. This mental shift was challenging, but I was determined to adapt. It took a couple of weeks, but I did manage to weaponize my new body, honing my physical abilities to become a living arsenal. However, this transformation wasn't without its drawbacks. As a side effect, it has become increasingly difficult to do my photoshoots with the significant physical alterations I've undergone. The changes are hard to disguise, making it challenging to maintain the image my audience expects. Additionally, I’m realizing that my current skill set needs further refinement. I'm probably going to need powers that allow me to move in silence, become difficult to see, and blend into shadows. The contracts we’re taking on are becoming more about subtlety and utilitarian skills, not just the brute ability to turn people into mincemeat. Adapting to these new demands is essential if I want to stay effective and ahead of the curve in our dangerous profession.

After the contract, I was emotionally exhausted. The weight of the mission, combined with the stark contrasts of the UAE and my own feelings of loss, left me drained. Seeking solace, I decided to travel to New York by RV and motorcycle, craving the freedom of the open road and the anonymity of new places. There was a certain happiness in being on the road, the miles rolling away beneath my tires providing a sense of liberation I desperately needed. During my travels, I met another contractor named Carpathia, whose presence was a welcome distraction from my grief. We bonded over shared experiences and mutual understanding, and together, we navigated the bustling city. I found comfort in the companionship, hoping to see beyond the confines of my memories of the Aurora apartment. As I roamed the vibrant streets of New York, the ever-changing scenery and new encounters brought a glimmer of peace, allowing me to momentarily escape the shadows of my past and embrace the present.