Gaia, The Ashen One's Journal

Epitaph

Player

Player...
Forgive my boldness in asking for your return. I long to feel your presence again; to have my will be yours. This bonfire does nothing to remove the cold winds from forming a frozen mote around my heart. I wandered far from where we had last met, seeking you in lands beyond.
I have seen death many times, I have witnessed the realities of what I am, yet I know not what may lay before me should I never see you again..
I have met others on quests of their own. Your hands have taught me to be wary, and so thus I was, yet... There was one there, a young hero... Golden hair, a warrior with hope. They have yet to see the horrors of reality, but that may no fault of their own, but the stories they have written throughout their life... Naive, perhaps, or I be jealous of their optimism..
Another was well versed in the sorceries of this realm; dressed alike those in the Way of White- though I haven't had the chance to ask if they were affiliated. They spoke proudly of themselves, and by no doubt I was impressed by their intelligent thoughts, and so am to ponder the collection of my own.
These two had the very same warmth as you... I could feel it... The last however, a Monster. I felt none but the chill coming from their gaping gluttonous maw, and near clairvoyant eye... Skin of sickened visage. I know your hands would have had me fell this abomination, but I reserved my shield to those that challenge me. I persevered. I was patient.
Fail, and learn. Do not fight, where there is none to gain... Wisdom I keep dear, just as the memories of you...
Be still my heart,

DraK0005

Downtime

Where art my own heart?

I long to feel the warmth of love,
Yet I'm not sure what it is.
I see it in the stars above,
But the meaning still eludes me, I confess.

Is it a spark that lights the soul,
Or a fire that consumes all reason?
Does it make one feel whole,
Or bring about a sense of treason?

I search for answers in every glance,
In every touch and every smile.
But love remains a mystery, a dance,
That I have yet to reconcile.

I yearn to fall for someone true,
To feel the rush of passion's flame.
But until I truly understand love's hue,
I'll be left to wonder, to ponder, to exclaim.

I walk through fields of blooming flowers,
Seeking the answer to this age-old question.
Is love simply a fleeting moment, or 
A timeless bond that defies convention?

Is it a gentle breeze that softly blows,
Or a raging storm that cannot be tamed?
Does it bring joy and endless highs,
Or does it leave a heart forever maimed?

Deep Dives

I wander on this accursed plane of the strange. Taken under the wing of a man I call General Sora; they guided me onto a path of salvation through combat, a sure test of my skill without question.

This mission, to delve into the darkness and find minerals of value. Alike the previous quest that arose before me last, I was accompanied by only the strange. A man of armor that wore metals of foreign sorceries, an animal of small stature, that for some reason drew great strength from beyond, then of course, an abomination of nature, roaming lands of which it does not belong. By some fortune, it carried a sentience that could be negotiated with- for I feared the use of that cannon on my weapons before the quest were to start. However, as time flowed like the waters of which this creature came, I seen realized that the Gods favored my own blade more. This of course perhaps of bad luck, they were quite skilled in it's execution.

The man with foreign armor, disappeared constantly, removing themselves from view only to attack from the shadows. I haven't the faintest as to what the effect was however. It's effectiveness is knowledge beyond my understanding. Which very much could be said again with the small woodland creature of which carried a small knife. Their strength and ability to fell a beast much larger than them is one I consider to be a sign of a grand warrior.

That being said, my over-confidence had nearly got me killed, although not so far for me to not regain stance. My defenses are not perfect. One day, player, they will be.

Downtime
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Tree of the Shrike
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Downtime

As daylight wanes on this hill, I stand, my armor dented and rusted, a testament to battles fought, yet no joy befalls me. The weight of my shield hangs heavy by my side, a burden forged from dayss steeped in conflict. Once, I believed valor would lead to glory, but now, I seek only the peace.

Once, each swing of my blade rang out like a battle cry, but amid the clash of steel, I lost my true purpose. The faces of friends and foes are but shadows in the depths of my memory. Is there, I wonder, a land free from war’s scars, where the laughter of children knows no fear. I envision a world untouched by swords, a garden where flowers bloom without bloodshed. Can a knight, unshackled, can find solace in a simple life. May my tale be recounted not in reverence, but as a prayer for peace.

Perhaps, at last, I may find the home my soul has long sought.

Deep Dives

I question what is...

I am but a bold soul awaiting the day I find myself seeking cowardice.

Lest I fall in battle, I know that I can be no more chained to who I am. They have long told me my sins, that be pride and apathy towards my own life apart from others. I know my folly, and the ways of which I stride on, tread through.

One may think of me, selfish, but I say I know not what I am. I only know what was made of me. I carry two shields, I fight with two swords. I am, but a person who shows not what I feel; for I was made in the visage of that that should not. I am empty, Player, without you. And that sickens me.

I delve into the mines, seek death in insanity, I defend the injured, I call upon others on their setbacks, yet I am blind to my own. I ask, who am I to myself, and for so long, I have known the answer. I had found it in war. I had found it in the allies I have aligned myself with.

Lord Sora, the Sorcerer Luminous, the Warrior Link. Strange as it it, they inspire, and I as their shield follows their order. Just as I am to follow mine own, to those I have met then in this quest... Suicidal tendencies, wicked undead children, the man whom does not exist and the soulless person of strange construction.

Should they be considered friends? I think not... Yet they are valuable allies, and perhaps, they would do well to align themselves with the flame, or in some ways assist in becoming stronger.

Downtime

War and Heartbreak.

Sora sent a message asking Ashen to see them in his office in the guild when they had a free moment, and they did. Fully armed. He gestured to the seat on the other side of his desk. "Please sit down, I wanted to talk with you about what happened... back at Luminous' guild. I... didn't exactly get a chance to back then."

"..." Ashen glanced at the seat and rested their weapons. Although they did not take up on Sora's offer, and instead removed their helmet and use Text-To-Speech. "The circumstances were ill fitting. I will not take a seat, mi'Lord, out of respect for your title"

Sora looked up at Ashen for a moment before he pushes back his seat and stands, also walking out from behind the desk. "Then I will stand as well, because I want to have this conversation as equals." He pauses for a moment before speaking again "I simply ask that you wait until I am finished before answering, can you do that?"

Ashen nodded, expectedly.

Sora will take a deep breath, he for once, seemed worried, but he quickly steeled himself, meeting her gaze. "Ashen, look... I'm sorry I hurt your trust. I will admit, I was worried. Please understand though that my worry didn't come from lack of trust in you, but a lack of trust in myself. I... almost lost someone, very dear to me... Someone who I would give anything to protect. You've seen now what I went through, that horrible, dark place... For the longest time I blamed myself for it, I thought that it was my fault. So when I saw the notification, I was scared. I was worried that something that I had helped with had hurt one of my friends. If that had happened... I don't know if I could forgive myself."

He paused a moment, his gaze faltering "I hold a duty as leader of the Crimson Flame to aid all those who prove themselves honorable in becoming stronger. That includes you, and Melania. It would go against everything I founded this guild to stand for if I turned my back on her. I want to see both of you become the strongest you can." his voice falters slightly "If you view that as a betrayal of your trust, then I will not force you to be a part of a guild that allies with her. I will release your vow and you may do as you please..."

"As someone who calls you a friend, I don't want to force you to do something you do not agree with. That would be wrong of me both as your guild leader, and as your friend."

They took another shakey breath "If you choose to stay however, I would hope that you understand... I'm not perfect. I'm not an infallible general. I'm just a guy, doing his best to try and help others... I will make mistakes, I will fall short of your expectations of me. This is inevitable. I'm only human after all. We are destined to fail at some point. But I will also do my best to correct my shortcomings as well where and when I can. Because that is what you are supposed to do. If I ever fail you, as your guild leader or as a friend I will do everything I can to try and make it right."


Ashen had remained silent and unreacting as Sora poured their heart out. Nodding at certain aspects, but otherwise giving no emotion to what was being said. For the briefest moment, one would see them glance at the door, contemplating Sora's words.

Alas, after those words were spoken, she closed her eyes and sighed. Typing things down soon afterwards, before making their way towards Sora. The Text-To-Speech played as she places a hand on Sora's shoulder. The stoic nature she kept, looking as if they are uncomfortable with the emotions Sora is showing. Like they perhaps, were too concerned about showing weakness. Ashen, never had to comfort anyone before, no were they used to tears of all things.

"Thine promise is true, and trusted; you had aided both Malenia and I in becoming stronger. Although, much can be said about loyalty. We had spoken before: The first inception of a being that could have turned against all that is. It was by good fortune that nothing came of it, and all was forgiven... 

Their shook their head and removed their hand.

"And yet... I promised to do as much harm to her, as they do to me; I would not go against the Flame and betray whom you considered to be an ally... My promise was true, yet, not trusted."

They place their helmet back and saluted Sora.

"You are human Lord Sora, and as I am told, I am not. I ask you to never think less of me, for the nature of which I was made in, and the very same shall be thought of you. While they are shackles on the mind, I am no prisoner to it."

They turn their back and took up their weapons.
"I wish you not be my Warden"

Sora breathed a sigh of relief

"And I don't think I could bring myself to be yours." He says, heading back to his desk and sitting down. 

"Thank you... Ashen, I'm glad to have you here, everyone is. Wether or not you are a human doesn't matter to me, you a part of this guild and someone I would call my friend. A wise person, much wiser than me, once said, '...the circumstances of one’s birth are irrelevant; it is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.' and I hope I can see the day that you become the great and honorable warrior I know you can be.

Unbeatable

True Humanity is the Monsters we made along the way.

Monsters.

I feel no remorse. The days past have told me who I am, and what I shall be. Taken to a place I did not know, brought along Strangers I paid no mind to. I was just one of the two warriors. This was a battle to the end, but the war was fought not with blades, nor steel and blood, but words and compassion.
Once again I worked with the strange and overly compassionate souls. Such I had no stance on...

Until they cried, and held on to each other when all was done.
I felt the sense of guilt, sadness and anger in the air, yet, I could not feel it myself, the feelings they revealed and the tears they shed vindicated the end. Tis' posed a question of mine own humanity, and if there was ever...
I have no soul. I have no being.

The quest had only deepened my thoughts regarding the state of my ambitions. What is to search for someone who may not come back? What is it to truly to love another, and not be in the sense of just loyalty... Is it love I feel for the Player, or a longing to escape the very Prison my creation gave me... Perhaps I can feel; for all that is in mine heart, is hatred and jealousy.

Loss is a powerful feeling. While I haven't the idea of regarding the circumstances of their relations, I could only empathize with the thought of never finding a proper resolution to friendship.
I have no friends, yet many regard me so as theirs.

Perhaps one day, I shall call onto them.

Downtime

Summon to me, Fairest Maiden.

Ashen nodded and turned away from Sora, the thoughts of their conversation plaguing their mind. Although as they were to reach the handle of their office door, they stopped in their tracks and typed something.

"Lord Sora.... It keeps following me, the one known as Kayleigh. I fear for battle whenever they are near..."

To their dismay, their Lord Laughed, and suggested it were not so. But of course, it would only make sense; they both were fighters. Warriors of the Crimson Flame, why not delve into the bonds of comradere?

- - - -

The Ashen One eloquently wrote a summons on paper: "Dearest Maiden, forgive me for such boldness, I ask for your presence alone, to speak or awe in silence amongst the bonfire under a moonlit sky. Should we share the stories of thine path, it would do me much joy. May the Crimson Flame guide your path to me. - Ashen One"
Attached to which, a flower of patriotism, conquest and victory. A Sunset Nasturtium.

Nasturtium flowers.jpg

- - - -

Ashen had waited for them in their Sanctuary between realms.

Their armor was set aside to arise no suspicion, and all of which that remained was their brigandine. Miss Kayleigh had remained distant, sitting opposite them across the fires. Their eyes constantly averted as if avoiding a battle. Ashen was paranoid as well; this was a stranger in their abode... But no matter.

Ashen approached them, offering a sip of their ale and sat besides them. "Worry not my intention; for I am not a hound that bites the innocent. I only wish to bond under the gaze of the stars and tell tales of our paths. Tis' the order of Lord Sora... And the wish of mine to grow ever closer (As allies under the Crimson Flame)"

Ashen spoke of their days in these lands, asked of Kayleigh days in their own; a curiousity that she felt deeply attentive to. What was humanity? Who were they? What was it, to cry? All these things, and more.

"The Stars and Moon, akin to my soul are false under the words and tales, yet I yearn to find meaning... Hopefully, I ask, of you to guide me. (They ask to entrust them as a comrade and they would do the same)" Kayleigh seemed hesitant of course. Who wouldn't be... 

In anycase, the night had proceeded without cause for concern. Ashen had stoically listened while playing her lute, humming as the embers of the flame rising up into the simulated sky. (Should Kayleigh sleep, they'd offer their lap.)

Tis' was a good night as Comrades under the Order . No doubt, their bonds as warriors will grow ever-stronger.

Mountain Spring
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Downtime

For someone so cared for, they are sorely alone.

She fell into the darkness and arose again with new meaning. Yet still the thorns remained, and the dance is broken and empty. A cage of thorns and weaponry, forged to protect what is fragile, born of lies and unabashed sin. Who was she? A dancer in the fields of flower.

She fell into the darkness and arose again with new meaning. Yet still the thorns remained, and the dance is broken and empty. A cage of thorns and weaponry, forged to protect what is fragile, born of lies and unforgivable sin.

Who was she? Just a dancer in the fields of flowers, blissful and unaware of the dangers that lurk. Rain had fallen upon their lands, like it never had before. The void they felt, absolved in what was revealed to her by a mere child...

To protect the ones they hold dear. Who were they? What were they?

She had sat alone after the child had left. Amidst the crimson and gold flowers. Amidst the whispering trees and silent Earth... She now knew she had a soul, a vessel shared by two, carrying one lie... It doesn't change what had happened, who made them for what they are. Born to be a weapon.

They're out there, and the goal hasn't changed. She will have her way even if it means death would near at every corner. Her expression turned to anger, fists tightening and brows furrowed before—

"Mew..." A softened expression as a feline walked over and sat on her lap... Who am I fighting to protect? Myself or...

Kings & Queens
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Game Over

I hate it.

I will not answer. If it had not been for the very promise I made months prior, by hands would have broken free from the binds that held me back. Curse it all! I curse all of it— The questions, maddening; I come to answer what was required, but even that at a price of my own soul. How dare they!?

I cannot stop. I can't stop my mind from taking me back there, that moment of silence. That moment of vulnerability, no, no, NO! I  can't think about it. I can't— STOP- I pray to ease the noise within my head but provide me peace from this pain. They were there, laughing, smiling, conspiring— they knew of it. STOP! STOP IT! PLEASE!

. . .

 

I am please to know that Sora has found their peace. And that Kayleigh seems to have as well. Luminous' vanity is always no surprise; one can only expect that they too have found peace, probably in the power they hold.

 

Sora and Nova, Mimi, that one from when I first met Kayleigh and Devonia. A family... Must be a... Wonder... I envy them. Their smiles are something that breaks me... They do not deserve this. They do not deserve the war I fight in. I made promises to Move never to hurt him. Would bringing them to war break that trust?

Kayleigh, that strange one, has moved on, and I thank the Divines for such a blessing. That is a happiness I am ill-equipped to provide. As I am... War and heartbreak is all that lays ahead.

I must be strong and never show weakness.

Breaking Seal 4-6

Reflection.

I don't know who I am anymore.

So many people have had change in their lives before me. Found reasons for living that I still cannot. Fight, all the same.

Do I dare find reasons to carry on alone? Do I dare not ask what is my fate is? Nothing. I am resolved to nothing but a soldier and a broken toy, struggling to find reason outside of battle. Why? When surrounded by allies, I am outnumbered by the burdens that is my dedication to this?

Fighting. The only time and was I feel close to others is in the brink of death. My skill remain static while those around me grow... I can no longer hold my shield the way I used to... I can no longer swing my blade and cleave as deep. Why?

They help me... Is it for their selfishness or out of kindness? I say I understand, but is that too the lie of which I tell?

They said something to me... It... Bleeds me.

"I hope you understand the consequences..."

They have soured everything.  EVERYTHING! Killing them- I ask- WHY!? WHY DOES THIS HURT!?

Wasn't I  created to break the seals!? WASN'T I TO RECEIVE RETRIBUTION AND FREEDOM FROM THIS BATTLE? Why do I have to die?

I have yet to find him. Yet to find meaning, purpose... I am a child. I scream out to be heard by those whom have abandoned me. I lash out in silence, my heart drowned in sea of discontent.

I have nothing outside of this. I am no one but a useless weapon.

Downtime

I thought I was to die, it seems suffering is not done with me.

I survived the last encounter, but my body is damaged and soul broken. I had once feared my time to come soon, and the end was near— but to the fortune of what we had overcome... I had realized the fragility of it all.

I'm know that I'm a monster, and they have yet to slay me. Their voices speak of good tidings yet my heart breaks with every promise. I know, and bare witness to my insignificance after every battle. The Selfish soul that I am does not deserve pity, even from those that do so much to keep me from falling...

And what will I have when the battle is over? When the war is done? I have nothing but silence.

I... Don't want to go back to the endless silence. I am a warrior full of Greed and Selfish desire, Pride and Loathing.

Hate. Is all I can give. I don't want to be here.

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