Where to start, mon amie. They never tell you how it feels to be shot, even when I was dealing or helping out the traders, they never brought it up. It doesn't hurt, you know that? You don't feel the stinging pain of the pellets from the shotgun like thousands of knives, what you feel is the force. Like someone shoves you hard against the side and you come tumbling down like the end of a Jenga game. The adrenaline kicks in and suddenly you're out the window, to the car and wondering why your white vest is suddenly stained red. The pain sets in as you're speeding away from the scene on a failed mission, nearly totalling the car as it does.

That's not what I feel though, not mainly. What I mainly feel is guilt.
Curiosity killed the cat and this time there was no satisfaction to bring it back. No, instead there was a corpse, this cat was Dan Wiggins, street performer. If I had a voice I would have apologised, said something before he fell. 

Now, apologies mean nothing to the dead. They can't accept it and my tears tonight will not sew up the wounds that left him bleeding out. But even still I am sorry, it is my own fault, I followed a scent that lead us to the trap. And now I have nothing to show for it but one wound in my side and another in my soul.

- Jean Delacroix - 05/08/2024

A gunshot heals quicker than you think, once the medics have picked at you like vultures it's a quick stitch up and a physical therapy guide. So in the meantime I've been devising preparations for my next contract. I will not be so easily taken out by such simple tasks.

Here's my plan of action:

Step 1: Gear
I was unprepared for conflict, I have money and I need to use it. Armour and a gun are a good start but upgrading my phone is a must too, typing things out is difficult on flip phones, a smartphone with those text to speech apps would be helpful.

Step 2: Study up

What I'm dealing with is more than just a human fight, there is clearly more to this. The occult lurks in every corner so I must prepare by studying. What's more, I need to be a valuable asset so as I feed the animals I've been training on having a lighter foot, sometimes I catch the animals off guard as I pour their food for them. That or they've started pitying me.

Step 3: Psych myself up

I was too passive in my last contract, I need to be a lead figure. I want to be leading the world to build communities, I cannot be someone who stays on the backlines.

I follow this regiment and I should be prepared for anything. 

Mark my words, the world will remember Jean Delacroix.

The barrel of my shotgun shines in the moonlight as I write this, I must have polished, maintained, and gone through drill after drill with that beauty countless times. I will be prepared next time, I will be ready.

I've taken into talking to one of the neighbourhood conspiracists, he may not make sense most days but the information he gives could lead to some occult knowledge later down the line who knows? I think he just likes the company, even if it is ,ironically, of a clown. 

Still, this clown can learn new tricks, no gunshot wound to tend to this time over, but instead a pondering of morals. More to think about, but until then, the weekend is coming, maybe it's time to relax a little and give myself the time to mentally prepare for the next job.

This contracting is starting to become routine for me, even if it is two failures on my record so far.

- Jean Delacroix 08/08/2024