Domiel "Domi" De la Rosa's Journal

To hunt or be hunted
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Downtime

Lost in Thought

Is this what it felt like, mi amor? 

To be locked in a cage like an animal. To have eyes everywhere focused on you, but you're alone in your prison. The bed is cold, the walls are cold, the floor is cold. And they just watch you. They watch and wait for any sort of proof that you're a monster. I didn't hurt nobody, but then again, neither did you. Damned if we do, damned if we don't I suppose. The other girls didn't belong in here either. I don't think they're coming back for me though. I wouldn't entirely blame them if they didn't since I offered to take the fall. 

I guess I wanted something from this.

It's not closure. 

.... 

You were so scared when they took you away. You always held it together to keep us calm all those other times we got in trouble, but that night you sobbed and pleaded for your life. You knew what was coming. I don't think I knew what was going to happen in the moment, but I was scared too. I sacrificed sleep to find contacts and work and money to get you back. I would've given up more just to see you safe again, but this system isn't designed for that.

I promise I did everything I could. I promise I didn't abandon you. I promise I will always love you.

....

I wonder what the future would have been like if it never happened. We were so close to our wedding. We talked about having three kids, but wouldn't complain if we ended up with more. You wanted to remodel the kitchen after our honeymoon....

Were your last thoughts of home before I lost you?

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