God damn guy who is my normal hook up says "Oh, try this shit, it's like gettin' high with, like, virtual reality or some shit!"

Except it wasn't like that AT ALL! NOT AT ALL! It was like a building crumbling, with like a tidal wave or some shit! Crazy! CRAZY!

LIKE, WHAT EVEN IS THIS SHIT MANG??? REALITY AIN'T IN NO GOD DAMNDEDY MACHINE MY MAN THAT SHIT IS BULLSHIT!!!

THIS AIN'T NO MATRIX MOTHERFUCKER I'LL TAKE THAT RED PILL & RED PILL YOUR LILLY WHITE ASS WITH IT BECAUSE I WAS ALL DYING UP IN THAT SHIT!!!

Yeah, building collapse? Typhoon? No Bueno.

Like, what is with all these games, man? Back in my day, you smoked a doobie & made some free love baby! Now it's all these machines & shit.

Back is the 60's we knew Free Love & Drugs, Baby! Magic Time! This computer hoopty-doopty bullshit don't compare to a whole shit ton of weed & some hippie chicks motherfucker! No way, no sir.

No wonder kids is all as fucked in the head as they are, don't know that these chem trails, these 5G waves, these VR gmaes...that's some devil shit there.

What is Ol' Murdock gonna do? He's gonna work out why all the Illuminatis & Government fat cats tried to ban Snake Oil, that's what he's gonna due.

Say it's a bunch of Malarkey while they put the fluoride in the water...that calcifies the pineal gland, don't ya know!

Well, I like my glands right where they are, Mr Facist Government Pig - & I bet this "snake oil" is just the thing...from I read, people say it fixes everything! No wonder THE MAN don't want you to have it!

Well...we'll just see about that!

Snakes got ways, y'see?

Like, they slither & slide & get all low down with the showdown, snakes they got it going on they do yippy yah doo-dah yahoo buckaroo...

Snake is got the healing power. When I was on the Rez doing Mescaline with all the Shamans they was all like "Murdock - You have great Pow-Ah...you are a Shaman Healer of the Snake-Serpent Uktena Wakka Takka Howdy!"

Then I was all like - "Woah..."

I think that's when I knew that the Earth was flat. Injuns say it was built by a turtle bringing mud up. Or was it on a turtle? Not sure 'cause that's crazy bullshit anyway - I'm a man of Science myself...got a degree or two to prove it too, not that makes a bit of ding dong doodle-difference.

Injuns had it all wrong but all right. Earth is flat, always has been, but not because of no chummy-wummy turtle buddy, no sir, no way! Earth is flat because it's a disc.

Observable, just look outside.

See, that's why Snakes are so wise - they're flat like the Earth - they won't fall off as easily as everyone else. Snake is a healer & a killer, heh...just like your good buddy Murdock.

That's why I KNOW the Snake Oil is like, the thing. THE BIG THING. What "They" don't want you to know. How would they make all those big piles of money if a bit of Snake Oil can cure cancer? Fix a toothache? Put some razzle-dazzle zing-zang in the ol' ding dong?

It's all coming together, right there right now, diddly doo dah...you see, here I am: Armored APC running around Ol' Mexico like I was an Outlaw of old.

Reckon I am an Outlaw, outside of the Law ain't no law when a man has frred his mind & unlocked that pineal gland & opened his third eye, no sir no way.

Bible says the serpent was on the Tree of Knowledge & your ol'buddy ol' pal Murdock is just about ready & set to be that Serpent & hand out that tiddly-dribbly fruit of human kindness yes he is.

Taking a siesta right now, got my home made chem lab & med kit in the back...cops think they'll find me in my trailer in Barstow? No sir no way.

Will find a chlorine bomb wired to my old cooking station though, facist pigs, serves them right it does.

I didn't dop out of college for nothing, dontcha know.

Got the cartels all ready to buy up some good ol' Crystal Meth I'm cooking under these stars...catching some snakes & gila monsters to cook some of that good ol' snake oil out of, got enough guns & ammo to turn back the Mexican army in a pinch...

It's a good day.

Soon as I get my Karma & my Mojo & the Spirit World all lines up on my vision quest through the desert just like Jesus I'll be ready to bring my loaves & fishes to all the lost little lambs out there, yes I will, you betcha.

Y'see, some of these Crazy Ivan types ain't all bad with their speed shooting, vodka swilling selves. They say, "Fuck the Police" just like any red blooded American would & I say yee-haw motherhumper! That's how we get shit done.

Think I'll mule some goods for these Ivans back to Ol' Mexico, get my self out of the cold before my johnnies freeze off. Set myself up somewhere down warm. First thing though before I can do all that is - you guessed it: look off the edge of the world!

See, this here icy shithole is as cold as cold can be. All that ice & cold can only mean the ice wall that surrounds the world is close by - real close by, yum diddly, & I mean to be the man that busts this thing wide open, yessir, right away sir!

Now, they'd expect a boat of course, & even that plane we was in got taken out by the weather control sattelites. Course it did diddly did because it's got a transponder & is big & slow.

You know whah ain't slow? A Motherhumping Steam Powered Rocket!

Yessir, You bet your sweet ass sir: Old Man Murdock is going to the Moon!

Started building my rocket just the other day -smuggler Ivans have plenty of parts & I have plenty of time. Time to go down in history that is! Gotta get the pressure in this ol' boiler high enough, make sure it's got the aluminum hull to deflect the radar...gun ports to - might need to shoot down patrols of Black Helicopters...

After that though?

TO THE MOON!!!

So - there I was, sailing over the ice shelf at the edge of the world.

Steam Rocket was riding high,pressured up baby! Ice all below after the frozen sea Old man Murdock saw it all with his own eyes, yessir, he DID sir!

Opened up the throttle in that last push & shot straight to the Moon!

That's right: THE MOON!

How do I know it was the Moon? Well it had giant motherhumping MOON MOTHS flying around!

Didn't see THAT on the ol' "Moon Landing" did you? You can thank that sell-out Kubrick for that, yessir you can sir!

Anyway, leader of the Moon Moths comes up to me & says: "Corporal Murdock, the Moon people need your help - there's trouble in the Hollow Eartth with Donosaur Traffiking, & we need you to put a stop to it."

Didn't know the Earth was Flat & Hollow did'ya, skeech-mo?

Anyway, as a represenative of the White Hat Army I was all, "Yessir, Corporal Murdock is on the Job."

Because this is the first encounter between Men & moon-Moth, & we need good relations don't ya know?

Anywho, Ol' Man Murdock Broke on Through to the Other Side by through the Spirit World to get to the Hollow Earth - was all psychodelic up in the Moon Spirit World, & they was all, "No Corporal Murdock - no one can go through the Spirit World here & stay sane!!"

Well, what these lil' Moon Moths didn't know is that Old Man Murdock was already Crazy! Crazy like a FOX that is, I seen weirder shit drinking my own piss in the Mojave!

Little help from the Mexican Cartels & a couple of Mexi-Cans, & the Hollow Earth was right back where it belonged!

Done did it, don't ya know!

Proved what folk've always known - the Earth is Flat as a pancake!

Flew off to the moon in the Rocket I done built with my own do-diddle hands, yessir, here & now sir!

No damn-diddly laser satellites & motherhumping UFOs are gonna stop Old Man Murdock! Not TODAY, & you can stick that smoke in your poke & toke it where the Sun don't shine!

Anyway, after the Moon Moths flew me back to the World, I was left on the good old God's honest ground with a thought in my head or two: what's a man to do?

Can't just sit around all day, a Man's gotta work, see?

Figured I could make some o' that sweet smack for the Cartels or somethin' get some cash flow in the the ol' Peso variety - but fiat cash is how they done-diddly-dumb track ya isn't it?

No sir, ol' "Man on the Moon" Murdock is goin' for somethin' a bit more REAL on this here Crazy Train - time to roll up these sleeves & churn out some of that Patented Snake Oil!

No I didn't get a Patent! It's a motherhumping figure of speech, yo dingbat!

Anywho, time to mosey on down south I am thinking, putting down the feet to the street - need to get clear of DC & all it's Reptoid Child Molesters...

Now...what's South of DC?

Oh yeah...time for Old Man Murdock to meet this "Florida Man" I keep on hearin' about - seems like a whole crop of right thinkin' folks down in them there Swamps you betcha!