Magdalene Wheeler's Journal

The monster under the bed
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Downtime

Burying the Hatchet

It’s been a month since New York, and I’ve had a lot to think about. I’ve always known that vengeance is a satisfying thing—there’s something almost primal in getting even, in settling the score. But it’s starting to sink in that living like that might not be the smartest long-term strategy. As much as I hate to admit it, carrying around all that resentment isn’t doing me any favors. It’s like carrying an anchor around your neck and wondering why you’re sinking.

I’ve never been good at dealing with my own emotions. I prefer to shove them down, file them away, and get on with whatever’s in front of me. But the truth is, that’s probably what’s holding me back more than anything else. My mind, my feelings—they’re the weakest part of me, and I can’t afford to keep pretending they aren’t there.

So, I’ve decided to start working on that. No more feeding the fires of resentment just because it feels good in the moment. No more letting my emotions drive my decisions, especially when I know better. It won’t be easy—I’m not exactly built for emotional stability—but if I want to keep moving forward, I’ll have to start putting in the work. One day at a time, right?

I guess this is what they call growth. Or at least, an attempt at it.

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