There were a lot of things left over from the little excursion, and I think I've known for a while now that there's no way my head could've conjured all these new faces. 

A pamphlet, a tooth, a link to a podcast, and even a picture of a three foot tall chipmunk on my phone---in a way I'm relieved that it was all real because I had so much fun there. I didn't wake up with any desolate realization that it could never have happened. It wasn't a foreboding message from the gods above, and I can have a new power now. 

I just need to find out how this all happened.

So, when the internet came up blank, I went to the library and started reading up on video games and records of dreamlike experiences. It hasn't gotten me very far yet but at least I'm getting better at researching and filtering out irrelevant material. A chemist friend of mine always stressed how important it was to at least know a little more about science if I want to know how the world works.

Not that it seems the area I looked into was relevant at all. If anything, turning to mythology and the occult might be a better idea next time. 

I've never been a great sleuth.

I'm more of a talker and a writer, a weaver of words, creator of worlds, but even in tabletop games I don't investigate much at all. I can give myself a hundred kennings but it still won't help me solve any good mystery. Not that I've really tried anyway. It's just that I normally go off of vibes alone, and I can hardly make a conclusion out of it knowing I'm likely making farfetched assumptions. Maybe that's why I was relatively unfazed about weird out-of-place occurrences. Sure, at first I thought it was all a dream, but I didn't really question it beyond that, thinking this was all normal because everyone else (as far as I know) acted quite nonchalantly.

But I did realize that to get anything worthwhile out of these missions, I would have to take more initiative in looking around. I've done well with words, but charismatic people are everywhere. Knowledgeable ones, however, are far rarer. People who listen just as well as they talk, too, are seldom met. A lot of people end up turning a conversation into one about themselves, thinking of the next thing they'd say rather than actually talking with another. I don't blame them, but they miss a lot of details that could otherwise enrich their lives. How many opportunities in front of me have I missed, in favour of wishing upon the faraway stars?

I've certainly missed many warning signs when it comes to the people around me. It was true in the past, and it's true even now when I've taken Psychology classes just to be able to see and recognize possible symptoms of mental illnesses. Would it mean I could do something about it? No - I wouldn’t assume that about myself in a million years, but it would help to know that something is wrong and that I haven’t hallucinated everything.

For one, my gut tells me there’s something off about Delphyrion.

Not in a dangerous way, not to me at least, so I didn’t really listen to the feeling for the first few weeks. I heard nothing from them but that’s pretty standard in my experiences with people. Friends drift away all the time. Maybe they decided to move out and live as a hermit. They have their own life and I have mine; we generally don’t ask too many questions, it’s the only reason why we’re still able to be close. Or at least, we were. I don’t think I can let too many people in, knowing that I have far more to hide than before. We keep a certain distance from each other, and it’s not like we text all that often (Delphyrion is quite the dry texter; they’re not the most fond of typing out their thoughts due to how slow it is). The biggest thing I noticed was that they’ve been posting videos.

Of course they’re doing that, it’s their career. It was just a surprise because they hadn’t posted anything for months (they never took such a long hiatus, actually, but whenever we met up they seemed quite fine, if a little exhausted). Now, there’s a barrage of videos every single day. The biggest clue? The descriptions under their videos are actually coherent now. Maybe they took an English lesson, but that makes no sense because they’ve always been fine at English. They were just “too advanced” to explain any of the procedures in layman’s terms (I suspect they just played into the mumbling intellect role for their audience). A lot of the comments they used to get would be somewhere along the lines of “haha I like your funny words, magic man”. I guess they’re more… serious about their work now?

Perhaps some of these videos have been prepared months ago, but there is no way they have the time and energy to be posting at such short intervals. Just a while ago they were even telling me that staggering posts is better for the algorithm. 

Seeing as they’ve done a complete 180° I sent a couple messages asking if they’ve been getting enough sleep. 

“Ye”

They are not getting enough sleep. They are active on Instagram at 3 in the morning. They answered my text at 4am. At least I know when I have days off so I can do that, but this person spends 24/7 in their lab and has very much trouble separating work from their life. Their posting schedule is still irregular in that they could post in the afternoon, then post something else past midnight. From their strange behaviour, I’ve naturally improved on investigating. Thanks, I guess? I’d hate it if someone tried to stalk my activity but Delphyrion is actively lying and being terrible at it. Maybe it’s a morbid curiosity on how far they’ll have fallen by the next time I see them. If I see them.

Well, there’s only so much I can do if they refuse to tell me anything. It would be too big of an investment to travel all the way to Orlando (a bit over 3 hours of driving each way) for the possibility that they’d shut their door on me, but I wish there were an easier method to help people with their mental struggles. It is a shame that I could not use it on Delphyrion either (even if they claim to be in denial about magic’s existence, it won’t stop them from noticing something strange) but it would save me a lot of headaches in the future. 

January.

It's the midst of winter, the coldest time of the year, and I hadn't even noticed that Christmas had gone by. Time isn't something I pay much attention to when all my days have just consisted of one singular routine. It gets boring, which is why I've always dabbled in a number of hobbies, but what happens in the downtime between all of that? I don't want to constantly barrage myself with the same things over and over again; it would be sad if I stopped enjoying TTRPGs because I played too often. Not to mention other people actually depend on each individual paycheck to survive. They don't have my luxury of taking time off to do whatever I wanted, whenever.

So, I wanted to go camping. 

It's not because of what happened in Russia; if anything it has deterred me further. I still find myself shivering when I'm out at night sometimes. This is in central Miami, so of course I've gotten a few weird looks. I'd rather stay in the relatively familiar safety here, but taking sick leave to heal from my wounds has given me too much time. I might just go insane if I get stuck here for too long. 

Getting a text from Delphyrion was the perfect excuse to get out of Miami as well; their birthday is coming up, and they wanted to see me for once. They were surprised upon hearing about my plans, perhaps even a little hesitant, but we eventually agreed on a state park in between our cities.

We met up in one of the more recognizable campsites before hiking further into the Kissimmee Prairie Preserve State Park. Throughout the hike we struggled to catch up on each other's lives, only to be interrupted when Delphyrion saw a mushroom and stopped in their tracks. I don't know where they got the plunger from or why they felt the need to bring one to a camping trip, and I don't know why they felt the need to point it threateningly at the mushrooms, but soon they just sighed, grabbed my arm, and continued our hike. I tried to joke about the mushrooms being total fun-guys, which earned a small huff and a slight smile. 

Before sundown, we set up camp in a clearing. We weren't great at it, but Delphyrion had gone camping before so we were relatively successful nonetheless. The tents stayed up, and we had enough food. We had both forgotten to bring lighters, so I started a campfire with some sticks and a log. They asked why I knew how to do that out of everything else, but I simply shrugged. 

Camping together took a lot of teamwork and communication. The air between us was tense nonetheless, and I'm sure they shared the same sentiment from the way their brows furrowed whenever our eyes met. Where’s the light in their eyes? I also noticed that Delphyrion looked pale. It wasn't the natural paleness that comes from staying inside all day, nor did it look healthy for him. Did I want to ask? Of course. Was it right to? I doubt it. Not here, not now, when he wouldn’t have anywhere to run off to if he felt uncomfortable.

It was only after we've set anything up that we sat down in pensive silence. That was smart of us; if we started talking the moment we saw each other, we wouldn't have had anywhere to sleep once the sky darkened. That is, assuming we’d even talk. I get the impression they’ve forgotten how to interact with an actual human. Most other science YouTubers I’ve watched would collaborate with each other, but Delphyrion’s never been one to ask for help in their research. Or for anything at all. In the past I thought they confided in me, but really, how much were they hiding underneath that facade? It scares me that we have become so similar. Am I sure that they haven’t always been like this?

“You’ve been posting videos,” I said at last, and I abhorred the small-talkish nature of my statement. 

“Yep,” they responded, arms resting on their knees as they stared up at the sky. It’s orange now, fading into a deep purple. 

“Your descriptions are improving.” I tried to sound happy. Like a proud mother. What’s that supposed to be like? Delphyrion would probably know. They’d have pointed out my tone if they were in their right mind. That I’m talking strangely. They wouldn’t understand that it’s because I’m genuinely worried. I would’ve gotten annoyed at that. They would’ve acknowledged their insensitivity.

“Mhm.” They’d normally gloat about it. They’d normally revel in the praise. Sometimes I wonder if the people around me have been replaced by skinwalkers. 

“I’m sure you’ll be more popular someday.” No reply. I grasped at the grass beneath my feet. They snapped so easily. “Remember when you tried to steal Celeste’s keychain, but ended up grabbing a bag of coffee grounds instead?”

“Yeah,” they were almost breathless and when I looked over, they had curled their head into their knees. What am I to do here? They’re normally the one to initiate conversations, especially if they’re about to vent. But they’re not. 

I stop talking and look back up at the sky. It has almost become an inky blue now, the first stars appearing at last. Can I make a wish here? I wish it was easier to talk to my friend. Was there a Greek deity for friendship, or was it just Twilight Sparkle?

“I just… don’t know.” I looked at them again. That didn’t sound like something they’d admit. “I’m sorry.” 

When I wanted a talk, I didn’t mean a self-loathing party. What if I lightened the mood? “You do silly things all the time, why apologize now?” Delphyrion tensed. It wasn’t the right thing to say - I don’t know what I could do, then. In the corner of my eye I saw a strange keychain attached to their bag. It looked like a cube, but it also shifted before my eyes and I can’t actually describe what it’s supposed to be. Is it a thing, or just a concept? Eventually I chose not to question it. It wasn’t the main point of focus at that moment. I’m sure they’d tell me if they wanted to. But it also felt like this might be the only chance I could get to know anything at all, and it isn’t healthy for me to be thinking about all the things I could’ve asked in the middle of my next contract. So I repeated, “Why are you apologizing to me?”

Delphyrion looked at me. They appeared almost afraid. Almost. I didn’t know they could be. At this point I don’t know them at all. We’re close friends, but it’s only because there’s nobody else whether by choice or from fear.

In the midst of pained breaths, I heard a faint buzzing by my ear. I closed my eyes and held my breath; it’s an old habit from my childhood, because I’ve never been good around bugs. But upon hearing several clicks that I’ve become quite frighteningly familiar with, I opened my eyes and leaped aside before the BANG echoed through the trees and scared dozens of crows out of their nests. 

[Delphyrion rolled Dexterity + Firearms at difficulty 6. Outcome: 3.] 

[Cassiopeia rolled Dexterity + Athletics to dodge. Outcome: 5.]

This was more than fear; Delphyrion’s eyes had too much life in them now and it took all of me to shake myself out of the shock. My ears rang and screamed as I reminded myself multiple times that this guy was just a sleep-deprived scientist, not a paranoid old man with little left to lose, not a hired assassin, just Delphyrion, who had one day stepped into the cafe during my shift and passed out almost immediately from exhaustion. It was closing time by then but I stayed, knowing I would’ve wanted someone to do that for me. 

Praying to whichever god could hear me, I tackled them to the ground and wrestled their shotgun out of their grip. I yelled but I could barely hear myself. They writhed underneath, face scrunching, yelling things back as tears welled in their eyes. They tried to blink it back so I cupped their cheeks in my palms. I think I said, “Look at me. Look. At. Me.” I hoped they heard me.

And they did. Their eyes twitched and flinched occasionally, as if expecting the worst to happen. 

And since they expected the worst, I slapped them.

Then they laid there.

They sobbed.

Slowly my hearing came back to me, and I slowly stood up, clutching the shotgun in my arms. I fumbled trying to unload it, ammo falling to the ground in quiet thumps that were washed out by the pained voice. I sat down nearby, clutching the weapon for dear life. I doubted it’d happen but if they tried anything, this was my best bet.

Delphyrion grabbed at their own hair and covered their eyes. They were shaking as if they had been stuck in the middle of a blizzard for hours. Choking on their own breath, they coughed and started clawing at their shirt. I saw a gunshot scar there, below their collarbone. I would know; I’ve seen far too many people get shot. 

“Can’t… breathe,” they wheezed out between short gasps, so I put the gun down and grabbed onto their hands before they could scratch their scar open. They didn’t teach this in school. Was I supposed to ask first? Would he even hear me?

“Delphyrion,” I said, quietly. “Delphyrion.”

They looked at me. They were terrified. They were trying to say something. Their voice couldn’t come out. All they could do was mouth over and over again, ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.’

“I’m here, I forgive you,” I tried to tell them, but of course that wouldn’t calm them down. I don’t know what I’m forgiving them for. “Count to 100 with me. Or tell me five things you can see. What do you want to do?” It’s not perfect but at least I can do this much. To my relief they started to relax after a few minutes of these exercises. They closed their eyes and sighed.

I laid down nearby, clutching the shotgun in one hand. The campfire we made had died down, crackling its last few embers before the orange glow faded away. By now the sky was pitch black, stars twinkling countlessly in the breeze. Long ago, when the romantic side of me ran free, I would always look up and think about all the places I could go with the person I loved. Stargazing was at the top of that list, besides reading in a room lit by a warm fireplace, and dancing quietly in our own home. Nowadays I’m much quieter about these ideas, considering how little I think about relationships at all. This is better; I don’t need to think about keeping any flames alive.  

I wonder if the park rangers are going to find us. I’ve spoken with one before, and they weren’t too friendly. Wouldn’t even escort a lone lady back to the campsite. To be fair they were looking for something and I was hiding that ‘something’, so even though I was able to fool them, they wouldn’t waste their time. They probably wouldn’t be forgiving here either, seeing as Delphyrion shot so carelessly. I wonder if the bullet hit someone. I think we would’ve seen it; I don’t think shotguns would be as powerful. Thankfully Delphyrion didn’t bring their rifle instead. 

“The air is clearer during winters because there’s less moisture in the cold.” Delphyrion’s voice sliced through my thoughts. Until I remembered where I was and who was beside me, I thought I was watching one of their videos. Sometimes I put those on in the background, but I wouldn’t tell them that. “This isn’t the best country to stargaze in, though. Far warmer than it would be in Canada.”

“Or in Russia,” I added, and they turned their head towards me. 

“You’ve been to Russia?”

“It’s just a hypothetical. Have you gone to Canada before?”

“I… have.” He’s quieter now.

“There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Of course not. If anything, it might be better there, considering…”

I blinked, trying to think of reasons why they would consider… ah. “Same, but you can’t have a gun there.”

“I’ve done worse.” 

“Tell me about it.”

“Couldn’t have such successful experiments without the money and supplies.” They’re speaking slowly, carefully, threading their words in ways that I thought only I would’ve done. They didn’t do this before. They would let things slip so easily. I swear they’ve learnt this from me and I hate that. It’s like someone stole something from me. Do they even notice how wary they sound?

“I… understand.” I would never ask where they get their money from. People have done that to me too often, and I get the sense that I wouldn’t want to know anyway. “So… did you actually try to shoot a bee?”

“It was a mosquito.” I didn’t speak. “Well, it’s not buzzing around you anymore, is it?”

“No.”

“I’ll assume I killed it.”

“Now I’m concerned for different reasons.” We laughed. For a moment the weight was lifted and everything seemed fine. I knew better. “Why a mosquito, though?”

“It… was going to bite you.” I found a weird amount of venom in their voice. This was just a bug. Even then, I also heard very much uncertainty with the way their tone raised at the end. They can’t even convince themselves.

“So you shot it.”

“I know this sounds insane, but…” Delphyrion stopped. There was shuffling. “I thought you’d interrupt me.”

“Oh, no, believe me, I was. But I was also very intrigued.”

“Huh.”

“I guess you really hate mosquitoes.”

“And bugs in general.” Did a bug ruin a long experiment of theirs? “I don’t actually have anything to defend myself.” 

“Because I took your shotgun?”

“That too.” In the wind, cool blades of grass brushed against my skin. There was a brief lull in the conversation as I thought about what I could say next. Thankfully, Delphyrion did that for me this time. “Y’know when you asked about my sleep?”

“Mm.” I closed my eyes.

Delphyrion took a deep breath. “I lied,” they said, and I looked at them. Their eyes were red, but at least they finally showed some emotion. “It’s not that I didn’t want to sleep - I couldn’t. …Working was so much easier.”

“You’d always find answers in your work.” Delphyrion hummed. “Wouldn’t you get stuck? My brain never works properly after an all-nighter.”

“I don’t know… I don’t remember most of it. Is that weird?”

“I guess I can relate.” It’s like that whenever I use the mask. The words I say align with my intent, but I never have to think about them, or the exact content of each prophecy the mask comes up with. “It’s like… a really long dream.”

“I’ve had a lot of weird dreams.”

“Would you tell me about them?”

Delphyrion averts their gaze. “I… can’t.” I couldn’t tell them about mine either.

“Okay.”

“But… this is just a hypothetical too, but… what if someone near you died?” My hand tightened around the shotgun. They must’ve seen my expression because they quickly changed their question to, “What did you do when your parents died?”

Normally Delphyrion’s the kind of person who doesn’t like to think about that stuff. I don’t know what has brought this on, and if it were anyone else I’d just brush them off, but this isn’t just anyone else, nor does it look like human curiosity, from the way their brows furrowed and their eyes stared unblinkingly. They looked almost desperate to know, and not because they wanted to know about me. They were lost, and for some reason my answer would pave a path for them. “I cried.” There’s still a part of me that refuses to tell the full truth, so all I can do is summarize it until it seems like an AI is recounting my experiences. I try to tell myself it isn’t because I distrust Delphyrion. “I wished they’d come back. I wished things would be different. And even though I stopped doing that, it doesn’t mean I’ve stopped hurting just as much.”

“Do you ever think about all the ways you could’ve stopped it?”

“The deaths? Of course.” I turned away. My eyes stung from the cold breeze, that’s all. “But I couldn’t have, it’s all in the past now. I told myself I had to stop dwelling on things I couldn’t control.”

“Why?”

“Why not?”

“If you believed in magic and gods, then surely you’d believe that you could achieve the impossible.”

“I believe in it as a way to tell myself that most things happen because an outer force has willed it to be so.”

“And I believe that it isn’t all-seeing, that I could circumvent it if I tried hard enough.”

I smiled. “Glad to hear you haven’t changed your mind.”

“A few months of bad sleep can’t defeat a Mad Scientist.”

“Happy birthday, Delphyrion.”

So there we were, laying in a clearing beneath a starry sky, surrounded by darkness and the occasional song of the forest. 

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Thank you.”