The next morning I woke up with my mind on fire. The old lady never showed back up, but now i understand what she meant when she promised me magic. I'm seeing the world in a whole different way. I can feel, hear, taste time itself, and I'm more certain than ever that i have a home to get back to because my time is different than everything else's. It's the wrong... color? flavor? no idea how to quantify it yet but I'll fucking well find out.
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It's been a few days and I'm playing with this new energy. I'm trying not to rave like the madman I've been labeled anymore, but after digging around online I'm finding that at least here there's a lot proven beyond the boundaries of mundane science. I'm reading, I'm learning, and I'm experimenting. Let's see where this goes.
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Okay, breakthrough of some kind. I've found some meditative techniques, mental exercises that let me push on this new force. It's clumsy, but if I strain I can, well not so much move them through time as move time through them. It's weird, but the only way I'll grasp it is to approach it logically, experimentally. for now, at least if something like that lava monster comes at me maybe I have a defense...
Now this, I know how to do. This magic stuff might seem weird, but deep reading and research is in my wheelhouse. Looking for ways to make manipulating time easier, I'm getting into the value of symbology as a shorthand for the mind. Seems it reduces the strain of holding magic in your head. but the symbol needs meaning, either to you personally or to the magic you are trying to perform. In my case, timepieces should suffice.
I need another job though, something to give me that inspiration back. I can work on refining this, sure but I'm never going to get anywhere real without another hit of whatever it is these jobs give me. So next time, I have to push the envelope. Get over this cowardice and press forward. To get home i might have to break some eggs or even some skulls and make sure I get mine.
Things have been quiet for a while, and I've taken some time to reflect on the nature of these jobs.
I keep hopping in and out of different versions of reality. That alone is useful to me. For all I know, one of these jobs may take me home on its own. Maybe that's what these behind the scenes types are prepping me for.
I can't just trust that, though. If they're trying to help me, great but this is on me to figure out. I'm getting better at manipulating the time flow around objects. Once you decide the mystical mumbo-jumbo on it, a lot of it has to do with something kind of like Gravity, only instead of physical mass, it's perceptional? Objects have a relatively weak "thread" of cohesive time around them. Easier to manipulate. Animals, things that can perceive events but maybe not understand them are a bit stronger. People are stronger than that, because they understand causality and sequentially. It gives their "thread" more weight.
If I understand correctly, I can pull an object free of its 'thread' and slide it down a stronger one. Right now I can use my own. Visually it's weird, like I'm hand it to myself. The catch is I don't know when I will reach for it. But if I can learn to do that with stronger threads, maybe I can even do it to my own someday. Pull it free of this timeline and pass it across to another?
I know this sounds like gibberish, but remember, magic is just science we're not yet in on. If you're reading this maybe it's common knowledge right now. Or maybe I get myself killed spectacularly, in which case you can take this as What Not to Do.
Imagine infinity stretching out before you. The vastness of the universe in all its glory. Try to hold in your head the notion of a space incomprehensibly large and deep and wide with everything that exists and more within,. Now imagine that infinity shot through with threads, infinitely long on a completely different plane of measurement, weaving in and around and through one another so tightly that together all the tiny threads of this infinity form a rope, a woven line of infinitude containing infinity at every point along it. Now once more, stretch your awareness out to see the infinitude of these lines branching and stretching out in infinite directions., and surrounded by infinitely more lines that split and branch and fray, some running into another infinity and some fraying into nothingness at varying points.
You can't imagine it, can you? Not truly. Neither can I. But I remember knowing it. Understanding it. For the briefest second stretched into the deepest eternity I glimpsed the truth of time itself. I remember knowing what I cannot fathom. What is utterly beyond me.
What I know here and now is that I have so much to learn and so much to grow.
I reached beyond my grasp. I thought I could distill magic and time and existence down into something small as science. That rituals of knowing, of peering beyond the limits of one infinity into another were mere cookbook instructions. I had to know if there was something left to fight for, if this 'contracting' actually had meaning, or if I was better off cutting my losses and learning to live as him. I couldn't bear the notion, and this time of knowledge made it look *so* simple...
I could not understand what I asked for, nor how to shape the wards needed around my mind to filter the everyeverything down into just what I sought.
Instead of seeing my home I saw all of the all of the all of me. I can't pull it to mind now that I am once again so very small, but for that instant of terror and bliss I lived countless lives all at once and I can feel some part of it has come back with me. I am not the man I was, and yet I cannot retain the changes, and so can only be who I was.
What I can say is that everything now is vibrant. I see and hear and feel in ways most people blunt away. I am a man of science who understands how woefully small and ignorant our sciences are. The art of infinity is what I must now come to know, and I have taken only a child's steps. But now...
I see.
Wip