Trying to keep myself busy at the shop. Sven says I'm looking more frayed than usual. I told him that I was trying a new exercise routine that's kicking my ass, but I'm not sure he buys it. He knows me too well, but he didn't pry. Just gave me a look and left it at that. The less he knows the better.
The dreams are getting worse. More personal. Its most every night now, and I'm starting to think I may be a bigger part of the event I keep seeing. I keep seeing flames, but not regular flames like you'd see out of an exhaust or on a camp fire. Dark flames, purple and almost cold. But the flames... they're coming from me. Under my skin like a crazy internal furnace... In the dreams, I'm not myself. Its like a rage builds and wants out, and it makes me do things that I don't want to do... Violent things. The thing is... it feels good. Like I know those I'm hurting deserve it... or at least its what I tell myself...
I need a nap... maybe if i close my eyes during the day it won't be as bad...
Dealing with all that magic and craziness really made me think. If it came down to it, would I be able to use my "gift" for more than just mindless rampage? Wayne and the way he made quick work of those magic weasels... if I could do something similar, made this power work for me... maybe I could help others like I dream about, but with myself in the driver's seat. So I sat, and waited. I didn't come out of my room for almost 3 days, got Sven worried but I reassured him I was just tired. I focused on the words of my father, about how when the cards are down, we need to make our own path, and make sure other's don't destroy the paths of those in need. It was sort of like... another dream. only this time, I could feel it. Deep in my bones, like a warm spark. In the vision I saw my hand, burning with purple flame like in my nightmares. only this time, it didn't pull me with it. It stayed, and I could move it. I almost forgot I was dreaming, but when I opened my eyes, the flame was REAL. Dancing between my fingers. Well, if you could call them that. There's still some control i am lacking, like the flame is fighting me for control. My hands seem stuck in the shape of black, jagged glass. But it obeys me. And that's all that matters.