So I've had a pretty eventful day. I was hired to go to this one orphanage and find some child that this group was interested in (kinda weird but alright) and the guy told me that he was going to go into detail about the specifics and just did not. The only thing that changed was that we actually knew where we were going this time. And so wacky hijinks insued. As soon as I got to this drab, desolate shithole some would call an orphanage I was greeted by possibly one of the rudest people I've ever met. This guy called Grif. I don't know he seems like some kind of charlatan with his scheming (not that I have a problem with that, it's just that he was being rude as soon as I arrived). So we go in and we have to pretend to be a couple looking to adopt to get in. We have a look round and decide to talk to a teenager called Elliot (I think that was his name?) but Grif kept calling him Dennis so I think that's what's getting me confused about the name. Overall there was nothing too special about him except that he seems like he very much needs a loving family and he draws roadkill (those are linked by the way). After we talked to him I decided to talk to some kid named Bartholomew while Grif went for a shit. While he was gone I introduced myself to the kid and, like an idiot, said that I have a skin condition and agreed to show him it later. When Grif got back, just guess who was with him. None other than LOUIE G. What a legend. So we had a funny lil chat with Bartholomew and found out about some kid called Vingerhuot who has some kind of control over electricity after a long conversation about maths. Of course, before leaving I had to show him my skin (possibly one of the weirdest requests I've gotten so far). We then went to see vingerhuot and asked him about his powers, infuriating Grif in the process. We decided to adopt this funny little dude and give him the name Gjones. Obviously I had to go and adopt him on my own as one look at Grif's criminal record would just completely ruin the adoption plan. I did all that but I needed to get Grif for the last part so I called him from the toilet. Vingerhuot went into the toilet though so I had to go back there to collect him while Grif is figuring how we make our escape. Incidentally, while I was there, Vingerhuot started freaking out which I needed to help out with. I think this blossomed some kind of paternal instinct in me and I'm not too sure how to come to terms with that. At the end of it all we used the electricity thing as an excuse to take him away as we lied saying we're the police. So you see, yeah that all happened. I am a parent now. Not only that but I feel conflicted about the fact that these people are taking away my (now) son and doing god knows what. I feel like I should not care but I very much do. Weird times.

Today's contract was a surprisingly big one. On the surface, it seemed like we were just supposed to be playing pest control but it was a bit more difficult than that. So starting from the beginning, I showed up at this haunted looking ass house to the usuals of Charles and Louis but also some new guy called Frazier. In all honesty I still don't really know what he does but he dresses like a stereotypical detective so I assume maybe that's apart of his whole deal. So we get in there and find some ants. You wouldn't believe this but this guy Frazier just starts scoffing on the fuckers and just keeps eating and eating. Once he stops, Charles gets the good idea to start using bug repellant. Even with that though, me and him don't find it wise to follow Frazier into the belly of the beetle and go straight in there with no plan. Although before that I did enlist a local rat called Jeremy to scout out the area and eat the ants but sadly he failed, god bless his soul. So, like any would, we let Frazier and Louis go in and do their own thing while we try and come up with a plan in my trailer. With plenty of alcohol. On the upside though, we did actually realise that alcohol is very bad for bugs. We assumed that the others would realise the other half of that plan would probably include plenty of fire, especially with Louis' incindiary grenades and all that. Before that exact situation did happen though, Frazier shouted for me to get him some milk which I happily obliged, even if I had no clue how it would help. After that they blew up the house and some corpse/bug hybrid creature came out which we promptly shot to death. I managed to show off my Kimber for the first time by getting the last shot and cooly walking over and disinfecting the area with alcohol. Frazier was on death's door but we managed to get it all done with and I surprisingly got to have another fun drinking session with Charles. So you've got to take the good with the bad really.

So this time out contract didn't start out the weirdest all things considered but it esculated A LOT. So I was with the family back at the old coke ovens for Christmas Eve when I got a letter inviting me to a company christmas party for all the contractors and handlers (yeah apparently the people like that Midas guy are called handlers according to one of my new friends). Speaking of, I saw some familiar faces along with making some new friends at this party. In chronological order, it started out with meeting a guy who looked like Louis G but an electrician and it ended up being this slightly hard to talk to lad named Louis E. After having an awkward conversationwith this man Frazier showed up which kinda helped the tension. I went up to some winged dude called Alexander who seemed to be annoyed by some other dude he wasn't super friendly with being a bit too friendly with him. I had a nice chat with him and he told me about a lot of things like what his contracts were like, including skydiving and a bloody giant handler who was helping Midas decorate, and different contractors, like a sentient octopus who had a handler shoot an arrow through his window and Louis G apparently knew. ALSO LOUIS G THE LEGEND ARRIVED.  He just kinda randomly swapped out with E while no one was paying attention and so we adjusted to that happening and went to talk to Otto the octopus. In the middle of us having fun, all of a sudden a huge sleigh with reindeers and goblins but no Gnorshlak crashed through the roof. Even though my less fey friends didn't believe me about the jolly green giant's existence, I still knew that we had to help find him. So me and Louis delivered the presents while we dropped Frazier off in Preston to find saint Gnorshlak since that is where he fell off the sleigh. This was my first mistake. That punk ass bastard Krampus was involved in taking Gnorshlak and I just let Frazier go in there alone with a rat I had trailing him in case. Because of this Frazier ended up getting put in serious danger trying to reason with the unreasonable and it's my fault. Not only that but when we finished and got there to help him, Krampus did something that shook Louis to his core. I still managed to save Gnorshlak and Christmas with the help of Jeremiah the rat but I feel my contributions were little compared to the amazing friends around me who risked their necks for the good of others. I hope they like the gifts I got them at least.