Damn swamp puppies. Always takin' chunks outta' me. Good thing I was ready for 'em. Got the jump on the lil' bastard. Heard from a talkin' frog that ther' was some sorta' event goin' on right 'bout now with online vidyas' o' people doin' challenges and all sort' o' crazy stunts fer' some super-duper-natural glasses that make you hot shit or somethin'. Not really sure cuz' I nabbed the little fucker before he finished talkin'. A frog that speaks English? You think I'm letting that shit go? 

Anyway, after a while, I thought I oughtta' get in on the fun and record myself doin' somethin' excitin' for the lil' shits that actually watch internet vidyas'. I don't really like the idea o' putting my location at risk, but at this point, maybe bein' hot shit will help with the whole runnin' away from the law thing. Also wouldn't help to get people to stop starin' at me like I'm some sorta' monster or somethin'. Can't go into a Best Buy without some kid cryin' and pissin' his pants after seein' me.

Anyway, I got some help pickin' a camera out from this young guy at Best Buy, then got a cord or somethin' set up at my house next to the computer, figured out by pure dumb luck how to work the thing, then set out to actually start recordin'. Found what I was lookin' for pretty quick. It's the Floridian Everglades, I don't know what I expected, but a 500lb alligator was exactly what I expected, actually, now that I think of it.

A minute later and a chunk o' meat lighter, I had me a dead gator. Had to leave pretty quick b'fer' his friends surrounded me too good. Saw their beady eyes in the dark. A half an hour later, I'm eatin' alligator roast and pickin' up my camera. Now to figure out how ta' "edit" this shit.