wow wow wow that sure was an adventure!

i met this guy. i forgot his name but he was very tall and he said i could be a real boy. so i said sure i'll join your little adventure thing and POOOF i was in another place.

there were so many weird guys. there was billy chance, a super cool cowboy. hes very nice and was kinda like my protector. there was also a cute crab guy called...crab! crab was so awesome and i was really scared when i thought crab would be gone forever....like my master. but billy saved crab. i guess also this other creature called david jones helped. but he was like a pirate. so he always wanted to do stuff his own way. his head was very funny looking though.

there was an obsession with crab. some police officer wanted to kill the poor thing. but we all put him in his place (like men). and then also there was a guy obsessed with the crab as if crab was a god. but that cant be right. god is a big bearded person who is kinda fat. crab isnt fat. crab is tiny, but im way bigger than him

and well...i was held hostage by a gun...the thought of a bullet piercing my wooden head...it gives me a headache.

but hey! at least i met some awesome people, got some injuries along the way and i am one step closer to being a real boy.

youd be so proud of me, master. i just wish you could have seen me grow

well that adventure was really boring. i didnt do much except interact with "The Beast". but at least i got to meet dill and see crab and a new guy called johnny

the mission this time was kinda weird. we kept playing these games called "Jackbox Party Packs". i did kinda good on some of them but Billy managed to get the most wins overall..

seems comedy isnt my strong suit

today was kinda weird like most of these "adventures". started off by meeting another tall person, who then teleported me to a mall. it was so big but i kinda just doing my own thing will johnny, billy and balthazar did most of the work. i notice that i do this a lot to be honest. i guess its cause im not mighty powerful like billy or johnny nor am i smart like balthazar. i just...exist.

we then saw this big pile of computers and i almost got snatched but billy saved me. im happy at least for that...

i dont know why i go on these adventures anymore. like johnny said, im never gonna be a real boy. so why am i even here? alive? im just a nobody puppet. with no master alive to help animate my strings

My apartment is nothing more than a collection of memories. It isn't very big. It has a small microwave, a dollhouse and a big pile of letters. But it's nothing much. I hear that people are meant to have a place they call "Home". But my home is gone. She left me all alone. 

Why am I here? Will I ever be a real boy? These thoughts span around in my head like a washing machine on full spin. Eventually, the swirling stopped as a familiar face arrived at my apartment: Billy Chance.

I have always liked Billy. He treated me like a human would treat another human: with respect. I was confused at first. Billy is a busy man. What would he want with me? And then I saw the look on his face as he looked around the room. His eyes looked...sad. I didn't know why, at first. I thought it was because there wasn't anything he liked but then it became clear. There was nothing. Billy explained to me that I had been living in bad conditions. I hadn't paid any "bills" and I didn't have a bed. It was as if my apartment was new. Kneeling down to me, he said that there was a place in the apartment I could stay. If it meant I could have someplace to call "home", I would take that opportunity.

Many confusing things happened when I arrived but there was one thing that excited me like a giddy little boy: the prospect of becoming "Human".

For many months, I tried to look up the word: "Human". Nothing could give me a good answer tho. To be "Human" was something that couldn't be defined. Some say it is something that displays features that are exclusive to Humans. But many of the things listed I could do. I could dance. I could sing. I could laugh. I could cry. I could feel hurt and pain. And joy and excitement.

But I'm not Human. I am a puppet. A thing created for entertainment and to be stuffed away in a box unless needed. Humans are treated like that, are they?

The magic person helped me realise that I could become Human. It would be a slow process but eventually, it would work. Before drinking it, I saw that bird fellow, Johnny Rooks, appear. He told me I could never be Human. It felt fitting that I should ask him one question before taking the plunge:

Will I ever be a real boy in your eyes?

The black bird didn't give me a reply. He brushed off my concerns and hurt from before as being "a heat at the moment" remark.

As I drank the potion, I felt my eyes form into circles. I could blink and move my pupils around. I stood there, looking at the world through the eyes of a Human.

Late that night, I thought about all of my adventures where I was a mere puppet. But now my strings are no more. Cut off by my Master: Me.

Warning: the end of this Journal contains references to self-harm. If you don't want to see that, avoid reading this entry

It began pretty quaint and quiet. I was in my room, filled with toys and games. On the ground next to a brown, dirty teddy bear was a wooden arm: my wooden arm. It fell off last night and a fleshy, smooth pale arm replaced it. I could move it up and down and show the bird to people I don't like.  Watching clouds form in the sky outside, I knew something was up. These clouds began whenever a big man came over to visit.

A loud knock echoed in my room. I stood up, shuddering in fear. The last time I did a contract, I was told by Johnny Rooks that I would never be a real boy. Well, I have a fleshy arm and eyes. So I am approaching a "real" state of the body. I inched towards the door, my fleshy arm shaking as it twisted the knob. And in came the tall blonde man. His name was Lucifer and I had come across him many times. He was a sort of "Harbinger", according to Billy. Lucifer would pluck people from their daily lives and then sends them on adventures, filled with mystery and danger. As he "waltzed" into my room, I mentally prepared myself for what was to be asked of me.

This adventure would entail an adventure to find antiques. Sounds interesting, I thought. Antiques are harmless objects so I can't see there being much mental or physical trauma. right? RIGHT?

I was not right

Teleporting there, I met with some old friends: Johhny Rooks and Billy Chance. There was also a new fellow, going by the name of Frazier O'Neal. He was nice to hang around with. As we entered the place, things became a bit hazy. But, I eventually remember waking up and seeing Billy and Frazier with me. Johnny was hard to find but we did eventually see him. But we couldn't hear him. Odd, I thought. A door opened in front of us and Billy asked me to join him as we went down.

5 minutes passed. Billy and I were getting worried about Frazier (and Johnny, a tiny bit) so we tried to go back the way we came. The way was blocked. A circular room formed. Billy recognised the gas in the air. Flammable gas.

My head started to pound as my breaths became shallow. I was gonna die. I was going to burn alive. The wooden limbs burned up. My fleshy arm peeled and fell to the ground. My eyes burned as I screamed with all my might and-

"Dorris. I promise that I will protect you."

Billy comforted me as he tried examining the room for details. He figured out what needed to be done. The room had the be set ablaze.

My wooden body shivered as Billy held out a lighter to me.

"Dorris. You have to be the one to do this."

I looked at him in the eyes. This man has been with me for many adventures. Saved me from the claws of a mall. Prevented me from getting my wooden throat slit by a maniac. I trusted him then. So I had to trust him now.

Breathe in. And let it out.

Breathe in. And let it out.

Light the flames. And the future would become clear. I blacked out, feeling my head fall to the ground.

I woke up, strapped to a chair with my other friends. But I don't remember being there for long. I blacked out again. Waking somewhere else.

"Frazier O'Neal is dead"

I paused. I was in disbelief. He can't be. This is all a trick, right? Billy? BILLY?

He looked at me, pain in his eyes. Johnny made a mean remark. He didn't care about this man's death. He had to crack a joke. I know people, in the entertainment industry, who cover their grief with comedy. But Johnny isn't one of those people.

Johnny lacks what it is to be human. He pokes fun at everyone. Never takes anything seriously. He never shows any hint of hurt or respect to ANYONE. HE LECTURES TO ME AND JOKES ABOUT HOW I WILL NEVER BE HUMAN. BUT HE IS EVEN LESS OF A HUMAN THAN ME. THAT FLOCK OF BIRDS DESERVES TO-

Sorry. I got heated then. I'll continue the story. Mrs. Wallace came in and Billy went "to town" on her. She deserved it. Every bit of pain she felt she deserved. It didn't last for long though before everything ended. I returned to my home, feeling a sense of pain.

TRIGGERING CONTENT BELOW

Pain is a funny thing. It is described as being "a highly unpleasant physical sensation caused by illness or injury." Pain doesn't have to be physical though. It can be mental or emotional. Pain is what makes a human Human. I have felt pain many times in my life. And I hope to feel it again. Because pain makes me feel human. And I've always wanted to be Human.

But is pain meant to last a long time? Because the cuts on my fleshy arm have been hurting for a while. Is it because I am the one who inflicted it?

It was a normal day before I went to this event. I was at my new apartment, relaxing. My week beforehand was quite boring to be entirely honest. But I had new fleshy eyes. I could poke them repeatedly and tears would emerge from them. I tried picking at them but they were unable to be removed. That proved that these eyes were big blue human eyes.

A Harbinger arrived to greet me. It was Midas. He seemed to be happy to see me doing well during this transition. I showed off my fleshy arm and he smiled at me. Midas told me about a certain individual. She had married many husbands but they all ended up dying soon after. I had heard of gold diggers who would use their partners for money. Some even are happy when they die and leave their wealth to them. But for every husband to die soon after the wedding? Something was amiss. This reminded me almost of my master.

BACKSTORY BIT

You see, Barbara Allen was a rich woman. She could literally never work for the rest of her life and her parents would fund every penny of her life. It's no wonder she ended up going into an industry known for having very few successes: THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY. Now I may look like a 9 year old but I have been a thing for some time. My wooden body has gone through cosmetic changes over the year. Starting off as a black-haired, green-eyed puppet, I was soon given a makeover. My black hair was replaced with blonde streaks. They have, slowly, begun to peel off (hopefully my hair turns real soon). My green eyes were painted with bright blue paint. I looked like a new doll. But I was abandoned shortly after this. Taken to a dingy pawn shop in the middle of Yorkshire, a town in the United Kingdom. 

Then my master found me. She seemed fascinated with me. Buying me for £100, I then found myself going to many places: The Las Vegas Strip, London Palladium, Planet Hollywood. And even at The Royal Variety Performance…

She always used me though. She never cared about me. A friend of mine made me realise that.

ANYWAY.  I ended up arriving at the party before the wedding with Lord Wei Fu and…*sigh* Johnny Rooks. That THING was a lot less annoying this time around. Especially since I seemed to be quite helpful during this mission. I am a very famous puppet, after all. Thus, I have a lot of fans. Talking to some of the attendees for information, things became clear that there was another factor involved. One of the maids seemed very interested in the Bride. 

Lord Wei Fu and Johnny decided to convince the groom that he should be into polyamory but I didn’t help them much with that. We then had to take down a giant spider-woman thing and well…to be honest. I came for the drinks. Not for the weird sex things.

I hope I don’t grow a penis due to the stuff involved with this