Guess who’s finally making it out there! That’s right, me, AND I’m writing all my adventures up. No more will my business be a side store, we’re going to be expanding! 

It started when this man-Midas-showed up and asked ME to help, I mean, of course he would right. I’m pretty much the best at my trade..whatever that is at this point. And even better, everyone there practically folded in my presence, believed I was absolutely unharmable by their powers. There was also, what was his name? Sun Wukong, nice guy, unfortunately I am nicer than him. We spent a while arguing on who should go ahead first. He will not be out-mannering me, I can promise you that purple work notebook.

I have to say, it all hurt though. You won’t believe how close to death I came, I think one mpre injury and I would’ve been GONE…but I hung on, and despite how awful I felt afterwards..and the day after, the adrenaline and the sick missing eye sort of made up for it.

I think that without me and the fact I was the one to outlast those creatures, the rest of them would’ve succumbed too.

Probably..

Well, well this was a WEIRD one.

So, get this. There’s me, some kid who kept talking to himself, a Russian man I forget the name of immediately and someone made of literal bubblegum. 

When we were sent to this event I thought it’d be..easier than it was, but we got it done anyway, all thanks to me I’m sure. But, well after looking at the fish, great fish by the way, we had to find those members of that sons something or other.…

…

I killed a man. It was in self defence and I mean I don’t have anything against it but. Well.

It was just, strange. I’d talk more about the squid people or the experiments we saw, but I can’t stop thinking about the bathroom altercation. 

He swung at me and I had no choice but to reciprocate. I had to just keep punching and tackling, and the blood it. Well, it sprayed everywhere. All over me. All over the tiles. All over the mirrors. It should’ve been horrifying really, but it gave me some sense of accomplishment, I guess having power over the guy who had tried to yoink out my lights gave me some satisfaction..

Let’s, not think about the ramifications of that. I mean, I’m not going to go triggercrazy anytime soon or anything like that anyway, it was a first and probably a last. At least in a situation like that, close quarters and weirdly personal.

Well, it was a success and I’m sure many more will be just the same as long as I am amongst the chosen contractors.

I, the best choice, top occultist of all time, have done it again. Midas, the boss, the professional, came into my office in the hours of night with a lament, practically tears in his eyes with a job only I could accomplish-with a little help of course.

So, you know me, always wanting to help out for the greater good, and for the reward, not that that’s the important thing. I was off, wayward, to the apartments! Of..Germany? I forget where, I’m not German nor do I speak it. Maybe I should learn though..could be some good clientele in Germany.

Now, where was I? Oh, right. So we got there to speak to this man about who the sorcerer causing trouble was and we found him in a state, my associate..Sos…njh.. Sos. Yep, got us in with the old lockpick trick, and this old guy was on his last legs, I had to call the German emergency number, and tell them I was his grandchild.

Medics took him out, and before police got there to question us as to why there was a dent in his chest we scoured that place and got outta there with my handy rope. Whew, glad I’m just about nimble enough to slide down it still. From there, after a food break at mcdonalds, we found that there was a club in the area that attracted supernatural attention, so of course that was our first go-to.

Getting there was easy, but I had a trick up my sleeve, busting out the oldest trick in the book. OBA SU! THIS TIME THE GREATEST HEALTH INSPECTOR OF THE 21ST CENTURY.

I didn’t do much health inspection, the place seemed fine enough, but they took the bait and we made it to the boss. Past..drunk Germans. Anyway, he told us we were a bunch of morons for the supernatural sorta stuff, even saying no to a gamble. Who does that? Weren’t really even any stakes. OR SO WE THOUGHT! Turns out, this boss? That was the sorcerer, and with me and Sos, my punches and salt and his..strange clawing at the spirits. We exorcised them all! 

Sorcerer was dealt with, and another win under my belt. I’ve GOT to advertise this.

When Midas walked into my home, lingering in the doorway. I have to admit, I was unsure how to react. Part of me wanted to screech at him and the consequences of what happened, but the past..well it’s in the past, isn’t it? Besides, what better opportunity to try out new and interesting things than another contract?

To my surprise there was at least one familiar face, that of Jolly. I believe I’m growing attatched to him, having had him see me at my worst suffering. As well as this there was a new face, Lacey I think he was. Says we’re friends now, fine by me. I seem to be collecting quite the roster of cannibals.

Anyway, the place we had to get into was very tightly guarded, but we all had our moments of teamwork, taking out the tower guards. Who knew shooting someone’s head open would be so fun! Haha! Well, am I GLAD I spent my time perfecting my aim.

When reinforcements were sent to deal with us I put on the best show to date, not only did they truly believe I was this ‘Joshua’ I made up, but most of them stuck with it to the very end, even when I had punched out their priest leader. What a sad man he was.

The prisoners, ultimately, seemed to have revolted and made it out with us just fine. Perfect, as usual with me, I get the job done afterall.

And oh, I have both a zoo and a cabin to visit now…and a new rifle and explosives to my name. You can never be too careful afterall, hm.

I should get out more! How I have missed this..

Since I am out and about again, I decided it was due time I visited the office again. And so I did.

I gave the workers a choice to stay, or go, because I was taking it in a new direction. We’d still deal with the supernatural of course, weird ghoul exorcisms and the like with my talents, but I’ve made a few connections, and we’d be a front for something more.

Surprisingly, they stayed. Well, Mr. Oldina says he’s going to Vegas soon for his retirement, but they all stayed anyway.

I thought they were feds at first. I received a call from someone, looking for fraudulent documents. I didn’t ask why, I never do, and we met in Okinawa.

Turns out, they’re contractors too. Nikki Sparks and Edward Graves. Contractors looking for Nathaniel..

He’s..

I’ve been manipulated again, of course I have. I’m a con artist myself, but whenever someone actually seems to care about me. It’s..

He just wanted me for information on contractors, for my connections. Dammit!

I drank myself half to death with Dr Graves. He tried healing me. It didn’t work. He and I..we’re not too dissimilar.

I’ve found it hurts, in a way. To slaughter people. It’s not a good feeling but it isn’t a bad one either. Now I’m full of more clarity and I’m not writhing in constant pain, I understand it’s a brief thrill. I don’t feel overwhelming guilt anymore..but I remember them. All their little details.

Drinking away my sorrows though, it’s probably not the answer.