blake's Journal

ISOLATION
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Downtime

From Ashes to Wisdom, A Blaze of Enlightenment

After my first in-game death, I kept my eyes shut, waiting for the screen to load me back into the main lobby. It seemed to take a long time, and I opened my eyes to check if the game had crashed. As the first death, I feared something might have gone wrong. To my surprise, I wasn't in the main lobby or in-game. I checked my game interface for information about this place, but the location tag was glitched. I could kind of make sense of the wording behind the glitch: "Phoenicia." Before I could wrap my mind around this bizarre situation, I saw the sun beginning to rise beyond a cliff as the sun god began to drag his chariot across the sky. I thought, since I'm already here, why not enjoy the scenery from the best place?, which seemed to be at the top of the cliff.

As I climbed, the heat started rising, but it seemed refreshing, like something was calling me to the top. My ears were blessed with one of the most beautiful and haunting melodies known to man – so perfect that even the sun god had to pause and listen. Once I reached the top, right before me was a humongous wooden structure that spread about 100 meters across and 10 meters high. On top of this 'nest' was the source of that beautiful melody – a majestic phoenix, the mythical symbol of courage, resilience, hope, strength, protection, renewal, and rebirth, the keeper of the cycle of life and death

I stood there in awe, mouth open. As the phoenix kept singing, I started walking forward without noticing, just to step on a branch. The cracking of the branch breaking woke me from my daze. I feared I would be struck down for ruining its ceremony, but nothing changed as it kept on singing. Just then, inside my head, I heard a voice, "You shouldn't be here." My body temperature rose as I felt the power of this god's words inside my head. I didn't dare to speak out loud, but I mustered my courage and thought of my answer: "I'm here to see with my eyes the fall of a deity by the greatest flames in existence."

"So, you are here to mock me?" 

"No, I wouldn't dare. A flap of your glorious wings would end me. I just wanted to witness the fire that could burn it all, even celestial beings like you. I respect and fear you and your power. That's what makes your executioner more impressive." 

"I feel intense hate from you, boy, as if you covet this power just to set this world ablaze." 

I stayed silent because I knew that was the truth. 

"Well, kid, you must know, hate always burns its owner to a crisp, and fire isn't only about destruction. It can protect. The first flame given to humans helped them keep danger away at night and guided them to civilization. That's the true nature of fire. I see great potential in you. Don't let it go to waste." 

Suddenly, the world went silent all around as the phoenix finished its farewell song. The sun god readied his chariots and continued his journey across the sky. This caused a spark to fall from the sky. Before it hit the phoenix's nest, I heard its voice one last time: "Remember, true strength lies not in the fury of your flames, but in the warmth of your heart. Use your power to illuminate, not incinerate. Let go of hatred, and rise with purpose and wisdom. Let go of your hate, and use your power to forge a brighter path for all."

The spark ignited the nest of herbs and the phoenix in flames. I stood there as this huge fire kept burning brighter and brighter, mixing with the orange color of the dusk sky. Until all that was left was the ashes. But among the ashes, there was no worm or egg as the myths had told. Instead, there, on top of the ashes, was a cloak crafted from a fabric that feels both light and sturdy, like woven silk infused with fine metallic threads. It drapes elegantly, with a high collar and flowing cut that sweeps to the floor. The colors are a vibrant mix of crimson and gold, with subtle iridescent patterns resembling flames that dance across its surface, giving it the appearance of living embers. Intricate golden embroidery along the edges adds a touch of regal splendor. When I picked it up, I had only one thought: "should I really take this this? is this blasphemy? Am I even worthy of this?" A simple notification appeared in front of me: "You will grow into it."

As the screen went dark, the next thing I knew, I was in the main lobby, the cloak in my hands, a great turmoil in my mind because of the phoenix's words, and an achievement notification in front of me saying

"Achievement Unlocked: First In-Game Death!"

The Gustin Brewery
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The Tower - FLOORS 1-5
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Downtime

The Phoenix's Influence

Before I left the game, I went for a walk around the lobby to clear my mind. I saw two kid NPCs playing around on the third floor when one of them fell as the balcony barrier broke and was going to hit the ground. With no one around to save him, I started running, hoping I would make it, knowing very well I couldn't since it was about 50 feet away and I am in no way an athletic guy. But as I focused my mind on just saving that NPC, my body started to wrap around in flames, and I disappeared from my location, only to find myself walking out of a flame that started in a plant next to where the kid would have fallen. I was shocked for a moment, but I immediately collected myself and caught the kid. He seemed to still be hurt by the fall, nothing too serious though. I took a better look at his wounds to see if I could apply some medical aid to help him, only to feel the heat rising from the Phoenix's cloak. As I willed my mind with the intent of healing, flames, gentle yet intense, rose from the cloak and wrapped around the injured area, weaving through wounds with a comforting heat that mended and restored. The kid and his mother thanked me as others in the plaza applauded my deed.

But for me, none of this made sense. I should have been notified if I got a new power, but I got no notification. Also, why the hell did I care about that kid? He was just an NPC in the end. Why would I have gone to such lengths for him? That doesn't seem like me. If it were up to me, I would have walked right by him and laughed at his misery, maybe even burned him if I felt that would have been a faster death for him. Since when did I become a hero, a guardian angel? Wait, that damn Phoenix!

I took off my cloak and checked its description, and just as I assumed, it now had two newly added powers: Phoenix's Rejuvenation, which seemed to be the healing power, and Phoenix's Translocation, the teleportation I used earlier. But there was nothing about manipulating my mind or making me a hero. The only possible indication was the wording in the description: "my fire is meant to protect, not hurt," which reminded me of the Phoenix's last words.

And also, why did it awaken these powers now? It has been over a month since I got it and I have played two games since then. What changed? Wait, was it the fact that I decided to protect and help others in that last MLP game earlier? So does that mean if I want to see what this artifact has to offer, I have to opt to help others? Is this a joke? Why is this game telling me how it wants me to play? I came here to burn off some steam and light shit on fire. Why am I being told to be the Gandhi of neo-GENIS? That damn Phoenix.

But still, I must say, these powers are insanely useful. Would they get revoked if I acted badly? Well, only one way to find out: "time to burn some shit up."

Deep Dives
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Downtime

A Moment Alone in Flames

"The Orchestra of Mirrored Reflections - Understanding Your Attachments" playing in the background

I stayed behind as everyone left, wanting some time to myself. I approached Floyd at the bar and said, "Give me any cocktail you see fit, just make sure it's alcoholic." The little floating ball nodded energetically and got to work. As I waited, I started reflecting on my actions today. I was disturbed again by that idiot Edgard. Who on God's green earth makes a character like that? I swear this game attracts some sick fucks. But am I really that different? I mean, I've already killed his pet eight times and had no problem with it. I just hated its master. And let's not forget going around blasting everything in sight like a madman. But I am different, right? I did this because I was really angry. I'm not usually like this. What was I even angry about?

As I pondered, Floyd pushed a drink towards me—a Color Changing Shimmery Cocktail with flames raging on top. As I reached to inspect it, its name appeared in front of me: "Phoenix Cocktail." My face dropped. That's right, the Phoenix. Again, it was subtle, but now I noticed it. When I was trying to escape, I was prepared to leave on my own, make sure I got to safety before worrying about anyone else. But as soon as I used the cloak's skill to escape, I had a change of heart and became heroic. You want to tell me that Phoenix had nothing to do with this? There's something in this cloak that wants to control me, make a saint out of me. And I'm in no mood for that. I'll tame that damn bird before it tames me. But how would I do that?

I thanked Floyd for the drink. It was really tasty. As I looked around the room, I saw a picture hanging on the wall of two random people and a cartoonish doodle of what seemed to be Edgard, with the name "Floyd's Friends" under it. This must be because Edgard tipped Floyd and patted him, but I know he was just looking for a hidden item or something to gain since he isn't the charitable type. Would Floyd still consider him a friend if he saw how he ate those monsters' corpses? Wait, all of Edgard's powers seem to be related to the devils in some way or another, especially that sleep power. And the devils are known for their control over hellfire and power. I don't believe I'm saying this, but I may have to talk to Edgard...

Downtime

The Devil You Know::An Unlikely Alliance

It was another Sunday night. As usual, with my lack of a social life, I had no place to go other than the digital world of Neo Genesis. So there I sat, at my usual bar. I guess I can be considered a regular now. How funny. Of all the places I could visit, I became a regular at the one with that creep Edgard's face on the wall. My life keeps becoming a bigger joke each day.

Speak of the devil, as I sat there deep in thought, the beholder in sheep's clothing walked in. He scowled before sitting next to me and ordering a hot chocolate. What's he, a baby? Does he have a personality disorder or something?

We sat there in silence for a hot minute, but for some reason, I couldn't help but make fun of him.

"Huh, to think a monster such as yourself would order a kid's drink. I would have assumed you drink virgin's blood," I scoffed.

"I do, just not today," he responded. "I thought a baboon such as yourself would be drinking the piss of young children," he added.

Did he think everyone is a monster like him? Anyway, I still need his help, unfortunately, so I have no reason to keep this up. I better start approaching the main subject I wanted to talk about with him. Though I would have preferred this happened over text, this works too. I shouldn't fuck it up; this may be my only chance at salvation.

"Well, your friend over here is in on the joke of this game’s devs. I asked for his recommendation, and he brought me a fucking 'Phoenix drink,'" I probed.

"I don't have anything to say to you... you murderer," he responded, not seeming to want to keep this talk going. Why did he even sit next to me in the first place then?

"Oh really? Corpse eater? At least I killed your fiend pets."

"You're so weak and pathetic, even a monster would not want to eat you."

"Well, your pets would differ. And just tell me something, why do you try so hard to appear classy and normal with that suit of yours and demeanor while acting like a fucking eldritch monster?"

"To each their own. No one said a monster has to look ugly and boorish. You're the perfect example."

"Thank you, I take pride in my beauty and flaming charisma too."

"I've seen how charismatic you are. You couldn't convince an ant to stop dead in its tracks. You would've had to resort to that damn fireball of yours to get anything done. Also, I'm no monster. I just do what needs to be done. Do I have morals? It’s questionable, but do I get the job done—that's undoubtable."

"Yeah, not gonna lie, I have to admit, you never really stabbed any of your teammates in the back as far as I know. Which is surprising."

"I have standards. You not so much, seen as how you've killed at least 12 of my Wiendgo's so far."

Wow, I killed that many already? Gotta say, I outdid my expectations. I guess I should have a trophy or something for that. But jokes aside, I need to wrap this up if I want his help with anything. If all it takes is to lose my "Wendigo fireball aim assist system," that would be nothing.

"Now that I think about it too, you even tried to help James by sacrificing your beloved pet, which kinda changed my view of you a bit."

"I..." Edgard swallows hard, "did what had to be done."

"Listen," I sighed, "I hated on you enough. I may even feel bad if I had to kill another one of them after that, unless necessary."

As I said this, I saw a twinkle in Edgard's eyes. I couldn't make out what it was, but I could tell he was emotionally affected by what I said. Jackpot. Now let's try to guide him back to the real deal.

"And I kinda get it, power means everything. When you're feared, you're safe. To each their own, like you said."

At that, he snorts.

"What now?" I asked.

"Nothing," he responds. As we returned to silence, I took a big sip of my alcoholic drink to prepare myself for what I was intending to say. I never, even at my lowest, asked for anyone's help or shown someone a weakness. My pride is taking a big hit with this, but it will all be worth it in the end if I succeed, for the sake of freedom.

Edgard turned and swiped at his eyes. He then looked at his hot chocolate and drank it in one go. He turned back to me and asked, "Why are you here? Why are you bothering me with all of this?" This hypocrite. He was the one who sat next to me in the first place. But I guess he could tell that I had something I had been meaning to say from the start. Also, I could see his face was more weathered than before. I couldn't put my finger on it, but at that moment, I felt like the person in front of me was the genuine Edgard, the human behind the scenes, not the monster I've seen on the battlefield. A weathered man with much sorrow and profoundness in those eyes of his. And I could relate to that, so I decided to stop berating him. He may have his cup full too. "It's a game in the end, we're here to have a good time," I think to myself.

"Well, you were the one who came and sat next to me, but... to be honest, I sometimes am jealous of you. You can do as you want and act wildly, releasing all the pent-up shit from the real world as you want, with no one telling you what to do or what not to."

"You should try it sometime. It's liberating," Edgard chuckles as he responds.

"I wish I could... You know, I wanted to burn everything on sight when I started the game, be something of an arsonist, to release my anger."

"Burn the world, eh?" Edgard asks in an intrigued tone. "How's that going for you?"

"Well, not like I wanted, that's for sure. You see, this fucking bugged game threw a dead Phoenix at me. And from the moment that happened, it kept messing with my brain, telling me what to do and what not to, like I can't tell good from bad. It even almost lost me my life last game. You think I wanted to throw my life away that easily for James? My body just moved on its own against my will. And the more this Phoenix gives me powers, the more frequent this is. Funny enough, all its powers are for helping and supporting others. I may one day turn into an NPC at this rate, becoming a goddamn selfless hero."

"Actually, now that I think of it, and since you are here, you may have the key to helping me. But the question is, are you willing to?" I added.

Edgard paused for a second that felt like an eternity for me. Then, with a dumbfounded face, he yelled, "THE FUCK!!! Where did you get this bird?" He started laughing out loud.

"I was the first death this game has seen, and I believe an error happened, and here I am now," I responded, trying to keep my cool, but at the same time starting to regret my decision.

As I mentioned that, he stopped for a second, then dropped to the ground and seemed to be dying of laughter.

At that moment, I contemplated blasting him out of shame. One fireball would do the job, just like his Wendigos, but I stopped, partly because I needed his help and partly because of the Phoenix's control, which made me want his help more.

"You suck so bad at this game, the game devs had to come and help you out," he responded mockingly. "They even gave you a talking pet to curb that anger of yours."

At this rate, I'm really going to kill him.

"Well, this ain't no help. This is railroading at its finest. Imagine someone backseating you every minute of your gameplay and guiding you to the ending that they believe is the best, but you hate it the most," I retaliated, trying to show him how bad my situation was.

After regaining himself, Edgard said, "Give me all the specifics, and I might help you out."

Not gonna lie, I was surprised by his response. I didn't expect Edgard to actually agree. Now I can see the light of hope down the tunnel of despair.

"Well, you know how every character specializes in a theme early on and can't deviate from it, right? Mine was fire until that damn bird came and took control. Now it decides which power I get. My idea is, I transfer my gift token to you, so you can forge an item for me that I can use to fight this bug with. Why you, you may ask? Well, because of your character theme, I believe you can make something related to demons and fire since that won't trigger any more warnings as it fits my character's original concept. And you know what they say, fight fire with fire."

As he heard that, he smirked.

"You have misunderstood my powers and theme. I can manipulate things, everything. I can make what you want since I can manipulate the object to be imbued with those powers. But what are you trying to do with it?"

"I'm just using a different kind of fire, a demonic one, to fight this oh-so-holy fire-breathing bird."

"You're trying to make an object that can give you back control of your body, aren't you?"

"I wanna restrict the Phoenix, chain him like he tried to chain me."

"Sure, I can do that for you, but in exchange I want you to join my guild."

I contemplated for a moment. Do I really want to be in bed with such a person? I mean, he just admitted to being a manipulator. What assurance do I have that he won't control me to do his bidding later on? Would this make my situation worse? This feels like making a pact with the devil.

"Would I be under your control in any way or form?" I asked, worryingly. I wasn't sure he would answer truthfully, but I had to ask.

"I won't make you do anything you don't want to. Benefits are king. You can be my second-in-command. On one hand, that means you're questionable to me, but it also means you have full impunity under my name, as well as my protection."

BULLSHIT As if I need your protection, I thought to myself. Still, this doesn't seem that sketchy. I just have to stay vigilant, or I might get stabbed in the back.

"Anything is better than a mind-bending bird," I said, extending my hand to shake on it.

Edgard shook my hand and said, "Glad we could come to an agreement, Friend."

I scoffed. Friends? As if. Yesterday I hated your guts. We won't be friends with just this talk. But fuck it, let him think whatever he wants. At least I got what I needed: a chance to fight a god. And it came just in time before I finish my newbie stage of the game. Now the real fun begins!

Downtime

A few days later, Edgard brought me the item I asked for. It didn't look like anything special—just a necklace with an inverted cross with his body on it. Weird.

But if I’ve learned anything about Edgard, it's that he's a professional. He really delivered on this item.

The enemy restriction is crazy, but what's crazier is the nightmares. You see, I have a habit of sleeping with my headset on since it used to give me more peace with the fantasy atmosphere and all. Much better than the empty, run-down apartment I'm in. I know it's not recommended, but I still do it anyway. Sue me if you want.

Anyway, after I got the necklace, I started having these nightmares. I wake up in what seems to be a dark shrine. As I walk towards a huge fire pit at the back of the shrine, a massive fire erupts, and the Phoenix rises from the ashes. He then gives me a long talk about ethics or comments on my actions—sometimes even my bad habits or intrusive thoughts. How the hell do those developers get such knowledge? I swear to God I'm gonna sue them because this shit is creepy. But again, with what money? Also, even if I won, do I want to lose this game just because it breached my privacy? I may have even agreed to this in the fine print without knowing.

Once his lecture/therapy session is over, he just burns me away. At first, when I was still struck with fear and couldn't react, the fire didn't really hurt. But once I got used to it, I understood that even if it's a nightmare, it's still my dream, and I have control over my body and thoughts in it. One time, I gathered my courage and got into a heated argument with the Phoenix, which seemed to get on his nerve. He burnt me with a fire that kept torturing me for what seemed like an eternity. But when I woke up, the whole dream was just ten minutes.

Well, with this, I lost my sweet dreams and peaceful sleep because of the Phoenix and had to go back to boring "normal" sleep. But on the other hand, I understand why those nightmares came with the necklace. I told Edgard I wanted a fighting chance against the Phoenix, and he provided. Since I could feel the Phoenix in the cloak being grumpy after I woke up, I believe that means whatever happens to it in the dream is real. Unlike me, the most I could suffer is some mind damage. Next time, I will fight back. I will throw everything at it and one day beat it and enslave it to harness its power.

children of the eyeless
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Ghost Riders
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