When I returned to my apartment, and my body reverted back to its normal form... I could feel something had changed.

Though I've become somewhat accustomed to shifting like this every month... this time was different. When I transform, I take precautions to ensure I'm not around anyone else. This time, I was forcibly transformed until nightfall-- or at least, the rough approximation of night in that place. All while doing a substantial amount of field work and physical activity.

It seems that, combined with the 'acceleration' that comes with completing these jobs, my connection to this... side of me, has grown significantly stronger. If I merely will it, I feel that I'm able to now call upon these urges and trigger my transformation near instantly.

I'm... rather reluctant to experiment with these changes further. However, if I'm to remain in control and continue surviving the dangerous situations these jobs will throw at me... I'll have to learn somehow.

After the events of the last Contract, I've come to the conclusion that I need a way to subdue people more reliably. I can't resort to going all out every time some jackass decides to crash out, or when I have to defend myself against giant rats, or whenever else things fall apart horribly. I need to be able to stay in control.

I've never been a great shot-- only ever got good enough to get by. If most officers at the precinct were shooting at a 6, I was at a 3 or 4 at most. Besides, guns simply just... aren't my style. Too loud, too traceable, too unreliable.

So instead, I decided to start practice hitting things. Really, really hard.

I was never bad at CQC, though it wasn't really my specialty before, either. This time? It just came naturally. Before I knew it, I was able to catch bullets barehanded, and move in a way to single out anyone in a crowd. Must be something related to my instincts growing stronger with these jobs.

Either way, I'll be ready next time things go wrong.

It's been a few months since this last incident...

My zoanthropy has started to deteriorate significantly. I require breathing aids now if I'm to not suffocate immediately upon standing still. I had hoped that having my blood tested would have caught any potential degeneration early, but it seems that there's something more to this affliction that I must uncover.

Even if condition continues to grow worse, I refuse to let it get the best of me. I've continued to train my body during this period-- becoming faster, stronger, and more adept. Swimming has almost become a form of meditation for me... It's must easier for me to move and breathe in the water. I suppose that's just another symptom of this condition growing.

Aside from that, I've had to talk more with Ray recently. When my breathing issues first started, she showed immense signs of concern and set aside time to stay by my side...

I told her about the Contract. Not much, only as much as she needed to know. But I couldn't keep lying to her-- and if she's to be an asset, then it's best she knows what's happening and why I'm doing all of this. It has been... a relief, getting this off my chest.

That said, I refuse to stop. I must keep going if I'm to unravel the mystery of what's happening to me... the conspiracies that are covering it all up.

The stockpile I acquired a few months ago has run dry. I've only got the blood left that I brought with me on the previous job.

I can start asking Ray to procure some more for me again, but I know it's not easy for her, and the few bags she can attain likely won't be enough to support my condition anymore.

It's time to pick up the pace and find a proper supply or dealer for myself, something that I'll be able to rely on for some time. I'll narrow my search this time to the city, rather than further out-- I should be able to find some stronger leads here as opposed to casting a wider net for information. As much as Ray has encouraged me to look into them, I've never been fond of the idea of attending a support group for my condition. Yet with it worsening, and the potential leads I can find there, I suppose it's time to finally give it a look...