Journal,

I feel terrible, even knowing that what I did was the right thing. I mean, how could I not, given what the alternative was? I can't afford to go to jail. I can't afford that reputation. Not of I want to reach where I want in life. Ralph, and Michelle for that matter, would hate me for falling that far. I just couldn't.

Still, does that make it right? Maybe. At least for me it does. That guy didn't deserve to go to jail, but did I? No. Not in the slightest. That's what I have to keep telling myself as I'm working these unpaid overtime shifts. As I'm paying off all this debt I keep swimming up to my neck in. That it was either all of this, or losing hope of ever becoming who I want to be. Who I need to be, who I DESERVE to be in this world.

Standing at the top means standing above others. It's inevitable. Maybe I just have to accept that this was one of those steps above other people. A painful step, but a necessary one

Journal,

I don't think I'm ever going to get out of this debt, am I? If it's not other people screwing me out of jobs, it's the constant stream of bills, back payments and credit owed. It's overwhelming to say the least. But still, I'm somehow keeping my head above water, and I've yet to have anyone come after me about collections. I'm right on the cusp of monetary death, and yet...I still feel in control. It's my ego talking, yet I know I can win. I know it.

I deserve to succeed after all. That much is absolutely true. To even think otherwise is not only absurd, it's self-sabotage. The last thing I would ever do is hurt my own chances, and that's exactly why I refuse to think I cannot succeed. All I need is an opportunity, and it seems like my opportunities are becoming more vast by the day. I will be able to overcome this hell I live in. I will live through it. I deserve nothing less. I will accept nothing less. 

Journal,

I've never felt comfortable talking on this, because it makes me sound crazy every time I even think about it, but...I'm getting stronger. If my ability to force my will upon others, or speak into others minds wasn't enough to prove that, then the psycho-kinetic shields and what I've found now definitely proves that. I'm surprised or scared by my strength, simply hesitant to put it into words. To let myself see what I am now. Like I'm denying it somehow.

Still, why should I deny anything? I killed both others and myself against my will for these powers. I gave up any chance at a normal life for it. I've spent hours upon hours straining my mind to exhaustion for the sake of my gifts. I found a ring that all others had disregarded, and took it in as my own. It's come love me BECAUSE of my power and will. There should be no shame. I will not be ashamed. I will never be ashamed.