It has come to my attention that I... may not be very good at hiding my vampirism.

This is... unsurprising, to be frank. I am graceful and strong and my hair is brilliant white. It is, though, rather frustrating. My hair has ever been like this, since Melody's birth.

...

No matter. I have obtained a lead on the leech that murdered her, and I plan to investigate. He appears to have been part of a cult of some regard, which is annoying.

I need to hurry up my preparations. My deception will not fool the kind doctor for long, and his own tampering in the hospital's records will be discovered in time. The soft-hearted fool smuggles me blood to sustain me at my request. Whether it is because he finds me attractive or pitiful, I do not know or care. I must be at the ready to dispose of that loose end...

A written account of aspirants encountered, their demeanor, and their use.

ENTRY I

Wet Elf Boy - Everblue.

Demeanor - A cowardly sort. Naïve, and tied to simplistic morality around killing. Perhaps he simply lives under a rock.

Use - Proved a passable driver, I suppose. Hid during conflict. Likely irrelevant to future endeavors.

Action - Of no consequence. Knows of my vampirism, but is too isolated to spread the information.

Self Important White-haired Man - Morgan.

Demeanor - Incapable of lying, as he said. Chooses his words carefully. When seeking a vehicle, looked for an abandoned one. Preferred not to cause a fuss, but lacked the funds to simply rent a car. Was opposed to violence as a solution to a problem, but had no issues looting corpses afterwards.

Use - Intelligent, but cannot be trusted with secrets due to the aforementioned aversion to lying. May be a supernatural being of some sort.

Action - Minor caution. Aware of my vampirism, but made a promise to not tell anyone.

After the... stressful few hours of that contract, and the taste of gumbo being... revitalizing after said shit show. I've decided to expand the number of recipes I know how to cook. Starting with recipes around Louisiana Creole Cuisine, one thing is for certain, it made me like oysters. Never had much taste for such... seafoods, but the ways they cooked it certainly helped me stomach that particular brand of cuisine.

I certainly had to try my hand at making gumbo myself, and though it's probably nowhere close to what I got at the end of the contract, I'd say I did well enough for myself. Strongly flavored stock, a mix of meat and shellfish, a thickener, and the Creole "Holy Trinity": Celery, Bell Peppers, and Onions. I went heavier on the meats and shellfish as the nearby grocery store had a sale on such, so I have a lot of left overs saved up for the next couple of days.

(Trapped in a nightmare - Azali)

it hurt, everything hurt. A dull aching feeling that seemed to flow over every part of his body. Each slight moment only causing the pain to flare up and intensify. He was stuck, once again he was stuck and this time there was no one around to save him. Even if they were here, they probably wouldn't help. He had pushed Nova away, he had attacked Kayleigh. Then there were those he couldn't go to. Gaia had her own problems, he had watched Luminous murder hundreds of innocent lives. Who was even left? Mimi? No, he promised he would be better than this, promised he would take care of himself. Look at him now, crying on the floor of his own office. How could he ever let her see him like this? A broken shell of himself.

"I'm sorry..." the words felt like glass on his tongue. "I'm sorry..." Each one only hurting more and more. Who was he even apologizing to? There was no one here to hear it. For the first time in a long time, it was just Sora and his thoughts.

"Please just make it stop..." He cried, trying to block out the sounds of his own tears from his mind. It didn't work though, it never worked. He had never found a way to block it out completely. After all, how do you run away from yourself? You can't, it's something you're stuck with... "forever."

"Shut up, stop it..." "Oh Sora... you always have been your own worst enemy... haven't you..." Sora glared up at the figure looming over them. Their wireframe body seemed to flicker as they knelt over him. "You aren't real. I know you aren't real... there is no way you can be real." the figure shook it's head "Even now, you're still refusing to accept the truth. You lose an arm because you break a promise and still that isn't enough for something to click in that thick skull of yours." "I said shut up." Sora couldn't bear to hear that voice again, not now, not when he was like this. It was like rubbing salt in an already gaping wound.

"That's not how this works Sora. I'll always be here, not matter how much you try and get rid of me. You can push me down, try and bury me, ignore me even. However I'll always be here." Sora shakily attempts to stand however a surge of pain brings him to his knees, or would have if the figure hadn't grabbed him. "This isn't healthy Sora. Everyone can see it, why can't you?" Sora shakes off the figure "I'm fine, or I will be once you leave me alone!"

"Healthy people don't keep a physical representation of their trauma with them." The figure noted, pointing to the mask on Sora's belt "Healthy people also don't need to make the promises you did. Or did you already forget that promise and that's why you're missing an arm right now." Sora scowled, slowly moving towards the doors to his office. Perhaps if he just left that would shut it up.

"I, Sora Tatsuya, swear that I will never allow myself to lose sight of who I am, what I stand for, and who I fight for." Sora froze before wheeling around to face them figure. "Why did you make that promise Sora? Is it because maybe, just maybe, you don't trust yourself?"

"You don't not have the right to lecture me..." "I have EVERY right! All the advice you've been given, it all goes in one ear and out the other doesn't it? You said things would be better when Link gave you that mask! You said you'd stop worrying so much when Nova made you promise." The figure pointed a single judging finger at him "You aren't protecting them, you're protecting yourself. Shielding yourself from the one thing you don't want to admit, because then maybe for once you would have to agree to be the one who needs help. Admit that the only thing keeping you from being happy-" Sora grabbed the mask off his belt and hurled it at the figure. Their form flickered and shattered as the mask collided with them, carrying on through them and hitting the wall before clattering to the ground. Sora could feel each beat of his heart in his ears as he collected himself. But as he watches, the figure slowly begins to reform. However, this time they appear different, and much more familiar.

"You have to admit..." The figure says in a voice all too familiar "That the only thing keeping you from being happy..." The figure straightens their jacket and adjusts their gauntlet. "...is yourself." Sora met his own gaze as he stared at the figure it was like the worst form of staring in a mirror. "Are you finally done lying to yourself Sora?"

The lack of air caused him to sit bolt upright. It was dark, much darker than before. Was it night time? When did he fall asleep or did he pass out? The small yip from his lap snapped him back to the current moment as he glanced down and saw a small fox looking up at him from his lap. The small thing must have thought his face was a good place to sleep.

"Oh, I'm sorry about that." Sora said before remembering it was an illusion and not a real fox. In spite of this though, Sora couldn't help but feel comforted by the little one's presence. Come to think about it, Sora had always enjoyed foxes. They were probably his favorite animal from the real world. Maybe that's why he trusted Kayleigh as much as he did. The gauntlet was harder to remove with one hand, but eventually Sora was resting against his desk petting the small fox which had curled up in his lap. "Guess you wouldn't mind if I talked for a bit, would you..." he asked, not expecting a response.

"He was right... I really have been lying to myself haven't I? Bottling up my feelings just like old times. Heh, who would have thought I'd have to learn that lesson twice in my life." The fox's ears twitched as Sora scratched them, the sleeping creature completely unaware of his musings. "It's funny, I always yelled at people when they did the same thing, but I guess that's how it works, huh. We're always critical about the things we ourselves struggle with. Guess that should have been a sign." Sora could feel the rise and fall of the fox's breathing and slowly matched it with his own. "I wanted to be okay, I want to be strong for my family... even when they told me told me I don't have to. Is that wrong? It's it wrong to want to protect people?"

The fox's shifted in Sora's lap, letting out a small sneeze. "Yeah, that makes sense. It's not wrong, but I let it become too important. I cared less about them and more about the act of protecting them. You know, you're pretty good at this whole 'talking' thing." The fox did not respond "...guess that's why." Sora carefully scooped the fox up and sat it down on his desk. "I should probably go... there's some people I need to apologize to..."

BOOT SEQUENCE...

     COMPLETE.

FIRMWARE STATUS...

     LATEST VERSION (Neo-GENIS Proprietary, 'MS6-22022-20XX.07').

VERIFYING UNIT IDENTIFICATION...

     UNIT ID# 55-AG07.

BEGINNING SYSTEM SYNC CALIBRATION...

     CALIBRATION ERROR. NEW HARDWARE DETECTED.

RUNNING SYSTEM DIAGNOSTIC...

     NEW HARDWARE RECOGNIZED. 'POLARITY PACKAGE'. TIME SINCE INSTALLATION: 8 HOURS, 27 MINUTES, 31 SECONDS.

VERIFYING INSTALLATION PACKAGE...

     VERIFIED Neo-GENIS INSTALLER RECOGNIZED: LADY ULTRAMARINE AND SAPPHIRE SUNDOWN.

RUNNING 'POLARITY PACKAGE' INSTALLATION...

     COMPLETE.

FILE DESIGNATION: NEW HARDWARE VERIFICATION - POLARITY PACKAGE

VERIFICATION PRIMARY GOAL: CONFIRM PROPER INSTALL OF BASE SYSTEM

VERIFICATION SECONDARY GOAL: NO ASSIGNED SECONDARY GOAL CONFIRM MODIFICATION FOR PERSONAL UNIT USE

INITIATING VERIFICATION SUMMARY:

Unit (DESIGNATION: 55-AG07) is returned to charging station following installation. 55-AG07 is restored to power approximately 2 hours, 19 minutes, and 01 seconds after completion of installation. 55-AG07 is met with members of maintenance, and provided multiple items (DESIGNATIONS: FORK, WRENCH, LUGGAGE CART, THROWING KNIFE). 55-AG07 is instructed to test new Polarity Package (DESIGNATION: SYSTEM) via provided items. Instructions are to retrieve or touch item, activate SYSTEM, attempt to release item, reestablish hold on item, deactivate SYSTEM, and then release item. Test results are as follows:

• FORK: Item is retrieved. Upon activation of SYSTEM, FORK remains magnetized to 55-AG07's palm. Upon deactivation of SYSTEM, item drops, and is caught by 55-AG07 before it hits the ground. SUCCESS.
• WRENCH: Item is retrieved. Upon activation of SYSTEM, WRENCH beings dropping from 55-AG07's hand. Magnetization allows 55-AG07 to easily grab WRENCH with other hand before it falls. Upon deactivation of SYSTEM, WRENCH falls to the floor with a clatter, and is summarily retrieved. SUCCESS
• LUGGAGE CART: Metallic pole of item is held in hand. Upon activation of SYSTEM, LUGGAGE CART remains adjacent to 55-AG07's palm. 55-AG07 takes a step back, and magnetized LUGGAGE CART follows after. Upon deactivation of SYSTEM, LUGGAGE CART remains immobile. SUCCESS.
• THROWING KNIFE: Item is retrieved. Upon activation of SYSTEM, THROWING KNIFE remains magnetized to 55-AG07's palm. Upon deactivation of SYSTEM, item drops. 55-AG07 throws THROWING KNIFE, then activates SYSTEM. THROWING KNIFE velocity slows before impacting with wall. FAILURE, REQUIRES ADJUSTMENT
• THROWING KNIFE: Item is retrieved. Upon activation of modified SYSTEM, THROWING KNIFE remains magnetized to 55-AG07's palm. Upon deactivation of SYSTEM, item drops. 55-AG07 throws THROWING KNIFE, then activates SYSTEM. After a period of a few seconds, THROWING KNIFE reverses velocity and returns to 55-AG07's palm. SUCCESS, REQUIRES ADJUSTMENT

VERIFICATION SUMMARY COMPLETE

INITIATING GOAL SUMMARY

VERIFICATION PRIMARY GOAL: SUCCESS

VERIFICATION SECONDARY GOAL: N/A SUCCESS

'POLARITY PACKAGE' INSTALLATION VERIFIED.

Finding myself back in the real world after the... mission was certainly something. Death in there felt... weird. You'd expect pain. Expect some form of agony. But it felt like... nothing. As if you were simply floating in the nothingness. It definitely lingered in my mind even hours after the fact, always there... just in the back of my head as I was doing other things.

Even whilst attending some of my classes, I... could never get that feeling of nothingness outside of my head. I wonder if I will ever stop feeling that lingering sensation.

It certainly made me fear death less, if that is what's awaiting all of us at the end of the finish line. Just... nothingness. Perhaps I feel some relief, some catharsis over it. Even if my death wasn't all that pretty.

But enough of those dreary thoughts. A friend from college sent me an invite to a party, I wonder if that'll alleviate some of those thoughts.