A/V LOG #2 - The Long Empty Darkness
CLYW sits, not wearing their power armor, nor their battlesuit.
''I-...''
Their fingers tent, the reflection of their visor revealing they're staring into a very beat up, slightly patched set of power armor.
''I'm not sure where to begin.''
''Honestly.''
''...I almost died.''
''We...All. Almost died.''
The table the camera's aimed at has a bunch of parts lying on it, CLYW gets down to assembling it slowly, piece by piece, screw by screw. For a moment they almost look peaceful.
''How else would you explain something like that? Just a series of bossfights?''
''...You would be a fool to think of it that way.'' CLYW's finger twitches, a stray servo or two clicking. They look down discontentedly.
''That's a stray hair in there. Hm.''
''Mhm...Aha...Ahahaha...Hahahahahahah...I-...'' They laugh earnestly and whole-heartedly. ''I can't believe i set my hands...On someone. As disgusting as that is, i grabbed Devonia without a second thought. He saved my life, i may as well owe it to him. Did you know he...Sheds?'' CLYW groans audibly, then a long sigh, then more laugher, louder now. ''I can't believe it. I just-'' They stifle another almost childish giggle. ''It's just so...Impossible. I...I grabbed him. I saved his life. Or...he saved mine? For a rare moment, i actually-...''
They break out into hysteric laughter again. ''I...I CARED about him! HhhhAHAHAHAHA-- I-- I-- Oh, man...I can't bring myself to understand it. I just...''
They breathe in, resuming their work for a moment in peaceful silence.
...
...
''I just don't understand. I don't understand...Anything, really. I'm not mad about it. I don't...WANT to know.''
''It's so puzzling. I already know so much, and i always look for more things, but i just...I'm done learning about all of that in particular. I want to be done. No more.''
CLYW sets down the half finished device, carefully extending one of their limbs to grab the camera and bring it in a little closer.
''I'm going to just trust everyone's judgement for once. It's over. We're done.'' They stare dead into the camera. ''I don't know if i can handle being done.''
They stand up, the camera rising to their full height, it pans around to reveal the partway repaired armor. ''Because i'm never done. That's the thing. I never actually work through any of my threats, i just...I learn to live with them.''
The E.L.O.S Launcher's module lay disassembled on a larger table full of tools ''I think the thought of that makes me...Worried.'' the arm's plating completely and utterly ruined. ''Just like i've learned to live with being broken. There's always something wrong, but do i ever really fix it?''
There is more uncomfortable silence.
''No.''
''I just make workarounds, don't i? I'm broken.''
''But i'm still alive. All of us are still alive.''
In an almost reassuring tone, with just a hint of anguish, they say ''We're still here.''
''I think the thought of that makes me want to cry. I'd forgotten the feeling.''
''I'm-''
The camera cuts out, glitching for a moment. CLYW is next seen sitting on the edge of some far off platform, gazing into a black abyss.
''-ou can just look down there for hours. You can sit there and wonder 'What's down there?'...I know the answer to that question, and like most things i learn, i didn't like it. I almost wish i didn't know.''
''I guess you could say it takes away the magic, knowing how all of this works, even the tiniest bit can make even the bigger picture of it all seem like just another fragment.''
CLYW reaches out to touch the darkness, bare mechanics glistening against the artificial light.
''I can't believe this is real.'' They curl their fingers one by one.
''Worlds crossing over, timelines stopping, starting, and looping. There's probably an incalculable amount of me's right now all doing this very same thing. Probably off saving the world again, or being dead weight to the ultra-powerful. Or getting their hand chopped off by f-'' they catch their tongue, however. ''...By Godfrey. Like from Elden Ring.''
''Do you know how much none of this...really, and i mean really...matters? Maybe it's just my outlook on things, but why bother?''
''...For freedom? For power? For the 'good of the people'?''
''That's a load of...That's a bunch of bullshit.''
''Yeah, i said it. It's all bullshit. We're just trying to make it out of a race where nobody wins.''
''Maybe we're in first, maybe i'm in last. Maybe there's a world where the race never starts. I think i'd like to go to that world.''
The camera cuts again.
''-Maikendo, and i think one day, it might not be bad to live there.'' CLYW just seems to be pacing back and forth.
''If we fail, it might be gone forever. I don't want to send that many souls hurtling towards the black. I guess i'm afraid of that.''
''Being a good person means you have people who depend solely on you. Who look up to you, expect you to do great things.''
''But the truth is,'' CLYW stops on their heel, turning towards the camera. ''I'm not great. I'm not really even good either. I'm just trying. I'm just fucking trying.''
''Nothing's worked. Nor is anything working. All my plans are dead in the water and all my equipment's faltering.''
The camera once again cuts, CLYW is finishing up that device now.
''I just feel bad that so many people rely on me. ME. Why would that be the case? I'm smart? I'm capable?''
''...I'm not any of those things. I'm nineteen.''
''I'm still just...Kind of a kid, i guess. Maybe chalk it up to boldness of youth. I- I--...''
''I want to go home.''
The flashing low battery warning over the screen fades in and out, and soon enough the camera cuts to black.