Bigfoot Hunt Gone Wrong

The Moscow Times

2024 - 31 Saturday - August

Bigfoot Hunt Gone Wrong

Two bodies were discovered on a mountain peak in the Central Siberia Nature Reserve last night. The bodies are of two men, assumed ages 40 and 80, each body was found in a horrible state, with no identification. The condition of each body suggests they were up there for almost 4 days, maybe more. As they were found by geologist who were on an expedition, under 1 meter of snow.

One body, the younger one, was found near the summit of the mountain. It is assumed they died due to exposure to the harsh cold of the mountain. They were found without clothing, a telling sign of hypothermia. An interesting detail was the bruising on the arms, back, and chest, as if they were squeezed with great force for an extended period of time.

The other body, the older one, was found almost 70 meters from the first body. Their neck was snapped and spine had multiple fractures, their position suggests they died by falling down the mountain.

Near the foot of the mountain, a black Volkswagen Amarok truck was found as well, perhaps belonging to the bodies. The vehicle contained several tranquilizing darts, a large net, and a camera. The most bizarre detail was the large, almost human footprints that were found leading up the mountain. With all the evidence presented, the Bor police suggests these two were on a Bigfoot hunt. There have been many Bigfoot sightings in the Siberian wilderness over the years, sparking the imaginations of the public. Perhaps these two were trying to capture this legend, or it was simply a hike gone wrong.

May we remind everyone that Bigfoot was added to the Russian endangered species list in 1965

Gas Leak Sparks House Explosion in Suburban Neighborhood, Residents Report Hallucinations of Giant Creature

"A quiet Saturday afternoon turned surreal for residents of Maplewood, a suburban community just outside of Ashleydale, after a gas leak led to a massive explosion that sent shockwaves through the neighborhood. Now, emergency services have reported 22 Casualties, and one person that sustained serious injuries" The Reporter passes by the scene, firefighters and medics in the background accompanied by what looks to be police officers and people in black suits.

"The incident happened shortly after 6 PM, when the loud boom of the initial explosion caused alarm amongst the community, the officials were called to the scene. Fire Chief Angela Thompson confirmed that crews found a significant gas leak near a residential complex and quickly mobilized to repair the damage, although too late; the subsequent explosions that followed caused the deaths of more residents, and unfortunately took the lives of those chosen to help." The Reporter carries on, before the scene cuts to an interview with the Chief Firemen.

"They were in the process of evacuating the area when the explosion occurred," Chief Thompson nods, and looks over to the damage behind them, pointing at the fire and damaged homes from afar. "The blast was felt several blocks away, and it caused considerable damage to nearby homes. I was rushing to the scene when I got the call from home; I got here too late... Lost a lot of good men."

"Witnesses from afar described the explosion as a “loud roar” that sounded very much like a giant creature, followed by plumes of smoke rising into the blue sky. As fire crews worked to extinguish the flames and secure the area, some nearby residents were overcome by what they believed were auditory hallucinations caused by seepage of the gas. Mainly of a monstrous nature."

The scene cuts again to Dr. Sarah Roach, a psychologist and specialist in trauma responses: "While hallucinations are not typical after such an event, it could be the result of extreme stress or anxiety, combined with the chaos of the explosion. The mind can react in unpredictable ways under such scenarios.”

"Authorities have assured the community that the gas leak has been contained and that it is safe to return."

“The leak was connected to an old pipeline that needed maintenance,” Tom Edwards of Maplewood Utilities, the scene of him and a couple of other contractors point to what look to be underground blueprints. “We are working diligently to ensure it doesn’t happen again.”

"In light of the peculiar events linked to the explosion, local authorities have set up a hotline for residents experiencing lingering symptoms. The municipality is also planning a community meeting to address concerns and provide mental health resources for those affected by the incident."

"Meanwhile, social media has been abuzz with memes and stories revolving around the giant tigers, with hashtags like #MaplewoodMyths trending in the province. Some have related this event to the Red Menace of the West; saying that this was a terrorist attack brought from the USSR. In any case, as the dust settles in Maplewood, locals find a strange sense of camaraderie in their shared bizarre experience, though many are hoping for a quieter week ahead."

CTV News 

OTHER HEADLINES: Venezuela declares Martial Law over Butter Shortage.

Trouble in Greenwood

The Vancouver Sun - Daily News

2024 - 21 Wednesday - August

Freak Bear Attacks Hits Small Town

Fear strikes the small of Greenwood, British Columbia, as a string of missing pets leads to the death of two teenage boys. The bodies of Micheal Gram and Keaton Buell were found 50 meters outside town near the historic BC Copper Company Smelter Ruins. Coroner report suggest that a large animal was responsible for the deaths, this aligns with the recent eruption of missing pets around the area. British Columbia is known as 'bear country' however locals found it odd, bears would normally stray away from towns and cities. The mayor of Greenwood, John Bolt, said in a statement, “This sudden attack should not taint the image of these majestic animals. However, we will be looking into any environmental causes that would cause such behavior, till then we heavily advise parents to communicate to their children the importance of not straying too far from home, and to not go into the wild unattended.”

Museum in Distress

Bad luck fell upon the Greenwood Museum & Visitor Centre this week when two crimes took place there. On Saturday the 17th, the museum was broken into at around 2:00am, one artifact was stolen. This object was a clay mask that was found outside the Ludwig Mines, said to predate the aboriginal people arrival in the land, over 30,000 years ago, making the loss of this object even greater. The culprit is still unknown, as the camera footage was corrupted and police only found boot prints. Then on Tuesday the 20th, another crime took place. Patrick Statman, a local police officer and father of four, was found dead near the closed off crime scene. His body was found in one of the mining displays, dressed up as a prospector, his actual clothing stuffed under a shelf. Surveillance footage shows the murderer choke and bleed out Patrick with a rope. The suspected murder resembled a 40-year-old male with long, unkept red hair and green eyes. He had two other accomplices, a 40-year-old male with a gray beard and distinct pointed hat, and 25-year-old male with a stocky build and carrying what appears to be spears. If anyone has any information on the Identities and whereabouts of these three individuals, please contact +1 (XXX) XXX-XXXX or XXXXXX@gmail.com.

Sweet Re-Openings!

After a six-month hiatus, the beloved Sweet Fun Dessert Parlor in Alhambra, Los Angeles, has finally reopened its doors with a joyous celebration that brought the community together to honor the memory of co-owner Nori Cho and to celebrate the revival of the local hotspot.

Originally founded by Grandma Jeong-Suk Cho and her American-born daughter Nori Cho, Sweet Fun Dessert Parlor started as a Korean bakery in Arcadia before evolving into a vibrant dessert parlor and kids party place that quickly became a favorite among locals. With its whimsical playgrounds, play pits, and arcade games, Sweet Fun Dessert Parlor was a go-to destination for families looking to enjoy some sweet treats and have a fun outing.

However, tragedy struck when Nori Cho passed away in a tragic car accident, leaving Grandma Jeong-Suk Cho and the entire community devastated. To make matters worse, a few weeks after Nori's passing, a fire broke out and engulfed the beloved dessert parlor, leaving it in ruins.Despite the challenging times, Grandma Jeong-Suk Cho was determined to honor her daughter's legacy and rebuild Sweet Fun Dessert Parlor from the ground up. After months of hard work and dedication, the newly renovated and revamped Sweet Fun Dessert Parlor is now open for business, much to the delight of its loyal customers.

To celebrate the reopening of Sweet Fun Dessert Parlor, Grandma Jeong-Suk Cho organized a grand celebration that brought together members of the community, friends, and supporters who had stood by her side throughout the difficult journey. The event was filled with laughter, joy, and plenty of sweet treats, as guests indulged in the delectable desserts that Sweet Fun Dessert Parlor is known for.As Grandma Jeong-Suk Cho addressed the crowd, she expressed her gratitude for the outpouring of love and support that she had received during the challenging times. She thanked the community for standing by her side and helping her bring Sweet Fun Dessert Parlor back to life, noting that she could not have done it without their support.

The reopening of Sweet Fun Dessert Parlor marks a new beginning for Grandma Jeong-Suk Cho and the entire community, as they come together to honor the memory of Nori Cho and celebrate the resilience and strength that have brought them through the darkest days. With its doors open once again, Sweet Fun Dessert Parlor is poised to continue delighting customers with its delicious treats and fun-filled atmosphere for years to come.

Costumed Murderer on the Loose?

Breaking News

High Schoolers found dead in Palo Alto apartment.

The apartment in the Palo Alto school district was found trashed with 4 dead teens. It has been reported that all victims were found with severe and large stab wounds. Police have refused to release any other information about the case.

The victims included three members of the esteemed Palo Alto High School; Shawn McGee a highschool senior, Becky Wolbach, and Susan Berman a cheerleader. And Dave Anthrop of Stanford Highschool. All were found dressed in costumes for a costume party held by Shawn McGee. "I even hired a security detail to ensure such a horrible thing would never happen!" Bob McGee, Superintendent of Palo Alto School district, and Shawn's Uncle and guardian claimed when questioned about the matter.

"Whoever did this must be found and brought to justice immediately," reports Sam Holman, another of the party's attendees, who claims that he lost consciousness and that the apartment was robbed. "I woke up and everyone there was dead!"

Is this a robbery gone wrong, or is there perhaps a serial KILLER RABBIT on the loose this Easter?

DUE DILIGENCE: Part 1 [Coming to Theatres this Summer]

The screen fades in to the chaos of the French Revolution, with crowds of angry citizens storming the Bastille and cries for liberty and justice filling the air. A voice speaks over the carnage:

"In a time of chaos, tyranny and oppression. Will you emerge victorious in your quest for freedom?"
The screen cuts to the four protagonists as they are introduced one by one in a dramatic fashion. First, we see the handsome swordsman, with his piercing eyes and expert swordsmanship, cutting down enemies with ease. His face reveals to be Matt Damon, he yells out and continues on into the battlefield.

Next, we see the assassin with one hand, using his agility and stealth to sneak up on his targets and eliminate them without hesitation. Their face exits from the shadows to reveal Jamie Foxx. He looks down from his higher position, where we see the seamstress down below, her eyes glowing with mystical energy as she commands powerful spells with a needle and thread. Jodie Foster.

"Or will you die a Martyr for as losing cause."

Boom! An explosion matched together with the glint of a sniper. Finally, we see the old man rifleman, his weathered face showing years of experience on the battlefield as he takes aim and fires with deadly accuracy. A man keels over with an expression of pain. He looks away from the scope and gives a sly smile. Danny DeVito

"You know you shot our own, right?" Jamie Foxx crosses their arms, looking down at DeVito. Jodie Foster holds a hand to their temple and sighs while Matt Damon chuckles.

Danny DeVito looks up with strained confusion. "...Who are you again?"

The screen transitions to a montage of epic action sequences, with the four protagonists battling against the corrupt officials and soldiers of the revolution. The voice-over begins again, music tensing up.
"Together, you had united to form a force against my own. But what is that in the face of our power!"

The swordsman duels with a ruthless general, their vampiric fangs dripping with saliva. The assassin takes down enemies with his quick reflexes and deadly aim, the seamstress uses her magic to protect her allies and unleash powerful attacks, and the old man rifleman picks off enemies from a distance with his expert marksmanship. The stakes are high, and the odds seem insurmountable. The crowds are fierceky fighting, bodies are being hung, cannons are being fired and building sare being lit ablaze.

"You're nothing, but a joke.."

The music silences. The four stand in the middle of a ballroom, they look up at a beautifully dressed woman seated on a throne; Angourie Rice.

"Well... Get ready for the punchline." DeVito cocks their rifle and everyone begins charging towards her.

DUE DILIGENCE: THE MOVIE

[Movie expected to Flop in the Box Office: $100 Million Dollar loss]

Enlistment Program: A New World Order

ENLISTMENT: New World Order

Society led by the esteemed minds of the future, advances ever forth into the unreachable peak of humanity. Every year we take small steps, that eventually lead to even greater leaps into the future.

Ever since the end of the Second World War, that saw the end of the Axis powers, and the rise of the glorious free nations you see today— humanity had never advanced so fast in their entire existence to prevent another war— or rather keep their demons at bay.

Our advancement, in both the home and the frontlines, is owed to the founder of RayLeo-Nard: The leader of Science and Engineering.

If it had not been for the efforts of Paul Galvin's, invention of new profound ways to communicate, then the Resistance against Nazi-Germany would have never taken off. One could only wonder what could have happened if that weren't the case.

Liberated from their oppressors, the Republic of Germany continued to prosper into the leaders of Technology you see today; many successes owed to their feats of Engineering, and to the wonders of their Sciences and Culture... But of course, one does not stay in prosper for long without an envious eye:

The threat of a Third-War is imminent; the Blue Menace of America encroaches from the West. Spreading their lies and propaganda against the Free-Collection of Central Europe. While they progress ever further with their Capitalist affliction- The Reds trap us from the East:

Russia and China threaten to break the peace with not only the Central-Europa, but the Blues on the other side.

So we ask you: citizens of the FCCE: Germany, Poland, Hungary, Czechia, Austria, Slovakia, Switzerland, Liechtenstein, Slovenia, Croatia, Serbia, Luxembourg, Bulgaria, Romania, and Lithuania...

Enlist now— Join the Front.

----------------------

World Changes:

1. Intercontinental Travel is highly scrutinized.
2. Central Europe now has concealed carry gun-laws, but more cases of heavy security protocols.
3. Germany, America, Russia, and China are now technological Super-powers.
4. Technology will remain similar to the original timeline, however information-sharing, and transportation is much more easier, and efficient

Local Community torn apart by Religious Controversy

TCNN Newsflash:
Reporter: Good evening, I'm here in Trona with Karyn Jennson, who has some strong opinions about a local Pastor named Jeremy Trelawny. Karyn, can you tell us what is going on?

A young reporter leans their mic towards a middle-age Caucasian woman with a blonde pixie-haircut. She gives a snarling look.

Karyn: Yes, thank you for having me. Jeremy Trelawny has been causing quite a stir in our community with his adulterous behavior! It's appalling and disgraceful!

Reporter: Can you elaborate on what exactly Jeremy has been doin-"

Karyn: Don't interrupt me! Well, it's no secret that Jeremy has been cheating on his wife with multiple women. He thinks he can get away with it just because he's a wealthy businessman, but I'm not going to stand by and let him ruin other people's lives! We trusted them!

Reporter: Have you personally witnessed any of this behavior?

Karyn: No, I haven't, but I know! I know that Jeremy is out and about with different women who are clearly not his wife. It's disgusting how he flaunts his infidelity in public like it's something to be proud of! I was one of them! I could been one of them! But no, I'm a perfect woman of God!

Reporter: How has this affected the community?

Karyn: It's caused a lot of truth to come out, especially among those who know Jeremy and his family. People are shocked and disappointed by his actions, like I said. Before. Were you even listening? I'm going to have to talk to your Boss. ANYWAY! It's tarnishing his reputation and the reputation of his family.

Reporter: Have you confronted Jeremy about his behavior?

Karyn: I have not personally confronted him, but I have made my feelings known to others in the community. I believe it's important to speak out against this kind of behavior and hold people like Jeremy accountable for their actions. They will be banned from ruining this community any further, and I will talk to the HOA about his residence, and have them kicked out!

Reporter: What do you hope will happen as a result of speaking out about Jeremy's adultery?

Karyn: I hope that by bringing attention to Jeremy's behavior, he will face the consequences of his actions and perhaps reconsider his choices in the future. Adultery is not something to be taken lightly, and Jeremy needs to find religion again, because Jesus was a pure-blooded American, and he did not sully himself with prostitutes!

Reporter: What about Mary?

Karyn: ...

Karyn's smile turns into a glare.

Reporter: Thank you, Karyn, for sharing your thoughts on this matter. We will continue to follow this story and see how it unfolds in the coming days.

Karyn: ...

The reporter looks at the camera and gestures to his neck to cut the cameras, right before Karyn was about to scream.
CUT

OTHER HEADLINES: Hello-Fresh stocks are up! Investors scrambling to get a piece.

Petition: Hello-Fresh Lawsuit

Hello-Fresh is a multi-level marketing (MLM) scheme that preys on vulnerable individuals by promising financial independence through recruiting others to sell their products. However, the reality is that only a select few at the top of the pyramid actually make any significant income, while the majority of participants lose money. This petition is a call to take legal action against Hello-Fresh for deceptive practices and exploitation of individuals seeking to improve their financial situation. By pursuing legal action, we hope to hold Hello-Fresh accountable and prevent them from continuing to deceive and harm others. It is crucial to take action against MLM companies like Hello-Fresh to protect consumers and prevent further harm to individuals and their families. We urge authorities to investigate Hello-Fresh and take appropriate legal measures to ensure justice is served and to prevent others from falling victim to their predatory business practices. [2546 Signed]

[PAGE 31] San Francisco News Bugle

Purple Star is Back!

After a two-months hiatus, fortune teller Mr. Ho Long has returned to Chinatown, much to the excitement of locals and visitors alike. Known for his accurate predictions and calming presence, Mr. Long's fortune telling business quickly became a staple in the community before he closed his doors unexpectedly the previous Month. While some had speculated bankruptcy, even sketchy under-dealings, apparently it was just an ordinary mental breakdown!

Now, with the reopening of his storefront, crowds of people have been eagerly lining up to seek guidance and insights into their futures. From career advice to love predictions, Mr. Long's reputation for providing accurate and heartfelt readings has drawn a loyal following over the years. "I haven't won the lottery yet, but when I do, I'm buying a monkey!" One customer stated after being asked in line.

"I missed the energy and the connections with my clients," Mr. Long said in a recent interview. "I am grateful for the support and encouragement I have received since my return, and I cannot comment on the reason as to why I'm back."

Whether you believe in fortune telling or not, there is no denying the impact Mr. Ho Long's presence has had on the Chinatown community. Welcome back, Mr. Long.

Monkey, in San Francisco?

Residents of San Francisco were left baffled last weekend when a strange sighting of a Monkey-Man was reported in the city. The animal in question, who seemed to be roaming the streets of the bustling city, caught the attention of many as it was seen swinging from jumping from rooftop to rooftop. Witnesses described the monkey as being as big as a man, with a handsome face and a mischievous look in its eyes, wearing an IKEA uniform as well. Some even reported hearing it make strange chattering sounds as it moved through the city. Animal control was called to the scene, but by the time they arrived, the monkey had disappeared into the urban jungle of San Francisco. Efforts to locate the monkey were unsuccessful, leaving many to wonder where the mysterious primate came from and how it ended up in the city.

Speculations arose about the possible origins of the monkey, with some suggesting it may have escaped from a nearby zoo or wildlife preserve. If sighted, please contact your local Animal Control.