I got to do some work for the Donna Lavaz recently! Caesar contacted me (poor boy had such a bad cold- I made sure to fix him right up once I got there) and said she needed me to make a delivery. Never would have thought buying a ton of cheese would be my task but hey! I won't complain. Beecher's cheese is the fucking bomb. Anyway, they sent me a sample to try and it was super yummy, so once I made my way over I made sure to get a ton as well as a couple seasonal extras (I'm sure Donna Lavaz likes cozy seasonal stuff? She seems like the type that would make a killer dish with it). Had them text me when the order was complete while I kept an eye on the backroom. It was oddly quiet and I only saw one person exit, but figured getting a better vantage point would be more helpful than waiting around inside. Good thing last contract helped me perfect my climbing! Getting on the roof from the alley was no problem, and going in through the hatch seemed a bit easier than I expected it to be- but I suppose I arrived at the right time. I grabbed the box, hopped in Christine with my huge cheese order and made my way to San Fran (made a stop during my motel stay to pick up fresh ingredients for the miso soup I promised).

Caesar brought me up to the Donna when I got there, who was so happy to see me! Made me feel so warm and fuzzy. She said I did a great job for a first timer, though I did forget to put the tarp back up when I left so I'll have to remember that for next time. She made the best pasta ai formaggi I have had and probably ever will have in my life and I got to play with the boys again during the week! This new job stuff is turning out really well, I'm very grateful for this newfound family.

Humans are such horrible, terrible, pitiful, broken animals. 

We are so vulnerable - weak, thin, easily broken. It is not hard to kill us - we don’t have claws or tough hides, we don’t have quills or protective layers of fur and hair. Our bones are easy enough to break that we don’t even need tools to do it, if you know the right trick. We are cursed - it is no surprise we were cast out of Eden, no surprise that the Creator turned His back on His hideous creation. 

But that is not the most damning of our flaws.

It is strange to watch a sleeper - the only time anybody is honest is when they are asleep, and then that is a stolen honesty. It feels a violation: who am I to rob them of that privacy, to steal a glance at their soul when they have no opportunity to hide it where it is safe? It is damnable, to play voyeur; it is no coincidence that the forbidden fruit is synonymous with the naked form.

And yet, I watch.

There is a peacefulness to them, when they sleep - the manic energy, the artistic brilliance that makes their pale skin glow is gone now, replaced by a gentle stillness so… uncharacteristic. The rise and fall of their chest mirrors the delicate slope of their nose, their jaw, replacing the edge they hold in their cheekbones. There is more muscle than before - I can trace the lines under their skin, and I understand now where the painter finds the beauty of a curve. They are so still - almost deathlike, in sleep. I’m sure they would appreciate the comparison, even though I find it frightens me now in ways I do not understand.

And yet, they are not dead. 

They are so very alive.

Their breath comes hot against my hand when I hold their face, and their little snores break the silence of the silk upon the bed. They are vital and pulsing and alive, and I cannot help but to throw myself into the jaws of perdition for but a taste of their warmth. It is selfish, what I do; childish and weak, but I am as helpless to resist as a moth fed to a flame. What else could I do but to steal their warmth? To press my body against theirs and let their gentle heat ebb into mine and banish the memory of how they were before? Banish the memory of the cold if I had been a day, an hour, a minute later? 

I am so grateful that I did not let Blanche go cold.

I do not know what Eddie would be without their warmth.

It had been so long since I'd gone out and done a job, I... I'd almost forgotten the rush. How when I go back to whatever problem I was tackling beforehand it starts to solve itself in my head. I'd been working on holographic projection and on arcane perception filters, tackling both separately to see which would yield a solution that would allow me to wear the suit most of the time without fearing someone thinking I'm in a special operations team...

I returned from that last job and it all started clicking. The tiny holographic projectors, working the same way a rainbow does - just small reflections in the air adding up to the image I need. And the way they're wired, creating small sigils out of silicone, fiberglass, and metals. It's beautiful how it all fits together. Now I have both of the solutions I was working on - the hologram to cover most people and cameras, the perception filter for anyone that tries to look a little too close. Perfection.

It's a start - it's a fucking hell of a start, but it is a start.

Blanche got themselves into serious trouble with the Silver Cross - thank fuck we saved that pilot, Elijah, and that he got me there in time. I got to witness something truly horrifying - a parasite that made me trust easy. It was horrible - a violation of the worst kind, but it got me what I wanted: Blanche safe, and opened a door for me to form a lasting relationship with the Cross. Funny how the world works, that the truest and most faithful Catholic I have ever met now tends the wounds of a servant of the Adversary. They confirmed the boba monster isn't growing as well, which is always nice.

I also met with Trinity - I... misread her, but we're still collaborators, at least for now. I thought she was an idealist, like me - that her need to kill the false kings and lying prophets burning the world for cash was to save humanity from their jaws, but she's more short sighted than that: she wants revenge. I suppose that's understandable; I forget the privilege of others, sometimes. I forget they cannot understand the way I understand, cannot accept the brutal necessity of what must be done; cannot accept that in order for a new world to be born, the old one must burn before Apocalypse that the reckoning may come to pass and Eden be restored. She provided a safehouse and she provided contacts, and the trade was a favor - that I use my Gift in her service. She didn't even need me to seal the bargain with an oath, which was a surprising relief.

It is a start. I am meeting others - perhaps not always like minded, but at least aligned. Blanche. Trinity. Are they friends? Perhaps - Blanche certainly more than Trinity, but I hope that I can call Trinity friend too, someday.

It is comforting that though my role is to walk the path of Darkness, to console the Devil in His necessary torment, that I too am not denied the comfort of companions.

It is comforting to have friends.

So uh. I decided recently that I needed to pay a debt to that werewolf hospital and called up Maria (I almost forgot about the name thing) and asked what could be done for repayment. She mentioned it could be paid normally (I did forget about my small fortune) or by doing a little job for her. I decided that a job would be best, because someone of my skillset obviously wouldn't have a difficult time in this at all. It was just patching someone up, how hard could it be? 

Well let me tell you I was fuckin surprised to see the fancy submarine lookin door upon arrival to the room and handed a rifle and told good luck before entering. No information besides finding their surgeon and getting them out. Oh and a containment breach. I guess that was pretty important (note to self: be like Eddie, harass them more). I went in alright and found my new buddy, who nicknamed herself Petunia (will be relevant later). She was hiding in a room absolutely terrified, but I helped her calm down cause I'm so great with kids. The other rooms in the hallway appeared to be empty, and luckily for me the surgeon was right where a surgeon should be- hanging out in the operating room! They looked pretty fucked up and their arm was full of teeth, but I patched them up real quick and we got back to the door. I decided we needed to all get out together and that's when Maria informed me we were not dealing with werewolves and then cut out, so I figured handling things would be best if we had code names. The doctor took Nightingale, the girl chose Petunia, and I picked Rose (because they are very pretty and covered in thorns- like I'm covered in needles!)

I managed to rig some sort of drill to open the door, but my friends didn't like the noise so I moved them into the other room and we hung out for a while (drawing of course- such great artists). Eddie eventually showed up after I sent them so many pictures (or maybe she missed me? <3) and was acting a little funny at first but I trust her! She took the doctor out of the room and went on a mini adventure so I hung out with Petunia until she returned. 

Then we figured out the whole mind control parasite thing, had a good laugh and I took Eddie out for dinner.