There's something seriously fucking wrong with this Sobin kid.

Lucky for him, though, whatever's wrong with him is really, really funny. I know he's been treating this whole thing like a performance, but girl, I just thought he was autistic or something, I didn't realize how much he'd committed to the bit. Yeah, this is gonna sound weird and fucked up, but that makes him more trustworthy in my eyes, since all he's after is a good show. He's not pretending to be some savior or saint like Mormon or Bill, he's not trying to dress what he wants up in pretty words like that snake Gene. It is really, really refreshing to just have somebody who's honest about what he wants and the kinda guy he is. Even if he's a callous, selfish dickhead about it. But hey, who am I to talk? Not like I'm any better.

Man, I hope this kid sticks around.

Okay so that was a fucking shitshow.

Those cunts Louis and Stormsoder have a lovers' quarrel over their issues, that's fine, that's all well and good, that's their business and I don't wanna stick my nose into it, I'm only there because Cap made me hunt those shitlords down for that meeting. But then one of those dykes runs off and gets possessed by that Abnormality that makes her go ax-crazy. You'd think people would be used to their damn coworkers kicking the bucket by now, but nope! Mormon and Bill decide it's a good idea to risk blowing up the entire fucking facility just to save that one girl. They didn't even fucking know her all that well.

Those two are fucking idiots and you know what? You ask me, a demotion wasn't enough. The manager should've just shot them dead the moment they started pulling that shit. Why bother with sending the Red Mist after them to dirty her EGO with their blood? He should've just blown their heads off on the spot. I should've just blown their heads off on the spot.

If there's one thing I can't fucking stand, it's these fake triggerlicking sons of bitches trying to act all altruistic and kind, pretending like they're doing any of this out of the goodness of their hearts. There are no truly selfless people. We're all pieces of shit. They at least ought to have the decency to own up to it.

At least I got to witness Tom shit himself over oily cheese.

Hey again, Aunt Eva.

Today's shift was different, if you can believe it. We had to work the late shift this time, which I actually didn't mind so much. The manager picked out our work assignments this time, which was.. not what I expected, but I'm sure as fuck not complaining because guess what? I got to work on that handsome devil I told you about a few letters ago! We smoked together again, which was really nice, a welcome break from the rest of the bullshit games the other freaks in this facility like to play. And what do you know? He really, really likes me. Says he respects my consistency. He said if I was ever in a pinch, I could come to him and ask him to gun something down for me. Like I told you, even the Abnormalities in this place can't resist my charms.

If only the rest of the work day went as well. The facility got overrun by these freaky pink things, just like that pile of goop I told you about before. Not that they were any match for me, of course, I brought down a horde of those fucking things on my own! Well, not quite on my own - my captain stepped in to help at the last minute. Not that I needed it, I could've dealt with them without help, but at least I'm impressing my superiors even more. The rest of the facility was just as much of a fucking warzone, it was nasty as hell, and even a couple other monsters broke out and started wrecking shop.

It gets even fucking crazier, though. Those pink things were an infection. They spread from employee to employee, contaminating them and just making more and more of those fucked up shambling piles of goo. So, well.. we had to cull the infected. They put us in a room with the infected, gave us 9 mils and.. you get the gist.

I did have fun though. All in all, a good day, and a good performance from me. I'm gonna be the best agent this Wing has ever seen.

Also, just as an aside.. could you tell Tenma I miss her? It's silly but I've been thinking of her lately. I hope she and the Director are okay.

I am a peacock.
I am attractive.
I clean my beautiful feathers, to impress the ladies.
I am regularly fed, admired, and adored.
The standard for all beautiful birds.
I am a peacock. I am attractive, but why must i be a peacock?

I am a crow.
I am free.
I fly to the streets to eat discarded bread and seeds in flower shops.
I am shooed.
A pest who flies among the mayabirds and rides along the winds.
I am a crow. I am free, but why must I be a crow?

People blind my eyes with their blinding suns in their slabs of metal.
People marvel at my beautiful feathers that I spend hours a day on.
People call me a standard. THE standard. As I bedazzle the city that I am not free to roam.
I am a peacock, I have to be loved, just to survive.

People put poison in their seeds and their loaves. Laxatives, Wolfsbane, you name it.
People gag at my black feathers and my raspy caw. People call me a pest. A PEST. As I fly across the city as if it were not mine as well.
I am a crow, I have to be free, just to survive. 

Yo, Aunty.

Not.. a lot's happened since I got promoted, actually. I've been making some friends - or, well, friends with benefits is probably a better word for it - among my coworkers, I guess? I know you said not to trust anybody, and don't worry, I'm still keeping that in mind. They're just.. something to keep me entertained in the meantime. Sorry, I can't help being a slut any more than a bird can help the need to fly. If anything it's probably safer to whore around in here than it was in the Backstreets, 'cause I can just shoot up with a K Corp ampule and I don't gotta worry about contracting anything nasty.

Anyway, I didn't write this letter to run my mouth to you about my sex life. I've been doing pretty good, seriously. I'm impressing my captain and my superiors, and just in general I think my coworkers are starting to respect me more. I even managed to bring down three tough sons of bitches (with help - not that it matters) and bag myself some powerful EGO gear. I'm being careful, I'm learning, I'm getting better. I seriously think I've got the hang of this Feather stuff now, Aunty, and I swear I'll make you proud, I'll prove to you that you made the right choice letting me work here at L Corp.

I still don't really know what you meant when you said the Association was dealing with tragedies. Is it just more of Thelma's standard bullshit, or is it something more? Either way, just.. tell me how I can help, and I'll help you. I might be a Feather, but you'll always come first.

I hope you're doing alright, Aunty.

I decided I'd make a diary. Why? Because why the fuck not you know?

I should prolly put everyone's favorite foods here first:

Bill - None
Zayir - Beef Goto (doesnt matter if it's tripe or tendon, so just do both)
Storm and Louis - Mushroom Soup (Hehe theyre dating). Also Louis likes healthy food. Typical of the medical person
Eliza - Coffee/Coffee Jelly? (I think this person has some sort of interest in Ryn)
Ryn - Sweets in general
Sobin - None
Nia - Enkephalin
Marcmarc - None
Micaela - Blueberry Ice Cream
Bongbong - Anything slathered in condiments. Goodness
Tom - Turkey. Man that guy really likes sleeping huh. he probably likes xanax as well.
Igoree - Chicken
Cecil - None

So I've probably forgotten a lot of them unfortunately. 

Notes:

Zay's fucked most of my crew so far. Really odd but eh what am I supposed to do. It's benefitted the kitchen so far.

Hmmmmmm I think I'll have a taco day, eastern day, steamed day, baking day, DIY day, etc. 

Headcanon Story - Mormon and Storm stumble upon each other at a blind karaoke room in the facility where violence is punishable by death. And so theyre forced to sing a song together. Storm talks about how mormon is really weird and really wants him. Mormon teases him about how he thinks storm enjoyed that kiss and wants more.

Storm: You are some agent You just dont think well Get this, dumb agent Youre my personal hell Is your mouth lonely with no food in here Bitch ill mangle you the second you step out there Just what you are, I'll spell out You are an HR pain Id rather dip and go out And work with an ALEPH again Mormon: You are so jealous of my kissing skill Guess youd say id be jailed if my looks could kill Your weak guard brands you soft and vulnerable One slip up and you flop like a card table You drool at my advancements Defend? You didn’t even try worked on you with attachment and they say my results were high Both: You're nothing without me An agent who'd never be known Had we never kissed You'd never be missed I tell you, you’d end up alone A show off, a blowhard You're equal parts hot air and gall And no one would doubt me Without me, you're nothing at all Storm: You're in my plot, get off my department I’ll show you work when you go through DETACHMENT. You are so fucked, you eat, breathe, sleep stupid Ain’t your meal ticket, wont get shot by cupid You lustful ignoramus You haven't any shame I, was the guy that’s famous while most didn’t know of your name GEE I WONDER, ARE YOU MORMON OR ARE YOU FUCKING BOYKISSER. GOD WHYD YOU HAVE TO FUCK ME UP