Things have been quiet for a while, and I've taken some time to reflect on the nature of these jobs.  

I keep hopping in and out of different versions of reality. That alone is useful to me.  For all I know, one of these jobs may take me home on its own.  Maybe that's what these behind the scenes types are prepping me for. 

I can't just trust that, though.  If they're trying to help me, great but this is on me to figure out.  I'm getting better at manipulating the time flow around objects.  Once you decide the mystical mumbo-jumbo on it, a lot of it has to do with something kind of like Gravity, only instead of physical mass, it's perceptional? Objects have a relatively weak "thread" of cohesive time around them.  Easier to manipulate.  Animals, things that can perceive events but maybe not understand them are a bit stronger.  People are stronger than that, because they understand causality and sequentially.  It gives their "thread" more weight. 

If I understand correctly, I can pull an object free of its 'thread' and slide it down a stronger one.  Right now I can use my own. Visually it's weird, like I'm hand it to myself.  The catch is I don't know when I will reach for it.  But if I can learn to do that with stronger threads, maybe I can even do it to my own someday. Pull it free of this timeline and pass it across to another? 

I know this sounds like gibberish, but remember, magic is just science we're not yet in on. If you're reading this maybe it's common knowledge right now.  Or maybe I get myself killed spectacularly, in which case you can take this as What Not to Do. 

I keep them ready, though—same as the mask, the coat. Habit, I guess. They say when you let go of something long enough, it stops feeling like a part of you. That hasn’t happened yet. Maybe it never will. Maybe I don’t want it to.

I should be out there. Someone’s always dying in the dark, and I used to be the one to stop it. But I go alone now, and that’s not how it’s supposed to be. We were a team. I was never meant to hunt alone.

I walked past a missing person flyer today. Didn’t stop to read it. Didn’t want to know.

Still, I wonder. If I take another job—another Contract—will I find a reason to hunt again? Or will it just be another ghost I can’t save?

There's still the old touchstones; Borker, Laurence, Dr. Starter, even Kitt. It's been months since the surgery they funded to help me breath, yet I still have the old mask, sometimes I even put it on when I'm at home with Borker. The home they helped me find in that poor town of Goshen.

I feel more at home in this one, safer and more able to make a difference. The old one was too far gone, but it felt like it needed me more.

Maybe I need this one, this world. In that old one I kept wondering what happened to you, but here I'll never find out if something awful happened to you.

...

Maybe that's better...

I woke up at Floyd's place, starting to call it home and getting used to calling him dad. Penny has a youtube channel set up, and used something called a VPN to keep it secret. How do we keep legal stuff away and still get paid? Maybe I could set up a post office box in Canada and fly there to pick up the checks? I don't think people in the US can go after Canadians for trespassing. Or maybe Penny can claim she receives the footage and sends me money, but doesn't know who I really am. That could work. Better than that guy I saw on the Disney video Penny showed me, he claimed he read and memorized someone else's narration then just repeated it. I don't believe a word of it, but I guess that helps if Disney goes after him. He had to climb to see any of the fun stuff, but I can just fly in and claim it's a drone or trained bird.

I'm gonna cry though, Floyd made me some presents! It feels like Santa came late, but did show up. At first I thought it was just a new dress and a choker, but even though they're both really pretty, they do stuff! He said all the stuff he learned to make, he made first for himself, then made others only cosmetically different for people like mom. I think he quit because she died, I'm glad he finds so much joy in making stuff for me.

Is it bad that I'm so amused at his originals of both new toys? His were some mechanic's coveralls and a shiny necklace. Tacky, but he didn't care.

I don't know how to host a video, am I really supposed to talk about everything over my exploring? At least I can just record myself and give that to Penny when I get back. I should definitely spend more time as a bird next time, I don't think claiming I have a remote controlled ground drone will stay convincing so I need more human height views. I don't really know anything about drones anyway. Also I need to get better supplies. Simpler maybe.

The Great Lakes are super cold and kinda boring, I don't have any idea what's worth recording here, so I just went into the storm drains. I hope people like that, I got into spots humans could barely crawl through. Maybe I should just say I have teensy cameras and trained animals. Could work.

Anyway, I don't like needing a coat, next time I'm gonna take the time to get an arctic adaptation going. Or at least get warmer tights.

So, after that fiasco, I hitchhiked to Vegas. I thought about going to Los Angeles, or maybe San Ventura, but I figured that Vegas could be more fun to explore, and it sure was! Eventually I'm going to have to sneak around Disney parks and other fun places. Also, Penny's helping me save and edit the video! Yeah, she has dad teaching her how, but she does most of the work.

Anyhow, I wouldn't even have video if I hadn't figured out something I bet no other pwca ever has. That trick to use animal traits to toughen my skin and stuff, it can sort of do technology too! Yeah, it cycles through animal traits while I set it up, stuff like elephant for memory, lots of animals for eyes and ears, but especially electric animals like eels! The eels are the key part, otherwise I could only replay stuff inside my own head. That bit lets me stick a USB cord in my mouth and the other end to a computer or phone, and download the "raw sensory data" as dad (Floyd) calls it.

Other than footage of places most people never see, I didn't find a lot that was super useful, but scrounging for food is super easy there. Lots more food waste than most places I've been.

Hésévávónó'e!

Now I can truly become one with the spirits of the wild! So far I have gained the ability to merge with a brown bear, a timber wolf, and a peregrine falcon@! Hotame does not yet recognize me in these forms, and the spiritual change is evident in the eyes, but it is one heck of a start! This may be the most important ability I have gained yet! It is hard to explain how exciting I find this to be. This changes everything, and I intend to develop this further and expand upon its capability. I'm just speechless, floored. Certainly there are other things I would like to learn to do, but this one is major, perhaps even key. Of course, its importance may be inflated since it is something I have wanted to be able to do since I was a child, but that is neither here nor there.

So, when I used my new gun, I wasn't really expecting it to shoot ball lightning or whatever the hell that shit is.  Is it bad of me that I'm glad I learned about that little effect while on a contract.  Better not take that gun with me into the field, assuming I'm ever let back into the field again.  Assuming they don't discharge me.  Yet. 

As I've gone on these Contracts, I've realized that I still manage just fine in the moment.  When the adrenalin's high, I'm still me.  It's only in the middle of the night when I wake up shivering and covered in sweat that I'm not the woman I always knew I was.  That I second guess my life and every choice I made that brought me to this point.  

Anyway, Sparky and I went out into the woods to see what She can do and daaaamn.  Let's just say that I feel better knowing I have Her as my back up.  Even if I think I should maybe keep her a little more... discrete... as I move forward.