I was right.

I was so painfully wrong.

I see it now - I am opened. My mind is come undone and yet at once I see. No more illusions - no more deceptions - the truth is opened to me. He is with me and oh, I am BURNED! It is like a ringing, a pounding, a scraping inside my head - He is too much, too great for a man to bear, and yet I bear Him as I must for such is my purpose and my duty. I am made to understand: it is unraveled to me.

For so long had I thought surely, God is only of love: that the destruction and annihilation was the work of mortal men who recorded such as His acts in furtherance of their own ambitions. Long have I thought that the world is as it is because God is only of love, that He is unable to bring punishment upon the wicked for they are yet His children.

I was right!

I was so painfully wrong.

I feel it now behind my eyes in the aching of my scalp: God is not wrathless; he is angry. And yet, he is of love, and the scriptures lie and the false prophets and capital priests deceive and suck honey from the blood of the innocent and yet! And yet, He refrains, not over cowardice, over Love. I have seen it: the remains of His sole damnation. I have seen it in the winds over Egypt, in the mutilated cattle and the rotted grain and the pustules and boils that burst behind my eyes. I have seen it in the weeping mothers of martyred children, destroyed but for the spite of one mortal man. His hand is stayed by love, but not for the wicked, though He loves them even so - it is stayed by Love for what He lacks is not Wrath but Perspective.

Of course!

He is the Almighty - the Lord! He is the Savior, the Master of Heaven and Giver of Eternal Life!

We are made in His image, but it is an image in which we are made - His wrath must be stayed, for in its persecution, how can He know what is just in the eyes of us, His children? What is an innocent life brought early to Heaven in the mission of freeing a people? What wrong could be the misapplication of His mercy in the persecution of glorious and terrible justice?

He is of Love - he is the Almighty - and His mind is so, so much greater than us. He cannot understand - could not understand.

And so, He sent His son.

And so, He sent His prophets - to see through Human eyes, and to grant Human hands His wonders that we might take the work of Justice into our hands. 

And now, He has chosen my hands.

I was right, but so enormously wrong.

I had thought my strength came from my Faith in Him, but it is the other way around - He trusts me, and so He has Faith in Me.

I must begin - there are evils in this world, evils I now have the power to stop. To protect people. To shatter the lies which keep the innocent in bondage and build the Gilded halls of the Unworthy. He has put His trust in me - and so, I must do my work, not in His name but in the name of my mission.

I only hope I am worthy.

I fear that I am not.

BBC's Merlin was decent, but very disappointing.

The plot was fine, the actors were decent, but it was nothing like the books I remember. There's far more sexual tension between Arthur and Merlin - who are the same age? - and Guinevere plays a much larger role. There wasn't even any time travel, which was the biggest disappointment.

Still, it was a worthy distraction while it lasted.

The house is... quiet without Hope - Harriet contacted them and warned them of some grave danger - the foundation, specifically. We arranged for them to spend some time with Dr. Ambrose away from here to allow the threat to pass - i am experienced in misleading authorities, and am confident I can convince them my house is nothing more than the home of a religious recluse of dubious sanity, as I've done with the FBI and with ICE. I had forgotten how empty this place is without a child in it - it's lonely, and I have so many boxes of hot chocolate in my cupboards and not a clue of what to do with them. It's uncomfortable being unable to contact them - i simply have to trust in Dr. Ambrose, which should be easy, but it isn't.

I hope the foundation shows up soon - I hope they give me an excuse.

There is nothing quite like work to take one's mind off absence.

Until then... Edith tells me Preacher is good.

<an early morning conversation between Chad and Kyle, the morning after Kyle returned. they are cuddled in Chad's bed with their dog Jenkins, with Kyle having brought coffee for himself and Chad>

K: So, I know I told you a little bit about what happened already, bro.

C: Yeah, dude... it all sounds really scary, but I know if anyone can do this, it's you.

K: Thanks, bro. I hope that's true. This one was... a lot more blood. Well, I guess the last one had a lot of blood too, but... this time there were kids. And one of them had already died, and then... we couldn't save the other one. She died in front of us.

C: I'm so sorry, bro.

K: And I just, I don't know if it's worth it, you know? That's the thing, bro. It's supposed to be worth it for the stuff we get, the ways we learn and change and grow.

C: I mean, your muscles are certainly... I mean, you're certainly growing. Do you think you're learning?

K: I hope so? I want to make sure I'm growing mentally, too, bro. We've gotta look at the money and how we're using it. I really need to be making things better for people, or else... it doesn't matter how strong I am, if others can't even have a home and safety.

C: So we'll make that happen. We can do that for them. Together.

K: Yeah? You don't want... someone less complicated? With easier hobbies?

C: Never.

Translated from an unknown hieroglyphic language not native to Earth:

every time i think that i cant hate the Foundation more i am surprised by them being even worse than i thought.

Donna Lavaz- she lets me call her Miss Frankie and i love it and Dolly says anyone else calling her that would get shot- was really good to me while i was in San Francisco. she had me heal some people and i liked being able to do it even if its painful because i want to help people. and its good practice for helping my friends!

i also learned how to make myself look human! and healing people means i got a really good look at what the inside of a human is like so it helps me sound and feel human too. i cant figure out the smell part though. maybe thats why that dog was growling at me at the checkpoint. i dont know if i like dogs.

the checkpoint was awful

[there is an attempt at writing following this declaration, but much of it is illegible, as it has been scratched out.]

i dont want to talk about it.

i missed Antony so much and im so glad to be home. Dolly says that ill have to go back to San Francisco next month to help Miss Frankie. i hope that we dont have to go through another checkpoint.

i miss Mom too. i hope shes okay. its only been a couple days but things can go really wrong in a couple days. i hope we can talk again soon. and hug soon. Antony gives really good hugs but theyre not hugs from Mom.

Quincy told me the plan, and I think he knows what he's doing so I went along with it.

Sweepstakes to get Agent Summers to meet up with us in Vegas (it was rigged, which. Kind of fucked).

Once there, I give him some pills to get his brain ok again so he can talk. I'm thankful that these pills seem able to treat pretty much anything!

We discuss how we need to get his and Winters' families out, and some different ways to do that.

Get a kid's body (I veto this) to fake their deaths.

Boating accident. We talk about a jetski accident but would be too hard.

We figure out we can buy a little time still, so we get Summers to get Quincy some random anomalous item to pay his rich friends and decide we're not faking their deaths just yet. I think Quincy said something about extracting them to the middle east, soon.

Translated from an unknown hieroglyphic language not native to Earth:

ive been very sad since the last contract. sad and scared. watching Harriet get hurt was really really scary and i dont want to lose her. i dont want to watch her die like we had to watch acai die. i dont want to not be able to save her. but anthony noticed i was sad and asked a friend to help me by talking to me about the stuff that makes me scared. he asked me a lot of weird questions about where im from and whether ive been able to play with human kids. ive been able to play with kids like me! children of the light! but why would i have been able to play with human kids? im not human and the foundation is after me. but he said that i could call him if i ever needed to talk about the things that scare me.

i wanna. it hurts to keep the fear bottled up.

i got to hear from Harriet! she can talk to me in my head now! we talked about her getting hurt and we promised to protect each other. and she wants to be my mom!! she asked if i want to be her kid and i said yes!! and she started reading me stories before i go to sleep. i used to go to sleep whenever i want but i make sure to go to bed at the same time now so she knows when to read me a story. and im making a cape to match the little girl from the very first story! i cant wait to show her.