Lilith (Lily) Weider's Questionnaire

These questions are asked and answered somewhere in Amaryllis's inky mindscape. A conversation where both her and The Passenger can have input... if it so desires.

The first question is asked. Lilith sounds rather irate, but answers honestly: "I live here, because I've been forced to for sometime. The whole Hawaii debacle put me in a very particular position as a Contractor. I made a mistake. I lost direct contact to my brothers. I had to change my identity. So, yes, I'm here in Chicago not because I'd like to be, but because I was forced to for some time. It was as close as I could reasonably be to my brothers to even think about sneaking away. I'm currently taking steps to return to my family's manor in Massachusetts now that my... employment has been terminated with a certain sociopathic agent. Bomb removed, and I can breathe easier." 

"For a while, I had been getting my money from the stipend that I was receiving from my handler, allowing me to live in Chicago, finish up my doctorate, and also have money to go on contracts and gather intel. Those sessions were never fun. I would rather be doing anything else than return to those cramped rooms with a one-way window for money. Not like I had much of a choice in the matter, though.

"I'm out of it now. I've completed my program, and I managed to save up some money after bagging a paid internship at a larger hospital in Chicago. Late nights, followed up by going on jobs. I need an actual job once I move to Massachusetts. Savings isn't going to last forever, especially as these jobs seem to keep getting more complicated. I'll need to find a good way to make money soon... a way that doesn't also Illuminate me."

"Have killed and will kill again. Simple as that. My ambitions have changed as I've taken more jobs... I thought at first I had no way to get myself out of this death curse placed upon my bloodline, until I started accepting the jobs. They allowed me to begin to harness the curse in a way that gave me much more power than I could have imagined. I have managed to turn my blood, which by all accounts should be representative of death into something that heals and protects. My Passenger is still responsible for the destruction that I'm capable of dealing, but... those are always last resorts. I suppose in a way, my ambition remains the same as it was when I started all of this in Rachel, Nevada. Stick it to Death. Look It in the face and tell It to turn the other way. I'm 26 now. I'm over the hill. Over the average for my extended family. I already proven to Death that he is to not come for me quite yet. Though, I do find myself getting close on these jobs sometimes..."

"But I think that I've grown from just simple spite toward Death. I want to build something now. I've found my home lacking in those who are truly interested in pursuing their occult interests. They're always seen as on the fringe. And most importantly, like in the case of Mr. Miller, they don't ask for help until it's too late. I want to create a community and safe place for people like me interested in developing rituals and furthering their supernatural skills. That's one of the reasons why I wish to return to my home. To use its history as a source of power."

The fourth question is asked. Amaryllis tilts her head, causing the inky dark around her to quiver. "I wonder how many other people you're asking these questions... Very personal, don't you think?"

"There are a couple of ways that I could go about this. Of course the death of my parents was not great, but... I'm not sure how meaningfully that really changed me. I already knew that they were going to die for a long time, given the nature of our curse."

"I don't remember the night very clearly. Just bits and pieces. I was young, but the night was also unpleasant. The sharp stinging in both of my arms as runes were carved into my skin. The scent of blood thick in the air. My mother looming over me with the ritual knife, like a surgeon with her scalpel. I remember something in the darkness of my unconsciousness. Something swimming around me like a shark. It saw me. I saw it."

"When I woke up, I was in the hospital. I almost died, having lost an immense amount of blood. What the doctors called my 'hemophilia' didn't make it any better. Like my blood was trying to leap out of my body. Well, when I came to, I stood up and yanked the butterfly needle out of my arm, spraying the ground with fresh spatters. I didn't feel it even a little bit. And I barely noticed it with my arms bandaged up as thoroughly as they were."

"The ritual changed me forever. My family's curse seemed to manifest in me in an unexpected way. Something entered me. Something old. Perhaps older than my great, great, great, great grandmother who pissed off the wrong occultist and got us into this mess. I've been with it for long enough to give it a name. It takes control when I can't seem to stomach what needs to be done. I call it my Passenger."

Crowley Fleischer - "The eldest of my younger brothers. He'd be... thirteen now. Pale, skinny, and a little bit of a wimp. But... he's a good kid. Responsible, smart, thoughtful. A good-natured nerd, really. He didn't hit the occult books like I did, though. He always wanted to be more of an artist. Has talent for it, too. I mean, I think that he could be just about anything that he set his mind to. Lawyer, accountant, politician... I just want him to be successful. With all of this... nightmare after the Hawaii incident, I think he's been having it rough. He hasn't really been able to be at the manor since all of that went down, and we have very few close relatives... He and Deron are staying at the home of a long-time family friend right now. James O'Hannigan. 

Deron [Previously Dio] Fleischer - "The youngest of my younger brothers. Seven. Had a birthday not too long ago. Still innocent. Was too young to really feel the direct effects of Silas and Delilah's deaths. So, he's kind of on track to be the best developed out of the three of us. He's a silly kid. He took my absence pretty hard though. Hard to describe what he's like other than, well, an elementary schooler. He wants to be a whole lot of things when he grows up. I guess we've kept from talking to him about the curse, so he isn't really thinking about how for the amount of time that it might take for him to become an astronaut, he might've already been taken by our family's nature. One thing, though, that he has excelled in is mathematics. He's pretty sharp when it comes to numbers, even though he might get the directions of his 6s and 9s mixed up sometimes."

Harry Davis - "I met this one early on in my career as a Contractor. I guess we saw something in each other. A piece of ourselves that was missing, and needed to be filled by the other. Harry's kind of like a crotchety old uncle who deals in tough love and cigarette ashes. We keep an eye out for each other. Fiercely loyal to each other, and I think that both of us would be confident saying that we'd die for each other. Well, he'd hate that I'd die to keep him safe, but that's just the way that it is. We've been on a number of jobs together, and we're a team that's hard to beat. When we're together, it's tough to imagine any situation that we couldn't make it out of."

"I'd like to say that I was a normal kid... but that was never really the case. I always felt like I was out of place, even from early elementary school. The bandages that had to cover my arms didn't help with that either. I was always the kid of the creepy witches in the woods. My family was known for their occult gatherings by some of the parents, apparently. And some parents just couldn't help themselves but to act like we were all some kind of sideshow freaks. So, no, I didn't fit in all that well for a multitude of reasons in school. After Crowley was born, too, my mom wanted us all to be homeschooled. So I was pulled out of sixth grade and brought back to finish studies at home. I guess that was a blessing and a curse."

"My mother's name was Delilah, and my father's name was Sorin. Unfortunately for Sorin, you can marry into our blood curse, so powerful is its effects. But he loved mother deeply, so he knew the risks when he got married and started a family... In fact, that was one of the things that I really remember about the two of them. They were an excellent team. Mother was always more of an experimenter, created fusions of magics from different cultures, often to astounding effects. Her strength had always been in speaking to the dead, leading seances, but her hedge magic was said to be incredible. Simple hexes, wards, things like that. Magics that would keep our house safe. And I think that still remains true today. When I walk into the house again, I think it will come alive with my presence. It will know that I've returned, and it will respect me as Delilah's daughter, just as she would have wanted."

"Father, on the other hand, was more of the researcher and the reader. He kept the rather large of collection of books that we have in the reading room, and in his office. Obscure occult tomes and records that he used to make sure that mother would be safe in her rituals. He wanted nothing more than to keep everyone healthy and happy. He was careful, thoughtful, and kind in a way that fathers often aren't. Sure, he'd do the normal dad stuff like play catch and encourage us to pick up hobbies... but there was a certain gentleness to he way that he went about his life. Perhaps father was scared of the curse. Being married into it, he had a lot of emotions to work through about its nature in his life... I'm not sure that he ever really worked it out with himself until he was on his deathbed."

"Mother and Father when I was 18. They left us the house, and an economic estate. We were able to keep ourselves comfortable (as comfortable as orphaned kids with a barely-adult daughter could be) and I was able to start college as a doctor. Eventually, about five years later, I'd be approached by a certain man with aviators and a gaudy orange suit."

The sixth question is asked. Lilith's face glows a little bit in the dark, the heat of her cheeks apparent. "Now you're really going to get it..."

"Making me admit it... Okay, fine. I think that I'm ultimately a bit of a hopeless romantic. I've been in love many times. Sometimes certain types of spunky people just immediately attract me. I realized pretty early on that I'm a lesbian, and as a lesbian I'm prone to spontaneous bouts of u-haul fantasies... I've had a couple of girlfriends before. All attracted to me for the mystery of my wounds and my family. 'What's under your bandages?' 'Wanna see my scars too?' 'Aww, we're both so damaged.' None of them worked out. From high school to college, I just couldn't get the idea out of my mind that by finding really, true, lasting love... I'd be condemning that person to a much shortened life... And now especially that I've become a Contractor, too... I'm hurtling toward annihilation on the daily. I'm not sure how comfortable I'm going to be getting someone to join me in my path of self-destruction."

"I don't know. Mother and father worked well together. Maybe one day I can find someone to fit the slot in my heart, and we can make a strong team too. That person just hasn't quite shown up yet."

"More than anything, I fear that I'll lose myself completely in the pursuit of my goals. I've felt it before, that gnawing in the back of my mind. Those moments when the calm fury surfaces and I can't quite bring myself down alone. That time when I almost killed a woman who was running from us, making our jobs even more challenging in that backwoods town in Bulgaria. I shot her in the leg with my blood spike, enough to sever it, but not enough to kill her. I was ready to torture her to get her to tell us what she knew about the strange phenomena from that mission... but Harry pulled me back. The feeling of his hand on my shoulder brought me out of it. She had taken control, and it felt like nothing could've stopped me from getting the information that I needed... but he made me realize that I was going too far. In that moment, I was starting to lose myself in the pursuit of the mission. It struck me, hard. I met some useful people on that mission, but that moment was particularly enlightening.

"I fear that one day I'm going to have to make a choice between the ones that I love and the pursuit of power. I fear that she will be the one who ultimately makes the choice. And if that happens... I really don't know what I'll do. Will I lose myself to her? When I met Naamah, I killed the apparitions of my brothers, themselves being totally consumed by their own Passengers. It was clear to me that they were no longer really my brothers when they were like that. It showed me a dark reflection of myself.

"Harry will put me down if he sees me like that, I think. I'd do the same for him."

"I used to bring it on jobs, but I started leaving it at home after I realized that it could get stolen or broken... and I also began to develop more consistent ways of defending myself. It's an old switchblade that had been passed down through my family on my father's side. It could be called an artifact in its own right. He taught me how to use it, how to use misdirection and guile, and how to fight dirty... The knife itself is probably from the late 1800s, with many of its parts having been replaced or repaired by local artisans who specialize in antiques... It hadn't drank much blood until it was in my hands. I think my father had been in situations where he might use it a time or too when he was younger but... well, he had always been more of a talker. When he gave the switchblade to me, it felt like he lifted a weight from his shoulders... Like it was something that he never felt responsible with... like he never really wanted to be pushed into using it at all. 

"I used it for the first time at O'Hannigans. There was this man, obviously not from around my hometown. He kept pushing me, hitting on me all evening when I was there mainly to just relax and talk to James. When he started getting more physical and causing a scene, I asked him politely to knock it off. He grabbed my right wrist, getting my blood on his fingertips as his nails dug into my bandages and soaked them from the pressure. I drew the knife and sliced him across the forearm before putting the point of the blade to his throat, enough to draw a bead of blood. I asked him again, less politely, to leave as the people around me when silent. He left shortly after. Probably needed stitches."

"James had an expression that was a cross between pure shock and newfound pride. He had watched me growing up, knowing that I was never a crybaby or a pushover. But I don't think that he had ever known that I had that in me. I think he respected me more from that day. And he knew that if I came to him looking for a favor, I really needed it."

"After I helped Mr. Walter get rid of his assistant, and it was revealed to me that the bomb in my neck was not actually a bomb at all, I've not heard from him since. But I've also not heard from the 'Contractor Unit' of the FBI again either... Really, now that I think about it, it seems like I'm one of the only people who even remember the events of the Indianapolis Terrorist Attack... When I search online, barely anything comes up for the date, just a story about a gas explosion. Nothing like what I remember from that time a number of months back. So, the biggest problem I have now is... does anyone after me remember who I am? Mr. Walter is a ghost in the wind now. Status quo has returned, and the world has forgotten about Contractors again.

"The manor goes abandoned still, waiting for me to walk through the door... Leaving me with the similar fear that someone who remembers who I was will come knocking as soon as I take residence. I need someone who is capable of helping me through these bureaucratic processes... not my forte.

"Other than that... I can't help but wonder about the extent of my connection to Ishtar... The dreams that I've been having lately have been... numerous and eventful. My Passenger does not much appreciate the company. She's been... poorly behaved as of late."

"I try to sleep and wake up early. Making an honest attempt to break the 'hermit occultist' stereotype of researching long into the night. Also helps not going into a mission with too bad of a sleep debt. From there, I usually do basic exercises of the body and mind. I remove my bandages from the previous night before I flex, stretch, and prepare my fingers, practicing the minor blood manipulations that I've developed. I've gotten pretty good at them, a neat, albeit disturbing for some, party trick. I can draw shapes in the air, and am beginning to sculpt the forms. After, I will rewrap my wounds, and prepare to head out. I will usually go for a run with Naamah, or go to the gym early every other day or so, listening to news and medical podcasts for the duration of the activities. I try to avoid coffee and caffeine, but will occasionally drink a vanilla latte from one of the local shops down the street. I don't like being reliant upon substances but... it tastes good. What do you want from me?"

"I suppose it would always depend upon the event... I like to blend in, choose my outfits to fit with the occasion... So, let's say that it's a party. Fancy, important people, but generally mundane, galas of that nature. My favorite outfits at events like this are the ones that are flattering, but not so showy as to leave nothing to the imagination. Black and red are my go-to colors, and I usually need something with long sleeves (or arm warmers) to cover up my bandages. Gowns, flowing below the hips, but fitting around the waist and chest. I select jewelry that shares some occult significance. Subtle protective charms etched into the backs of silver and ruby necklaces.

"Say the event was one explicitly occult, then that might be a slightly different story. I often go back to my old faithful of gothic lolita. Cute, frilly, and shows my personality well. In a place where I know there will be other supernaturals like me, I am also free to display my bandages more prominently without arousing undue attention. See-through arm warmers, or only the bandages without long sleeves. I haven't yet been bold enough to display the wounds openly at an event... they do tend to drip when open to the air. I am able to carry my books more openly, which is why I've invested in a book holster from a local LARP costumer to hold my copy of History in Blood. Little did he know that he was creating a piece of clothing that would hold the real deal, huh?"

"Invite my brothers," Lilith says sharply, "I will meet with them again before my next birthday, and we will have a long day of fun." She thinks for a moment about the specifics, "I guess we'd... drive into Boston and head to the North End to eat some good italian food for lunch together, get some pastries, then take a walk through the Common. Scare the shit out of some people's dogs because Naamah would be with us. We'd get back in the car, and head north to Salem. Yeah, it's cheesy, I know, but I'm a sucker for the old aesthetic... and it's one of the few places that people don't give me the stink eye for wearing goth clothes and heavy eyeliner. It's been a long time since I've been, and while I know that it's a bit of a tourist trap, I know that there's got to be some good stuff to find in there... We'd just have to sniff it out.

"But I don't think that Crowley or Deron are up to that kind of intense investigation, so we'd probably just go on a ghost tour or something. Honestly, my next birthday is just going to be an excuse to spend the day with them, and let them have some fun. Inject some normality back into our lives for a few moments... Don't let them know that I'm not likely to make it to my next birthday."

"Regrets..." Lilith ponders, "I try not to hold many of those... The nature of this business is feeling like you're never able to do enough. Between being a doctor trying to save people, or being a Contractor trying to keep your allies from being killed... one can only do so much. I don't regret those that I've not been there to save. That ship sailed a long, long time ago...

"It's selfish, but my greatest regret is probably the one that made me who I am today... This persona, Lilith, the one that I've lived with for almost a year now, the one that is associated with so much success and progress in her personal studies... it's because of a mistake. All for a job. I basically sacrificed myself for a chance to further my abilities. I didn't quite realize how much I'd be losing, and more importantly what I'd be changing into...

"This identity given to me by what would eventually become the Contractor Unit of the FBI is what I continue to use today. Not because I have to, but because it better represents the person that I've become. Amaryllis made a costly mistake, became Illuminated, and then was eventually "killed" for that mistake. Lilith would not make such a mistake, to throw her life away for one forward step. It is better to retreat, even if I hate doing so with every fiber of my being, than it is to die for an idiotic reason."

"From what I've been able to understand, my 'Gifts', as you call them, tap into one of two sources: my bloodline or my curse. My bloodline often manifests as the more protective or charming elements of my abilities, discovered through intense study and sparks of inspiration. My mother was a practicing witch, and a good one if the stories are to be believed. What I can do is what she would've been able to do with enough training and time, a luxury in this family. Her abilities seemed to be more about seances, or tapping into the bloodlines of others to discover information, or speak with their departed loved ones... Which leads me to believe that my current abilities are only half-progressed. I have developed the active side of her blood magic, fused with my medical expertise, and am researching the more passive components... information gathering, and perhaps one day raising the dead...

"The other source is my curse. The Passenger. She is the violent, malevolent aspect of my abilities. The ones poised to destroy and deconstruct. The ones that make my body feel no pain, or keep me from dying until I'm a drained husk of skin... She is the darker side of me, the disturbing side. Vicious, dangerous, unchained. Cold. She is the thing that comes over me in moments of panic, a defense mechanism for my humanity. A monster underneath the skin. Her abilities manifest suddenly, and often in uncontrolled displays of supernatural power. Skin tremors, dripping blood, damaged furniture... 

"More recently, however, we've been beginning to manifest abilities that compliment each other. This new ritual, for example, has me turning into a roiling mass of gore, terrifying to most, but with the control and wherewithal of my normal self. My abilities remain intact, I can protect people, and even pull them into a personal pocket dimension to heal them when the need arises. The more that I research about my magic, the more I realize that perhaps we don't need to keep ourselves quite as separate as we initially thought..."

"That's complicated..." Lilith starts, thinking back to her experiences with the occult, "I've run into ghosts, monster dogs, and even more recently, an alternate-universe biblical apocalypse. I think I used to be spiritual. I enjoyed the aesthetics of wicca, made me feel part of a community, and gave me peace of mind. An attempt to protect myself from my curse, even though it was ineffective. I knew it was ineffective, of course. Not like an entire family's miasma can be warded off by surrounding oneself with symbols and shiny stones alone.

"Nowadays, I've learned to treat 'religion' as guidance for further research. I've found that most organized religions are unambiguously powerless, unless I were to pledge myself as a devout, obedient nun. The smaller, 'culty' religions seem more capable of harnessing spiritual power, gathering it from followers into a small group of shamans at the top. The hemomantic practices from various cultures seem especially likely to work, I suspect due to the potent nature of human sacrifice. At the end of the day, I believe in results. I consider myself an occult scientist. I do not believe in any magic, deity, or ritual until it demonstrates itself to be effective. Some medical practices today evolved from spiritual beliefs of the past, so I am simply continuing that progress with the lesser-known practices."

"I've consistently found myself unshaken by the events of the missions... But then again, I think that I am rather cynical. I'm not often surprised by people, and I expect little from them. And, as it turns out, my Passenger's way of thinking seems to fall in-line with what is expected of me on these jobs. I've killed people before, and they've almost always been bad. In one instance, I even killed my brothers, something that would have been much harder if the 'trial' hadn't presented the option to me in the way that it did...

"I've not yet been sent on a job that I've disagreed with from the outset. No Harbinger has come to me with an unreasonable request, one that I'd end up turning down before it even started. Save someone, protect civilians, solve the haunting. They've been... rather agreeable. The haunted burger restaurant was the closest that I had ever come to failing for selfish reasons, but that was only because the clientele that we were sent to protect were bottom-feeders. 

"So when that day comes, that I will be forced to make a choice that shakes my world... I have a feeling that I know who I'll react. I'll feel uncomfortable for some time, but will be forced to accept the new truth. Her, on the other hand... well, she doesn't much like big changes in our shared house."