Isaac McKnight's Questionnaire

An interesting first question, straight to the point…

I live in San Antonio, Texas USA, within a rather lackluster one-bedroom apartment. Nothing very impressive for a person like myself, a contractor, but it's what I can afford if tips are good. I suppose one reason why I'm still here, rather than a cabin or mansion, is where I am now provides all I need, at least for now. 

Perhaps once I cross over, I'll move, maybe to a spooky little home on a hill.

My home?

Well, as I said, I live in a small apartment. I say I keep the place quite clean, the place is somewhat unfurnished, so not much to mess around with. My room and study, on the other hand, are cluttered, filled with my research into the spirit world.

I know it may sound disappointing being a Contractor that can do what I do, but I am a Waiter, at a fancy restaurant. I am not a social guy, but I seem to have a knack of acting like i'm not, plus it pays, good tips too. 

Aside from that, I make some cash from my contracts, whether it's given to me for a good day's work, or I find it. I was considering at some point going into the psychic ghost hunting business, like those fake ones on T.V. but real and less screaming in the dark. But I don't think I got the face for T.V. especially here soon.

With my funds from these I use them on my research into the supernatural, on ingredients for rituals, food for my hamster Jerry, and junkfood of course. 

Well i've never really worded it to anyone else before, but I could summarize it like this.

I wish to change the world, though that maybe the wrong way to say it. I think I mean change reality, change how things function, especially the natural order.

Imagine a world where life and death were one. Where you do not pass onto another life, you merely transition to the next phase of life by your choice, a more freeing and permanent one. Perhaps this world will make the living dead more comfortable as well. I will do this by merging the spirit world and the living world together. Who knows, if things go right, I may be a god to this new world? Or not... gotta be realistic here Issac. 

But before this I myself must be transition to a new stage, by becoming a spirit myself! These contracts have been granting me the knowledge and power to complete these goals, i'm close to crossing over now, I can feel it.

I was 7, maybe 8? A young Issac, so some details may be foggy.

In my home of San Antonio, an evil spirit possessed my mother.

At the time, it was just me and my mother, shortly after I was born. My aunt took care of me and my mother while she was affected by this, priests would be in and out all day trying to banish this spirit, they did not get permission to do this, but it was done. On calmer days, I was allowed to visit my mother in her room. 

One day the spirit left her body during one of my visits, I was alone in that room with her, as her eyes began to cry blood. She spoke in a strange tongue and floated above her bed. My aunt came in to see all this as I say what I assumed was her spirit being dragged out by some demon. Her body feel when the two beings vanished, my aunt didn't see my mother's spirits or that demon. My mother was, as expected, dead.

This day haunted me for years, until I managed to block that day out for most of my youth. It all came back and manifested into my interest in the dead after I saw the movie, The Exorcist.

Well, aside from having no father and seeing your mother ghost get dragged to some underworld, my childhood was rather uneventful.

My parents were Grace and Ivan, as far as a couple and parents go, I would say they did their best until they couldn't. I never met my Dad and have nothing from him, and my mother's soul is trapped I assume, cause even with my powers i'm still not able to contract them this way.

School was okay, I was the weird kid, became the quiet kid after my Mother's passing. I always had above average grades, didn't cause any trouble. I had a rotation of one or two close friends that made me still feel present in this world, I don't talk to them much these days. Bullying was surprisingly not much of an issue, only a few spells of name-calling when they needed an ego boost.

Love, huh, it's never really been a priority to me. Most folks want to find love then settle down, start a family, get married, that all just never felt right with me. 

That isn't to say i've never been in a relationship of sorts, I have had some flings with a guy or gal, at one time both. I wouldn't call it Love, but some might, but i've been told love is subjective anyway. 

The closest thing I think i've achieved with love was in 2017 with a girl I meet working at a wedding, her name was Alex, she went missing. 

Fear? odd...

I don't exactly know what it would be exactly, some small insufficient fears. Tight spaces and the ocean bother me, but I barely call that fear. The most vile fear I've had I made it into my strength, my fire. But perhaps I should explain it further. To generalize it, my worst fear is, or was, Loss. I've lost many things in my life, but I say what cemented this was the loss of my mother. She was taken from me from a young age by forces no one had control over at the time. She was possessed by a wicked spirit for several weeks, tortured by it until it took her soul in front of my very eyes. It was like an illness, it started with mild symptoms like forgetfulness and low energy, and quickly turned into her bones shattering and eyes boiling. 

Local ordained priest came from around the state to help her, they have seen nothing this serious before. I moved to my aunts during the late stages of this experience, however I saw the beginning and end of it all. I think I was 7 when this happened, I demanded to see her, and they unfortunately let me visit her through a hospital window. I saw what reminded of my mother's soul being dragged down to who knows where… 

Sorry I'm rambling. 

I suppose why I do what I do is I don't want this to happen to anyone else, I want life and death in a controlled state, an essential immorality. I suppose this "fear" is my driving force... 

Heh well, I tend to collect mementos throughout the years and on these missions, I can share some of my favourite things.

Bag of Ashes - this here is what started this all for me, it's what remains of the cremated eyeballs of a dead lesser god. This was the essential ingredient in my first major ritual that let me see the dead. The other parts of it are still where it lays to this day, though its resting place is my secret. 

Old Revolver - This is a Smith & Wesson 14 Revolver, It belonged to my father, I bring it with me on most of my missions and endeavours, i've been needing it less and less lately. It's old, but it does the job.

Small Golden Cross - This was my mothers. I sometimes wonder if she has this if her soul would have been saved back then. Now it sits among my many charms of protection.

My biggest issue?

it would have to be myself, or not of how I think myself. After all the hardships I’ve been through it doesn’t feel like I’m progress as I should be with both my powers and research. I feel as though I should have already transitioned by now to a different state existence, perhaps I am ready and I just need to perform the ritual?

No I can’t! It’s far to dangerous, there’s still so much I need to learn, my body isn’t even ready!

it feels I’ll never complete my quest in time, molding myself into a being of both life and death is only the first milestone of a much larger journey. Hell, I can’t even phase through physical objects, or fly yet? 

It may be hard to believe with my level of dedication, sometimes I feel as though I should just quit while I’m ahead.

My mornings start around 6-7am, as much as I would like to sleep in with how late I stay up, but my work schedule is carved into my brain. On days I’m not working I’ll stay in bed for another just staring at the ceiling…. Pondering…

after I get up I greet my hamster Jerry and any spirits that have drifted into my home, seeing as I can sense there presence now. 

For breakfast I’ll get something hardy, it’s my favourite meal of the day cause I whip myself up eggs and sausages, or French toast and fruit. I’m a big fan of coffee as well, so I also go deep into making them great. 

After breakfast I get half dressed for the day, what I wear depends on my plans. Then I go to the washroom to finish up, I hate brushing my teeth, combing, cleaning my ears, all weakness of my flesh. The sooner I transition the better. 

Once that is dealt with I go about my day as I planned. 

I don't go out much, much less talk to many people. However, on the low chance I do need to look my best, I have a collection of attire to wear. My most favourite get up has to be a plum colored suit, made from a lovely material that absorbs light quite well, all topped with a nice green bow. I also have a hoard of older black suits and dresses, from my time grave robbing, I can't bare to burn such craftsmanship. 

It doesn't take me too long to get ready for an event, about 30 to 45 minutes.

I will first take a quick shower, I like using “women's” soap, it works fair better, I like the smells better too. As I fully dry, I get my clothing and essentials ready, I don't need too much, phone, wallet, keys, and my charms. I put some makeup on to make myself look less dead… I end up looking like a cadaver. 

I don't really celebrate my birthday, haven't in a few years. I have little feeling towards my birthday, on one hand I remember my mother making me a small customs cakes for me on that day, on the other hand it reminds me of my aging body. Closer and closer to a “natural” death, if I had my way it wouldn't be so cruel. On my birthday I treat myself by having a drink or two, a small bottle of spiced rum, sipping my day away, not much of anything. My aunt sends me a birthday card each year with some cash in it, I appreciate that.

I'd admit, I have many regrets. The time I got a nose bleed asking a girl out back in middle school, loosing my Game Boy Advance in a sewer, so on and so forth. Two things I regret the most in my strange existence are being trapped in this cycle of “contracts” and not spending enough time with my mother.

This whole ordeal is tiring, sure I have made bounds in my research and goals with the supernatural. Unlocking the mysteries of life and death, slowly transiting to a ghostly entity. But WOW does this all have a toll on my nerves, especially some fools I unfortunately meet. There's this mutt that just left us all to die, hoards of alien zombies I had to run over with my new car, corrupt cops, I can't trust anyone it seems…

But um… I also regret not spending more time with my mother. Before she got possessed, I began spending more time distracted by my books and distractions. I know I was a good kid, but one can never spend too much time with those one loves. 

These powers and abilities I have manifested from these adventures come from my research, and absorbing spiritual and emotional energy. I have traveled to many unique locations and found many items to study and implement into my work. I spend much of my free time investigating my finds, old books, artifacts, corpses, ingredients. My body has become Psycho-Reactive absorbing my experiences; interacting with supernatural entities, being exposed to high emotions (a lot of grief, loss, and anger I've noticed), walking on haunted grounds.

I combine this energy and research into powerful rituals that I've been performing to warp my mind and body, granting me these powers, ever closer to unlife. Some changes have awakened in me without my will. I notice their function seems to be related to punishment I've taken, I almost die because I was unarmed, I develop a way to defend myself. It's almost like evolution.

I feel I'm close to a major break through...

That's an odd question to ask me. It would be foolish to ignore that our world is filled with spirits, fae, yokai, demon. So many people are too arrogant to perceive such a truth, too stuck in their machines, and their stupid politics. 

I, on the other hand, am better than that. I feel spirituality is to betaken as seriously as since, science, at least what I consider true spirituality. A lot of mainstream crystal shops tend to sell bog water in terms of spiritual equipment and knowledge, you need to go to the old tomes and isolated corners of the earth to get what you truly need.

A good deal of religions seems to have some similar themes, there are unseen worlds that lie belong the veil of our reality. Call Heaven, Hell, the Netherworld, Olympus, Hel, the Spirit World, many other names. I believe these worlds are very much real, and I must dissolve them into our realm!

Not that much, they improve and enforce some previous beliefs at least. 

I was introduced to these “Contracts” in my dreams, by a figure with a crescent moon for a head, asking if I was special, at the time I didn't think so. My progress with my goals started no too long before this. My first ritual came about after I found the corpse of a pathetic god, I stole his eyes. I cremated his eyes into a fine powder and did a ritual under a harvest moon, rubbing the ashes in my own eyes as I recited the proper passage. Thanks to that, I gained the ability to see the dead who walk among the living, It opened my eyes to what exists around us that we can't perceive. Aliens surprised me, that's for certain, still don't know how to incorporate that aspect into my plan.

However, some sights and sensations are ones that I would have never experienced if I did not continue this path.

I've met a few individuals on my missions, those who seek the means to complete their own goals through these contracts… I don't much care for a lot of them I encounter.  However, I have decent memory, and will give a vague list of some from this gallery. 

• A rather annoying clown, poor fool got harvested
• A companion of mine I haven't seen in ages, many good times, he did great card tricks!
• This man with a tree growing out of him, I watched this man get dedicated.
• A mutt that left us to die, a corporate drone...
• This short man with a mining license, I appreciated his compassion for his work 
• A baseball player, kid had it rough near the end.
• A surgeon, they seemed important to those around them, unfortunate how it went down.
• A officer of the law with a darker side, I wonder how he's doing.
• A mockery of the dark lord Lucifer.

The perfect room, right, so...

• A rather large room, maybe 16ft x 20ft, so big.
• It would have to be in an older house, that or the floor, walls, and trim would need to look old. 
• Wallpaper that's a faded color, like a green or blue, with a vertical design.
• The door, would be a double sliding door, in the center of the longer wall. With an iron horse shoe above the doorways.
• Across from the door is a large window, possibly an art nouveau design. 
• The left side of the room will contain bookshelves and some displays of my finds.
• The right side is dedicated to a small work station.
• The middle will be a desk, if I am to pass, I would request my coffin will replace the desk.
• Under the desk, is a summoning circle I designed myself for my personal projects in the future.

I say to truly excel at something you want to do you need only a few things: actual interest in the topic outside of it being something you need, so passion. The proper environment to cultivate the interest. You need to activity try to improve, by testing your skill, and learning from it. I'll be honest, I got most of that from a motivation desk calendar, but I agree with it.

I excel in knowledge about spirituality, religion, mythology, cryptids, and the general occult. I consider this a hyperfixation. But I only got into all this many years after my mother's passing. I feared the occult so much, because of that experience, that I pushed it to the back of my mind. It only came barreling to the front of my mind again after watching "The Exorcist" in theaters. The fear become fascination, and it's lead me to where I am now.

So I guess my philosophy is, understand what you fear in order to overcome it?

It seems, when it comes to how far one can go, I tend to reach quite far.

Betrayal

Trust is a fickle thing, I frankly don't trust a lot of people, especially recently. I can count how many people I trust on one hand, half of them are dead. I've been lied to far enough, I won't stand it. During missions, I tend to give those I work with an essence of my trust, cause on my life may count on trust. I'd rather not get hurt from trust…

Capture

I should first mention my disliking towards this comes, my hatred of tight spaces. Nothing burns my soul more when I'm under the boot of another, is any way. In this case, when my own freedom is in someone else's hands. I haven't encountered this situation yet, but when I will, there will be hell to pay.

I'm told I should not be okay with murder, but they are after all only dead for some time, until I merge the realms. They'll thank me later.