Maguron A25's Questionnaire

Oh, aren't you a sadistic meat bag!

According to the humans I ease drop on, I am outside a village called “Fallon”, in the state of “Nevada”, in the country called the “United States of America”, on the North American continent, on Earth, in the “Milky Way”… 

I live in a factory that used to assemble appliances used for food preparation. They must have put out quite the nugatory product if it's in this state. I didn't exactly want to be here, in fact I would rather have my biomass recycled then end up on this stupid rock. The factory is a necessary evil, it provides shelter and some privacy, at the cost of sleeping in a rusty oven. From time to time, urban explorer step foot in my shelter, they provided decent sustenance, they're rather oily tasting.

I have no need for your monetary units. It's all seems digital, not backed by physical wealth, such a foolish choice. This money drives you humans to betray your own kind, your own planet, just for some fucking numbers. However, I can't seem to escape the stuff, I find it on the ground when I travel and on the humans I have to deal with.

Recently, I can upon a rather large portion of money after my mission in Iceland. All this dough could come in handy when I try to blend in with you humans, buying coffee, cars, tables, minerals, whatever the hell else you people buy. 

The mission is simple, take control of earth, it's resources and its people. A piece of cake for a fine specimen like myself. I have a 10 step plan!

1. Integrate into your society (We're close to getting this one checked off)
2. Learn your ways, culture, and history 
3. Enter the political cesspool
4. Once a rank is gained, I will work my way up in my humanoid persona
5. Break your earth defenses from the inside out
6. Shit, I didn't think that far…

Well I've said too much already! 

I don't care what I need to do to achieve this, as long as I get what I want in the end out. I'm a solider, we're used to war crimes.

If all goes well, the Emperor may notice my efforts. I may be accepted back into the Empire and return to my life, maybe I'll even be promoted to commander of this sector.

Tell anyone about this and I will drain you of your spinal fluids!

THIS!

This whole thing is the most defining moment!

I think your small brain can agree with me when I say people normally don't get banished to a backwater planet very often!  I was sitting pretty back home, high ranking solider of the Zetothoren Empire, a few awards under my belt. Life was wonderful for me! 

Yeah, so I was a little intoxicated on the coronation day of the Emperors' son. I swear it was something trying to take him out, I missed, and it struck the prince. When he dropped, so did the Zetotho Royal Scepter, it broke in two… The prince was replaceable, the Scepter was not.

Long story short, thanks to my service I wasn't recycled, just marooned here, naked.

I'd say that shit was pretty defining!

Back home, I had a good handful of friends, I'm sure I can think of three.

Adreox A02 - A good friend I meant back in the Martian wars. Your human researchers may not know, but Mars used to be all water, home to this gelatinous nut jobs, The Martians. Adreox and I kept in touch after the war. He's a Zetotho like myself, but from another one of your colonies a few systems away. This guy, I swear, the funniest motherfucker you'll ever meet.

Muscus C01 - Another fellow Zetotho. I would say he's more of a “pal” rather than friend. We met through some business affairs I had trouble with. On Earth, you call them lawyers, I think. I don't exactly have the cleanest history with public property, and my military status can only go so far.

Kent Bearford - I wouldn't call this guy a friend, in fact I hate him, but he's become a part of my life. He's the current leader of the village of Fallon. I like to go to his house at night and shit on his doorstep.

The family unit was a concept abandoned a long long time ago when we Zetothorens invented our cloning technology, making those still around essentially immortal.

You all better not be recording this…

So uh, *clears throat glands* I wasn't around before this advancement, but I was born, or well grown. See, since we had a steady population we don't need to reproduce, if someone dies just clone them. In the case where we needed new Zetothos we would gather two unrelated Zetothos and merge their DNA with a few modifications based on their purpose. After about 12 months in a tube, you got a brand spanking new Zetothos!

I don't know who my progenitors, or “parents” were, and frankly I don't give two shits. I'm sure they were pretty decent if they can produce a perfect specimen like yours truly. 

We don't really have schools, we have courses we can take if our job requires that of us. I went through my fair share of them to get to where I was in the empire. I was the top of my class, sometimes…

Ah love, such a fragile thing, never liked the taste of it myself. Though hearts taste great, tough but juicy meat.

Your definition of love is something I haven't experienced. It is a rare for my kind to experience, we see it as a weakness. You begin to feel for something that frankly isn't important, disregarding our true love, the Zetothoren Empire! 

Dedicating our lives to the empire is our greatest pleasure, who needs the warm embrace of a loving partner who accepts you for everything you are... ugh

However, the topic of human love is something i'm interested in. Compassion is a great tool for manipulating people, some of you humans spend thousands of your earth currencies for the attention of an idea of a person. Streamers, I think they're called, female ones.

This is giving me an idea...

Me, scared? Bah! Don't be ridiculous, a mighty Zetothoren warrior such as I feel no such thing as fear!…

…Though, I suppose there is one thing that makes me, weary. What if I don't make it off this damn rock you humans call home? I mean yeah sure I was banished here, but I still have the potential to prove myself. I need to prove myself to the empire so that I may return home, but what if after I rule you humans that still isn't enough, then what the hell do I do? If I die there's no chance of my ass being cloned again, they probably already deposed of my DNA signature! No, no that would be dumb…

Why would the empire care about a stupid little mud ball like Earth, there's nothing it can provide besides some food and maybe a place to set up a base in this part of the galaxy. I suppose after the Martian war they thought this solar system was junk and that's why It was chosen to be my prison?

Why do I keep getting Zetothoren gear if I'm not at least being observed by the empire? Ah god, now you got my mind racing, I don't like it!

I can't just die here

I MUST LIVE!

If you haven't noticed already, I don't really got much possessions!

You and your mocking questions!

Sigh, anywho, I can count the number of possessions I got on my claws. There ain't much to talk about besides the only two things I got with any value, my gun, and my suit. Obviously, these are my prized possessions, back home it was my ride. These two objects are the only thing I got left of my home, they remind me of it, my goals, who I am. I don't what I would do if any of these got in the hands of you stinkin' humans, you'd probably blow yourselves up, but you clearly don't need me for that, hehehe.

My Electron Mauler C is my piece, my big iron. Nothing brings me more joy than the sight of someone's innards boiling when I shoot them from 200 meters away!

Then I got my attire, the Zetothoren Amenable Suit v2. This is a versatile piece of technology, there are plenty of add-ons to customize it to your needs! Hope I get some more from the sky.

I wonder who's sendin' me this stuff?