McDonald "Quickdraw" Graw's Questionnaire

Well' Gosh Darnit I' don't live nowhere no'more, Eva' since I stepped up to that sun'nuva bitch at the ol' Saloon down short from Chang's shit' just sailed right down south!

These days I get by just fine shootin' out with the good ol' boys down at the ranch, and' takin' ol photographs with the nice young ladies that come on down every now' n then: they call's me a cowboy cause I am, and that's what I is: fastest gun in the west.

But truthfully I live's in Texas, I think, Reenactment ranch, that's what they calls it... I don't know nothing about no city or town or anything... I can't actaully' read no signs or nothin.

Never thought it important to read, shit.

Well I make's my money these days bettin' strangers at the ranch that I can hit a dime off a barn, or some bird' high' up in the sky in one' shot, one' second but...

If you's asking me how I make my money, well son, the answer is... I don't. I don't make no fuckin' real money cause you see I thought that ten dollars' was mighty' fine, I thought me a rich man, just to find out 10 dollars now is... 10 dollars now... and spends like jack fuckin' shit.

Makes me feel real fucking stupid cause I SAVED UP MY LIFE SAVINGS, to come on down' here, just' for fifty somethin' odd bucks to get me nothing, nowhere... ridiculous.

The West is my home, The West is my Life, The Gun my sword, my Life of Strife!

If you's seriously ask me what I want most in this world, what I'd do to get there: I tell you son that I want the west to return and I don't mean I want America to win the world I mean I want the Wild West to become the world!

You's see: all these motherfuckas who come on down to the ranch talk about this latestage capitalism shit and I am not a fan, son, I think it's bullshit, I think that money is worthless now, and I think that lotsa' the world's problems would be right out' solved if you put me into a alley with this... Whatsa' his name? Joseph something? Fuck it, I dun' care.

Shit I'd come to death for less, ask me if I'd come up on it to bring the West back you's got a quick answer.

Well' Musta' been the first time I picked up a pistol... and then some odd seconds later... first time I shot a man dead! 

That man was my sunnuva' bitch "Father" so-called, you see's he was going to town on my mammy, on my dear ol' mother, god bless her heart, see my dad' had some other misses and I was just one' runt o' the litter but that ain't stop me from getting all starry-eyed and taking his pistol from' his belt

(He was naked at the time)

And hitting the first shot o' my career: off my own father, right through the forehead, right above my Mama, bless her heart.

I think I fell in love with the gun' that day... and im better for it! Better a gunslinger' then a fuckin' coward right?

Well shit I don't know no three people no more! All the people in my' life got right taken out I mea-

Haha, nah, in all seriousness though... The guy who owns the ranch I work and live at, bless his soul, his name's Jerry: he's one of those Chinamen like the ones that used to run the apothecary I'd go to for my eye' and my bruises' and such... Real nice fella. I was always a good fan of them folks from the orient.

(Badtzmaruboy is literally Chinese by the way)

Now other then Jerry: there's his daughter, nice young thing like fine ol' 22 and a real looker, real nice to me, tells me all about the current happenins' and keeps tryna' teach me how to read: her name's Mai!

Other then Mai, her brother's a kind young man... real sheep follower type though, into some weird clubs and weird movements... Keeps trying to get me to become some kinda "Libetarian?" I ain't too sure what that's about but he and his boys come down, free ammo, free shootin', and it's real fun blowin' the looks off their faces.

Who am I closest to out' these three? Probably God... but real answer for me's gotta be Jerry! Man to Man, Rancher to Cowboy, how it's always been.