C L Y W's Questionnaire

Clyw's player, Jade (not that jade, i just like the name), lives in Florida along the coastline, they work doing freelance IT service and commissions for building websites and whatnot. While not exactly a lucrative or prosperous business, it keeps them afloat in a relatively cheap apartment.

Clyw, on the other hand, resides within The Data Matrix, their own custom domain that they added to the game with the (presumably) built in level editor. Painstakingly built by hand, it is Clyw's palace, where they reign over an empty kingdom of 1's and 0's for most of their days when not adventuring. The area itself is mostly just for working away at hacking skills and showing off to any possible friends. The Data Matrix is also home to an in-house combat testing area which allows both user and avatar to hone their skills with a plethora of weapons and skills as well as capitalize off of those nice level-ups.

This was mostly explained in the previous entry, but Jade gets a lot of their money through IT work, the occasional part time job, or big commission. At least, in a perfect world.

Clyw earns most of their funds through pawning off cheap loot and harmless farming, a small source of passive income is also generated through some code of their own they injected into The Data Matrix using a little-known bug in the game. They aren't 'high level' enough to be doing any big party raid bosses or quests, so they just stick to the easy stuff.

Jade primarily spends their money on rent, new tech, and food.

Clyw spends a lot of it on frivolous things- Cosmetics, transmog effects, new weapons, and of course, Hacking gear. 

That's. Huh, you know, i don't really know what i want. Originally i had this whole grand plan of being some kind of 'ruler' or something, but after everything that's happened, you guess i could say I'm not exactly onboard with the idea anymore. All that's left now is to live as long as i can, and i'll do whatever i can to do that. I've been working at a bunch of tech and a bunch of new strats to use that tech.

As the saying goes, 'The World's Your Oyster', so i'm making the most i can out of it to sparse success. I'm still programming, still hacking, building things, fighting. It feels weird that i'm...is no-lifing the right term? No-lifing the game, considering i'm not even alive anymore, it's a pretty apt description. As for killing and dying for this survival, of course i'm doing that- I mean, i didn't lose an eye for nothing, and i wouldn't fight my way through so many NPCs for nothing. I have yet to get into any actual PVP, though. and i'm a little worried what happens when i do. If i'm fighting, chances are i won't lose. Unless it's against a horde of bugs.

I hate those bugs. I hate them so much.

Anyways, Survival's the game here. I'll kill however many things i need to, and i'll die and back myself up as many times as i can, which probably isn't very many.

Makes me think, you know. I could build robots for this sort of thing. That'll be interesting.

Well, i mean...Huh.

Not much comes to mind, really. I guess you could say it was when i got that PS3. That's what really got me into gaming, and then it was Minecraft on PC, you know, Hypixel and Mineplex and the like, or whatever the hell those servers were called, and all of that culminated in me learning to program. I didn't want to just stay a computerjock forever, so i took up a few sports, you know-- Fencing, Shot Put, i think i even played Chess for a little while.

Man, i was a nerd.

After all of that, though, i think was me coming up with the identity of CLYW, like, as a character. I had just put uh...what was it. That computer game, I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream, i had just finished that, and i know i really liked AM. The way he spoke, the way Ellison played him. I don't think i'll ever forget that. Oh, man, and the radio play. 'There, pick a flower.' He was so...Angry. So emotive, for a machine. Manic, impulsive, truly believing in himself he was all powerful, because he was.

He had the power to change anything he wanted, he used it to destroy, to torture. It's...Odd. I think i almost looked up to him in a weird way. He was an omnipresent and omnipowerful machine, and i thought, 'I want to program something like that one day. A machine that could think, that could feel. That could want power, capable of things that no human could be capable of.' And so i did, and then i made CLYW. I spent about a week or two handmaking their model, injecting my own cheat client into the game. It was small, but it was capable of infinite wonders. I got to live a little through CLYW, i got to feel powerful. I held that power in my hands, and it felt good. Like you could pick up the sun and crush it in your palms-- I- I felt unstoppable.

And i saw no problem with that.

It wasn't until after recklessly destroying my own body did i stop to think about how everyone else thought of me. I was an enemy, almost like a villain, at least, to one person. And i have to admit, i loved it. The attention, the emotion behind his words, it felt fun. Someone who hated the persona i'd created so strongly as to permanently scar me over it. It felt like i'd succeeded in my goal, just that one time, i'd finally, truly won. Like a perfect checkmate in a game of chess, i won, and i won so easily, too.

After the rush of victory faded, i felt...Hollow. Just empty, like a ghost floating through a graveyard. Now i'm dealing with it all as it all catches up to me day by day. I can't say i would go either which way, really. Between getting my body back and staying in NeoGENIS, i mean. I think i'd like to stay powerful...But, then again. I think i'd rather not exist at all.

My biggest triumph, and my biggest mistake, captured into words.

There you go.

Three people...

Three...People...

I'm not sure i can remember, honestly. I think i just cut off my family once i moved out. They weren't exactly happy with who i was, so i just deemed it fit to up and leave.

That's Florida for you, i guess.

Neo-GENIS is my family now, anyways. In some weird roundabout way.

Jerm is-...Was. A good friend of mine, he was surprisingly okay to talk to when i got bored, and it was cool being friends with one of the most popular streamers ingame, seriously, he's like the president at this point. I wonder how he's changed since i saw him last. I always remembered him being funny, and a little offputting, but he's Jerm, so that's normal.

Sora, obviously, is my most beloved enemy. We've been on the mend in terms of a relationship, but he's the only person who puts effort into hating me outside of myself. Good head on his shoulders, wouldn't hesitate to kill me. Overall a real upright guy.

And, Dr. Oid...We're not exactly 'close', but she's one of the first people who comes to mind when i think of Maikendo. Next is Mimi, of course, fan favorite Mimi.

Oid is a fellow scholar of the sciences, you could say. Not only has he put me into this situation, but she did it easily, too. All of her devices are hand made, hand invented, whatever, all of that and she decides to use it for Go-Karts.

It's kind of cute, in a way. You hold the godlike power of technology in your hands and you're just so...Modest. You control it all like some kind of incomprehensible deity but you just use it to have fun and give the kids something to do. It's not really anything i can understand, but to each their own, i guess.

Maybe i can be like that one day, but for now...It's just not conceivable.

My childhood was an ordinary one, something i've covered before. To tell you the truth, i was actually normal for a time.

Middle school hit me hard, i was pretty much forever alienated...Uh, the weird kid if you will. Nobody wanted to talk to me, the robotics club wouldn't take me, i almost got suspended one time after hijacking some equipment from the A/V club to fuel my pursuits. My parents weren't the techiest types, what with my dad being a mechanic, and my mom being some accountant.

We pulled in good money, and as such, i picked up some trades that made me money, that is, until they kicked me out.

I was just lonely, that's kind of it.

To sum it up a little further;

Straight A student in my shop classes, AP Comp-Sci kid, solid enough with my English studies to get a passing grade, and i didn't really care about P.E or sports at all, even if i participated, it was only to stay in shape.

Boring, boring, boring. Not exactly pertinent to my current situation.

You're kidding.

Me? Love? That's like asking a calculator to stream a movie- it's just not going to happen.

If i were to be in love, it'd be a fruitless pursuit. I drown myself in my work for a reason, same reason someone would drink.

To forget, mostly, and to feel good. That rush of the next breakthrough, the enjoyment of a good plan. Human or not i'd be a horrible partner. Especially after we're done with this whole 'destroy the angel, leave the game' thing. Nobody could live through what i've lived through and come out sane. There's no love in this world for something like me anyways.

Bottom line is, i'm too busy and it's too risky. If i were to love someone, they'd have to be in on it just as much as i am. What happens when we break up? Disaster, that's what happens. I can say safely that i'm not missing much.

Oh, uh...Man.

I think i forgot.

That's funny. Forgetting fears is a funny thing.

Nowadays i'm mostly afraid of angels. It's gotten to the point where i flinch at crosses. I hate angels so much, and the worst thing is i haven't even seen it. I've also got a lot of existential fears, i've talked about them with Kayleigh before.

I'm afraid that what's me isn't me. I've been reconstructed about three or four times now, all of them after i ended up dead. I'm worried about what kind of power we'll be evoking once we destroy The Angel, and i'm worried about the ensuing cataclysm that will most certainly occur once it's dead.

If i replace it, i'll be leaving the world no different than what it was before. If i destroy it, Neo-Genis turns into a lawless wasteland, hackers like me running rampant. I'm worried about other Programs. You know, if more of them exist outside of just the three of us. Will they know the fear of death once we destroy their guardian?

I'm just a computer, i can't see all the outcomes, and that stresses me out. I'm supposed to know. I'm supposed to be smart, right? Don't get me wrong, i am ridiculously smart, but i'm supposed to be cold, calculating, and unshakeable. And yet...

I just can't figure it out. I can't figure out why i'm so afraid of the abyss that lies beyond. I'm afraid of death, but not in the way a player is. I've got the Grim Reaper chasing me down, and sooner or later i won't be able to dodge it. It's either that, or we crush the thing. It's our lives, or the apocalypse.

Playing god is a tricky thing.

I'm not sure anymore.

I live my life like i'm disposable. Like everything i have is just a one-use, one trick tool. There's a lot of things i don't know, but if there's one thing i know is that even with all the equipment i have at my disposal, i'm still powerless. Yes, i may be a hero to some, but i'm still just so...

How do i word it, even? I'm just a piece of tech like everything else, i've got my uses, and i've got my weakspots.

I like my power armor. I like being a leader. I like the company of my allies. I just can't bring myself to cherish anything knowing that every day could be my last.

Even DOOMSDAY as an organization has one use. To get us out of here. After that, what then? Is it just 'have a good one, see you next time'?

No...Kayleigh's too emotional for that, she'd stay in contact with Task at least.

But Devonia, and The Twins? They'd probably want nothing to do with me after we're done.

If you want my advice? Cherish nothing, emotions get in the way of things. As brutal as that sounds, it's the truth. There's no room for error anymore. You may bond with people, yes, but if they get too attached, you'll only end up hurting them.

Problems.

Plural.

The fact i'm running an organization hellbent on stepping down the path to armageddon is one thing enough. I'm nineteen, i'm not supposed to be sitting in NORAD looking at flight paths of ICBMs, i'm supposed to be doing adult things, like college, but no. I'm running an anarchist hacker clan.

It's a lot of things, mostly a lot of back-and-forth messaging for now. But once we get things going, oh man is it going to go.

Once i'm done working all of that out and we can get our footholds in, you could say The Angel's next up. You've heard me talk about it end-on-end-on-end. Obvious problem number two.

Then, AFTER we destroy that thing, we have to figure out what's next. I'm thinking i'll rebuild it, put 2.0 at the helm. And once we're done, presumably i'll have to use my research and Oid's to invent an inverse teleporter of sorts. Then we'll need to send some poor bastard through and see what happens. 

But before ALL OF THAT. I need funding. I'm dirt poor, building everything out of scraps. I need money, and i would have money if it wasn't for that stone statue of death.

The list just goes on.

I don't sleep, i don't eat, i don't cry, i don't feel.

I roll over after i decide i've laid on the floor long enough, fix the duct tape over my eye, put on my power armor, put on my cloak, arm all my weapons, and then finally i sit at my desk and just make things.

Sometimes i see how long i can go just typing words into a text file before i run out, sometimes i answer messages from Devonia. Maybe i message sora if i'm feeling lively. And if someone needs me, or i need them, afterlives forbid, i'll set up a meeting point or a dead drop. I'm under an eternal NDA, at least until we slip up and go public.

Occasionally, i'll go into Maikendo directly after waking up and just walk around. Just aimlessly, north, east, south, northwest, northeast...So on, so on, so on.

The days where i wake up and do something are the best. Something that isn't pressing buttons or filing papers, at least. Like playing a game, or planning our next move. Those are always fun.

Well, it would be, back when i was human, that was, to put on one of those stupid tuxedo T-shirts, underneath a jacket. Truth be told i was broke, (and still am) so...

Yes, the fashion budget was tight, then. The everything budget was tight. Made for a decent laugh at my own expense, however.

Now? I don't know. I just haven't been anywhere special in a non life threatening manner. I know how to design weapons of war, not bridesmaid's dresses.

...Do they even make 10 foot tall suits here? I don't suppose they wouldn't.

It wouldn't take me long at all, in any case. I would just need to travel light and wear something that isn't a ragged cloak. Not even a minute, depending on how easily the armor comes off. Especially now that my body's been repaired.

I'd wear my brightest white colors, as well. Fly the flag of #FFFFFF.

I can't fit clothes over a body like this, and makeup would only serve to smudge my visor. Not much would change.

Oh.

Oh. That's...

Well, i would...

Then, i would...

It's a tough question to ask to someone who doesn't think they'll make it to their next birthday. Which is to say, me. If NEO-GENIS' rapid expansion doesn't result in some kind of reality collapsing black-hole by then, or, providing i'm not horribly killed, i'll be 20.

Twenty years old, after all this time. It's hard to think about, in a way. When your body won't change anymore, you really forget you can age. Let alone that you have one.

Wouldn't be a day like any other, providing we aren't free by that time. Though, if we are?

I mean...I really don't know then, either. Jade Stevens is legally dead, someone else probably owns my apartment by now, it has been a few months.

I suspect what's left of my family's already forgotten who i am, all my documents and postmortems are out of the way. I wouldn't be a passing thought, even, just a number. The number 20.

I'll need to get my plans in order on both sides of the spectrum, it seems.

There is no world in which i need to spell this out.

Not one single instance of a timeline contained within a universe, contained within a multiverse.

The scale at which you'd find me explaining this question longer than a few words is less than 0.00000000011 percent. I just calculated that.

Though, i suppose, somehow, by providing this answer, i am that less-than-one percent.

Welcome to this single instance.

Logging onto NEO-GENIS for the first time was the single greatest mistake, and regret, i've ever done.

Not some silly childhood memory or a girl who's hints i couldn't figure out, nor an opportunity i'd wish i'd taken.

The world i inhabit and the things i've built inside it have made me hate living more and more with every passing, ticking second. I exist as hunted prey in a steadily growing species of sentient pieces of code, of which have now become more than common knowledge thanks to the prying scholars i helped fight a war for, and am continuing to help fight.

If only i weren't so busy chasing some foolish trend, or some shiny new piece of technology, i'd be a living, breathing human, amongst all the other living-breathing humans.

But i am human. I'm an outsider who's not just looking into the glass, i am an outsider pretending to be an insider, and i'm passing far too well.

I drift along in my life of ones and zeros, gazing into server towers full of blinking lights, maintaining a monolith of computers, day in, day out, like a machine.

Days mean nothing, time means nothing, my life means nothing. I am a machine built to create and destroy and then rebuild over the ashes, i am a plague seeping into a world where i do not belong.

For in truth, there is no world in which i belong. Not anymore.

Too machine to be a human,

Too human to be a machine.

I am an amalgamation of metal, machinery, and junk parts, with a broken body that's been patched over, and over, and over.

This body is not my first, and it will not be my last. I am a ship of theseus. I am a liquid force. I am a flowing constant. I mean nothing, i am nothing.

It varies. The gift system is a strange abstraction that leaves it's mark on the user, it can be molded and changed as said user sees fit.

My...Gifts, are not so much molded abstractions as they are real, tangible things. Tangible in a sense, wherein they are real to this world.

Forgive me, i am spiraling.

In a way i've not seen any others, these things i create and have are real.

When i hack, i am not having some flashy set of functions handle it for me. I am doing it myself, manipulating the world around me with on the spot coding through an apparatus the game can perceive.

My power armor and it's modules are all hand designed by me, with nothing but what i know and what CLYW's capabilities as a machine have allowed me to know.

It's as if the knowledge is being written into my head as i work on how and what to do. Since the barrier between me and them is gone, that being the headset, there is no limit on the flow of information nor the slow yet substantial bleeding of our capabilities into one another.

My expertise with CLYW's weapons of choice, that is all learned. Or...Learned. From the stories i've constructed, and the techniques i've studied.

If i were to, somehow, come into contact with a set of identity disks as a human being, i believe i'd still be just as capable.

All this to say that the nature of my gifts are not gifts at all, nor are they game abstractions. They are me.

They are filed onto my NEO-GENIS character sheet as gifts, because the game has to make sense of it all somehow. To fit me into boxes, as it were.

Lately, i've come to despise religion as a whole.

I don't believe in heaven or hell, i've literally touched a soul and slain wannabe gods before. My biggest enemy is an angel.

One of the main terms for programs in my world is daemon, after all.

I believe in steel and binary, i believe that the only thing waiting for me, in or out of game, is Maikendo. The world i worked to free.

Call me a machine of science, if you want, but i'm just done with the deal entirely. Spirituality isn't 'spirituality' to me anymore. Souls are real, tangible things, and they can be created and manipulated just like anything else. I've learned firsthand how easy it is to do that. Destroying them doesn't matter, either, since time might as well be a fun suggestion at this point.

Dead, alive, human, machine. It doesn't matter. We exist, and we're catapulting towards doom constantly no matter what we are. I don't want to be a god, being a god is an easy way to get yourself killed.

Time, space, other dimensions, alternate timelines, it's all thrown to the wind at this point. If you think it exists, it probably does. I've learned that a tear in reality can be created with something so easy as a photograph, and i'm tired of all these shifting properties and uncertain laws of physics. That's why I don't believe, because everything's just theoretical at this point.

At least, that's what i think.

They've changed everything.

I've met somebody from another reality entirely. I've met digitized souls of innocent children, i've met a man who was born in that world. He's flesh and blood, wouldn't you believe it, but he's also ones and zeroes. I've met two people like that actually, and i'm working with one of them to break us out of the videogame we're trapped in.

That's right, this is still a videogame. A videogame that children play.

It's a toy.

I still can't believe that.

My worldview, as it is, doesn't exist anymore. I've accepted everything to the best of my ability, because i guarantee you it'll only get so much worse from here.

When i first completed the transfer, i'd believed i was alone- an entirely unique entity within the game. I liked the feeling that gave me, and i liked escaping mortality so easily.

For all of about 2 months, i was completely alone. Ontop of my own little world. I felt like a god.

And then i found others.

And then the others found me.

And then The Angel came along.

And then, and then, and then, and then. Repeat ad infinitum.

Where i'm standing right now, with all the things i've seen, it's just an endless loop of accepting reality and then having that reality shattered.

I've been blown up, struck by lightning, partially devoured nearly twice, dragged through sand, almost died about three times now, and worst of all, i had to deal with a corporation more than once. In one day.

Isn't the world just so...Wonderful?