Eun-Ha's Questionnaire

I live in sleepless Hongdae, Seoul. It's the perfect place. Day blurs into night and it's lively all the time---so lively that I can skulk about without a single soul noticing if I try. I live in a studio apartment in one of the busier areas for that purpose. I can blend into the crowd if I'm clever enough. So, if I ever actually have to go outside it's usually painless.  Not to mention I gain access to a lot of amenities and conveniences too. 

As for my home, it's nothing special because I don't like overly fancy things. It's a nice clean modern styled apartment. One bedroom, one bathroom, the kitchen is merged with the den and my office.  Admittedly the office is off limits unless I'm working. When I'm streaming I have to be in a certain head space to maintain the long hours. So I can't mix work with pleasure. My Manager helped me realize this concept...

I'm rambling.

I live alone and that's how I like it. 

I have a few lines of cashflow. I do art on the side as a side-effect of being a streamer and sell UI templates with my graphic designing skills. I stream four times a week and earn through subscriptions, super chats, donations, and traffic. But that's only if we're off season. Ah. I didn't talk about that. I'm a professional gamer...I'm part of Daltokki, a big MOBA group that's pretty famous out here.  We do other games too, basically anything tactical. 

Wait we're not talking about that...Ah, right. Money. Graphic design, steaming, professional gaming...That's kind of it.

Oh, as for what I spend it on. I pretty much just keep my rig upgraded and build up my knowledge base in tech. I figure I can't play videogames all my life, so I'd better set up my plan B fairly soon since I'm one of the older team mates of Daltokki. At the moment I'm playing with the idea of going to University again. With my current position I could afford to go somewhere decent. 

A huge change of pace from the past.

My ambition is to change the world. More specifically I want to change the rules. If I can overwhelm the reality I've been forced into and change the algorithm of life, I can alter what it means to be alive, to be free, and to have power. Then everything changes. I can render the death march humanity insists on dragging us all on. I can push past normal limitations and exist as I choose to. Do what I want, when I want. Go where I want, as I please. Answer to no one...

The best way to do this is to become data. Information is undying because it's an imaginary concept given life through systems, communication, and the powers of nature bent to our wills. If I can overwhelm reality itself and cast it into the digital our existence can be infinite. So can our progress. 

As for how far I'd go for it...well, I'm here aren't I? I suppose I'll need to get past these obstacles. Naturally people will try to stop me either because they don't understand my ambition or they want the opposite of it. So...Just as I'll probably have to kill for it, I'll likely have to come face to face with death too. 

Besides...we're talking about casting billions of lives into the digital.

I'll be killing an entire world to give life to another, right?

I don't know if it's my most defining moment, but it was certainly one that gave me perspective. It's a little annoying how mundane it is too. I was doing one of my streams. My subscribers wanted me to pick up SOMA and give it a shot, since the girls at Daltokki lied about me being a scaredy cat. it was a normal enough experience, it was just another sci-fi horror. But that ending really hit me.

It hit me with a lot of things I already understood. At a million viewers, I was pretending to be someone else. I'd mastered it. I'd created a dream version of myself that was always in a good mood. That always had everything under control...and when she didn't it was funny and things worked out anyway. And all these people lived for this dream version of me. For a few hours at a time this person was friends with the world. Then the stream ends, I'm alone in my apartment, and even though I have enough money to survive...I'm not any different.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized just how chained down to this world I actually was. I started to see everything differently...all because of a stupid video game I played on a bet. 

I'm not sure if it's my most defining moment, but I come back to that thought a lot.

I want what she has. The me I dream of being.  

Jeong-Hui Cho - He's my older brother. A fairly well respected guru of cyber security and the one who got me into computers in the first place. These days he works for the government. Because of that we don't get to talk as much as often, so we make a huge thing of times where our schedules align. I'll be honest, if it weren't for him and the more social parts of my job I'd almost be a proper shut-in.

And yes, my last name is Cho. I just don't use it much..

Su-Hyeon Yul - My manager. He and I pretty much are in contact all day every day. He helps me keep up with my schedule, makes sure I'm eating well, and even keeps up with my mental state. He's a little annoying, but I honestly have no idea what I'd do without him. He's been trying to talk me into going into show business or doing something that involves acting or really anything that has to do with performing. He's like a nagging oppa. I still like my real brother more, though.

Elaine Rhee - One of my Daltokki team mates. We have a bit of a rivalry going on, I guess. She's a really sweet girl, though. Worries too much and tends to be a door mat when we're not online or at a tournament. She's a total beast elsewise. When she's serious she's serious. It's really cool to watch. I'm hoping she'll take my place on the team when it's time to go, since she's actually my junior. 

You'll notice a pattern when I tell you. My mom's name is Eun-Jeong Cho. See it yet? My dad's a little less 'fun', Seong-Min Cho. They are...good people. Average, but good. Sort of. Father is a software developer who'll work himself to death and mom is a retired actress that runs a flower shop. If it draws any concern, when I ask her about it, she doesn't seem to think of it more than a 'fun time' that passed. I get the impression she was forced into it, honestly. 

 I think they might be the only real couple in the world that loves each other properly. As far as personalities go, Mom is really beautiful and kind. Also extremely firm and smart, you can't really win an argument with her. Dad is reliable and at times a little too earnest. It's kind of what got us through the harder years when we'd almost lost our house. He always had a plan and more often than not it worked. Mom always supported him even if they did bicker every now and again. Even though they *will* fight and it will get heated, you can tell it's because they care about each other. And us, Jeong-Hui and I.

I did attend school. No, I did not fit in. I learned a lot about people and jealousy. Lessons I never wanted to learn. To make matters worse I...was a really bad friend. So things happened and I stopped going. As it turns out, you can bypass school if you're smart. And I am. So I worked out a new life for myself...

Just like I am now.

As for my childhood...You know? I can't tell where it ends. Sometimes I think I'm still a child. If so, does that mean living alone in a studio apartment because I hate people part of my childhood? If not, it was fine as long as I was at home. If so, it got better. A lot better. 

Ahaha. I don't have it in me to fall in love with someone. I'll tell you that honestly. I've had crushes, I've been crushed on, I've tried dating...It's not for me. I even tried different genders. And I don't think it's necessarily because I'm asexual or anything...I just don't really find myself drawn to people like that. My crushes always fizzled out after I watched the person long enough. And well...I'm a streamer. It's basically my job to be crushed on, whether I like it or not. 

Eh. Maybe there is someone for me. Whoever they are, I have at least two standards that're non-negotiable : They have to be kind and at least look above average. Elsewise they're going to have hell when it actually comes down to it. A little shallow sounding, I'm sure...but unfortunately in Korea looks mean a lot more than I think a lot of people are comfortable with. People get treated really badly if they aren't at least average. 

Rambling again...

To be honest, I think I lost my chance. When I become a goddess, a divine avatar, I don't see it being a thing that can work.

I'm...weirdly okay with that. I guess that's all part of having the gall.

Worst fears? Well after Mint-chan decided to spook me, I guess losing all of my friends and family? I don't know. I'm scared of a lot of things now. I'm afraid of this ambition making my life fall apart. I'm afraid of the fact that I'm absolutely going to have to sacrifice something eventually...Obviously I'm afraid of dying, but I think the big thing right now is a little deeper than that. 

I've been sort of noticing a difference in things. 

This world isn't what I thought it was. I mean, obviously, right? I'd never traveled the world and I often just stayed inside of my apartment playing on my computer. I never went out with friends. I never did much of anything aside from steam, sleep, play video games, and eat. Even professionally! I had goals, sure, and I had a plan B firmly set to get me through the rest of my life...but this is different. I don't see it changing back to normal either.

Maybe it was never normal to begin with. Right now I think my worst fear is how ignorant I am. I don't know anything and I'm in too deep. But I can't seem to shake this...idea in my head that I can change everything. I just made someone go viral with sheer brute force. I've gained the ability to control all kinds of technology with just a command and a thought...

That's not all, either. I've become different as a person. Different in ways I'm still trying to comprehend. Maybe one of my biggest new fears is...will I still be me after all of this is done? I don't know. And part of me wonders if that matters. All the same...when it's all said and done, what happens to my family? What happens to Daltokki? 

No. I guess that's it isn't it? It all sort of circled back. I'm afraid of losing what little family I have left. Found or otherwise. 

I'll have to consider that in my plans.