Jean de l'Ours's Questionnaire

I live in Florence, Colorado. It ain't exactly a dream place, but hey, it's home for now. Never really thought much about where I'd end up. As for my dream spot, it's gotta be Scotland. Can't say why, just feels right, ya know? Always had this picture in my head of rolling green hills and misty lochs. Sounds better than this concrete jungle, that's for sure. Used to have a crappy apartment before things went south with that bank job. Now? Well, let's just say I traded the worn-out couch for a cozy cell in ADX. Not exactly an upgrade, but it'll do... for now. My old apartment had a bed, a desk, and my TV. It's all I really ever needed since I always head out to either the gym or to grab a bite to eat.

Well, let's just say I ain't exactly making money the legal way these days. Used to be a farm hand, working hard under the sun for every dollar. But now? Let's just say I've had to get a bit more creative. Money's tight, so I've had to rely on, uh, alternative means to get by. As for what I spend it on, well, it's mostly survival stuff, you know? Food, maybe a few creature comforts to make this place feel less like a prison. Gotta keep my head down and hope for a break, maybe find a way to get back on my feet someday.

My ambition? Well, it might sound crazy to some, but I want to see a world without money. Yeah, you heard me right. I believe money's the root of all evil, tearing folks apart, driving them to do crazy things. So, I'm on a mission to rid the world of it. Sounds impossible, huh? But hear me out. My plan's kinda out there, but it just might work. I figure if I can hack into every bank system, wipe out all the digital currency, and then disappear into the shadows, maybe I can kickstart a revolution. Yeah... revolution is more my style anyways. Sure, it's risky, and I might have to do some things I ain't proud of to get there, maybe even take a life if it's me or them. But I'd never go looking for trouble. Still, I'd be willing to lay down my life for this cause. Not in some cult-like way, mind you, but as a savior, a hero for a better world.

The most defining event of my life? That's a no-brainer. It was the day we hit JPMorgan with my crew. Six of us, with big dreams and even bigger desperation. But things took a dark turn. In the chaos, I ended up fatally injuring an up-and-coming millionaire. It wasn't intentional, just a mess of adrenaline and bad luck. But that moment changed everything. It made me realize the weight of my actions, the consequences of my choices. I can't undo what's been done, but I carry that moment with me every day. It's a reminder of the thin line between ambition and destruction, and it's changed me forever. These things you can't take back. But if you are going to send a message to the world about how money is evil, then do it right.

One person who holds a significant place in my life is my brother, Matt. He's been by my side through thick and thin, always there to offer support and guidance. We grew up together, facing the struggles of life hand in hand. Matt's got a level head and a heart of gold, and I don't know where I'd be without him. If he heard I was here, he would be so disappointed in me.

Then there's my closest friend, Josh. We've been through it all together, from petty thefts to that fateful JPMorgan heist. Josh is like a brother to me, a partner in crime who understands me like no one else does. He's the only one who knows the real me, flaws and all, and still sticks around. Wonder where he ran? Unsure, but I hope he's okay.

Lastly, there's my mother, living out in New Mexico. She's the one who brought me into this world, raised me with love and care, even if times were tough. Though we're miles apart, her presence is always felt, a reminder of where I come from and the values she instilled in me. I couldn't imagine what she would think if she heard I was in this concrete jungle gym. She would probably have a heart attack honestly.

My childhood was a mix of good times and tough moments. I grew up with my mom, dad, and older brother, who I really looked up to. When my dad died young, it was hard, but I'm not hung up on it. My parents were great; my mom worked hard to take care of us, and they both taught me the value of hard work.

In school, I was more into sports and hanging out with the jocks. I never really excelled in academics; it just wasn't my thing. But I found my place among my peers and felt like I belonged. I had a close group of friends, and we were always getting into some kind of mischief, but nothing serious. Oh how odd it is now, where I am. Those same friends where the ones who helped me with that heist.

As I got older, I realized that I wanted more out of life than just scraping by. I wanted to make something of myself, to prove that I was capable of more than people thought. That's what led me to do what I did, to take that risk and try to make something of myself. And even though it landed me in a tough spot, I don't regret it. It's all part of who I am, part of my story.

Yes, I've been in love before. It was back in high school, and her name was Sarah. We had a connection that felt like it was straight out of a movie. We went on a few dates, mostly hanging out at the local diner or catching a movie at the small theater in Florence, Colorado.

Things were going really well between us, but as high school romances often do, it eventually fizzled out. We both realized that we were heading in different directions in life, and it was better to part ways than to try to force something that wasn't meant to be.

Looking back, I have fond memories of that time, and I'll always have a special place in my heart for Sarah. But life moves on, and we both went our separate ways, each on our own path.

My worst fear is being forgotten. It's a deep-seated fear that stems from a desire to leave a lasting impact on the world, to be remembered for who I am and what I've done. Growing up, I saw how easily people could be forgotten, how memories fade and stories are lost to time. I don't want that to happen to me. I want to leave a legacy that will endure long after I'm gone.

Another fear of mine is causing my brother to hate me. My brother has always been my role model, someone I've looked up to and admired. The thought of doing something that would make him hate me is unbearable. I value our relationship deeply, and the idea of losing that connection is terrifying. These fears drive me to strive for greatness, to make a difference in the world in a way that will be remembered. I want to leave a mark that can't be erased, to ensure that I won't be forgotten. And as for my brother, I do everything I can to maintain our bond and show him how much he means to me, hoping that I'll never do anything to jeopardize that relationship.

My most prized possession is a ring that I gave to my brother a long time ago. It originally belonged to our dad before he passed away, and it holds a lot of sentimental value for both of us. It's a symbol of our family and the bond that we share. Every time I see my brother wearing that ring, it reminds me of our dad and the lessons he taught us. It reminds us of the times we were together, happy.

Another prized possession of mine is a journal that I've been keeping since I was young. It's filled with memories, thoughts, and reflections on my life. It's a record of who I am and where I come from, and it's something that I hold dear to my heart. Both of these are special to me because they represent important aspects of my life: family and personal growth. They remind me of where I've been and where I'm going, and they serve as a source of strength and inspiration in difficult times, especially now.

The biggest problem in my life right now is being locked up in ADX in Florence, Colorado. It's a high-security federal prison known for its strict conditions and limited contact with the outside world. Being confined to a cell for most of the day, with limited social interaction and activities, takes a toll on my mental and emotional well-being.

Another major issue is the uncertainty of my future. I'm not sure how long I'll be here or what will happen once I'm released. The thought of starting over, rebuilding my life after being incarcerated, is daunting. Despite all of this, I try to stay positive and focused on improving myself. I use this time to reflect on my past actions, learn from my mistakes, and prepare for a better future. I stay connected with my friends as much as possible, drawing strength from their support. Though, I haven't received a letter in a year, and I do avoid my family, because I don't know what they would think of me. Overall, my goal is to make the best of my situation and come out of this experience stronger and wiser. 

A typical morning for me in ADX starts early, as the routine here is very structured. I wake up to the sound of the morning bell, signaling the start of the day. I start by washing up and getting dressed in my prison uniform. The cell is small and sparse, but I try to keep it neat and organized to maintain some sense of order.

After getting ready, I wait for breakfast, which is delivered to my cell. It's usually a simple meal, but I try to eat enough to fuel myself for the day ahead. This is the same for lunch and dinner. I spend some time reading or exercising in my cell, trying to stay mentally and physically fit. I write letters in my cell, though I never send them; it's like more of a disposable journal that I don't need to look back on. Being in ADX is challenging, as it is limited interaction with other inmates and staff. However, I try to stay positive and focused on improving myself. I use this time to reflect on my past actions, learn from my mistakes, and prepare for a better future. Despite the challenges, I strive to start each day with a sense of purpose and determination.

If I were going somewhere special and wanted to look my best, I’d start my day early. First thing in the morning, I’d take a long, hot shower, making sure I was clean and fresh. After drying off, I’d spend extra time grooming myself. I’d shave carefully, trim my hair if needed, and make sure my nails were neat.

Next, I’d lay out my semi-formal outfit. I’d choose a crisp, white shirt, a nice blazer, and a pair of well-fitted trousers. I’d also pick a tie that matched well with my outfit. Then, I’d polish my best pair of shoes until they shone. Once dressed, I’d check myself in the mirror multiple times to ensure everything looked perfect. I’d also think about the gift I wanted to bring. I’d spend time choosing something thoughtful, like a nice bottle of wine or a small, elegant piece of art. I’d wrap it carefully, adding a personal touch with a handwritten note.

Getting ready would take me the entire day. I wouldn’t rush any part of the process. For me, it’s not just about looking good but also about feeling confident and prepared for the special occasion. By the time I was ready to leave, I’d feel proud of the effort I put into preparing, ready to make a great impression.

For my next birthday, I’m planning to go out drinking and really celebrate life. I take risks every month doing contracts, so it’s important to me to make the most of my special day. I’ll start the evening by meeting up with a few close friends at my favorite bar. We’ll order some good drinks and toast to another year of survival and adventure. As the night goes on, we’ll probably hit a few more spots, enjoying the music, the atmosphere, and the company. It’s not just about the drinking; it’s about celebrating the fact that I’m still here, still fighting, and still making the most of every day. I’ll make sure to laugh a lot, share some stories, and maybe even dance a little. By the end of the night, I want to feel that I’ve truly celebrated my life and the risks I take every month.

My greatest regret is disappointing my mom and my brother by getting locked up. I know I let them down, especially when I got caught trying to rob JPMorgan. I still remember the look on their faces when they found out. They had always believed in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself. It breaks my heart to know that I shattered their trust. Killing that millionaire was another mistake that haunts me. It wasn't supposed to go that far, but things spiraled out of control. That moment changed everything, and I can't undo it. Accepting the first contract was a turning point, leading me down a path I never fully thought through. It was the start of a life filled with danger and decisions that only pushed me further away from the person I wanted to be.

Despite these regrets, I’ve learned to live with them. I don’t mind it too much anymore because I can’t change the past. I can only move forward and try to make the best of my situation. But deep down, I wish I could go back and make different choices, if only to see the pride in my mom and brother’s eyes again.

The nature of my gifts is something that feels deeply rooted, like it’s been a part of me all along. It’s as if there’s a burning fire deep inside, spreading slowly until it’s ready to burst out. These gifts aren’t something I learned or received out of nowhere; they’ve always been there, lying dormant, waiting for the right moment to be unleashed. The Harbingers, they didn’t give me these gifts. They simply helped me unlock them. They showed me how to tap into that primal force within me. It’s a raw, almost wild energy that I can call upon when needed. At first, it felt like an uncontrollable blaze, but with guidance and the help of them, it helped me with controlling it, to use it properly. The Harbingers acted more like guides, lighting the way for me to discover the potential that was already there.

It’s a bit like unlocking a door to a part of myself I never knew existed. Now that I have access to this power, it feels natural, like it’s always been a part of who I am. The Harbingers just helped me see it, to understand it. They helped me ignite that fire and taught me to use it without letting it consume me. It’s a simple, primal force, but it’s mine, and it’s always been there, waiting for me to find it.

When it comes to spirituality, I have mixed feelings. I do think there’s a higher power out there, something greater than us. With all the supernatural stuff I’ve encountered, it’s hard to deny that there’s more to this world than meets the eye. I’ve seen things that defy thoughts and logic, things that make me question what’s right or wrong when it comes to belief. I’m not religious in the traditional sense. I don’t follow any specific doctrine or attend any services. But I do believe that there’s something out there, some kind of force or power that connects everything. It’s strange, really. Everything seems to have its own place and purpose in this world, even the weird, supernatural stuff. It makes me think that maybe there’s a plan or a design behind it all, something we can’t fully understand.

I find myself more open to different beliefs and ideas now. With all the strange experiences I’ve had, I’ve learned that there’s no single right or wrong answer when it comes to spirituality. Everyone has their own path, their own way of understanding the world. For me, it’s about staying open-minded and accepting that there’s a lot we don’t know. There’s a higher power out there, and while I may not have all the answers, I believe there’s something guiding us, something beyond our comprehension. It’s both unsettling and comforting at the same time.

The events of the Contracts often conflict with my worldview, but I don’t let it bother me too much. I’ve always been a practical person, focused on the here and now. When strange or supernatural things happen, I take note of them, but I don’t dwell on how they shake up my beliefs. I’ve got bigger priorities than my own understanding of the world. Survival and getting the job done are more important than trying to make sense of everything. Sure, sometimes the things I see and experience make me question what I thought was true. It can be unsettling to realize that the world is far stranger and more complex than I ever imagined. But I’ve learned to roll with it. When my beliefs are put in doubt, I just set those doubts aside. There’s no point in getting hung up on it when there are more immediate issues to deal with.

At the end of the day, I’ll solve it later. Right now, I need to focus on the task at hand, on staying alive and fulfilling my contracts. I can’t afford to get lost in existential questions or let my worldview be a distraction. I’ve got a job to do, and that comes first. If that means putting aside my doubts and accepting the unknown, so be it. There will be time to sort through it all when the dust settles, but for now, I just keep moving forward.

The other Contractors I've encountered are a diverse and unpredictable bunch, each with their own unique abilities and quirks. There’s one who can influence minds with just a glance. They’re both fascinating and terrifying, as you never really know if your thoughts are your own when they’re around. Their power is unsettling, but they have a certain charm that makes it hard to stay away.

Then there's another who can transform into unworldly creatures. Watching them shift from a human to something out of a nightmare is both awe-inspiring and horrifying. Their transformations are useful in combat, but they make them unpredictable and hard to trust.

I've heard rumors about another Contractor who can create things out of nothing and possesses incredible intelligence. Although I haven't met them personally, their reputation precedes them. The idea of someone who can conjure objects from thin air and outsmart almost anyone is both intriguing and intimidating. I wonder what it would be like to work alongside such a mind, and whether their intellect would be an asset or a constant reminder of my own limitations.

Each of them has their strengths and weaknesses, and while some are easier to work with than others, the unpredictability of their powers and personalities keeps me on edge. It's a mix of admiration and wariness, knowing that while they can be allies, they can just as easily become threats.

The perfect room for me is a small, cozy space that is simplistic and comfort. The walls are painted in a warm, soothing shade of beige, creating a peaceful atmosphere. There’s a comfortable armchair in the corner, perfect for reading or reflecting. A wooden bookshelf, filled with well-loved books, stands against one wall, and a small table beside it holds a lamp that gives off a soft, inviting glow.

The room has a single window, allowing natural light to filter in during the day, with simple curtains that can be drawn for privacy. A few personal mementos, like framed photos and small trinkets, are placed on a wooden dresser, adding a touch of home. The floor is covered with a simple, woven rug, and there’s a soft throw blanket draped over the armchair.

The room is uncluttered, with only the essentials: a comfortable bed with crisp, clean linens, a small nightstand with a classic alarm clock, and a few potted plants to bring a bit of nature indoors. This room is my sanctuary, a place where I can unwind, find peace, and enjoy the simple pleasures of life.

My philosophy about strength is straightforward: if you're the best at something, show it. Strength isn't just about physical power; it's about perseverance, resilience, and the will to keep going when things get tough. Being strong means being reliable, someone others can depend on. It’s about standing firm in the face of adversity and never backing down from a challenge. I believe that strength should be used to protect and help those who can't protect themselves. It's a gift and a responsibility. When you're strong, you have the power to make a difference, to lift others up, and to create a safer environment for everyone around you. Strength is not something to be hidden or downplayed. It’s something to be demonstrated, so others can see what true resilience looks like.

For me, showing my strength means being there for my friends, taking on the heavy burdens, and never shying away from hard work. It’s about being a pillar of support, someone others can lean on. Strength is also about self-discipline and knowing your limits. It’s about pushing those limits to grow stronger, but also understanding when to take a step back and recover. In essence, being the best at something means using your abilities to their fullest potential, not for personal glory, but to contribute to the greater good. Strength is about more than just muscles; it's about character, determination, and the unwavering resolve to stand tall, no matter what life throws your way.

My limits say a lot about who I am and what I value. Killing animals is a limit reflects my deep respect for all living creatures. I believe that animals, like people, deserve kindness and compassion. Hurting an animal is something I could never do under normal circumstances. They are innocent and vulnerable, and it’s our duty to protect them. Taking all the pain through any means, the physical pain I endure, is hard to handle. I've faced many trials, and my tolerance for physical suffering is high. This limit shows that while I may seem strong, I have my breaking point. Physical pain is a constant reminder of my humanity and the challenges I've faced. Killing people, taking a human life completely unwarranted, that's the line I’ve drawn in the sand. Taking another person’s life is something I’ve vowed never to do. It’s a boundary that defines my moral compass and my respect for human life, no matter the circumstances.

However, there are situations where I would break these limits. If the lives of those I love were at stake, or if breaking these limits meant protecting the greater good, I would do what’s necessary. If harming an animal meant saving my family, I would do it with a heavy heart. If enduring excruciating physical pain could protect others, I would bear it. And if taking a life meant stopping a greater evil, like ending corruption or saving countless others, I would cross that line, though it would haunt me forever. My limits define my character and values, but they are not unbreakable. They show that while I have principles, my commitment to those I care about and the greater good can push me beyond my boundaries. In the end, it’s about making the hard choices for the right reasons, even if it means going against everything I stand for.

The first song that comes to my mind is "Change on the Rise" by Avi Kaplan. This song represents my transformation and power through strength. The haunting melodies and powerful lyrics reflect my journey from a regular person to someone embracing my werebear form and fighting against corruption. It embodies my resilience and the inner strength I find in my new identity. "Otherside" by Avi Kaplan is another song that matches well, which captures the duality of my life. The soulful folk tones mirror my inner moments, grappling with my humanity and the beast within. The song's message of hope and peace aligns with my doing to protect those I love, even at great personal cost. "The Sound of Silence" by Disturbed is a personal favorite. This heavy metal song of a classic speaks to my soul and struggles and the silence I face when dealing with my anguish. The powerful vocals and intense music reflect the turmoil within me as I fight against my own limits and outside threats. "Warriors" by Imagine Dragons is a good one. "Warriors" is a tribute to my fighting spirit. The song's energy and lyrics about rising up and becoming a hero resonate with my role as a protector. It captures my readiness to face any challenge head-on and my commitment to safeguarding my loved ones and stopping corruption. "Way Down We Go" by KALEO; This song’s dark, gritty vibe aligns with the darker aspects of my journey. The lyrics and deep, resonant sound mirror my struggles and the depths I’m willing to go to achieve my goals. It’s a reminder of the sacrifices and tough choices I must make. "Back to Black" by Amy Winehouse Though not folk or metal, this song represents my moments of reflection and sorrow. The themes of loss and longing in "Back to Black" connect with my inner self and the emotional toll of my dual existence. "Duality" by Slipknot This heavy metal track captures the essence of my internal battle. The aggressive music and lyrics about living a double life resonate with my experience as a werebear. It’s a powerful representation of my struggle to balance my human side with the beast within, and my relentless drive to control both.