Delphyrion Arcanis's Questionnaire

I live in Orlando, Florida, because this is the easiest place to contact my supplier. Since my budget is tight from all the experiments I run, I eat and sleep in my own lab. It is spacious enough for a bed in the corner, and all my equipment takes up the other space. The emergency shower is my normal shower too. I often post my (legal) experiments online for extra cash, but I avoid sponsorships from McDonald’s at all costs. It has gotten to the point where Ronald McDonald visits me to try and convince me to eat a McNugget. Living in the US means I can legally have a rifle by my side at all times. The only trade off is that there is a McDonald’s everywhere I go. 

I post my experiments on YouTube very often. The ones I show are perfectly legal so plenty of sponsors approach me all the time. My revenue from viewers is also not too bad, since everyone likes to see random objects being turned into everyday food items. I also sell my created food, along with other chemical byproducts that people may find a use for. A lot of this money goes towards rent and totally legal, substances or equipment for my experiments. If certain chemicals are too expensive I try to make them myself. Sometimes I buy bullets as well, because Ronald McDonald is super persistent. 

Back in the day my parents would never bring me to McDonald’s. No amount of documentaries showing how good McDonald’s is would change their minds. Apparently it’s because my dad went to get potato fries and came back with yam fries instead. The kids at school would always bring huge bags of fries and burgers to the classroom at lunch and I would spend my afternoon class surrounded by the delectable smell of grease. They wouldn’t share with me no matter how many times I offered to finish their chemistry homework for them, because they said I looked like a hobo. So I decided that I would destroy McDonald’s once and for all. The food there probably isn’t that great anyway. I wouldn’t purposefully kill for it, but sacrifices must be made. 
If there are any deaths involved in my experiments, whether it’s me, the subject, Ronald McDonald, or any innocent bystander, then so be it. 

While working at McDonald's as a minimum wage cashier, one customer came up and took around 30 minutes to order. Why? He was distracted watching YouTube videos. Total iPad kid behaviour. However, the video did sound very intriguing (he did not wear headphones, so it was just playing loudly in the premises) due to all the crashes and explosions. The iPad kid told me that he was watching something called "NileRed", though I could only find NileGreen. Maybe the kid was colourblind. Or maybe I am. Either way, it changed my life because I realized I could just make food from scratch instead of relying on deceptive businesses. So, I devoted my life to studying chemistry in my parents' basement. They later kicked me out because I accidentally released carcinogenic gas, but that's fine. 

Also, I was working at McDonald's because I just happened to be hired there while job hunting. The sanitary state of the place is to die for (literally, I would not eat at McDonald's because I feel like I'd die after eating something that was stuck in the fryer for ages). 

- Cassiopeia:

A barista at a café that Delphyrion frequents. Also one of the first people to subscribe to their channel. They've gone through thick and thin together, so Delphyrion always goes to her for any emotional support. She's more closed off and independent, though somehow it's easy for them to be close friends. They share quite similar worldviews (excluding the part about ending McDonald's) that lead to deep, grounding conversations. They've always been there for each other but for some reason she's still somewhat guarded around them. It's like she's been wearing a mask around everyone, though Delphyrion hasn't tried to ask about it.

- Detective U. Dunnit

A random detective who just happened to be assigned to Delphyrion-related complaints multiple times until the two became more acquainted with each other. Often these complaints are quite baseless, so any visits often just become moments for banter before both of them return to work. Dunnit has some suspicions about the chemist, but Delphyrion is completely oblivious to that. Their ignorance does help ease any resulting tension though.
For now, Dunnit simply thinks that Delphyrion is an idiot who has too much time on their hands. Thus, Dunnit will at least try to give Delphyrion the benefit of the doubt.

- Mysterious Dealer:

Someone that Delphyrion occasionally meets up with for business. They only know each other's aliases for various reasons. The dealer has been reliable in supplying clean products, and Delphyrion has always paid their dues in time, though this connection can be dropped at any time—hopefully on good or neutral terms. Who knows what this person is capable of if wronged in any way.

Did they have a childhood? Of course they did, they grew up watching Minecraft videos, nevermind the present implications of that kind of YouTuber. ExplodingTNT's experiments were one of their core memories. Something about explosions have always excited them, and their science fair project was no different. It didn't make them any more popular among their classmates, and while that was slightly disappointing, they just opted to focus on studying instead of listening to the latest tea. 

Delphyrion didn't have much of an interest in other people, citing how complicated they were and how many social rituals there were to keep track of. 

Their dad was an artist and their mom was a scientist, so Delphyrion did have some sort of access to labs and chemicals at a relatively young age. While their parents got along very well, they didn't seem to understand that Delphyrion wanted to pursue Alchemy, not just chemistry or medical science. Thus, there was pressure to pursue becoming a doctor, but they quickly realized they were more inspired by researchers conducting unethical experiments than the honour of saving people. While Delphyrion wasn't above murder and atrocities, they'd still rather stay away from any urges to perform human sacrifices. Something about the little bit of a conscience that remained at the back of their head.

Was it love, or just some pesky chemicals in their brain? Delphyrion's never been in a relationship for more than three months, but for all it was worth, it felt real in the moment. They don't think too much about their exes nowadays because they'd rather keep a more pristine and favoured view of them, and Delphyrion doesn't leave much space in his mind for anything but their projects anyway. Maybe it's a defense mechanism, maybe their brain has shut away any bad memories associated with feelings, but they're living in bliss and that's what matters.

The first relationship was a lesson in obsession. Up to that point they hadn't had such a strong connection with anyone, so they tried to hold on as tightly as they could, not aware that the other person would slip away like sand. 

Then they tried to flirt around, but they weren't the best at that considering how they were a social recluse, so they just let things roll. Of course the thought of asking someone out did come up every now and then, but they didn't think they had a strong enough grasp on what it should feel like or what they would do after that, so they preferred to be friends instead. 

The second relationship was a lesson in decadence. Large indulgences in short periods of time became a normal, so when it started to wane naturally, there came worries that the feelings were fading and that the two of them were making mistake after mistake. Maybe if they had the sense to tell each other their worries of what was happening, it wouldn't have gone out in such a pathetic fizzle. 

Delphyrion didn't put much weight to human relationships and emotions from the start, and this pretty much destroyed any FOMO or particular desire to be with anyone. They were good friends with Cassiopeia but even then, they knew that connection wouldn't reach further than their bones. Humans were fragile, and they'd sooner become attached to online personalities like Delphyrion themselves than actually try to pursue anything meaningful. While they're fine with interacting with their fans, sometimes it becomes too much and they'd much rather stick with their hobbies, because at least they have some semblance of control over it.

Not knowing.

Delphyrion is terrified of being out of control in any sense of the word. They're dead-set on pursuing knowledge because they stare into the face of the unknown and start to tremble; they'd rather be in daylight where they can clearly see what's going on, rather than in the dark where anything can be lurking. It's incredibly satisfying to make any uncertainties fade away. While their experiments are risky and even dangerous, at least they have mostly what they need to understand why certain reactions happen or fail to occur. Equations are friendly in that there's always a straightforward answer, no hidden meanings or misunderstandings that could arise unlike with art or people.

They weren't interested in drama when they went to school, and that is true even now, but if there is a mystery, they'd be inclined to solve it if that's all they could do. They want to feel like there's something in the world that they can grasp, and that they can be in charge of deciding their own fate. That's partially one reason why they've stayed far away from religion; they don't want to believe there's a being out there that decides their every move, or that any of their suffering could potentially be meaningless or decided by whoever calls themselves God. 

If they get hurt, it should be by their own blunder, something they can blame themselves for, because it means there is something they could've done about it. 

If they are hurt by someone else, it should be for a reason. Delphyrion hates the idea that someone could just be unnecessarily cruel for the sake of it. 

That's why they would be very bothered about being lied to. They not only didn't know, but they were led to believe something that wasn't true.

Their first answer would be their lab equipment and lab wear considering that's what allows them to safely progress in their career, but they realize they've replaced these items dozens of times already. That's just the nature of anything on Earth. Suddenly this question holds more philosophical weight than it should, and Delphyrion quickly shuts those thoughts down. Walking past a ventilated chamber enclosed in glass, they see their own face in the reflection and realize there's a much easier answer to this question.

Delphyrion's face. 

They've only got one. It's irreplaceable. Getting surgery or wearing a mask would just make them feel like someone else. They need it to face the camera. Granted, they don't care for it that much during experiments but they do actually have a skin care routine when they remember to do it. Does that sound narcissistic? What other possession is there that they so carefully protect? It can't be a person; Delphyrion doesn't want to put that much importance on someone else, much less brand them as a "thing". 

They can't pursue alchemy if they are afraid of letting something go, after all. 

When Delphyrion encounters a problem, he either dissolves it or explodes it. Those are the only two objects he consistently uses during each mission, not that he's really needed anything else. 

However, they've always known that just a few vials of chemicals would never be enough. In being taken to Alberta they realize they haven't seen their parents in years. Besides the fact that he rarely leaves the lab anyway, he has no idea where his dad has run off to. Of course, his dad was an artist the last time he's heard of him, but the man's hundreds of interests and investments could never be summarized in just one word. Throughout his youth he's seen only 10% of anything his dad has dabbled in, it's the only reason why Delphyrion is familiar with the effect of signal jammers and why they have a gun license despite only having used it once before this whole contract thing started. Come to think of it, that is pretty shady. Maybe his dad was actually a secret agent or an underworld mafia boss. Or a contractor? That would explain why little Delphyrion would sometimes find his father missing despite having seen him in the living room just a few minutes ago.

Is it scary that they don't know where their parents are? Yes, it is, so they just choose to believe their parents are back home and that Delphyrion just hasn't had the time to check. Is it really their biggest problem right now, besides how angry they feel each time they see a giant yellow 'M' anywhere? ...Maybe.

Also, wi-fi problems have been rampant lately ever since he got back from Alberta. He's got sort of a love-hate relationship with it, because on one hand he needs it to brainrot on NileGreen videos, but on the other hand it's super unreliable. Oh, and he needs it to post his videos, probably.

Delphyrion falls out of bed.

They do that all the time, not because of a particular bad dream for all they know - they forget what it's about the moment they open their eyes. It's just that every morning is a revolution in which they hype themselves up to finally break the Law of Conservation of Matter. They get so passionate about it that they tumble off the edge of the mattress by getting their legs caught up in blankets. Basically he's fighting for his life.

Or, there's often a lingering notion that there was something important happening, and a feeling of deja vu throughout the day (he thinks about that a lot, because his parents were obsessed with myths about prophecies and oracles), though they usually chalk it up to having such a set routine. One day can easily bleed into the next. At times they don't even want to get up because they're trying to figure out whether their limbs have turned into worms or if that was just a hallucination. Now that they're doing contracts, the possibility of waking up with worm arms is never zero. So, thinking they've lost the ability to even lift their blanket, they overcompensate their movements and tumble off the edge of the mattress. 

Brush their ears, wear their teeth, err...

Wipe their clothes, paint their eyes, err...

Put on hands, wash their makeup, err...

Actually, they don't remember most of that either. They're just too focused on more important things like whether their experiment has accidentally mutated into something overnight and ransacked the whole place, or whether they'll be whisked away to another mission. (Sometimes they sleep with their lab coat on because of that, which is often a very bad idea. It hasn't occurred to them that they can try to ask for time to grab their stuff.) By then they're generally ready for the day, if a little bit frazzled. It boosts engagement on the channel when people ask about it, so he doesn't mind.

Delphyrion has the perfect outfit planned just for this: a dark purple trenchcoat, a tan vest, a collared shirt, a decorative scarf, leather shoes, and a black skirt. They never really get to wear it though, because they're usually in a lab coat or a stained T-shirt no matter what occasion it is. People have generally accepted this as a normal, and they haven't tried to challenge that at all. Sometimes they do try makeup, though the amount of products proves to be more confusing than anything and they have to restrain themselves from taking each one apart to examine its properties. Those are expensive.

They have more, given to them as gifts (people apparently wanted to see Delphyrion in more makeup, which was taken as an insult until he realized they were just curious to see what he'd look like) not that they're the best at putting it on. Usually they settle with lipstick, eyeliner, and nail polish. 

It doesn't take long for them to get ready, mostly because they can't stand spending that much time in the washroom trying to figure out their look either. 

Twenty-five years. 

Delphyrion hasn't thought much of the time he's spent anywhere at all. He usually just goes with the flow, even if it can't make up its mind on where it's trying to push him. It leads to funny situations so he wouldn't complain. Though, if he had a choice on who he could spend it with, he'd probably want Cassiopeia to be nearby because he won't be alone while getting swept up in the storm. She'll tell him all the ways it could go wrong and he'll say all the ways they could get through it; this kind of debate makes up a majority of their interactions. The thing is, she doesn't try to stop any of the possible disasters either, and he always asks why that's the case - it's what a scientist should do; ask why, form hypotheses, experiment to come up with theories. The most coherent answer they've gotten is a "why not?" though if he's interpreting her other reasons correctly, it's because she attributes almost everything to magical influences. She thinks that by trying to resist a disaster, she'd be going against an ancient deity. If anything, that just motivates Delphyrion to become more powerful because he'd love to go up against a god out there. Statistically, it will be chaotic and he lives for that. 

Though, it'll be just like any other day because the debate doesn't really give him the ability to defy mortality.

Maybe all he's wanted was some semblance of a routine.

Delphyrion doesn't like to think that they'll ever do anything they'd regret.

In all the times they've messed up an experiment or lost something consequential to them, they framed it as a step towards knowledge and experience. You win some, you lose some, and that's fine. As much as they goof around and do stupid things for the sake of it, the least they could do is give it an adequate amount of thought for how consequential these actions would be in the long run - as long as they've done that, they won't regret anything. They did what they could within the realm of their knowledge at the time. The rest, unfortunately, is up to luck, and they wouldn't - or, they try not to - blame themselves for something they can't control. They've done well for themselves with this mindset and they'll keep convincing themselves of it if they have to.

They remember that one of their past partners would always ask as well: "Do you regret it?"

No, he doesn't, and the answer will always be no. Even though that person did hurt him, even if the relationship was rocky at the start, even though that person has caused him so much turmoil and many more sleepless nights, the answer is still no. Delphyrion - whether it's for the sake of their ego or if they truly think this way - can't reasonably perceive that they'd ever regret loving someone because, again, in the moment it felt real and that's what really matters. These are all just memories now and if he enjoyed the time during it then there's no reason to hate it. The fallout is completely unrelated whether or not he sees it coming. After each breakup they ask themselves whether they'd rather not have dated at all - no, in fact they'd do it all again even if they can't change a single decision made, for how can one be wrong about loving someone? Better to have loved than never at all, because it did help them learn about themselves and what they wanted.

...

In reality the only thing - the biggest thing - they regret is the lead-up to the downfall and the way they powerlessly watched it crumble.

And, by extension, Delphyrion regrets not being assertive enough.

There were many times when things could've had much better outcomes had they insisted on clarification. Delphyrion is dumb and does stupid things but they aren't stupid; this isn't just a testament to their Master's degree in Chemistry, it's their entire being in general. They're dense but when it really matters they do notice signs and hints and they'd be a fool not to point it out, being a scientist. However, they get so quickly shut down that they never bring anything up again and it comes back to bite everyone.

That translates to very tragic ends on a Contract.

They've realized that now. It only took two deaths to wake them up from delusions of "wanting to overthrow McDonald's".

In the past Delphyrion didn't put much weight on the danger of merely existing. They've just been in it for the games, and they probably needed that to calm their hyperactive mind. That era has come to an end now; it helped but it's time for Delphyrion to lock in and take the world more seriously. 

Delphyrion thinks a lot. 

Not necessarily for the sake of coming up with a good gift concept, but just... in general. They think about their next project, their next meal, their next Contract, their next lab coat replacement, their next thousand dollar investment in a new machine, their next mistake that causes two people to die because they didn't speak up quickly enough-

And whenever something difficult to think through comes up, they mumble, "If only I had ____."

This has become the activation method for one of their gifts.

Cassiopeia once talked about how Zeus gave birth to Athena by thinking about her. Delphyrion surmises this is how they get their gifts, too, considering their whimsical nature.

It's really just been a long experiment to see how ridiculous he could get with the concepts, and how far his imagination could get. He could establish his own dogmas and he'd probably still be able to get gifts far beyond the realm of logic. Though, his mindset is that he doesn't really need magic to thrive; whatever it's capable of, he can already achieve so long as he puts his mind to it. 

They're certain their potential reaches farther than their gifts suggest. They're just not bent on following the gift "meta". Gabriel had a pretty powerful smite, and... well, recently he hasn't really seen his fellow contractors use their gifts. Perhaps Joseph, Theia, and Ronan had only begun by the time Delphyrion had quite a few completions under his belt. ...He recognizes the questionable word choice there.

Meanwhile, with Tropir and Adrannis? They definitely knew what was going on. They knew what was good for them.

Delphyrion doesn't think that way - it didn't even occur to them until now that these powers were supposed to be helping with the Contracts - so none of their gifts have been created to harm people. He's honestly surprised at himself for this.

Either way, the right gift will come around when it's meant to. This is the one thing Delphyrion doesn't intend to control; it just seems like the Harbingers are bemusedly humoring his thought processes.

"Why would you limit yourself like this? You can want so much more," is the question that he hears sometimes when he finds his gifts in the morning, like a child during Christmas. 

In his mind he's not limiting himself at all. He knows the world is more mystical than his comprehension. But he's taking it in slowly so he wouldn't overwhelm himself.

Someday, slowly but surely, he'll understand the "rules" of magic enough to break them.

Ah. Religion.

Delphyrion recalls one of their earliest contracts. They recall how four people's lives banked on how well Delphyrion could pretend to be... religious. It wasn't well (they started congratulating a priest for a birth happening), but they saved it somehow. From the start they haven't really considered whether they believe in God or multiple deities or in anything at all. Everything just... exists, and it's there for Delphyrion's experimentation, and that's all they've come up with for now.

If anything they wouldn't want to believe that there's something all-powerful out there. No matter how much evidence of it there could theoretically be, Delphyrion refuses to acknowledge it - just as he doesn't disbelieve in magic, he just denies the possibility that it could do anything. There's plenty of evidence for supernatural beings floating around Cryptoleak, but it doesn't mean Delphyrion has to live their life in constant fear that a human-faced spider would greet them in the mornings. People can stick to their beliefs and Delphyrion will stick to his non-beliefs. He ardently believes in not believing. 

Well, also... if God did exist, Gabriel and Joseph would be alive today.

After all, if humans were God's greatest creation and Delphyrion has 0 interest in them, wouldn't that be an insult to God? Not to mention Delphyrion would automatically go to hell from the day they were born. Something about fruits. They'd hate to waste their time trying to pray to someone whose eternal doctrine irrevocably condemns him without question. He doesn't belong. They know. She's known since the first time someone called them a slur - and since this happened directly to them, they can't really deny its existence. They've made a career out of it. People in Florida are terrible. The laws are slowly closing in. The entirety of America is a mess in its regulations and rights. Every state for themselves. People are so selfish. I am selfish too, so I shut myself away because I can't - I won't - accept that I'm anything like anyone else. They've already told me that I'm not 'normal', they told me, "Why can't you just be normal," why would they be wrong? How could they be wrong? How could they just blindly accept and believe what's clearly WRONG? WHERE IS THE LOGIC? WHERE DID IT ALL GO-

He wouldn't ever pretend to think otherwise. They like to have some semblance of power over their own life and choices. He likes to hold himself accountable instead of relying on divine punishment and being stuck in what may very well be a global panopticon. 

That's just... Science.

That's literally just the experience of a scientist.

Snarks aside, Delphyrion's worldview has very much been that everything has an answer - if they messed up somewhere, that's because they didn't know enough. They went through life as if it were a school assignment; find an issue, answer it, move on. The contracts certainly make that more difficult because loose ends are seldom tied up - they still aren't sure what really happened during Mushroom Hunt. No, that's a lie, they do, they just don't know who these efforts were going towards. Surely it wasn't just one person who hired them, but it's not exactly easy to find any details on supernatural ventures in the first place.

Whatever, Delphyrion is open-minded enough to take whatever comes their way

hypercubes and bugs aren't real they can't hurt you just you see I'll see to it that they disappear they can't see me they can't just decide someone's fate like this I don't believe in fate never will don't you dare take that away from me too haven't you done enough fuck reality it's not real I'll make sure of it if it destroys the world as we know it

I doubt myself all the time. You don't need to tell me twice. I knew I'd always be wrong. You keep insisting you'd always be right, you keep insisting I'm the one that needs to get their head checked, but look where I am now.