Vel's Questionnaire

Vel goes to a good medical school. Not the best they got into, but a good on, and one they can afford. The city has good public transit, a bus system which Vel takes to get everywhere.

Vel lives in the cheapest apartment in the vicinity of their med school with a few roommates, Xem and Yazil . The apartment has 3 floors and 12 units, and was built a 30 years ago. Vel doesn't have much money, since they are still in school, so the apartment isn't decorated much. The apartment is very minimal, with all decorations and furniture owned by Vel's roommates.  Vel's room is the smaller of the 2 rooms, and is pretty bare . Vel has a small cot, an old computer and a few plastic containers with their clothes in it. Xem and Vel moved to the city together, and Xem started dating Yazil a few months in, and they all moved in together to save on rent.

Vel occasionally does errands for roommates and neighbors to earn a small amount of cash and avoid taking on more loans.

Vel one day hopes to have a larger house, shared with many more people. Vel doesn't like spending money, and wants to live cheaply even after they become a doctor, so they can give more of their income away.

Vel get's their money mostly through student loans , which currently total $220,000, and counting. Vel gets a little money from doing odd jobs (fixing computer issues, doing uber like deliveries, some babysitting). This generally is enough to pay for food, and some rent, but not much else. Vel tries to buy all their own food, and pay their full rent, but their roommates will sometimes sneak in extra food, and surprise Vel with takeout.

During school breaks, Vel can occasionally work more, and during those times, will work themselves extremely hard, and save money for paying down their loans, and saving for future expenses. If they have the mental fortitude they save all of their excess. If they don't, they end up donating a significant amount of their money.

Vel wants to end poverty, and rid humanity of disease.

Vel feels the suffering of others like their own and has been feeling the weight of that since their early teens. Vel would do nearly anything to accomplish this. Vel doesn't think they would ever be in the situation where they would need to kill to accomplish this goal but would suffer and die any number of times to accomplish it. They donated one of their kidney's 3 years ago and would go through that pain any number of times if it would save more people.

Their current plan (pre contract) is to accomplish this by becoming a successful doctor, and then either doing research if they have the skill for that, or otherwise earn as much money as possible that they can send to people living in extreme poverty and spend on global health initiatives. 

Given the opportunity to earn power which they could use to help other, Vel would take it.

Vel had a family with 4 other siblings, and 2 happy and healthy parents. In their teens, their father and 2 sisters died from a rare disease contracted while traveling internationally. Their mother was devastated and withdrew into herself for years. Vel's took care of their younger brothers for most of their childhood, including taking care of them when they had cancer, and taking them to all their hospital visits until their death.

Left with a devastated mother, and one surviving brother, Vel dedicated the rest of their life to making sure no one else would suffer the pain they did.

In the present, Vel thinks and hopes that they would have the same conviction even if their family was healthy and well. They fear that the only reason they care about the world is because their life was thrown into such turmoil. 

Xem. A friend since childhood. Was Vel's Rock for years. No romantic attachment, but platonically partnered for life. Xem works in IT, she is a bit anti-social. Very short, with red-blond hair, and large glasses. Very thoughtful, shy, and very kind. Somewhat stubborn, and very protective of Vel. Support's Vel's goals, but worries about Vel's intensity, and care's more about their happiness than their impact on the world.

Blake. Twin brother, but very different in temperament. Very solidly build, muscular and tall, compared to Vel's stick thin frame. His eye and hair color match Vel, and before puberty, they could have been mistaken for each other. Emotionally has a very flat affect, with occasional intensity which often manifests as anger. Not very thoughtful, but very focused. Currently in the military, and support's Vel's Mother. Disagrees with Vel about many things but is very protective of them. 

Yazil. Xem's Boyfriend, and one of Vel's friends. Tall, kind and well natured. Think's Vel is odd, but the good kind of odd.

Vel had a good childhood. Their dad was a development economist working on measuring the economic externalities of different diseases, and their longitudinal effects. Their mom was an artist/ stay at home mom. Vel's mom was always a bit more... Fragile, but was sweet, and their Dad took care of her. Vel went to a good public school, and mostly fit in. Vel was bright, and prone to showing off a little too much, but that tempered with age, and they found some true friends, including Xem.

Then the bad years happened, and nearly all of Vel's family died. Some fast, and some slowly, painfully slowly. Vel dealt with it and worked with their brother Blake to keep things afloat. Vel took care of appointments, and taking care of their mom, while Blake dropped out and got a job to keep them feed after the life insurance ran out. 


Vel lost most of their friends during this time. People don't like being around bad things. It makes them feel uncomfortable, and unsafe. It takes a special kind of person to be able to deal with that. A special sort of person like Xem.

Vel loves the world and loves Xem. But not romantically in either Case. Vel thinks they are somewhere on the aromantic, asexual spectrum. 

Vel and Xem did date for a little while. It didn't feel right. Kissing didn't really appeal, and it seemed to just add complexity to their and Xem's relationship. Vel settled into a platonic partnership with them instead and returned to focusing on the things they really valued.

Vel's love affair with the world has been much less consistently rewarding. Work and work to make things better, to gain skills, to become stronger, just so you can push the trajectory of human in a slightly better direction by a fraction of a degree. This is hard, and often unrewarding. But worth it. Very worth it.

Now? Germs. Oh fuck they're terrifying. 

I saw it when Dr. Laz used his power on me. Millions of little things in my body working to kill me. Little alien bits of metal removing and fixing them up. 

I didn't particularly feel afraid of them before that day in the light house, but now it jumps to the top of my mind like blaring klaxons. Masks, gloves, and planning on getting a gift that cures disease when it makes sense.

Before that day at the light house, I was afraid that there was something more I could be doing. Doctors help a lot of people and make a lot of money. Those both can help the world a lot. But maybe public policy is higher leverage? Maybe I should have been focused on curing disease rather than treating it. Maybe I could have made a billion-dollar company and sold it.

That would have dwarfed my impact on the world. 

Now I don't really need to worry about that. A billionaire can't do the things I'll be able to do if I get far enough. I bet my life enough times on this, and I'll be able to win a much better world than what I could have done otherwise. 


Sometime Xem will worry that I'll become too fixated on the goal. That friends and family are important, and that too far down this path lies an automaton. 

I'm not really afraid of this. But I'm afraid that there is some future for me where I become someone who can't be in her life. That worries me. 

I mostly don't prize my possessions. I don't like owning to many things. Makes moving hard, and just takes up space. 

Maybe, of the things before the first contract:
1. My computer - It has all my games, all my notes, and is where I do a lot of my work.
2. A framed photo of my family back from when we were all here and whole.
3. Xem's old teddy bear- When we were little, we both had teddies of our own. When we went away to summer camp, we were worried we would miss each other too much and would die from loneliness. So we exchanged teddies. Xem took Mr. Bear, and I took Ted Bearington. I still have Ted, and sleep with him in my bed still.

Now:
1. My Caduceus bracer- It's my first. The promise of the future, and the first step in my new life.
2. My Flare gun. It made me finish my first game a success. I used it to shoot the monster in my second contract. 

Blake's going to train me on firearms so I can use it... any maybe some other gun latter.

I don't have a lot of slack/free time. Residency is easy now because of my Caduceus bracer, but it still takes a lot of time. I spend some time crafting, a lot of time training, and balancing everything is draining. I need to find some ways to spend more time with Xem. I've told her about the contracts of course, and she is ... sort of supportive. But with how busy I am, I don't have the same ability to spend time with her, and other friends that I once did.

I have been able to spend more time with Blake, mostly spent training. But I can still feel it draining me. Every bit of time spent training increases my probability of success. I could build something to get rid of the need for sleep, but that slows down my timeline for making the things which actually matter for the world.

Not worth it.

I'm thinking I might start alternating with training that is a little more emotionally nourishing. Talking with people is an important part of contracts after all. Maybe going camping/ learning some outdoor skills.

The other way to get around this is to find a way to get a lot of money. In 3 contracts I could probably do that. At least I have some ideas for it. Laundering is the hard thing, so that might not even help me with this problem.

I have 3 or 4 alarms setup one after another in my room. I prep for the morning the night before, so I know what clothes to wear. I have an apple for breakfast after I've brushed and flossed.  I have a journal that I try and fill out of what I've been doing and what I've been planning. I don't do this as much as I used to, and now it's mostly just after contracts.

On long residency stints I'll spend a bit more time packing up my stuff, and spend some time hanging out with Xem before I head out. I don't need coffee yet, but I might at some point, especially as my ability to craft improves, and I spend more of my time making things.

I take the bus to work still. I'll probably get, or maybe make a car at some point, but for right now it doesn't make sense. I listen to podcasts about policy, medicine and ethics on my way to works. Right now this is my biggest period of regular downtime. I've been training in the evenings, so this is my little slice of peace.

If I was going somewhere special, I would probably be going with Xem, or Blake. If I was going with Xem, I would ask her what to wear, and at least 30 minutes would be spent dressing me. Xem always has a better sense for these things that I do, although I've picked up a few things. Depending on the day, and how I'm feeling, Xem would either dress me in more masculine, or more feminine clothes. She has some nice flowy dresses that I really like. When I got full fem we do makeup, eye shadow, the full nine yard. It can be real fun. Full masc can be equally fun but a different way. I have one nice suit that Xem got me a few years ago. I wear that, gel my hair up a bit. That takes less time to get ready for. Maybe 20 minutes with a full shower before hand.

If I'm with Blake, I wear scrubs, or a sweatshirt. He doesn't dress up, and I don't either. We don't really feel the need to impress each other or others. 


I suppose now I'll always be wearing at least gloves. Now that I'm down a few fingers...

Assuming I'm not dead? 

I'll probably work through it. I rarely take time off for my birthday. But on the next weekend after me and Xem and Yazil will probably hang out, do a board game, or maybe have a nice homemade dinner. I might pay the one-day membership for a local gym and go for a swim. It will be too cold by then to swim in the lake, and swimming is relaxing. Let's me forget the world.

I'll probably have to visit Mom and check in on her. I love her, but... She feels like a child too me. Couldn't deal with what happened. I don't know if many could I suppose, but it just feels so normal to me. Probably most people wouldn't react as well as me and Blake. But I could grow up, why couldn't she.

Other than that, I'll probably spend the celebration day reading, maybe go on a long run.

I used to have non contract regrets.

Now nothing else I do is nearly as important. I had a messy relationship with Xem at one point. Could have handled that better. It all worked out.


Big ones:
- My first contract that psychopath Liam. Should have stopped him. I wasn't able to. Fuck him. I should have killed him
- The contract I just did. The one with Ride. I should have made sure Ride died earlier. I should have stopped Host. Fuck them all.

It's piece of shit like them that make it hard for those of us trying to make the world better. 

But regret isn't the important question. The important is how I'm going to get better, and prevent it from happening again.

I'm going to get stronger. And learn to fight. Learn to kill if I have to. To protect more lives. I need to be better. To toughen myself up.


The world needs me to be as strong as I can. To do what must be done. the world deserves it.

My gift feels like an intuition mixed with the powerful store of energy that needs structure. What I intend gives it a bit of structure, but the rest of it comes from how I make it. The form and style of what I make influences how the power I imbue manifests. The caduceus is the best example of this. I wanted to make some artifact which made me and other's better doctors, and better at responding to emergencies. Obviously the best way to do that would be with something small and inconspicuous. But if I make it a plane ring, my power doesn't have anything to attach to. This is why it needs to be a caduceus.

This also taught me another lesson, the meaning I draw on isn't inherent, it comes in part from me, and in part from others. The caduceus wasn't supposed to be a medical symbol. It was a confused with the Asclepius, and then persisted in the popular imagination. The "true" meaning doesn't matter though, what matters is what people thought when I was making it.

You can see a similar thing in what I just made, my wind up key. The way a wind up key works is 100% explained by mechanics. Kids add potential energy to a mechanism, then that energy is slowly released by the gears. But the way kids, and people imagine it working is that you put it to the back of a toy, wind it for a while, and then the toy comes to life.

I didn't have the power before the harbingers, but I had some of the intuition. This sort of ability to live both in the physical world while also thinking about the symbolism, and associations. I think that, and my focus on others made this gift manifest the way it did. Harbingers gave me a seed of power, of unlocked something in me, and now with every gift it grows.