Vel's Questionnaire

Vel goes to a good medical school. Not the best they got into, but a good on, and one they can afford. The city has good public transit, a bus system which Vel takes to get everywhere.

Vel lives in the cheapest apartment in the vicinity of their med school with a few roommates, Xem and Yazil . The apartment has 3 floors and 12 units, and was built a 30 years ago. Vel doesn't have much money, since they are still in school, so the apartment isn't decorated much. The apartment is very minimal, with all decorations and furniture owned by Vel's roommates.  Vel's room is the smaller of the 2 rooms, and is pretty bare . Vel has a small cot, an old computer and a few plastic containers with their clothes in it. Xem and Vel moved to the city together, and Xem started dating Yazil a few months in, and they all moved in together to save on rent.

Vel occasionally does errands for roommates and neighbors to earn a small amount of cash and avoid taking on more loans.

Vel one day hopes to have a larger house, shared with many more people. Vel doesn't like spending money, and wants to live cheaply even after they become a doctor, so they can give more of their income away.

Vel get's their money mostly through student loans , which currently total $220,000, and counting. Vel gets a little money from doing odd jobs (fixing computer issues, doing uber like deliveries, some babysitting). This generally is enough to pay for food, and some rent, but not much else. Vel tries to buy all their own food, and pay their full rent, but their roommates will sometimes sneak in extra food, and surprise Vel with takeout.

During school breaks, Vel can occasionally work more, and during those times, will work themselves extremely hard, and save money for paying down their loans, and saving for future expenses. If they have the mental fortitude they save all of their excess. If they don't, they end up donating a significant amount of their money.

Vel wants to end poverty, and rid humanity of disease.

Vel feels the suffering of others like their own and has been feeling the weight of that since their early teens. Vel would do nearly anything to accomplish this. Vel doesn't think they would ever be in the situation where they would need to kill to accomplish this goal but would suffer and die any number of times to accomplish it. They donated one of their kidney's 3 years ago and would go through that pain any number of times if it would save more people.

Their current plan (pre contract) is to accomplish this by becoming a successful doctor, and then either doing research if they have the skill for that, or otherwise earn as much money as possible that they can send to people living in extreme poverty and spend on global health initiatives. 

Given the opportunity to earn power which they could use to help other, Vel would take it.

Vel had a family with 4 other siblings, and 2 happy and healthy parents. In their teens, their father and 2 sisters died from a rare disease contracted while traveling internationally. Their mother was devastated and withdrew into herself for years. Vel's took care of their younger brothers for most of their childhood, including taking care of them when they had cancer, and taking them to all their hospital visits until their death.

Left with a devastated mother, and one surviving brother, Vel dedicated the rest of their life to making sure no one else would suffer the pain they did.

In the present, Vel thinks and hopes that they would have the same conviction even if their family was healthy and well. They fear that the only reason they care about the world is because their life was thrown into such turmoil. 

Xem. A friend since childhood. Was Vel's Rock for years. No romantic attachment, but platonically partnered for life. Xem works in IT, she is a bit anti-social. Very short, with red-blond hair, and large glasses. Very thoughtful, shy, and very kind. Somewhat stubborn, and very protective of Vel. Support's Vel's goals, but worries about Vel's intensity, and care's more about their happiness than their impact on the world.

Blake. Twin brother, but very different in temperament. Very solidly build, muscular and tall, compared to Vel's stick thin frame. His eye and hair color match Vel, and before puberty, they could have been mistaken for each other. Emotionally has a very flat affect, with occasional intensity which often manifests as anger. Not very thoughtful, but very focused. Currently in the military, and support's Vel's Mother. Disagrees with Vel about many things but is very protective of them. 

Yazil. Xem's Boyfriend, and one of Vel's friends. Tall, kind and well natured. Think's Vel is odd, but the good kind of odd.

Vel had a good childhood. Their dad was a development economist working on measuring the economic externalities of different diseases, and their longitudinal effects. Their mom was an artist/ stay at home mom. Vel's mom was always a bit more... Fragile, but was sweet, and their Dad took care of her. Vel went to a good public school, and mostly fit in. Vel was bright, and prone to showing off a little too much, but that tempered with age, and they found some true friends, including Xem.

Then the bad years happened, and nearly all of Vel's family died. Some fast, and some slowly, painfully slowly. Vel dealt with it and worked with their brother Blake to keep things afloat. Vel took care of appointments, and taking care of their mom, while Blake dropped out and got a job to keep them feed after the life insurance ran out. 


Vel lost most of their friends during this time. People don't like being around bad things. It makes them feel uncomfortable, and unsafe. It takes a special kind of person to be able to deal with that. A special sort of person like Xem.

Vel loves the world and loves Xem. But not romantically in either Case. Vel thinks they are somewhere on the aromantic, asexual spectrum. 

Vel and Xem did date for a little while. It didn't feel right. Kissing didn't really appeal, and it seemed to just add complexity to their and Xem's relationship. Vel settled into a platonic partnership with them instead and returned to focusing on the things they really valued.

Vel's love affair with the world has been much less consistently rewarding. Work and work to make things better, to gain skills, to become stronger, just so you can push the trajectory of human in a slightly better direction by a fraction of a degree. This is hard, and often unrewarding. But worth it. Very worth it.

Now? Germs. Oh fuck they're terrifying. 

I saw it when Dr. Laz used his power on me. Millions of little things in my body working to kill me. Little alien bits of metal removing and fixing them up. 

I didn't particularly feel afraid of them before that day in the light house, but now it jumps to the top of my mind like blaring klaxons. Masks, gloves, and planning on getting a gift that cures disease when it makes sense.

Before that day at the light house, I was afraid that there was something more I could be doing. Doctors help a lot of people and make a lot of money. Those both can help the world a lot. But maybe public policy is higher leverage? Maybe I should have been focused on curing disease rather than treating it. Maybe I could have made a billion-dollar company and sold it.

That would have dwarfed my impact on the world. 

Now I don't really need to worry about that. A billionaire can't do the things I'll be able to do if I get far enough. I bet my life enough times on this, and I'll be able to win a much better world than what I could have done otherwise. 


Sometime Xem will worry that I'll become too fixated on the goal. That friends and family are important, and that too far down this path lies an automaton. 

I'm not really afraid of this. But I'm afraid that there is some future for me where I become someone who can't be in her life. That worries me. 

I mostly don't prize my possessions. I don't like owning to many things. Makes moving hard, and just takes up space. 

Maybe, of the things before the first contract:
1. My computer - It has all my games, all my notes, and is where I do a lot of my work.
2. A framed photo of my family back from when we were all here and whole.
3. Xem's old teddy bear- When we were little, we both had teddies of our own. When we went away to summer camp, we were worried we would miss each other too much and would die from loneliness. So we exchanged teddies. Xem took Mr. Bear, and I took Ted Bearington. I still have Ted, and sleep with him in my bed still.

Now:
1. My Caduceus bracer- It's my first. The promise of the future, and the first step in my new life.
2. My Flare gun. It made me finish my first game a success. I used it to shoot the monster in my second contract. 

Blake's going to train me on firearms so I can use it... any maybe some other gun latter.

I don't have a lot of slack/free time. Residency is easy now because of my Caduceus bracer, but it still takes a lot of time. I spend some time crafting, a lot of time training, and balancing everything is draining. I need to find some ways to spend more time with Xem. I've told her about the contracts of course, and she is ... sort of supportive. But with how busy I am, I don't have the same ability to spend time with her, and other friends that I once did.

I have been able to spend more time with Blake, mostly spent training. But I can still feel it draining me. Every bit of time spent training increases my probability of success. I could build something to get rid of the need for sleep, but that slows down my timeline for making the things which actually matter for the world.

Not worth it.

I'm thinking I might start alternating with training that is a little more emotionally nourishing. Talking with people is an important part of contracts after all. Maybe going camping/ learning some outdoor skills.

The other way to get around this is to find a way to get a lot of money. In 3 contracts I could probably do that. At least I have some ideas for it. Laundering is the hard thing, so that might not even help me with this problem.

I have 3 or 4 alarms setup one after another in my room. I prep for the morning the night before, so I know what clothes to wear. I have an apple for breakfast after I've brushed and flossed.  I have a journal that I try and fill out of what I've been doing and what I've been planning. I don't do this as much as I used to, and now it's mostly just after contracts.

On long residency stints I'll spend a bit more time packing up my stuff, and spend some time hanging out with Xem before I head out. I don't need coffee yet, but I might at some point, especially as my ability to craft improves, and I spend more of my time making things.

I take the bus to work still. I'll probably get, or maybe make a car at some point, but for right now it doesn't make sense. I listen to podcasts about policy, medicine and ethics on my way to works. Right now this is my biggest period of regular downtime. I've been training in the evenings, so this is my little slice of peace.

If I was going somewhere special, I would probably be going with Xem, or Blake. If I was going with Xem, I would ask her what to wear, and at least 30 minutes would be spent dressing me. Xem always has a better sense for these things that I do, although I've picked up a few things. Depending on the day, and how I'm feeling, Xem would either dress me in more masculine, or more feminine clothes. She has some nice flowy dresses that I really like. When I got full fem we do makeup, eye shadow, the full nine yard. It can be real fun. Full masc can be equally fun but a different way. I have one nice suit that Xem got me a few years ago. I wear that, gel my hair up a bit. That takes less time to get ready for. Maybe 20 minutes with a full shower before hand.

If I'm with Blake, I wear scrubs, or a sweatshirt. He doesn't dress up, and I don't either. We don't really feel the need to impress each other or others. 


I suppose now I'll always be wearing at least gloves. Now that I'm down a few fingers...

Assuming I'm not dead? 

I'll probably work through it. I rarely take time off for my birthday. But on the next weekend after me and Xem and Yazil will probably hang out, do a board game, or maybe have a nice homemade dinner. I might pay the one-day membership for a local gym and go for a swim. It will be too cold by then to swim in the lake, and swimming is relaxing. Let's me forget the world.

I'll probably have to visit Mom and check in on her. I love her, but... She feels like a child too me. Couldn't deal with what happened. I don't know if many could I suppose, but it just feels so normal to me. Probably most people wouldn't react as well as me and Blake. But I could grow up, why couldn't she.

Other than that, I'll probably spend the celebration day reading, maybe go on a long run.

I used to have non contract regrets.

Now nothing else I do is nearly as important. I had a messy relationship with Xem at one point. Could have handled that better. It all worked out.


Big ones:
- My first contract that psychopath Liam. Should have stopped him. I wasn't able to. Fuck him. I should have killed him
- The contract I just did. The one with Ride. I should have made sure Ride died earlier. I should have stopped Host. Fuck them all.

It's piece of shit like them that make it hard for those of us trying to make the world better. 

But regret isn't the important question. The important is how I'm going to get better, and prevent it from happening again.

I'm going to get stronger. And learn to fight. Learn to kill if I have to. To protect more lives. I need to be better. To toughen myself up.


The world needs me to be as strong as I can. To do what must be done. the world deserves it.

My gift feels like an intuition mixed with the powerful store of energy that needs structure. What I intend gives it a bit of structure, but the rest of it comes from how I make it. The form and style of what I make influences how the power I imbue manifests. The caduceus is the best example of this. I wanted to make some artifact which made me and other's better doctors, and better at responding to emergencies. Obviously the best way to do that would be with something small and inconspicuous. But if I make it a plane ring, my power doesn't have anything to attach to. This is why it needs to be a caduceus.

This also taught me another lesson, the meaning I draw on isn't inherent, it comes in part from me, and in part from others. The caduceus wasn't supposed to be a medical symbol. It was a confused with the Asclepius, and then persisted in the popular imagination. The "true" meaning doesn't matter though, what matters is what people thought when I was making it.

You can see a similar thing in what I just made, my wind up key. The way a wind up key works is 100% explained by mechanics. Kids add potential energy to a mechanism, then that energy is slowly released by the gears. But the way kids, and people imagine it working is that you put it to the back of a toy, wind it for a while, and then the toy comes to life.

I didn't have the power before the harbingers, but I had some of the intuition. This sort of ability to live both in the physical world while also thinking about the symbolism, and associations. I think that, and my focus on others made this gift manifest the way it did. Harbingers gave me a seed of power, of unlocked something in me, and now with every gift it grows.

Never really saw the appeal with that. Never felt any of the things people who claim to feel spirituality feel. All of the testable claims seem to be false. From a historical perspective, religions seems to be a cultural artifact that is useful to keep people behaving in particular ways, and maybe to facilitate cultural evolution? None of that makes it seem like a good way to acquire information about the world.

So, if there isn't an emotional use for me, or a use from the information religions have, then the remaining question is if religions are good in some other way. Not to be mean, but the moral standards of most religions seem woefully insufficient, in word and in practice. I know a bunch of people who I consider good, and religiosity seems entirely unrelated to that trait. Potentially negatively correlated, but I don't have the kind of sample size to make that determination.

The contract changed everything. I had heard about some supernatural things, but it didn't really matter. My ambitions were limited by the fact that I was just a single person. I could save many lives, but not the world. But with the contract ... I can do so much more. Now, every month I can change the world more than I could in a lifetime for my old self. It's exhilarating and fills my life with meaning. Also, so much more anxiety. 

I don't think it made my life easier. I have power and responsibility now, and that has cost me a lot. I've probably suffered more because of this than any other decision in my life. 

I also suppose that my view of the world is a lot different now. Things feel more chaotic and random.

People have died because of me. I suppose that's the price I have to pay for being in the position where many more can live because of me.

Probably the Person I see most frequently is Dr. Laz.

We went on our first contract together, the cluster fuck that that was.  He's a smart guy, and pretty nice. Has some nano tech abilities that I really don't understand. Working with him is good. I can trust him to try and find a reasonable response to problems and have a have a good set of tools for dealing with a variety of problems. Of the contractors I've interacted with, I probably trust him the most. I've saved his life a few times, and some of his artifacts have won a few contracts for me.

I also worked with Iktan a lot, but only in one contract. I gave him my armor, and in exchange he made the skeleton necklace I use as my main combat option (other than my whistle). He seems like a good enough guy. He helped us with talking to Diana (another contractor that died).

I don't know if I believe in the idea of perfect.

The room I've been thinking about for a while is the room I'd use to make my rod of Asclepius. We would need 2 lines. One for the patients, one for their friend or family member who is going to cure them. Ideally, we could automate with a belt of some kind pulling patients along in case they are unable to move. The friend of family would be in the other line. Likely moving. They would walk to some device wrapped around the rod, put their hand in it to activate the artifact, then leave after their counterpart is cured.


The big question is how to prevent it from being stolen. The easy solution is to make some magic solution so that the rod is indestructible, and traceable. That will keep it from being permanently stolen. But even temporary disruptions could prevent hundreds of people.

Solutions to this: keep track of the weight of the rod + device, have cameras, have cameras recording everyone who goes in and out.

I make things that help people, and I keep my team alive.

I am good at medicine, but Jimmy and Dr. Laz have abilities that makes them better. I’m good at talking, but others are much much better than me at that. I am okay at the covert part of contracts, but others are better, and all my powers for that are borrowed.

The area I have focused on is having the skills needed to make sure we leave alive. If someone gets hurt, I can patch them up. If people try to hurt me, I stay up. I cover the weaknesses my team has, and I build things that are useful for recovery, escape and survival.

No one has died on a contract I have been on, and I intend to keep it that way.

When I’ve had my way with the world, I will spread tools of healing throughout the world, and things will change. For everyone.

That’s  what this all is for. Even if I need to give up most of my old self to do it.

I used to need to save everyone. I felt It burning sharp need in my chest. It is why I became a doctor. The philosophy around helped, and I still believe in that. But the emotional need was what initially propelled me. I wish it wasn’t. That I just had the philosophy from the beginning. Because after contract 4, and the mission with Haze, the part of me that needed to save people has shut down. 

That part of myself is something I’m willing to sacrifice. I’m saving 2 people per day on average now. Their lives mean more than me feeling okay.

i still don’t want to kill people. I think if I really needed to, I could. I did in fact kill 2 people. But I regret it a lot. I didn’t need to. But if it was to save more lives, and there wasn’t another way, then I would be willing to kill people.

1. Dead hearts - Stars.  As much as I don't like to think about, death was a defining part of my experience growing up and maturing. 


2. In love with your Philosophy (In Love with your Philosophy - (Shape of You Parody) (youtube.com)) - I like this. It's fun, and reflects that I spend a lot of energy thinking in abstract.

3. Super boy and the invisible girl  ("Superboy and the Invisible Girl" from 'Next to Normal' Act 1 (youtube.com)) - This was a song that a friend of mine really bonded to as a trans allegory. I really like the show as a whole, and the song... I get it. The idea of having something inside you that isn't seen. 

4. Everything goes on (Porter Robinson - Everything Goes On (Kobo Kanaeru Cover) (youtube.com)) - This kind of song the one that is hopeful, and about a continuing future and more opportunities for the world to progress, and get better. For people to recover, and for the future to get better.  This is the kind of song which gives me hope and life. And it's part of what I consider important about me. That I've accepted that I am one person, and that life, and so many things continue on after me. That's what my goal is after all. To make the world a better place that I've found it. To leave something permanently useful to the world.

5. Gun In My Hand - Dorthy ("Gun In My Hand" - Dorothy - Lyric Video - The Walking Dead Michonne Game [Opening Song] (youtube.com)) - The contract isn't something that I want to be doing. I've done a lot of damage. Hell, an island full of people just died because of a contract I went on. But I need to do this. Everything I am compels me to be willing to die for my values. Unfortunately, that means that sometimes I need to let others die for them as well.

6. What was I made for. (Billie Eilish - What Was I Made For? (Official Music Video) (youtube.com)) - This song captures an important period of time in my life. When I trying to figure out who I was, and what I wanted to be. It's even more relevant now, when I've accomplished most of what I wanted to do. The world is better and safer. Soon there will be a large number of artifacts made by me, saving people all over the world. I'm almost done accomplishing my purpose. Why does it feel so empty.

7. POP/STARS 𝐯𝐬 MEGALOVANIA (youtube.com) - I run on an anxious anxiety. This song is the one that most makes me feel it.

My ambitions, and the contracts are going to kill me.

I can make artifacts that can reliably and quickly heal the world.

I'll make more until no one on the earth dies for a disease. And I'll keep making other things till the world is rich and safe. 

You can't destroy what I make. It can be horded, but can't be lost.

I'm now at the point where every contract I do enables me to make artifacts which can save thousands per day.

If you asked one of them if I should retire, what do you think they would say?


I can make more. I can make better.

But. I can do more. After the world is healthy, I need to make the world rich.

I can make items to do that. Feed the world, build shelters. All of it indestructible, and continuing to make the world better long after I am dead.

Because I am going to die doing this. I'm not the best contractor I know, and It will kill me. But every contract will save more than my life. 

People with power often make me anger. Not in a violent way. I'm not a violent person. Even now, as jaded as I am, I don't kill people. But there are so many people in this world with so much power that don't use it to do anything good.

So many of the problems I'm working on could be solved easily if people just used the money and influence, they already had effectively. 

They are so ineffective. Or they just don't care. Either way, it's a waste. It's cheap to save lives, and it's cheap to make them better. But people aren't willing to pay even the smallest price. 

Other contractors annoy me too sometimes. We all have so much power, but so few of us use it do change the world for the better. 

I still like them. They seem to be doing more than most people, but.... When I talked to Bankston after giving his community one of my rods of Asclepius, they mentioned that "not many people keep their morals as they get further in this life."

... I suppose I have lost some things. To be honest at this point, there isn't the same heat or fervor that I had when I started. I feel cold. Hell, 2 months ago I let an island of millionaires and billionaires die in the ocean. And then I let the rest of my crew throw a man out of a plane.

I'm... not the same person. But I chose that. I gave up who I am, and my ability to feel like an innocent in exchange for power. That power is saving a lot of people and will save many more. It's worth it. But I wouldn't have need to make this sacrifice if those that already had power had actually used it to fucking do something.

Fuck. Them. 

I... I tried to keep a lot of secrets. I tried to protect my identity. I tried to hide my location. I stayed in Chicago for too long when I started healing.

Now that secrets gone. Only a few people know, and I trust them to not tell others, but...

I suppose the thing I need to keep secret is the people I care about. They are vulnerable because of me.

I think that I probably am going to be abandoning my old appearance when I can. I'll find some legal names when I need to interact with the law, but people can't know about my family and friends from before.

I couldn't stand for anything to happen to them because of me. I... It's okay for me to give up who I was for the world. I'm not okay giving up them for the world. This is my decision, it shouldn't impact them.

The name that I chose for myself is Vel. I'm not the kind of person who would give myself a pretentious name just because I've gotten more power, or ... achieved something.

I'm doing this for the achievement, not for myself.

I doubt I'll make it to Harbinger. I have allies, and I have useful tools. That makes me a target. I've given up too many opportunities to gain power.

Hell Emily could rip me to shreds. I've met a bunch of people who could. All that needs to happen for me to get unlucky. Meet someone like Haze, but smarter. Able to hide who they are, and what they want.

But I can't stop. I've saved more people already than I ever expected to in my life. And that will continue even after I die.

I'll run anything that doesn't require me to kill more than I save. Or any contract that my allies are on. So, I can make sure they stay alive. 

I bring them back. 

If they died near me, I could do that. I've only had one person die on a contract I was on. I intend to keep that number low.

If I'm too late, I talk to Laz. We get the body, and we figure something out. Death isn't an impossible barrier anymore, it's an obstacle.

We'll figure it out, and find a solution for them.

We can speak to the dead, we know people who can bring them back... We will be able to figure something out.

The real trouble will be what happens when I die on a contract. I can bring others back, but not myself.

My armor should keep me safe, but it isn't full proof. If my allies can't protect me, and I die... Well. Maybe Laz can bring me back. 

I do contracts, because I want the world to be better. But. My goal on contracts that I go on is that no one stays dead.

Mostly, I rely on gifts that others have made for me. Laz has some good disguise and infiltration abilities. I use those when I need to do crimes, and otherwise I keep as low a profile as possible.

I mostly haven't had much trouble with law enforcement because of that. I have had to cover my tracks though. 

When I was healing people, I needed to do it without exposing my identity. For the most part I succeeded. Ware and Edith tracked me down though. Was too predictable.

Now I use my disguise more. I keep it on for longer. I'm working on an alias but am hiding out with friends I've met on the contract.

With the tools that I have, and the allies that I have, it's pretty easy for me to hide my tracks. It will only become more so over time, as I make and trade for more, and more useful tools.

It depends.

Every victory is many more lives saved. 

If I think the teammate is a danger, and will get us all killed... If I have a teammate who can handle it, I help them handle it. If I don't, then I leave.

I can fly now, I'm hard to kill, and I can drop a pretty good distraction. If I want to leave, I leave.

Soon enough I'll have ways to get out faster, travel further. Solve a lot of problems.

Highest priority is that I don't die, and I keep my other teammates safe. If I need to leave, I leave. 


If they do something bad... but I think they won't be a danger, then I hold my tongue till I can get to my friends. Then I tell them.


The police can't reliably handle people like us, so we need to do some handling of that on our own. I don't think that I can be that. But I can provide resources and support to the people who can and will.

Probably I don't do it. Repugnant hasn't worked out for me in the past. 

I think for a long time I thought that I would be able to do the math. Now, about every win will get me more tools that can be used to saved lives. Multiple per minute, more than I could do in a thousand life times before the contracts.

But I can't.

I don't think I can be the kind of person who does awful things because at the end of the day it is for the best. I think once I thought that it was my responsibility.

But I can't. 

I can't give up my feelings of being a good person for the sake of making the world the best place it can be. I'm not that heartless. 

I think I wish I could be. In my heart, I think I don't have any argument why it is better to be me than to be the person that would be willing to do whatever it takes to save as many people as possible.

But I can't.

The Talent sticks out a bit.

He was the one that gave me a few of my worst jobs. The one with the island full of now dead rich people, and the one with the spider alien.

Fuck that guy. I think If I had had a different mind set some of those contracts would have gone better. But seriously fuck him.

Honestly, fuck most of the Harbingers. I have no idea how they can have as much power as they do, and do as little as they seem to do. The world is so fucked up, and they have done not nearly enough to make it better.


Even with just the ability to command contractors, there is so much more they could do.

Probably something is restricting them. Something I'm not seeing. 

What happens to contractors that last longer than 2 years? I've heard of some that have been close.. But they make way too much of a splash for the world to not already be way different than it  is.

Vel feels the buzz. The appearance, the distance, and direction. 

"Mistress." They call out to Emily, as they start to do research. 

"It's been used."

Emily grabs Vel, treating them like a rather fragile plush toy, as they both head the stairs.

A minute later they are in Italy. They slip on the rings Vel made for both of them, and they are gone again.

Vel is grabbed again. Even when Vel is invisible, Emily can see her. She is stronger, faster.

Vel remembers Emily tearing her way through the many thing's Vel has seen her tear apart. With the same hands now holding them.

This feels safe. Emily is handling it. Emily will solve it and protect me. 

They get to the location quickly. A penthouse suite. 

They pause. Preparing. Vel changes her clothes. A full body costume, all black to obscure their face. Emily liked this face. This appearance. Victoria.
He switches his arm and wings on. 

Emily changes to a being of ribbon. Then they move. Invisibly. 

2 guards around the door. Emily does something. They run.

Vel opens the door.

Soon they are inside. They move towards the balcony. 

Around them, guards freak out and flee.  Emily doing something. 

They get to the pool deck.

The woman. The one kidnapped. She has Vel's rod. Chained to her. 2 other men with her.

They pause for a moment.

Probably hesitating because she knows I don't want to kill anyone... But she can see me.

Vel gestures, doing their best to convey the idea of grabbing the woman, then teleporting away.

They do.

Emily grabs the woman. Vel repels the 2 next to them with a whistle.

The man shoots Emily with something.

But they fly away. 


They escape. Vel inspects Emily, as Emily inspects herself.

They find a tracker. 

Probably not all of them.

They need time. They teleport to the countryside. 

Emily talks to someone, while Vel looks for more trackers.

Probably the people that took the woman.

Emily promises death. Promises killing everyone involved. 

Vel doesn't like that... but.... Vel trusts her. 

This is Vel's role. They support. They help. They make the people who are actually good at operating in this world stronger.

Vel hovers near sleep. Their Victoria form. Curled up with Emily. Safe and warm. 

Like this... they almost believe they won't die. 

But that is a foolish belief.

They have mapped it. Talked to others. 

The jobs are getting harder. The things they can build are getting stronger... But. Not fast enough. 

They will keep trying. Because each win is lives. More and more forever. If they did, what they have made will pass to the next person worthy. Then it will keep passing. Every job is more objects passed to the future. Every job is more that Vel can give their friends. They have already won. More then they could ever have dreamed possible.


But they aren't built for this. Not like Emily is. Not like Ricter is. Not like so many of the people that have made it as far as they have. They have been smart. They have been lucky.

But if you keep rolling the dice, eventually you will lose. 

Vel summons one of their rods. A flicker. 

They rub their thumb over the inscription.

I'm going to die. I can't forget that. But it will be worth it.

The first thing to find is the hospitals. Google can find that quick enough.

This serves several purposes. The immediate benefit is that I get places to enter and leave the city from. Flying in a plane is.... not on the table for me any more.

At least not until I.. 

[Vel blushes. Smiles a little]

Until Emily and me figure out a legal identity. 

The hospitals also give me something to do while I wait. The world is full of people I can save. 


Then what's left is research. Any big events. Any rumors. I put on a new face and talk to people in bars, or the park. Get a sense of the big things in the city. 

Then I plan the exist strategy. 

The emergency is Battle grounds. The more ideal is to figure out with the timezone which hospitals I could flee from and too. 

Although with the ability to be invisible, running has become much much easier.

Do I have my tools?

I can teleport. I can teleport in 3 different ways now after some recent trades. Even if it is a remote location with no hospital, or library I can go there now. 

The real challenge will be finding my teammates, and making sure that they can get there. 

If it is people that I know, that is easy. 

I identify them, then bring them with me.

If it is new people... or If they are good at disguising themself.. Well. Then trust that they will handle themselves. 

If I can't teleport, then a hell of a lot more things are wrong than some vehicle trouble.

I keep my tools inside my tattoo most of the time. And If they aren't there, I can summon them too me. If I don't have them... then getting them becomes the priority. I can teleport, I can call in help. 

But my tools are worth more than one contract. At that point the priority becomes them, not whatever objective I was given.

What are they going to do, stab me?

Good luck. 

I suppose what exactly I will do depends on the needs of the contract. The simplest solution is to turn invisible and walk away. Or go through a door and seal it behind me. Or summon something to fight them.... probably wouldn't do that one unless I really needed to. 

Mundane people are... so much less of a threat now. Guns and knives by a single person are unlikely to seriously harm me. I can heal the damage in less than a minute. I can be across the country in 6 seconds. 

... Wow things have changed a lot. 

I still would probably struggle if they tried to grab me. I'd have to break free. Run, dodge.

Something. 

But if I'm on a contract I won't be alone and unprepared. And doubly so outside of a contract. I'll be invisible, or flying, or with someone with the skillsets that I lack.

Depends on what was stolen. 

Most things which could be stolen from me can be replaced pretty easily. They are just materials. I find some way to get money, cash some of my crypto, or something similar, then can rebuy them.

I can teleport anywhere I want given enough time. As long as I have my chest plate.

If I don't have that, then someone very powerful stole it. 

And then I'm in trouble. 

Natasha maybe could do it... but even then that wasn't stealing the chest plate itself, just messing with my connection to it. Emily is very strong, and she can't hold my chest plate for more than a minute. 

They would need to get someone specific for holding it, and make sure they don't put it down. 

If someone has enough resources for that.... then I call in help. I can find where it is whenever it is used, and if it's not being used I can call it back to me.

So I find it, then get it back. Most likely that will involve others helping me get it.

You know.

One of the biggest challenges in a lot of contracts is the violence. Having to fight something, having to kill someone.... that's not in my character. I can do it if I really need to. But it isn't me. 

Usually I solve problems that involved violence by trying to find a way around it. I sneak around the situation, or I talk to someone who has the ability to prevent violence from occurring. If violence does happen, I deal with it by having ways around it. 

Violence is straightforward. Many with me are very good at it. I am not. It is probably what will kill me one day. 

I need people around me that can do the violence I can't do, and which needs to be done.  But when I can, I avoid it.

I have gotten really good at avoiding it.

So. If something is behind a door that needs a keycard? I open the door. Or I teleport directly to the location of the item.

Well.

That depends on who is involved. 

If it is just me, then I don't have much I can do. 

I'll turn invisible, get somewhere out of the way. Then summon help. Probably other people.

I'm not good in a fight. But I can get out pretty easily. 

If it is a small number, I might risk bringing out my combat tools. 

The Skeleton that Iktan gave me, and the origami creations that I bought from Bryan. 

They distract while I get people out. 

Worst case, I grab everyone I can, then jump us out.

Or just jump us out. 

But if this is a contract, probably I will have people around that can help me. Most contractors are good at violence, and I'm sure could handle something like this. I am not. But I can get away. I can call for help. And I can clean up in the aftermath.

Ideally? Grab them, teleport away with the prize, then bring them back to life. 

If my other teammates have the situation handled, I bring them back immediately. 

If things are going really really poorly, and I don't have the time for teleporting, I summon one of my defenses.

If the plan goes really really awry, then.... Then things depend on the objective, and the teammate. 

Most teammates are useful. Some are good people. Some... Some are like Haze. Better for the world to be gone. Some of them are... less useful. Although less of those as I've done more of these jobs... likely they were weeded out.

If I was.... If I was the self that I often wish I was. A machine. Not needing to feel or think or...

Then I would only save the useful teammates when it is a choice between the objective and them. 

But I'm not that. I care about the world because I care about people. I care about the people I see and don't want them to die, even though I know that so, so many others could be saved with less risk. Others with families and loved ones just as well.

But I'm not a machine. As much as I wish to be. I'd keep my teammates alive first. 

This has earned me a lot of friends. So. I suppose it all works out.

At that point, most of the decisions should have been done. 

If we are stealing something that is known, we need to know what it does. We ask people, we check old stories, we dig. There are some things which I wouldn't give to anyone. I would destroy or hide or.... something. 

But most objects won't do more harm than I can do with what I win from the payment of one contract. 

So. We figure it out.

Almost certainly, at that point we've made the decision to drop it at the location. Provided that is the location the harbinger gave.

We go in careful. One of use scouts the location out first. Probably me, I have... a lot of ability with deception and stealth. 

Then if it looks clear, we drop it, and leave. Likely teleporting aways incase there is some danger we don't know about. Then we check ourselves for any trackers, or similar, and I call Emily to tell her that I'm done.

Vel walks invisibly through the halls of the hospital. It is late. The safest time to do this. Children's unit first.

The ring on their finger shifts to ink as they slip into visibility. 

The child is asleep. Bald and pale. Face a little swollen. Vel flicks their eyes to the medical sheet. "Amanda".  Recommended for switching to pediatric hospice care. 

Amanda's mom is here with her, their hands entangled. She is asleep in a chair next to her. There is a picture on the table. The mom, Amanda, an older man... probably her dad. Then two other children. 

Their dad is probably home taking care of them.

Vel swallows the lump in their throat that the thought brought. Their Dad had been dead now for almost as long as he had been a living part of Vel's life, but it still brought a twinge of pain. 

Vel moves to Amanda's side. 

Rod out. The rod glows. 

They feel a shadow of the pain. Of the medications. Just a shadow. They've improved the rod since they first made it. 

Amanda's breathing gets a little easier. Her heart starts to beat a little stronger.  She will live. A full life full of love, and happiness.

A happier one than Vels.

Vel turns the rod on Amanda's mom quickly. Just in case.

Then they walk out. 

They check their watch.

24 seconds. 6 seconds for the curing, 18 for entering quietly. Too slow. 

They want to hit the rest of the hospital tonight.

They ran out of food in the apartment. So. It's only logical that Vel will need to get food. So, only logical that Vel would need to leave. And then if Emily get's back, and Vel isn't there, Vel has the perfect excuse. 

Or maybe a contract. 

Something. 

They trust Emily to protect them. But... One week was a lot of dead people. And they can stop it. 


Vel leaves the hospital 4 hours later, having cured 200 people. Then moves to the next hospital.

They leave a card. A symbol of the Asclepius. Still connected to that crypto wallet they get their cash from. Donations from those that feel thankful. Vel can't afford to discard a tool when trying to save as many people as possible.

Vel hits 4 more hospitals. Then they pick up grocceries. 

They enter the apartment tired. Anxious.

Emily is not back yet.

They relax.

They put the groceries away. 

They'll take them out again once they've had some sleep. Or find some other excuse for why they had to leave.

This is just... It's a bonus. Less people will die, and Emily never needs to find out that I disobeyed. A win win.

// I continue to fuck around with Vel's pronouns mid sentence and mid journal

--- Violet Vonner Age 15 -------

"C'mon Mom. Please..." 

Violet stands at the entrance to the room. Her hands shake. Her body feel wrong. She pushes it aside. 

Something deep inside of her yells at her not to do this. To go hide in her room. This is too much. She ignores it. 

Her mom is still. On her side of the bed. Dad side is untouched.

There are clothes all over the floor. A few dirty bowls and plates.

Violet's Mom doesn't respond. 

She moves to her mom's side. Her mom's hair is unkempt. Her eyes have deep circles under them. Her hands twitch. 

"Get up!"

Mom looks up at Violet. She is shaking. She shifts to sit up, looking down at her child. 

"Get dressed!" Violet commands a second time. 

Violet's mom gets up, and moves to the dresser. She opens it, looking at the options inside. She brings her hands back to her chest. 

Violet rolls her eyes. She picks out some clothes for her mother. Commands her to put them on.

Then together they go to the funeral.

---- Vel Vonner Age 18 ----

Vel can't stop shaking. 

They've been preparing. College applications. Making lists, making decisions. 

So much money. So many scholarships. So many options. Too many.

They freeze. 

A day passes. 

They have so much too do.

I've wasted a day. What am I doing. Get up. Get up you lazy fuck!

They stay still. It's too much. The guilt of the first day of doing nothing weighs on them.

You piece of shit. Get the fuck up! People are depending on you. You need to do this! Do this now!

They don't do anything. 

They barely sleep. They just stay still. Avoiding thinking. They read. They look at their phone. 

Xem finds them in the evening. 

Vel's heart flips. 

Xem's Red Blonde hair is pulled back into a ponytail. She looks sweaty.

Probably just got home from practice

She looks over Vel. 

"I was worried about you. You didn't send a note."

Vel stays quiet. They shake. They curl up a little bit.

Xem sighs. She moves to Vel's side.

"Get up. Now!"

Vel gets up.

I've been bad. Hit me. Punish me. I'm like my fucking mom. I can't

"Get dressed. We are going to a walk." Vel can see the discomfort in Xem's eyes. She doesn't like having to do this. She does it because she cares for Vel.

Vel get's dressed. All their outfits are organized so there is only one option to pick.

They leave the house with Xem. He feels better when the sun hits his face. His body feels wrong. 

"We are going to walk. You are going to tell me everything that you are thinking about. Then we are making a plan. Come."

I love her

"Yes, " love, mistress, master, owner.... fuck I'm a freak " Xem."

They both feel the pause.

Vel will be back to normal in a day or two.  They have exercises for this. For reducing the anxiety. 


---- Vel Age 27 ----

Vel wakes up. 

They are alone in a strange bed.

Emily isn't back yet. 

They are tired. They should have gotten up earlier. They aren't on the right schedule. 

What if Emily finds out what they did?

What if Emily gives up on their plan because of it?

What if what if what if.... 

People are dying while you lay here.

Vel freezes. They don't move. 

They can't. They can't. 

What if Emily finds out ?

What if Emily dies?

Will they ever see their friends again?

Why can't they just be a machine?

Mr. Bear moves to their side, and gives them a hug. 

He starts to demonstrate the breathing exercises. Vel follows. 

It takes 4 hours.

But they unfreeze. 

They get up. They make their food. They read. They plan. 

He isn't his mom.

At least no yet.

------
The chains tighten around Vel's throat. Around his legs and arms. 

His body is wrong. He is Violet again. This is wrong. He is in a cage. He reaches for his tattoo. The one that lets him leave. He can't get out. 

He. Can't. His chest plate isn't coming. 

He is wearing a dress. A pretty dress. The chains move his arms. 

He is is stuck in a cage. A cage hanging alone. A decoration. There is a cabin in the distance. Behind it is the sky of dreamlands. A bright stars on a dark void.

The chains move and he dances. 

He struggles against the chains, but they are unmovable. Implacable, warm, and covered in soft fur.

Vel dances a pretty dance. Then he bows. 

He has done well. The darkness comes for him anyway. Sharp teeth surround his cage, and....

And Vel wakes up. Her Mistress holds her. She is warm and safe. Emily will keep her safe. Emily will fix it. She doesn't need to worry anymore.

Emily is strong, tall, beautiful and so so capable. She is terrifying and Vel loves her. She used ink and magic to mark herself as Emily's. 

She will fix it. She will make the pain and anxiety go away. She will help Vel save people.

That's why they have been doing all this.

That's why Vel has given up everything. Why Vel will give up everything. To save people.

Vel settles back into the arms of her Mistress. Safe in her cage.

------

It's quiet. Vel holds a beautiful woman's head in their lap. They move their hand in little strokes through her red hair. She is safe with Vel here. It feels so good to make someone else feel safe. To be trusted. 

Vel swallows. They could tell her. They would wait until the morning when this woman wakes, and tell her that they can't stop thinking about her. That they spent 6 months mostly alone returning from a job, and that but the end of it, she were the first person Vel wanted to see. 

Edith turns a little in her sleep. Her red hair so much like Xem's. The scars over her throat, tattoos over her body making her seem.... more exciting. Wilder. Stronger.

A flash of memory. A sad expression. Concern. Pity.

But... Could Vel give up this hope? Collapsing the possibility into a yes, or a no. What would Vel do on a no? They don't know many other people.

Laz is great, but he has been busy. Ware is as well. Their whole family thinks Vel is dead, and needs to keep believing that. 

Here, like this, with this beautiful woman trusting them, Vel can imagine a future with her. With her making the anxiety go away. With her taking care of them. With Vel being useful to her. Loved by her. Getting what they need. 

It feels so good to hope.

They don't want to lose that.

They lean down, and place a soft lingering kiss on Edith's forehead.

------
"You're okay Vel. Deep breaths. One... Two...."

Mr. Bear counts. Vel listens to the foot tall bear. His brown fur has worn down some in this iteration. They'll have to sew some fixes onto it. But he is fully, and he is cute, and he at least understands Vel. The mission and the person. Vel holds them close as they work on breathing. And slowly they chase their anxiety away.

Vel floats. Chaos around them. They can feel their power curling around them. Images. Feelings. Powers beyond them. Greater than them. Changing them. Changing the world. 

They look down at the world.  They can feel it. 

People dying all over. Preventable. Knowingly preventable. A background plot to the story of the lives of most. They could stop it. They have the power. They should be able to stop it.

They can't. It's too much. The world won't let itself be saved. Everything they've done ... Everything they've tried. It's nothing. Small sparks in the night.

Small notes of hope in an unchanging story.

A crushing story. The backdrop to many others. For some an all-encompassing reality. 

This won't end. This can't end.  They can't change it. 

This story is an unchangeable one. No matter what they do. They are useless. 

A small flicker of hope in an endless void of suffering. One star in a void.

The void is too strong.

Things can't change. They can't change it.

--------

Vel wakes up. 

They are alone still. 

Emily's smell is starting to fade, but it is still present. A comforting smell. 

They hold Mr. Bear tight. 

"It's wrong. I can fix it."

Vel speaks softly.

"I've... I've given up so much. I can't fail."

There is no response other than Mr. Bear giving a tighter hug.

"I.... I can't"

4 of them. Near identical. Near indestructible. Bits of metal taken and worked. Shaped into the image of a rod with a snake curled around it. 

Their legacy. 

Vel runs their hands over them. They are... different. Each of them. 

Each of them, at maximum efficiency could be applied to 10 million per year. 

The logistics are hard, but ... This is the core. What they gave up their family for. Xem. Their brother. A nice life. A calm safe long life. 

They know. They know that they are going to die someday. Every job is a roll of the dice. They can't keep rolling high forever.

One day the odds will catch up to them. 


They move their hand to their chest. The item they have been working on since they started. A constellation of starts over their chest. A neckerchief. Emblems, symbols.

Their other possession. Their most important one. The one that lets them keep rolling the dice.

Vel looks back over the emails.

Still no response. 

A flash of memory. A woman exploding on them. Too many pieces to fix. A woman would could hold the rod and use it. Someone who truly cared.

This was a problem that needs to be solved. Removing computer records, removing memories... a variety of things need to be done....

Some people might need to die. Prometheus ventures was clearly dangerous. They knew too much. They would stop Vel. Interfere with the rods operations. 

I hate this. I made it. I made something that could save so many people. And.... I still need to fight I still need to deal with monsters trying to take away something that is doing good just because they want it just for themselves.

They let out a sigh.

They wanted a peaceful end to this. They wanted to retire... Or. At least take a break for a bit. But.

Emily will fix this. We'll fix it together. When she get's back. If she gets back.

It feels like I should be older. 

It's been a year since my last birthday. Still have a few months to go. 

I.... I'm not the kind of person to celebrate that anymore. Emily might make me. She.... She is good about making me take care of myself, but ...

[Vel looks at the calendar. Does some math.]

Oh. 

I... that will be when I decide... If I'm going to keep being Emily's. 

[Vel stares at the calendar for a long time. Their tattoo shifts around their throat, then down to their chest.]

I.... So much is planned before then. Maybe... Maybe if it works. Like I hope it will. Then I can... I can take a vacation from contracts.