Buck's Questionnaire

I still live in A Town. Austin Texas. Keep Austin Weird! Right? Why? Cause weird is pretty fun. Oh, you mean why am I still here? Hell why not? I'm already familiar with it. Already kinda carved my niche in the place. People know me. Both from before and after everything. Not sure why I would leave. Town pretty much has everything you could need. Music, food, cool parks, Bats... and my daughters grave. Can't leave that neither. Nah, pretty sure I'll die here. And be happy doing it. Just hope I have enough money to be buried with Jackie by the end is all. Or at least cremated and sprinked over her grave. 

From the kind hearts of other. Pity keeps me fed, and clothed. Don't need much, don't want much. Most of what I need I find in the trash anyway. Most people don't really care to get close enough to me to offer me money, honestly. Got to have that cup a good 5 feet away at least. Course the smell kinda makes people feel more sorry for me. I feel bad taking peoples money, but sometimes... sometimes it makes my day seeing people feel good about themselves when they give me money. I been at this a long time, and have happier moments now than I ever did when I was rich. Even if I somehow got rich again, I'd probably still live this way. 

I think... my ambition is to find ambition... if that makes sense. I lost everything, including my self worth and esteem. I hope to get that back some day. To really feel like I'm worth something again. Not like before, with money and the "good life", but with actual true value. To be a hero, or at least known as a good guy who did good things. To be a man my daughter would have been proud of... maybe someone my ex wife would have actually loved. After what she did, that's actually probably not worth much... to be a man worth loving by a good woman. I haven't been that. I know that. And I'm still not that. But that's the hope. I guess that's an ambition? To be a good guy?

The death of my daughter, Jackie. I... didn't handle it well. I wasn't much of a man to begin with, and losing her just sent me into a spiral of worthlessness. I don't blame my wife for leaving me. I wish she wasn't so vindictive about it, but maybe I deserved it. The divorce and losing everything set me on the path to becoming a better person. Really opened my eyes... but it was Jackie's death that jump started the whole thing. Without that, I probably would have still been trudging along in an empty marriage, with no real future, and thinking everything was just fine. 

Ha... glad this didn't specify Good people. The closest person in my life has to be my ex wife. She still harassed me, trying to get money. She seems to think I became homeless just so I wouldn't have to pay her. She refuses to believe that I hit rock bottom and literally have nothing to give. She likes to come downtown with her new husband and rub it in, sometimes harassing me and laughing at me, as if that will get me to get a job so I can pay her. 

The guy that runs "The Peacock" had been pretty good to me. He always puts the edible food in a separate trash back so that I can fish it out. I think he mainly just wants to keep me from hanging around too long, but I still appreciate it.

Jaybee is pretty cool too. He's new to the homeless scene, and I don't think he will last long. He's a runaway, but he's making friends fast, so he'll find a place to belong.