O-Natsu's Questionnaire

O-Natsu currently rents an apartment in a less than desirable, but relatively physically 'safe' area of town. Like all the other children of her generation, she was given a rather nice property in her name when she reached the age of 10. But, relatives tricked her into having them 'take care of it for her' because she was 'young and inexperienced.' The theory that they have stated is that it would be far more 'financially responsible' for her to live in cheap apartments while 'preventing the assets from depreciating.' As a result, O-Natsu no longer has access to any of her properties. 

The front door sticks, especially when it is hot, cold, or wet. The appliances work most of the time, but are far out of date. The neighbors are annoying, and the graffiti is often misspelled. The carpets are ugly, and the walls have been given the 'landlord special' too many times to count. But, at least O-Natsu has never caused enough damage to ever worry about losing her security deposit. Plus, her family doesn't like to come around--probably because they think they are too good for it. 

O-Natsu comes from a very wealthy and influential family. She is given a monthly living stipend until she can get up on her own two feet. She has noticed that the stipend has gotten smaller over the years, even though costs of living have increased. This is because relatives that claim to be 'helping' her have been funneling off the money to themselves while claiming that they are 'investing' the money for her and being more 'financially wise.' 

She tends to spend most of her money on necessities. She has spent the grand majority of her life trying to be 'a good girl' and make 'wise financial decisions' which essentially translate into her spending as little money as possible on herself. As a result, she eats cheap food, uses a lot of hand-me-downs, and dollar-store personal care products. One of her goals is to get what she is supposed to be getting and start actually caring for herself. 

After being tricked, exploited, and otherwise taken advantage of by her parents, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles, O-Natsu has reached a breaking point and is hellbent on burning it all down and placing herself at the top of the heap after exacting her revenge. She wants to take back what has been stolen and tricked from her, while she was encouraged to 'be a good girl' and passive, and just let it happen. No more. 

The cousins and siblings who looked down on her and got the adults to pressure her into giving up credit for her accomplishments so they could look good? They'll understand soon enough they fucked with the wrong person. The uncles and aunties who confused her and tricked her into giving them her assets so they could manage them? She'll take it all back and more. Those parents that encouraged her to let everyone around her bleed her dry? They're going to get their comeuppance, too. 

After completing her degree, O-Natsu returned to her family home in order to figure out what she was going to do next. Much to her horror, she found out by listening and a little snooping that all of her cousins, her siblings, and the rest of her entire family have been bleeding her dry as an easy target while they all attempted to curry favor with the family head. And they all encouraged each other to do it. Even O-Natsu's parents. Just because she had been encouraged to 'get along with others' as a child and 'be the bigger person' or 'be generous.' 

No. It was all meant to make her easier pickings for the rest of the family. The long weekend after her return home was both the worst and best time of her life--because she learned the awful truth. 

O-Rin  - One of O-Natsu's cousins, and one that is very close in age. She has pretended to be kind and friendly to O-Natsu in order to ride O-Natsu's coattails and steal credit for O-Natsu's accomplishments and talents for most of their lives. One of the first things O-Natsu overheard that changed her mind was O-rin throwing a tantrum about having to lower herself to hang around 'ugly trash' like O-Natsu after she returned from college. A White Lotus Bitch. 

Aunty Mai (Mai Oba-sama) - O-rin's mother. This is the person O-Rin learned how to affect friendliness from. She stole most of O-Natsu's property assets under the guise of 'helping' O-Natsu manage them until she was experienced enough to do that on her own. An older woman with several nasty daughters. She spends most of her time gossiping with her other high-society friends and 'being cultured.' 

Simon - The boy of the same age that was assigned to be O-Natsu's playmate. He is from an impoverished branch family. O-Natsu was tricked into asking him to help out one of her cousins for the last year--basically giving up her last ally. One of O-Natsu's first goals is to wrest Simon back onto her side. 

Hah. What a fucking question. I'm beginning to see that there is just some sort of system here. There are winners and losers, and my parents were chosen (or turned out) to be losers. My parents came from a very wealthy family. I guess you could say they are 'chaebol.' The family business is a multi-billion dollar corporate conglomerate. And everyone else has a slice of the pie but them. And then they passed that bag of shit to me. We're just a family of thieves. And I happened to get everything stolen from me. 

I'm owed a lot. 

I've always been the but of the joke, always the bread girl. Always the errand girl. Always the one who gives out of 'generosity' and 'being a good girl.' I wonder if it even matters what I've done. I think people always smelled it on me, that I was a loser born from the loser line in a family of rich thieves. 

I'm not really sure what 'love' even is. There were plenty of people I admired. Plenty I had crushes on. And every time, I stepped aside like an obedient little dog if someone asked me to. Because I was never allowed to even show myself. I had to be scenery for someone else. I wonder if I even believe in love, outside of a very appealing fantasy. I don't even know how I could go about even...making an impression anymore. I wonder who I could even trust to walk me through it. Certainly no one I'm related to. Maybe that's something I can work on as well. 

Hah. Greatest fears? I feel like I've already gone through that. I worked my entire life thinking that if I just pleased my family and was a 'good girl' for my entire life. My entire goddamn life. And I was just a joke. Someone that was convenient for them to bleed dry and squeeze. And I let them. I let them do everything they wanted to me, and I thought that I had a place. 

I guess my worst fear would be doing all that again. Just falling into the same goddamn trap for the rest of my life and being a loser who couldn't defend herself. So yeah, that's it. Being utterly powerless and getting betrayed again. Because then it would also be that I was stupid enough to do it again. That I didn't see anything. Because then I would be stupid in combination with everything else. And I guess that would mean that I really was a born loser from a loser line that never had a chance at being anyone, anything, or anything to anyone. 

Maybe we got a little dark there. I'm not even sure if I fear ending up alone, because being with other people seems to be so much worse. 

HAH. That's a good one. I used to have a lot. Properties. Stocks. Investments. Art. But, I ended up giving it all away or getting guilted out of all of it. So I don't have any of it anymore. I would say at this point my most prized possession is this shitty apartment. Because at least that's mine. And that might be the extent to what really is mine. And that is what makes it special, that it's the only thing that IS mine. 

That's how far we've gone. That's how far we've sunk over here. I don't even have friends. Ironically, I got tricked out of those, too. Or they decided that it was not worth being friends with someone like me. I guess there is that bank account. That's mine, too. Gamgee-Baggins. How funny is that? The biggest competitor to my family's bank is the one that would end up protecting what's mine better. 

It's clear that the scumbags in my family are willing to stoop a lot lower than I previously thought. I had imagined most of them to be cowards who were following the role of a few brave snakes. But, it seems like they're willing to go a lot further than the usual to get rid of me. I think it's time that I changed tactics. I had a bit of a fit and let it all slip that I'm not as dumb as I look during the murder investigation. I think that will keep the grand majority of them off my case for a few weeks. They will likely have to reassess any of their plans that involve me. It's also possible that some of the infighting will be directed towards Otoki's branch of the family as well, since they'll sense some weakness there. Really, is this a family or a viper's nest? 

Having just graduated, I seem to exist in a very odd period of time where there are almost no responsibilities on my plate. So what do you do? Well, if you're 17 years old, it means you roll out of bed around noon. Well, if Lou hasn't wrecked my shit, broken something, or otherwise yelled at me to get up. Although I prefer to shower at night, I have started taking a shower in the morning as well. You have to have your morning wet dissociation, right? I haven't been buying a lot of groceries, since I'm used to the campus food situation. So I usually go with Lou, or alone, to the local convenience store to grab breakfast, and then maybe something for lunch. There is usually a moment of horror or paranoia where I have a panic attack of some kind. 

These days, I suppose that I should be actually be working on a plan of some sort to address my...problems. 

If I had to look nice now, I probably would ask Sobo for some help. I don't doubt that she knows people who are either experts or know experts who will understand not just how you're supposed to look for a special occasion but how to get that way. I mean, it's not like I can go buying a lot of custom stuff. But, I think I would be able to swing the cost for a single event. There isn't much I could do about jewelry. But, that isn't exactly something that is quick to fix. Maybe something to strongly consider for the future. 

I would honestly have to go through the whole shebang. It's been a long time since I had my hair looked at, and I don't think I even think I actually own makeup. Nevermind an actual nice set of clothes. Yeah, it would take a lot to actually get that together. 

Aside from drink up the delicious schadenfreude? I don't doubt that something might actually happen this time, since I have effectively allied myself with Sobo. And I think that might actually cause a fair amount of outrage amongst the bigger pains in my ass. I think I might actually want to organize something small, and invite Otoki. 

At this point I may actually have to consider what that might entail. Jesus, what do people actually do on their birthdays? I don't think I've actually gotten invited to one in several years. Shit. I may be out of my depth with this. 

Jesus. OK. So this was very pathetic of me. I should not have let my stupid family know that I had them all figured out at the family murder investigation. I really feel like I lost my drop on them, and it was because I was riding the high of being right and fucking them off. Ugh. I really feel like I fucking dropped the ball here. Although I suppose it wasn't the worst thing. It just burns that I let my emotions get the best of me in that moment, because it feels like I somehow lost to them. 

And I really don't want to feel that way, so yeah. It does nag at me. It does keep me up and I'm sick of feeling that way. I guess I either have to find a way to get around it or find a way to make sure that this particular mistake doesn't destroy what I'm working for. 

No. Absolutely not. You cannot make O-Natsu think about the nature of this specific question, because that way lays literally madness and potentially murder at the hands of the Harbingers. According to Jess's journal, the Harbingers change the genetics of Contractors--and that has the ability to pass genetically onto future generations. What is odd is that the power sets are passed down. What does not make sense is that these things seem like they shouldn't be genetically related. 

STILL. O-Natsu refuses to think about that sort of thing. There are certain things that are established knowledge, and they cannot be spoken of around Harbingers. But it isn't certain if they can tell when you think things when you aren't within their line of sight. Maybe they can tell when you think of it even when they aren't around? 

There are so many questions that could be explored. In some cases, it's clear that the powers come from...something that the Harbingers do to people. But, aliens can also do things, like the situation with the Boba Eggs. And then there is someone called 'The Arcade' going around, which sounds like a Harbinger name but isn't among the set that we are familiar with. Then, there was also the mention of 'God' from the faith healer. It is uncertain what the truth is and what perception OF the truth is. 

Believe? Or know to be real in one form or another? Wherein they aren't what people think they are, but what people mistake for gods or spirits are real? Is it a wise or even a logical thing to say that you 'believe' in modern medicine? To 'believe' in the existence of AM radio? There are certainly beings that can...change 'normal' people into having powers. I don't really understand a motivation. I mean, my theory about the Harbingers (and maybe what people call Gods) is that they're just doing this for shits and giggles--for entertainment. 

I don't think "gods" if they exist could ever be all-seeing or all-knowing, and definitely not kind in the way we conceive of 'kind' at the same time. I mean...here I am with this question and still being very careful not to think certain things. Because knowledge is danger in many ways. I wonder if their concept of consciousness is even the same as ours? Or is it that they are bound by a certain template of their 'Nature' that they cannot deviate from it? I wonder if that would make them 'lesser' or 'greater' than us? 

All that to say that I can't 'believe' or 'have faith' because I have both objective facts and also suspicions. 

Hah. I mean, that assumes that my worldview was not something that could be compatible with Contracts and Contractors in the first place. I guess you could say that my 'reality' was that people are naturally selfish, and naturally bullies. People are naturally the most concerned with their own gain and their own ego--and they will do things society deems unethical or 'evil' to get what they want. What part of that cannot be compatible with the existence of Contracts and Contractors?

In this case, just some things are 'hidden' from normal view. The occult is real--at least to a certain extent. THere are powers. There is magic. There are monsters and spirits and things that most people think of as "gods" or higher powers. But, what those things are vs what they are conceptualized and perceived as do deviate. No, nothing about my worldview 'changed' because it didn't need to. The foundations remain true.