Pal's Questionnaire

I have a place outside of Milwaukee Wisconsin. My family got it for me when I was going to school to be trained as a paramedic, and I kept it after. I suppose I'm there because I made friends, and don't really have any pulls to go anywhere else. The world needs people working to keep it moving, fighting these super natural threats, and making sure we don't all die. But I can't really do that. I could join the military I suppose, but the restrictions I'd get from that make whatever benefit I could give the world not worth it.

So Instead I work as a volunteer firefighter, and spend some time researching what's going on in the world, to see If there is anything I can do.

My dad gave me a bunch of money in a trust. I life off of that. I used to use the money to travel, and experience things, but now a days I mostly save, and life frugally. Sometimes I donate it. Spent a lot of my money donating to Macaurther foundation, and a few other places working on nuclear security. Also a few places working on pandemic preparedness. Some to ALLFED. I really hope that last won’t be necessary, but with everything that’s happening around the world. I’m terrified of where we’re headed, and someone needs to stop it. If I were more capable, that would be me.

I think the world is walking a very very dangerous road right now. Nuclear war, engineered pandemics, strong AI, and then all of these terrifying supernatural things going on.

This isn’t sustainable. The threats of the last century are still with us, and as technology advances, and the supernatural combines with it, there are more and more things that could destroy the world. I want to eliminate threats to the world. Make the world safe and keep it safe from the extinction of all life.

People don’t think it can happen. But that’s just because we haven’t seen it happen before, and by definition we won’t see a world ending event until it happens. 

I would kill or die to make the world be safe. I wouldn’t like it, but one persons life can’t be held above that of everyone else.

In college, I was a pretty relaxed guy kind of drifting through life. Wasn’t good at school, but it didn’t really matter, I’d be inheriting my parents wealth, and didn’t really need to work if I didn’t want to. I learned some things, I was nice to folks, but I didn’t really have much direction. Then I read the Precipice by Toby Ord. I got obsessed and started consuming every bit of information I could get. Started having trouble in my classes, but learned a lot. And that I couldn’t really do anything. Never had enough of a mind for knowledge work, and that was what most needed to work on any area that mattered.

i got pulled out or school for a bit. Went to therapy. This was mid pandemic so nobody remarked on it. I got really into reading crypto leaks at this point. I decided that if I couldn’t work in the known treats, maybe the unknown threats would need some muscle behind it. And I had my new path, start training my skills to become someone able to deal with the supernatural.

Mom: 
My mom is ... Very kind. She cares a lot about me and my sister, and she is the parent we both spent the most time with. She is a bit simple, but she loves us. We love her too. She didn't protect us from some of Dad's excesses, and I resented her for that. But she cleaned up after him, and we never doubted that whatever happened she'd be on our side. I think the trip me, her and Ems took to visit our grandparents in Japan after college softened up my opinion of her a lot. She is very sweet, but isn't good at pushing in social situations.

My sister, Ems:
I love my older sister. I don't get to see her much any more. She is a super high achiever. Was always a straight A student, head of all the clubs, then after college she was a consultant, and kept moving up the ranks. She has pretty grand ambitions, and always had the abilities needed to back it up. She was the one that always stood up to Dad when he was pushing me too hard.

My Dad:
Dad isn't really in my life anymore. He's a rich ass and expected me to be perfect. Gave me a bit of a complex for a while. But now I have my trust, and haven't talked to him in a few years.

My childhood was... Fine. My dad had a bunch of money and I never really needed anything material. My mom was a little anxiety inducing, but she was very loving.
Overall, I can't really complain. 

My dad was strict. My sister was always perfect, A's in all her classes, perfect in all her activities (Gymnastics). If she wasn't one of my favorite people I would have resented her.

I wasn't like her. I wasn't a prodigy. I did good in sports, and I did fine in school, but it never really motivated me.

My parents pushed me a lot, and in response, I kind of just stopped caring. 

I made lots of friends, I had a fun time, and I just refused to talk about academics with my family. I fit in pretty well, but didn't really find the anyone that I clicked with.

I kind of felt like people didn't really understand me, like I was putting up a facade.

I've dated people a few times. A few short flings in high school. One longer one in college. It was fun. It was maybe love. I definitely cared a lot about Amy, and wanted her to be happy. 

But things still felt so shallow. We dated for a few years, had some discussion about getting married and having kids, then I had my freak out. After that she pulled away, and I haven't talked to her much since. I think I would do better by her if I were able to do it again, I've relaxed a lot since then, and feel more... at home with myself. 

I think I would get along with her better if she knew Moonstone. Being her feels like an important part of me that I never felt I could show her.

I guess this is just standard issues with vulnerability. I've done some work internally for that, but not enough, and being constantly thrown into danger isn't great for that.

I'm terrified that the world is going to end. 

I don't really have anything keeping me from being happy. I'm fit, have money, am pretty okay with my family. The only thing that could realistically derail my life is something which derails everyone's life. 

Everyone keeps ignoring the risks that we are in! We look at the news, and find demigods running around, doing whatever they want. How long before one of them find a way to set back the entirety of humanity! That's just the supernatural risk! Nukes, AI, pandemics. We are constantly at risk, and we need people that can deal with this, and protect the world.



I suppose I have another fear. That I won't end up mattering. That there isn't really a me. That my life won't have any meaning. Pretty much my whole life I've been overshadowed by my parent's expectations. A lot of who I am was in response to that, a lot in reaction against. Who am I? 

Sometimes I'm moonstone. I like being moonstone. When I'm her, pain doesn't matter, discomfort doesn't matter. I'm sure of myself, and the person I am. 

I am a badass, and unstoppable. I'm going to keep the world safe. I need to get better and grow, but I owe it to you her to stay alive. To me.

To be the best Moonstone I can be.

My sister used to give me stickers whenever I did well in school. There were a bunch of different ones. Whenever I did well on a test, or (more frequently) did well in some athletic competition. She would buy them with little bits of her allowance from the cornerstore. 

They were pretty little flowers and bees, and smiley faces. I saved them in a box in my room and didn't use. In high school my dad took them from me during one of our arguments. I failed an exam or something. I wasn't "living up to his expectations". I didn't for most of high school . 

My sister got them back. She saved it in a laminated sheet of plastic. I keep it in my room. Looking at them makes me feel safe and loved. It reminds me that my sister is proud of me, and that makes it more important to me than anything else I own.

I don't really have any problems.

Life is pretty great for me except for the risk of dying every month from the contracts I go on. The anxiety about the impending doom of the world isn't great, I guess. But that's the life of a hero.

Shit.

Pascal is also a little annoying, I guess. He should really come with a mute button.

Well, at least he distracts me from thoughts of some demi-god making a zombie plague I guess. Or some mad scientist pulling the moon to earth. Or some crazy person making a breed of super animals to kill all of us.

Oh! This girl at the gym was looking at me, but I'm not sure if it's because I was wearing a pink workout shirt, my new earrings, or if she was interested in me. If she was interested in me, how do I subtly explain to her that sometimes I become a magical girl? Or that I like it better that way sometimes.

Gender is weird, this is all weird, I'm going to not think about it!

Oh boy!

Wake up. It's 5 am. Time for a morning run! I try and get somewhere between 4 and 8 miles in, keep myself fit, keep my cardio up. Then it's hitting the Gym! Some days I'm listening to my audio books from the morning run, others I just need some toons to lift too. Usually if I had a nightmare, it's just toons. Don't want to think about it or have any time to think at all. I like a mix of pop, and songs from musicals. Next to normal hits so hard, and Waitress is phenomenal.

Then I head back home. I take a nice long time to shower myself of. Then I make myself some eggs, some toast, a bowl of strawberries and sometime other seasonal fruits. 

If I'm on call, I head in to where I'm on call. Read up on the news, get anxious. Sometimes I call folks, play boardgames with other people on call, that sort of thing.


If I'm not on call ... I uhh. Used to not do much of anything? Sometimes I go to fun events, but a lot of it was spent trying not to think at home. Now I spend that time training instead. To be the best Moonstone I can be.

Well, I used to be brought out to functions with my parents a lot. I had a bunch of nice suits, and tuxes, and I learned what I needed to wear to look nice when working in those spaces. I'm glad for that, because that's a good skill when I need to convince people of something or impress people. 

But it's not really me. I much prefer more casual clothes. Well-fitting t-shirt, sweatpants and Jeans make me feel secure. Takes only a few minutes to get ready, and most of the people I want to like me will like me just as much.


Yeah Pascal, I know. But... Okay fine

I suppose ... It would be nice to go out somewhere as moonstone. Maybe try on some nice sun dresses and skirts. Do some makeup and eyeshadow. Just.... be her for a while around other people. If I could be her for as long as I wanted, I would like to spend a few days doing that a week. Just living my life as her.


No, I'm not going to talk about it pascal. Too many things going on, I'll figure out my brain and gender stuff later.

Me and Ems will probably do something. That's usually how we spend our birthdays. For her birthdays, I spend the day helping her with her activism things, and then in the evenings, we read, or dance, or do whatever her hobby of the month is.

For my birthdays we usually do something physical until we have tired ourselves out, and then have cake and watch a kid's movie. 

I suppose cake won't really be a thing I want any more. Since I can't taste it. Maybe I'll get it back at some point eventually.

But. If I'm alive, I'm going to spend the day with Ems. Maybe I'll invite Sammy along. Invite some firefighter friends to.

I'd like to introduce Ems to Moonstone before my next birthday. Or. Introduce myself? Stop hiding myself from her?

That scares me more than the thought of fighting more monsters for some reason.

I should have done more to save Lod. He was a bit of a dumbass. And he didn't actually die. 

But got his leg bitten off while me and Johnny ran. I don't think there is much that I could have done, but maybe if I'd had more command over the situation he would have followed us when we ran. He could have floated down, then pulled us out of the river. Hell, we could have figured something out. 

It was just stupid. If I'd had more control over the situation. If I'd been as strong then as I am now. If I've been more in control of the situation....

That was the main contract I went on where someone other than me took the brunt of an attack. And I

There are more I've made mistakes on. I wish I could have stopped He Bifu.

I wish I had been able to hit that fucking clown.

Probably there were some other mistakes I've made.  

Pascal gives me my powers. He wants me to save the world and protect the innocent. To do that, he gave me the power to become Moonstone. I.... I think Moonstone was some part of me that always existed. Or wanted to exist. Or ... something.

With each contract, Pascal gives Moonstone more of her power ... More of our... my power. 

She... and I become powerful with each job, and we become better at being a hero.

Some of Moonstone's power comes from channeling energy through the stone that shares her name. Not sure why Pascal needs the contracts, or the harbingers. But for some reason he does.

With each job Moonstone becomes better at being a superhero. She kicks butt, takes hits, and moves fast.  

I think I might eventually have some of her powers in both forms. Or... I might slowly become her. I'm... not sure. Pascal is always vague on the subject. 

"Pascal! Pascal stop it"

Pal swats at the air, as he sets up his phone camera.

"Yeah yeah, I know you have a lotttt of opinions on this one, but quit it. "

Pal turns to the phone.

"What's up Journal? Anyway yeah, I'm not into that sort of thing. I guess before this annoying little mini god over here decided to choose me as the champion."

Pal scratches the back of his head.

"I suppose my Dad was kinda into cristianity for appearances, and my mom was into it. But it just... never really clicked with me. Now there are a bunch of supernatural things going around, and I don't think any of it was predicted by the major religions, so... Probably they are all at least a little wrong. But maybe a bit right too."

Pal frowns.

"Shut up Pascal! I don't need to hear about your world tree or your multiverse, or you dreams of a collection of extra dimensional beings theories."

Pal rubs his eyes, and goes to take the camera down and go on a run. Pascal is being particularly irritating today.

Pal sets up the camera carefully. This one felt serious.


"Okay. So. I guess I'll start with the big one. Or... at least the one I talked about before."

Pal looks around his apartment.

"I kind of thought I would be useless before the contract. Yeah, I am fit and strong and shit, and I did good work as a fire fighter.. but the world was in constant danger, and I couldn't really do anything to help..."

Pal clenches his fist.

"But... now I'm a super hero. Now I can save people from the super natural. And there is at least one avenue of risk that I can pursue. I can help my life has a meaning."

"But..."

Pal sighs. And then she becomes Moonstone.

"I guess this was the bigger thing." Moonstone smiles, looking down at her hands . Flexes them.

"It feels so good to be me sometimes... To be a girl. To be Moonstone.... I think I had something.. before... But I ignored it."

Moonstone leans back. Thinking.


"I always wanted to be a girl. Or. I was a girl sometimes... I don't know if it's all the time... This stuff is hard. But. Being me. Being her. It revealed something that I didn't know about myself. And I love being able to be... Myself now."