Norman Dredge's Questionnaire

I live in New York City. Well, that's if you consider bumming it in an alley way living at all. I'm here because I don't have a choice. I've got two years left until I graduate and I can't quit now or it will all have been for nothing. The school doesn't have the best Environmental Science program but that's not why I'm here. I need the prestige that comes with being a graduate of a school on New York if I ever want to make a meaningful impact on the world. Still its not all bad, Central Park is the best part of this city and I get to see it every day. It's a reminder of why I'm still going on even when times are tough.

I get most of my money by doing odd jobs for people: fixing things, helping with homework, pet sitting, etc. My mom helps a lot with paying for tuition but even after that I usually have less than a hundred bucks on me at all times. I try to keep spending low but every once in a while I'll need to buy something for a class like a lab manual or a new notebook. Whatever I don't spend on school is spent on books or movie tickets. Sometimes I buy some pet feed to give to animals at the park. Its the cheap stuff but its still better than filling them up on bread.

The world is dying and we need to save it. Pollution is destroying nature all over the globe and eventually humans wont be able to survive if it keeps getting worse. I want to stop climate change and protect the planet as well as the humans that live on it. I work myself to the bone in my classes to make sure I know everything I can to stop climate change. 

I know some people say that 'humanity' is the issue but I think that's a really broad generalization. Some people even say they'll get rid of humans to fix climate change. I don't even know how that would ever help stop climate change. The best course of action is to take whatever actions you can to help preserve the environment and work towards more sustainable practices. That's advice for other people though.

I'll do whatever I can to help the environment. If we can't save the environment we'll be gone too. We need to save it so that we can save ourselves.

I was working late at night during freshman year in the library and some guy bumped into me spilling coffee all over my report! He tried to help me clean up the pages but it was too late to save them. He asked what I was writing about and when I told him that it was about how to stop climate change he said "It would take an act of god to stop climate change.". He sounded so resigned that there was nothing that could happen to stop climate change. He left soon after but his words sent me into a depressive spiral. Of course I know it sounds ridiculous, when my days are filled with reports about all of the different kinds of damage being done to the world I want to tear my hear out and scream. But I came to a realization that night. I don't care what it takes, I wont give up. I'll never stop trying to stop climate change. I'll do whatever it takes, even becoming an act of god.

I don't really have many people I talk to on a regular basis, I'm usually busy with school work or trying to relax and get some peace and quiet at the park. I think I'm good friends with the librarian at school Mr.Sterns. He actually used to be a professor at the university before he retired from teaching. He spends most of the day reading case studies and research journals behind the front desk. He helps me find studies to cite in my essays and shares interesting ones when they arrive at the library to be catalogued. 

I've hung out a few times with Shelly. She runs a non-profit organization dedicated to cleaning the streets of New York. We both have the same major so I see her in a few of my classes. I've volunteered for some of the cleaning events she's organized and they always gather a crowd. I wish I could make as big of an impact as she is. 

My mom is the person I'm closest to. She has been for my entire life. We talk on the phone pretty often and exchange gossip we learned each week. Its nice to know that I can always be honest with her and share issues I have. She always knows just what to say and make me feel better. I guess that just goes to show that she's a great mom. I haven't told her that I can't afford rent anymore. At first I didn't say it because I didn't want her to worry but now I think I'm used to life on the streets. If its ever too much I'll tell her and I'm sure she can help me figure things out.

I think my childhood was pretty good. I mean there were some tough times, rent and food are expensive, but my mom also found a way to make it work. She never gives up and she taught me to never give up too. That's actually what got me started on doing odd jobs for people. I wanted to help my mom out after seeing her come up short when we were out buying groceries once. I started cleaning our neighbors apartments and dog walking. I was pretty short and scrawny then. You should have seen how those dogs were pulling me, it was like they took me on walks instead of the other way around. I've mentioned it before but my moms always been there for me, my dad on the other hand. He didn't leave us, at least that's what my mom has been telling me. She never really gave many details but she also never seemed sad about it so I guess whatever happened she's alright with. If its alright with her then it's alright with me. Sometimes she shares stories about some of the time they spent together and it always makes her smile. Seeing her happy makes me happy too. I think that makes him a good dad right? He isn't around and still makes his family smile? I think he's a good dad. 

You know that's a funny question. I'd like to think I've been in love. I've tried dating a few gals and each time we both made some good memories together, but usually after a while we start drifting apart. Maybe its my fault you know? Some of my exs have had relationships after we broke up that lasted for years. It doesn't really get me down though. I'll keep trying to find someone I want to spend my life with but at this point I don't really keep my hopes up. I feel like its just not something that important in my life. But who know. Maybe I'll change my mind someday.

I don't know how I would have answered this question a few months ago. I can't put myself back into that place of mind. 

I...

Dying is scary. 

I'm not sure its my worst fear. I think I might be afraid of failing not being able to save my friends. I thought we were friends. I hope she thought the same of me. 

I hope she knows I'm sorry

These jobs, the Contracts. They're getting me closer to being able to accomplish my wildest dreams. I'm not sure what those even are anymore. After what I've had to do, what I saw on my last job. I don't know what comes next. Two jobs is nothing. I haven't even started to make my connection stronger and it was the first gift I earned. I think the jacket was the gift for my most recent job. I'm not super sure how this whole thing works. What happened that night is never going to happen again. I think I need to tell the rest of my...coworkers? I'll need to tell them what happened. I hope they forgive me. I haven't forgiven myself

I wont let me fear stop me. I'll save the world. 

I'll save my friends too.

My jackets are my most prized possessions. They were both gifts from my mom. Through rain and even some snow these things have been with me, we've been through it all. There are a lot of memories in these things. Some of them good. Some of them bad. 

Besides having been with me for all long they're also the most useful things I own. I keep lots of different things in the pockets of my inside jacket. I use my outside jacket to keep it if terrible and lay low when things get hot in the streets. 

I think these jackets will be my most prized possessions for the rest of my life. As I keep them for longer the more memories I'll have with them. The more I use my gifts on them the more precious they'll become to me. This question makes me think about how I need to protect my jackets and keep them safe. Hmmm. I'll have to think about that.

I'd say the biggest problem in my life is that I don't know if I still want to stay in school. I know now that I can help the planet in ways that don't need a degree. Quitting school means that I can free up some money for my mom to use. She tries to downplay it but I know she's even sending all that she can spare, sometimes more. Besides, it'll only take a contract or two before I can get enough powers to be self sustaining. I can live wherever i want then. I'm picturing it right now. Growing food when I'm hungry and grabbing water from the air when I'm thirsty. 

After practicing growing all of those trees in the State Park I think I can make myself a pretty good house with my power. I can basically only make walls with it right now anyways so it'll be pretty easy. 

I wake up staring at whatever makeshift "ceiling" I made for myself last night. Its easier to sleep when you think its dark. The rest of the folks I work with got a taste of that on our last job. 

I start my mornings in lots of different places, so the first thing I do is try to remember where exactly I am. The second thing I do is check that I've got all of my stuff with me. I check for trackers now too. Can't be too careful. 

When things get tough I remember everything I've been through, all of the work that I've put in until now. I've done a lot to get closer to accomplishing my goal. 

My mom helps me get through rough mornings. I get on my computer and email her when I need help. Sometimes when its really bad I get on a Skype call with her.

If I knew ahead of time that I was going to dress up all fancy for something I'd have to start saving up for it. At least two weeks is enough to get a nice button up and some slacks. I used to have some but they got worn down after a while and I haven't needed to dress up since then so I just didn't replace them. 

If I was short on time I'd have to go to the student services center and ask if I could use the "interview wardrobe". It's a bunch of clothes they have set aside for students who don't have nice clothes for interviews. They let you borrow them like a library book, you just check them out with your student ID. 

I usually just wear a button up shirt and slacks or some dark jeans if I cant find any.

But yeah, anyways. It would take me a different amount of time depending on how much of a warning I had.

I didn't really give much thought for my next birthday. I guess I should, it's only a few months away now. My past few birthdays have been pretty boring. I just skyped my m om while we both ate a cupcake. I haven't had candles for a few years but its still fun to eat something sweet. Being able to see each other on my birthday cheers my mom up so I'm willing to keep doing them as long as they keep making her happy. 

If I really do drop out like I've been thinking of doing I might be able to celebrate this next birthday with her in person. I'm sure that would really make her happy.

I can almost live out on my own with my powers. I had a small setback after my most recent job because I needed to get a healing gift again but it wont be long before I get something that lets me make food and water. Hmmmm. Maybe I can try to grow some fruit trees or crop plants. Can I make mushrooms with my power? I'll check it out later.

I regret not thinking more about how to help my friends. I've been talking to my mom about it a lot. I know I couldn't have done anything then. But I can do better now. I've got to be more prepared. 

I need to keep myself safe too. These contracts are getting %#@$ing ridiculous. I got bit by way too many dogs this last year. I got two healing powers now but I have to be careful not to be hurt in front of normal people. Bursting into flame isn't exactly something people will overlook. It's part of why I've been thinking about just dropping my classes and hiding out in the woods somewhere. Then I don't have to worry about anyone seeing me use my powers. I'll be able to make plants and things too. 

One downside of hiding out is that I wont be able to practice "boosting" people. I don't really want to call it blessing people but that's kind of what it is. 

So if I had to pick one thing I'd say my greatest regret was not being prepared for the contracts. I wish I had done more in my free time to research medicine and fighting, anything that could have helped.

Its funny you asked the question that way. The nature of my gifts is Nature. Not to be a smart @$$ but I feel like it should be pretty obvious I'm getting some power from the environment or at least the world in general. 

Its weird though. Every time I get a new power I swear I can feel it coming from inside of me. Yeah I know that some part of it is from the rewards from the contracts, I can feel that too. I don't know. It's kind of like there's a spark inside of me and the rewards from the contract are fuel for it to turn into a fire. So I guess its a mix of both. It feels like they start from something that comes from me but to really bloom into something impressive or functional. 

I'm...thankful, for the gifts and rewards that the Harbingers give us. 

I have a feeling that they miss being like us. 

I hope I don't become like them.

I know it might sound weird but I don't really think about religion a lot. Well, I read about different religions as a hobby. Though it's kind of more than that now given I've seen rituals and demons from different religions. The last few Contracts I did sure have me thinking about it. The powers I'm getting too. I noticed they're kind of leaning in the direction of things that gods do. Healing people, giving them powers, moving the world around, and growing plants from nothing. Pretty sure I've heard of different gods being able to do some of them. Not to mention...

I don't really want to think about our last Contract. It was rough. I...

It wasn't fake. I was tempted to think it, I was tempted to literally write it off in this journal as part of some sick prank from that Harbinger but I know it wasn't. Deep down I know they didn't just out us in that mess for kicks. The nugget of a dog next to me makes it hard to ignore just how real everything in there was. As much as I wish everything that happened in there was fake, I know that I'll never see Gilbert again every time I clench my hands and feel the gloves on them.

I don't really know what I believe anymore. There are some powerful beings out there. Strong enough to be called gods. Maybe even one strong enough to call God. 

I might even be able to join those ranks someday. If I'm right about what Harbingers and Contractors are then it'll &^*&^E#

But not today, so I won't worry about it. 

Going on these Contracts is rough for my mind. Every time I go on one I feel like I learn about some terrible secret or tragedy. Sometimes I almost become a tragedy or a secret. I'm a little tired of going through hoops and doing tricks for Harbingers, especially when I was literally used for entertainment, but there isn't an alternative to get powers. 

I try to put the things I learn on Contracts out of my head until they're over. After I have plenty of time to panic or do research or call mom. Learning new things helps me calm down. I researched medicine when I had failed done it badly during a Contract. When demons and rituals popped up I read about the supernatural and learned about some new religions.

I learned how to drive

Meditation has been helpful lately. It's easy to get a sense of peace and feel like my connection to Nature deepens, especially at my new place. I feel rejuvenated after I meditate now. Connecting with Nature helps me realize that I'm not alone. That I have the support of something bigger than I am. It's a relief.

I've seen Wren, Henri, and Gilbert the most                                                                                                                                                               I'm sorry frejya

Those two seem to pop up in all the same Contracts that I go to. Maybe we're supposed to work well together? I think we all make a good team. 

What they look like? They've both changed a bit since I first saw them. I guess I'll just try to describe them like they look right now. Wouldn't really be useful if I did a timelapse or anything. 

Wren is a cyborg so she has plenty of metal plates on her body. She has one on each cheek and her stomach too. Her arm is completely robotic too. Her skin is pale but that makes since because she's from London and I hear they don't get much sun over there. She helps people by stopping crime across London so I think she cares a lot about people who need help. I respect her. She also doesn't like having normal human parts. Seems to prefer replacing her body parts with robotic bits. She doesn't need to eat anymore after her nanobots ate her stomach so that's kind of neat. I think she might be anxious about not being able to protect herself with a normal body. I kind of get that. These Contracts we've been going on are rough.

Henri is a fancy Frenchman and says he's an artist but I've only ever seen him paint like once. He seems to be pretty rich and doesn't really care about hurting people. Well, maybe I should give him a bit more credit. He doesn't care about hurting strangers. Even killing them is no problem to him. I know that what he did was necessary but it still haunts me...all those lights going out     He's a tough guy and does what needs to be done. 

I think the perfect room would be one of those fancy indoor greenhouses. That counts as one room right? They're pretty big so I'm not so sure. The way those rooms light up in the day and can have so many different plants and animals is crazy. The coolest part about them is that with so many different plants and animals they form their own ecosystems. Like a miniature version of Earth.

I think that the perfect kind of greenhouse would be gigantic. It would be filled to the brim with plants and bugs and birds. If it were big enough even some larger animals. Squirrels and skunks and deer! The panes would be made of crystal clear glass and the beams would be so small you couldn't even see them if you tried. There would be wind blowing the leaves and trees and bugs around the room. There would be a stream flowing and a natural spring where the animals can drink and rest. There would be berry bushes and vegetables and tubers and nuts and fruit trees so that there was food for every kind of animal inside. The air would be filled with all of the sounds of nature. That's what the perfect room would be.

I don't think I have anything I excel at. With all of the crazy Contracts I've had to do made me get a little bit better at everything. I had some personal growth too. 

Hm. Maybe that's something I'm good at. I'd hope I'm at least a little good at it given my big goal. I'm finding it a little difficult to feel good about much of anything right now. But I need to focus on the positive, on what's changed. I've grown. I was able to do what I couldn't in the past. 

Even if it's not something I excel at now I'll still train and learn as much as I can. There's no sense in giving up when you can always try again after you've improved. That's what keeps me going. Even with all of the issues and problems, I can still see hope that in the future I can fix them all.

My limits? I'd like to think I'm a pretty normal person. I don't like seeing people get hurt, I don't like hurting people, and I really don't like getting hurt. Nothing weird, at least I'd like to think so. With all of the crazy people I've run into on these Contracts I've started to feel like I'm the weird one. So many violent people doing whatever they want to get whatever they want. Is that how people are supposed to act? I can't believe that, I really can't. If that was true then...

Forget about it. 

Breaking my limits would be pretty tough. Even with all of the danger I've been through I stood by my principles and didn't go past my limits. I only hurt people in self defense and I always try to stop fights before they start. Even with regeneration and a defensive boost, fighting isn't fun. The only thing I can think of would be hurting someone to save someone I care about from danger. But that's kind of like self defense right? To save someone so close to my heart from getting hurt?