Zayir's Questionnaire

I live in the shitty part of town. That's all you need to know. You know - the type of place that's got rats everywhere, gunshots ringing out at odd hours of the night, graffiti on every wall. Kinda place where drugs are cheaper than food.

And still I'm barely able to make rent. Isn't that funny?

I live there because I can't afford to live anywhere else. And what's even funnier is that there's talk of some richer types moving into this part of town, turning it into another one of those cushy gated communities. Fuck 'em. I'd fire gunshots into the air myself to keep the rent prices down if not for that poor old lady who lives next door.

Man, I don't wanna spend my retirement living in a place like this - but maybe this new gig can fix that.

.. Can I get a pass for this one? I'd prefer not to say. And I'm sure certain people would prefer not to know. But if I must answer - I do jobs sometimes. Little things, like delivering packages. But that's.. that's not the most important part. The most important part is that no matter what I'm asked to do, I don't get clever. I don't mouth off. I don't ask any questions. I do the job, I do it well, and I get paid. End of story.

Speaking of not mouthing off and not asking any questions.. I think you could learn something about that, yeah?

My ambition? Heh, man.. It's stupid, but I know there's something I've got that no one else has. I don't know what it is, but I know I'm better than all of those shmucks getting their brains blown out on the backstreets, or those poor sons of bitches breaking their backs over at K Corp for nothing more than peanuts. It sounds childish, but I'm destined for greater things.

I want to do something that nobody else can. Something that nobody on this godforsaken plain could even dream of doing. I already know I'm better than all of these sheep - but I've got to prove it with cold, hard evidence.

That a good enough answer for you?

Am I gonna get in trouble for this? I don't know who's listening to me right now.

Ah, what the hell. I guess the most defining event of my life would have to be when my old man died. I swear, it was like Christmas morning. Hahahah - I know that sounds fucked up, I know, but you gotta understand, he had it coming. I remember when I was a kid I'd pray every night for him to kick it, and so when it finally happened - I'm not a religious person, but when I heard the gunshot go off I kind of understood how they must've felt when their prayers were finally answered, you know?

And boy, did it change me. I couldn't be happier.

Eh.. it's depressing, honestly, and I'm not saying that in the feel-bad-for-me sense, I'm saying that in the it's-not-worth-yapping-about sense. Shithead junkie for a dad, spineless wimp for a mom - didn't even have the guts to take her own kid with her when she finally jumped ship. I did go to school for a while, actually, and I was pretty good at it. I've always been one of the sharper knives in the drawer - too bad dad was too busy beating us up and mom was too busy letting him to notice, much less be proud of it.

And no, I didn't fit in. How could I, when I was wearing the same unwashed clothes as the day before, when I was always asking to borrow food and pencils and school supplies from my classmates 'cause no-one would give them to me at home?

If I had to describe my childhood, I'd say miserable. But don't worry, there's a happy ending: it all got better after dear old dad died!

The short answer is no, I don't think I've ever been in love, and I don't think I ever will.

The long answer is that I just don't think that I was made to love and be loved. I know the ins and outs of it - you hug, you kiss, you fuck, you say 'I love you', you buy each other flowers. I've heard people describe the feeling of it, like floating on a cloud and being so unimaginably giddy, and trust me, that's not something I could ever in a million years see myself doing.

Besides, let's not forget the fact that I'm not exactly a good catch. There's a reason I don't go near this sort of thing, and it's better for everyone that it stay that way.

My worst fear?

I guess it's just - not having control, not even the slightest bit. Being at the full mercy of god knows who with god knows what motives and just not being able to do a single damn thing to force things to go my way. It's my way or the highway, god damn it!

I wasn't made to be controlled, I'm more than that dumb cowering kid who couldn't do anything but shrink away from papa's belt, I'm not that kid! You know who I am? I'm the one who shot that junkie shithead right between the eyes, grinning like it was Christmas morning! I'm one of the best damn fighters the Shi Fixers have ever seen. I'm the closest thing to God this world's got, I deserve the world in the palm of my damn hand. I bow to no one. I submit to no one. I take no orders. I'm the one on top. I don't listen to anyone and I don't give a fuck!

(panting)

Shit.. shit.. fuck. Got carried away. Almost lost it there.. almost.. whew.. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm a god. I'm the best. I'm not afraid of anything, damn it. I.. yeah.

The thing about being poor is that you don't really have much in the way of prized possessions. But there's one thing I'll treasure to the day I fuckin' die. My Beretta 92FS. She's a beaut, but that on its own isn't why I love her so much - that's the gun I killed dear ol' Dad with. As with most things, I've got Aunt Eva to thank. That pistol was hers at first, but she figured if I knew my way around it so much I could just have it.

Over the years, I've built up better stuff in my arsenal, but I hear it's a common thing to get attached to your very first, so at least I'm not weird for that, huh? Not that I'd care if I was.

I feel like I talk too much about my dad. Isn't there some kinda psychological thingamajig or whatever associated with that?

Right now? My problem is simple. It's whatever's going on at this damn facility. Listen, I'm not the kinda guy who asks questions, because asking questions and stickin' your nose where it don't belong is how you get dragged into problems and get way over your head. My problem is what's right in front of me at any given time, and that's that. Honestly, if people just kept to their own damn business, they'd have a lot less problems in life.

I told someone today that I don't get paid to ask questions, but that no-name punk I'm working with said we live to ask questions. Well, news flash. We live to do a lot of things, but not all of those things are wise or safe. It's the people who can control those impulses that go far in life, and I'm one of 'em - at least when it comes to this.

I know it's dumb, but the thing that takes up the most time in my morning routine is fixing my fuckin' hair. I know it's way too long, but I don't think I'll ever cut it short. Besides, I think the only time I feel really, actually calm is when I'm just - in front of the mirror, brushing it all out. It's a nice break from the rest of my fucked up shitty stupid life. Maybe there's something to this self-care bullshit that people seem to be peddling these days?

But yeah. I get up, I eat breakfast, have some coffee and a cigarette, get dressed and then I brush my hair for like an hour. It's not practical at all, but it's mine, damn it, and that's reason enough. Honestly, it's a good thing Aunty hammered it into me that I gotta take care of it if I wanna keep it, because it'd be a frizzy mess if I didn't.

There are people who clean up real nice for these kinds of big events and look all nice and prettied up, and I'm just not one of them. But if I'd have to, I'd say.. do my hair all nice and neat, put it up in one of those big fancy blown-out braids with curls and pearls and all that jazz. I'd wear a nice suit, too. I know that sounds kinda fucking stupid considering I'm stuffed into a suit and tie day in and day out, but there's a difference between uniform suits and properly nice ones for these kinds of events. Honestly, doing my hair would probably take the longest. I'd probably have to go to a salon because I don't have a blowdryer at home and besides I haven't got the patience to blowdry all my hair on my own, so I may as well pay the hairdressers to take care of it for me. Honestly, those chicks at the salon have probably been there for me more than Aunt Eva has sometimes. (That's a joke.)

My next birthday is gonna be how I always spend my birthday: wake up late and sleep early, get a big ol' keratin treatment, smoke half a pack of cigs, and eat a half dozen cupcakes. Then, of course, the day after, puke it all up and drag myself to work again. I know that's depressing, but hey, that's life. At least Aunt Eva takes me out to dinner the night after - we've done it ever since I was 20. I've never really been one for tradition but I think it's one of the only things I'll hold to no matter what. I don't really like the thought of getting older. Well, it means I'll die sooner, so that might be something to look forward to..?

That's... huh.

I don't.. that's a hard question, actually. I'm not the kind of guy who lives with regrets. There's no use getting lost in what-ifs, because it just ends up sucking you in and distracting you from getting up and getting on with it. But with that said.. since a what-if is basically what this question is asking, I guess it'd have to be not killing dear ol' Dad sooner. I don't even know if it really counts as a regret, since if I did kill Dad sooner I wouldn't have met Aunty and I can't imagine my life without her, but.. Ugh, I'm just really not that great with hypotheticals. I know killing Dad sooner would've saved me a whole lot of grief, I guess. I just.. up until I met Aunty I really didn't have much of a backbone, even when I did have the chance to get one over on him. It's a total mindfuck, really.

This question's kind of a mess. I dunno. I'm just not the kind of person who thinks about this stuff.

I'm just that good, what can I say?

No, I'm kidding. Well, only partly kidding - I really am just this good. I guess it's just the fact that now I'm risking my life left, right, and center I gotta try even harder to stay on my feet and really, I dunno, push myself to the limits. If it weren't for Aunty looking after me and making sure I knew how to hold my own in a fight, I'd already be dead fuckin' meat, so I owe that to her. I owe everything to her. That's another reason I'm trying so hard. I gotta make her proud, gotta prove to her that everything she did for me wasn't wasted.

I guess if you want a more fantastical answer, I'd have to say a big part of it is also that sweet gun I got from Frei. I know they tell us not to get attached to the Abnos, and I know it's probably gonna come back to bite me if I overdo it, but I'd be lyin' if I said I wasn't fond of that guy. Maybe I just want what I can't have, heh.

Fuck that, fuck that, and fuck that.

There's no god out there, nothing looking out for us. All we can trust is ourselves. We're the only ones who can look out for ourselves, each one of us. We can't rely on any greater force, can barely rely on each other. Not in a fuckin' place like this. It's bullshit, that's what it is. If people want to delude themselves into thinking there's some higher power, some big guy up in the sky just to make themselves feel better - they can do whatever they want. It's not like I'm in any position to judge anyway considering I cope with my shit by getting high, killing people, and having loads of sex. But I'm not religious. Never was and never will be. If there is a God, I'd give them a good fuckin' beatdown. It's only fair, after all. It's just what they deserve.

They don't, actually.

Nothing about this damn corporation surprises me in the least. I already knew people were shitty, I already knew the world was a totally fucked place, so really, I don't care. It's more of the same.. what, did you expect me to be upset? To have my whole worldview upended by the horrors of L Corp? I've seen worse things in the Backstreets. This job is cushy compared to that. It's just more of the same, as always.. same old, same old..

Anyway, who the hell knows. Maybe that'll change. I can't see the fuckin' future. Maybe I'll have a total breakdown and come out of all of this an entirely different person. I'm not a fucking clairvoyant, how the hell should I know. But I don't think the chances of that are very high - nothing about the world surprises me. Evil is boring. Evil is predictable. But that's what makes evil safe.

Let's see here.

First that comes to mind is Sobin. I'm not even ashamed to come out and say it - I like that kid. Oh he's a total nutcase to be sure, total little psycho, doesn't feel a lick of empathy for anybody else, only gives a fuck about his little show and how it gets him his kicks, but lucky for him that's exactly the way I like them. He's an autistic, sociopathic freak who doesn't give a damn about anybody at all, and that means I can more or less count on him to do exactly what I think he'll do.

And then we've got that triggerlicking son of a bitch Mormon. I hate his fucking guts. He doesn't care about anyone, I can tell. He was totally willing to let the entire facility burn just to save one girl he didn't even know that well. He was totally willing to give Captain Shao a dish spicy enough to knock her flat. He was totally willing to fucking drug people with Enk without them even knowing. And yet he still tries to act like he cares. Like all he's doing isn't just a fucked up effort to make himself feel better.

Bill's just the same. In fact, he's worse. He's not even funny about it - he's just a selfish, snarky shithead who thinks that just because he's an ex-Soldato with fancy EGO and implants, that because he's deluding himself into having morals, makes him better than me. I think it's a shame Schutz didn't have the sense to put a hole in his head. If it wouldn't get me demoted, I'd do it my damn self.

Gene.. I don't trust him farther than I can throw him. He's a total snake, thinks I don't recognize when someone's trying to manipulate me. But he's offering me a good deal, at least from the looks of it. I can get one over on him as long as I'm careful. But I think it's for the best I stay away from that fucking cunt.

As for Rei.. I haven't spent enough time with him to get a feel for the kind of guy he is. He seems more like a nuisance to me than anything. Not worth worrying about.

... What the fuck kind of question is this? A room's a room.

I don't know, I guess. Airconditioning, but not set too high. Bed with a firm mattress. No windows, or small windows covered by blackout curtains. A sturdy door that locks really good, walls made of concrete.. those can stand a bit of punching, even if they're a bit hard on the knuckles. Can I just ask to be put in a fucking padded room? That'd be really funny and also really fitting. I don't like when rooms are super neat, makes me feel weird, like the place is too clean for me. I don't really know what else in particular would be in the room, but it'd be cool if the place was a bit cluttered. Books, knickknacks, just random shit to fill up space. I'm a messy bitch, I guess.

.. I don't know. Weird ass question. Perfect room..

I'm a god, what can I say?

I fight great, I fuck great, I'm sexy and cunty and hot as hell. There's nothing more to it than that - I'm just that fucking good. Were you expecting me to be humble? 'Philosophy about the thing I'm best at'.. who the hell cares about that kind of shit, anyway. I don't waste time thinking about shit like that, I just go ahead and do it. The more time you spend thinking about doing shit, the less time you spend actually doing it, and that's less of an opportunity to get better at it, you know?

Maybe that's a kind of philosophy in and of itself. Sitting and waiting to see which way the wind will blow was never my style. For me, the only thing to do has always just been to get down and dirty, get in there with your bare hands, not be afraid to get dirt and blood and guts all over yourself, under your fingernails, in the folds of your skin. That's the only way anyone ever learns. If all the theory and literature and books and knowledge in the world disappeared tomorrow, there would still be cold, hard experience and trial and error to fall back on.

Limits? Again with the weird-ass questions..

I don't know what they say about me as a person. Isn't it pretty fucking reasonable to not wanna be tortured and betrayed and bossed around like some kind of weak-ass chump? You're three sheets to the fuckin' wind if you think I would ever let something like that happen to me. There are four people in the world I'd ever even think of letting tell me what to do, and a grand total of one of them is in this facility. I don't take shit from no one, least of all some triggerlicking shellbite son of a bitch who thinks they're in any position to order me around like they know what's what.

The only reason I could ever think of to let something like that happen to me is if I fucking deserved that shit, which has a snowball's chance of hell in happening.

• XOXO (Kisses Hugs) - 6arelyhuman
  • This song's cunty as shit, just like me. Drugs, sex, and slashing myself up like a hunk of roast beef. I don't know - listening to this just makes me feel good, feeds my ego. I'm a cunty icon who's probably gonna go out in a huge, self-destructive explosion, and that's just the way I like it. XOXO, kisses hugs, bitch!
• Literal Legend - Ayesha Erotica
  • Do I even need to explain this? I'm the world's number one coke whore, and I'm a fucking literal legend. I'm the sexiest, cuntiest motherfucker there is. Whatever you want, I fucking got it, bitch. There's a reason I've got the whole facility waitlisted just for a chance to fuck me, shit man, not even the Abnormalities can resist me.
• Pumped Up Kicks - Foster The People
  • Man, I miss Frei's EGO. Maybe I'll listen to him and put it back on. Made me feel damn good, even if I did constantly think about shooting up the facility every time I picked up that rifle. Oh, but that gun was a fuckin' beaut.
• NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER - Odetari
  • It's good to own up to being a total fucking narc, isn't it? Love the shit out of me, motherfuckers. I'm cuntier and sexier and stronger and hotter than every last one of you bitches and I expect to hear you say it.
• Time - CJ the X
  • .. I don't think I'm ready to unpack this one yet. Can we go back to the songs about drugs and sex and violence?
• Your Body, My Temple - Will Wood
  • Yeah, fuck it. That's just what sex is, isn't it? Just consumption. Greedy motherfuckers eating me up like I'm the tastiest fucking meal they've had in their damn lives, and you know what, that's exactly what I am. Don't I at least have the right to be proud of that? I'm the fucking best, after all.
• Fight For Me - AlicebanD
  • .. huh..?